So I just did the Raphael one and then thought ok I'll do this one. I sent back to my grandma's old home, beautiful staircase and I always used to get into her bed in the mornings whenever I stayed. I had so much fun at that house with my mum & dad, (before they eventually divorced) my aunties and my uncle and she was the main rock for me. Always a kind word and heart. Now, I said it was weird in the last one about Raphael that the ice had just melted and then you spoke, as if you knew how long it'd take, anyway, I was stood outside my grandma's room which was opposite the top of the stairs, now all the bedrooms were at the front so there was a long landing that went around to the right. It was from there that a male appeared, in beautiful and comfortable thick gowns. He had a beard, I couldn't see any wings. In my mind I looked at him and we both smiled and he held out his arms and I just held him, I hugged him so tightly. And then you said welcoming this being..."maybe give them a hug" and I started crying because you just said what I had already done. I sat on his knee and rested my head on his shoulder and told him about pain I would cause myself and my family through my own actions and that I would lose my soulmate at 34 years old, which would absolutely pain the heart out of me. And then I would meet a man, 10 years younger, nice at first, he would help me through this grief and show me adventure and how to love life again (that's the person I miss....he changed, his true self started appearing and I would end up pregnant, now I already had a daughter with my soulmate and she lived with my mum because I was a waster at the time. Anyway, I would go on to tell him that this new man wouldn't want to be involved while I was pregnant or during the birth, but curiosity must have killed him because he didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl! He'd get in touch when our son was 11 months old and he would reel me back in. I told him I found out in the end that he was a narcissist and toxic after being gaslighted for so long and finding out that he was cheating on me and just staying here enough to keep me happy and away from other men because he didn't want anyone around his son. I told him he would then beat me up and leave when I confronted him about him cheating and that he would not get in touch again to see his son after the court case was finished with and we could contact each other again. His son is 3 now and he's missing so much. I think about him a lot but I just want to know WHY he doesn't want to see our son. And I just want stop thinking about him. Maybe he is afraid of me seeing another man and him raising his child, which is not the case, I'm single. Gareth would always be his dad anyway and I don't have time, no one has my son for me to go out and meet people. I can't even make friends, I do the same things, I'm just a mum. I know a mother is god in the eyes of a child but I just want to be happy myself, in that different way, with someone, I want to have a soulmate again. I asked him "will I be truly happy?" And without hesitation he said "yes my child". I just cuddled into him, I didn't need to ask anything more, I just needed comfort and he gave me that. Im basically talking on and on I'm so sorry, but thank you so much for this meditation. It really is beautiful. Your voice is so calming aswell and the slight reverb is perfect. I don't know if it's intended or that's just your voice but it's lovely. So thank you, god bless you and may you carry on doing what you obviously love. ❤️🙏
