How To Become More Social As An Introvert

This talk was inspired by a fellow introverted viewer who wanted to know how to become more social as an introvert. I believe that introverts can definitely have a rich and abundant social life, but there are certain considerations to keep in mind!

In this talk, I go over some foundations and tips to keep in mind when attempting to expand your social life as an introvert. Towards the end of the talk, I'll give you practical action steps to take to become more social.

Transcript

Hey, This is Ish and today I'm going to talk to you about how to become more social as an introvert. I received this question by a viewer who wanted to know how to become more social. He was looking through my Instagram and it seemed like, You know, I was very social. I was getting drinks with a lot of friends and going to different events and parties and different bars and he thought that I was like the biggest extrovert ever. But in reality, I'm an introvert but I've learned to become more social as the years have gone by. And I want to share with you some of the insights that I've gained throughout my journey to become more social as an introvert. So the first distinction I like to make is to really understand the difference between introversion and being shy. So this is more so of a choice. So being shy means that you are afraid to put yourself out there because you're really nervous to see what other people are going to think of you and what they're going to say and they might judge you and you don't really put yourself out there. On contrast, Introversion just means that you draw your energy from the inside. So you gain your energy through introspective activities and you can still be social and interact with others but you choose to draw your attention from the inside. And a good example of this would be similar to a boss and an employee. So you might notice in different companies, The employees are always like really chatty and meanwhile the boss commands a sense of power and presence. So even though they aren't super chatty, They can still choose to talk to whoever they want to. They can talk to their employees about anything because obviously they report to them, Right? Or her. So this boss has the power of talking to whoever they want to if they choose to but he just chooses not to expend his energy as much. So there's still an inherent power in introversion but you just have to learn the skills of interacting with others and it's a learnable skill. And I think a good thing to really understand as an introvert about yourself is understanding your specific niche and what you specifically desire out of social interactions. So first and foremost, Everyone's really different but you'll find that certain personality types tend to require a bit more introversion than the others and they can prefer not to be with other people and they'll be totally fine. So you can think of an ISTP personality type like Clint Eastwood, Right? He would definitely be fine if he was in a room by himself for three days and was working on whatever he's working on. And if he didn't have social interaction, That's totally fine. On the other hand, You'll have other personality types like the INFP that actually crave a lot of social interactions but maybe they are afraid of putting themselves out there. In that case, That's very different because like I mentioned, They are choosing not to actually go out there. They're actually just afraid, Right? So understand how much social interaction you actually need and don't let society tell you how much you actually need because you see it maybe on social media, You see a lot of people going out. But in reality, If you don't actually like that, Then you don't have to do that. It's just an option. So if you actually do like a bit more social interaction, Then go for it. And then going more deeper into that is to understand your specific interests and niche. What I mean by this is that I personally find that with extroverts, You can drop them in any kind of environment and they will have a good time, They'll talk to anyone, They'll kind of make do and they'll be fine. But with introverts, They tend to be a bit more picky in terms of what environments they like because you have to understand with introverts, They gain their energy through introspective activities and also being in environments that they like specifically because really high-intensity environments that don't resonate with themselves, That'll drain them more than anything unlike an extrovert who can kind of get by with whatever interaction and place they're going to. So if you are a person that specifically doesn't like really loud clubs or let's just say pop music, Right, Then you shouldn't go to a very loud top 40s club because that'll drain you. On the other hand, If you happen to like rock music, You can still go to these venues and it might be loud or whatever, But at least you like the music and you'll actually gain energy there. And I'm speaking from experience because that's me personally. But for you, You can choose your own example. So if you like wineries or you like going to art galleries, That will actually give you more energy by you going there than trying to adapt to some society's expectation or what you saw on social media of where you should go. So just be very picky about where you want to go and then actually go there. You'll find that you can center and develop a life around what you want, But you have to put that energy out there first. And then going further with this example of just finding your groove and where your rhythm, Understand how much energy you need by yourself and also going out. So obviously I do go out a lot and you see that on my social media, But you also have to understand that I do spend a couple of hours every day meditating. So I spend at least two hours a day staring at a wall and meditating and not talking to anyone. So this is why I'm able to go out and interact with others because I've taken the time out of my day, A lot of time out of my day actually, Because most people don't even have 20 minutes to be by themselves and just focus on themselves. I do about two hours. So it's because I have the time of gaining my energy through meditation that I'm now able to go out and interact with people and I'm fine because I haven't used my battery up. So just understand as an introvert you have this social battery that if you don't have enough introverted activities in your day, You'll feel very drained and very burnt out if you just hop to one event to the next. So understand your specific groove and your own rhythm and then work with that. And the next example of how you can gain a bit more of the social vibe and energy is to go to different events that are a bit more low impact. So rather than, Like I mentioned, Going to a very loud club, You can go to an art gallery, You can go to a café, You can go to a yoga class, You can go to a very chill area and then start to make friends there. So it doesn't have to be that traditional path of just going to clubs or doing all that. You can actually make friends doing a lot of social activities. Maybe you can join a sports team. You can do anything or an art gallery or an anime convention group, Whatever it is. You can join something that fits your interests that is a bit more low impact and in the same way you can still make friends. So essentially the point that I'm trying to make is to make having a social life easier for you. So rather than climbing uphill and trying to go to clubs or doing something that isn't you, You can do a lot better going into environments where you don't have to try. So for example, If I go to a yoga class, It's not like I'm really struggling to make friends, Right? Because I can just show up and I can talk to anyone because I like that specific environment and I can talk about it. I can make friends who are in the same wavelength as me and it'll be a lot easier compared to if I went to an environment where it's not really my thing. It'll be a lot harder because I'm not an extrovert. Naturally, I can't just talk to anyone and be fine. So I'll be very more picky with my energy. And now for the actual practical tips on how to develop a very social life. You can actually glean this from extroverts and copy some of their techniques. This is something that extroverts just do naturally without even thinking about it and that's developing momentum. So one thing you'll notice is that extroverts, Whenever they go out, They tend to just talk to everyone. And you can take that and make it work for you to really harness and experience what it's like to become very social without draining you. And this is done by saying hi to everyone. So what I mean by this is that if you live in an apartment building where you have a door person, Instead of just walking by and saying, Oh, Hi, How's it going, And just leave, Actually take maybe a minute every day just to talk to that person, Get to know them a bit, Ask them how's the day and then any other things, Ask them about family, Kids, All that stuff, And make a slightly longer conversation and then go about your day. And then if you're going to get groceries later in the day, Talk to the cashier that's ringing you up. And then as you walk home, You can say hi to someone on the street, Just say, Hey, How's it going, And then keep walking. And what you're essentially doing is building that muscle of social interactions and you develop a momentum with that. So one thing you'll notice as an introvert is that if you're stuck in your room all day and you're reading or playing video games or doing something that's introverted and you're not interacting with other people, And then all of a sudden if you go out, It'll be very hard for you to get out of your head and interact with other people. So you can make this a lot easier for yourself by just having very quick conversations throughout your day. And that's not draining because you're not having this really intense conversation. You're just saying hi, How's it going, Hi, How's it going, And just keep walking. And that is training you to become more social and that'll expand over time so that it becomes kind of like who you are and you can just choose at that point who you want to talk to. So it isn't a struggle because you'll find as an introvert that the hardest part of a social interaction is just the beginning because it actually takes effort for the introvert to push through and talk to that person, A random stranger that they don't know or extending themselves out there or putting themselves out there in social interactions. I mean, Especially public speaking or talking to someone you don't know. That's very hard in the beginning. But you'll find as an introvert, Your social interactions will become a lot better once you get past that initial hurdle. So once that initial hurdle has been passed, Then it becomes a lot easier because you're able to have very deep and meaningful relationships as an introvert. Because introverts are better listeners, They're able to understand you a lot deeper and go into very deep topics that, Of course, Is a generalization, But a lot of extroverts tend to talk about a lot of superficial things. So you're able to have very deep connections, But you do have to put yourself out there and go past the initial hurdle, And then it becomes easier over time. So it becomes like an autopilot. And this is where you can just talk to anyone you want. And if you don't want to, You choose not to, But it's not coming out of a place of reactivity or shyness where you're afraid to put yourself out there. So just a recap of this talk. In how to become more social, The first is just to understand that it's a process of understanding your own niches and your own preferences and going to those environments to make it a lot easier. So you want to climb uphill and go to environments and try to become social in areas where it doesn't really work out for you. So make it easy on yourself by going to the places you like going to. And then from there, You're going to pass an initial hurdle of talking to someone you don't know. Just start off small. Just say, Hi, How's it going? Hi, How's it going? And then work your way up to a lot deeper conversations. And then the next is to understand your energy levels. So as an introvert, You gain your energy from the inside. So understand that you have to calibrate, OK, How much energy I'm going to put out there. Socializing other people, I need to have that in equal proportion, Or if not more, Of introversion. I need time to look inwards, Maybe meditation, Yoga, Writing, Journaling, Whatever the case is. I need that in equal amounts of how much I go out or if not more. So you need to plan that out. And also being able to go to very low impact environments. So go to like cafes, Art galleries, Something that's a bit more chill and low key. And practice your social skills there instead of going out to very loud places. And then, Like I mentioned, Develop that momentum over time. And you can become very social as an introvert. So remember that there's a big difference between introversion and being shy. So it's all about choice. And hopefully you develop these skills so you're at a place where you can choose. Hope this helps. Thank you. .

Reviews

I really appreciate your insight into this topic. Thank you so much!

Very interesting! I'm a bit of both shy and an introvert. I think this will be helpful to some degree at least. Thank you!