In spirituality,
There's a lot of talk around letting go.
Let go of your pain.
Let go of your anger.
Let go of your judgments.
Let go of anything that causes you suffering.
If you go to any new moon circle or a yoga class,
You'll probably hear the facilitator prompt,
What do you need to let go of?
And it makes sense that we would want to let go of things that aren't actually serving us.
But.
.
.
What if.
.
.
Those parts,
The anger,
The judgment,
The pain.
Is actually serving us.
Richard Schwartz created a breakthrough therapy called Internal Family Systems,
Or IFS,
Or Partsworth.
And the essence of the model is that there are no bad parts.
All parts of ourselves have some positive intention or some emotional truth.
And what often happens is that they have a positive intention,
But the ways that they show up are no longer helpful.
They're outdated.
So for example,
The anger is trying to protect us But the negative consequence is that it causes harm to others.
Or the judgments are trying to keep us safe.
But the negative consequences it pushes others away.
Or the pain is a feeling,
A part of us that remembers being bullied in middle school,
But we're not in middle school anymore.
And so what happens is when we see that there is a positive intention in these parts,
We look for honoring and validating the positive intention.
Because if we don't,
We're resisting it.
And there's a core cliche that what we resist persists.
So what often happens is we have anger and we say,
I shouldn't feel angry.
Go away.
I need to let go of this.
I need to let go of this pain.
I need to let go of my judgment.
But again,
It's there for a positive intention.
This is an example I love to use.
Imagine.
You are working the night shift.
And you are a security guard and we're securing this building and you're walking around and you're working all night and you're doing a good job doing what you're supposed to do.
And in the morning,
Your boss comes in and says,
We need to let you go.
We don't like the job that you're doing.
You're gonna be shocked.
You're gonna be like,
What do you mean?
This is what we agreed upon.
At an older time,
This is what we agreed upon.
So that's the same thing that your anger is doing.
At an older time,
This anger was very supportive to help you get through whatever you were getting through.
The problem is,
It is outdated.
But the way that we work with it is not by saying,
Get out of here,
I don't want you anymore.
Again,
What we resist persists.
Instead we say.
.
.
How can I understand?
Tell me more about what you're trying to do for me.
And we hear back from it,
Well,
I'm really trying.
To make sure that your boundaries aren't crossed.
And we say,
Whoa,
When you hear that,
If someone had a job of helping you make sure your boundaries are crossed,
How would you treat them?
You would probably say,
Wow,
Thank you.
Thank you for doing that.
And what often happens when we appreciate our parts for their positive intention,
Naturally they start to relax.
Naturally,
We don't have to let them go because they just kind of fall away and we feel more free.
We feel everything that we think we want letting go to help us feel.
And so the invitation.
Next time someone says,
Let go of something,
Or what do you need to let go of,
Ninja your mind to ask yourself,
What do I need to understand about this part that's showing up?
Or what do I need to appreciate?
What do I need to see their positive intention?
And just by doing that,
I promise you,
You're gonna have a lot less inner resistance,
A lot less feeling like you're doing something wrong.
Because what often happens in the letting go world is that you're like,
Okay,
I just need to let go of this.
I need to let go of this.
But it's not letting go.
It's still here.
It still shows up,
Sometimes stronger.
And then we start defeating or make a self-defeating inner critic of like,
Oh,
I'm not doing this well enough,
Or I just can't do it.
And then we just beat ourselves up and put just more stuff on top of it.
And so I hope this is helpful.
I hope this gives you way to work with things that show up,
Pain that shows up,
To really see and create space and to notice how often it will just fall away when we understand,
When we appreciate,
When we give it space.
We don't need to agree with it.
We don't need to say,
Yeah,
I get it.
Or we don't need to say,
Yeah,
But you should do this.
Just listen to it.
Just like anyone,
If you're,
Sometimes all we need is someone that listens to us.
They don't need to fix it,
They don't need to change it,
And just that.
Let yourself listen to these parts,
Appreciate them,
If it's true for you,
And just watch those things naturally fall away.
You don't have to let go,
They naturally fall away.
Hope this is helpful.
I'd love to hear what you think in the comments and I'd love to connect with you again on another practice or talk very soon.
Take care.
