Sophie Malahieude: Beyond Emotion & The Journey To Balance

Emotional balance guide Sophie Malahieude and I dive into the spectrum of human emotions, moving beyond traditional labels of "toxic" or "healthy" to see emotions as messengers for growth. Sophie shares her personal journey through grief and resentment, offering powerful techniques like mindful breathing and physical release to help process emotions trapped in the body. Whether you're navigating a major life transition or seeking better emotional intelligence in your daily interactions, this conversation provides tools to move from reacting to responding with clarity and compassion.

Transcript

Homeless, Welcome. This is Josh of InnerSkilled, And today I'm joined by Sophie Malioud. Sophie, How's it going today? Very good. Thank you, Josh. Very happy to be with you. Well, It's my pleasure. Thanks for joining. And here's my standard question. Who is Sophie, If it's okay to call you Sophie, And what kind of work does she do? Yeah, My name is Sophie, And I am an emotional balance guide. And in addition, For 28 years, I studied yoga, Ayurveda, And mindfulness. Today, I help people to understand their emotions. To move forward in any stage they are in life. They might go through a transition in life. It can be grief, They can be moving to another person, They can become an emptiness. And we have all those emotions and we don't know what to do with that. And so I guide them to understand their emotions, Process their emotions so they feel free and they gain more clarity. Well, Lovely. Let's I think we should probably start with the range of emotion. I mean, I think on the extreme end, We have like, Well, Maybe it's not even in the spectrum. It's like psychopathic, Sociopathic, Where they're pretending to have emotions, But they don't. And I was just wondering if you thought if you would ever be fooled by someone like that. But but, You know, You have the standard, I would say, Emotionally suppressed guy. We were talking a little bit about before this, Where, You know, At least in America, Our culture for my generation, At least from what I know, It's not really taught to express motions or to even have them or deal with them. And like you said, It kind of hold it together. That's even more common with, With guys, I think too, Depending on, You know, It's not complete thing, But then everywhere to, I would say those who and not guys anymore could like they. Maybe over-identify with emotions, Like that's who they are. And they would never think of being separate from their emotions or anything unevolved or any kind of distance from the emotions. Maybe there's, It's stronger than that, I'm not sure, But then there's a whole spectrum in between there. So maybe we can set the stage or the background of this. And yeah, And then I guess if it makes sense to go to toxic emotions, To healthy emotions, Or I don't know if that's a framework to work with or not. Yeah, Well, That's very interesting, The way we have our relationship with emotions. So on modern psychology, They explain that there is six main emotions. Happiness, We can relate to love, Right? So happiness, And then surprise, And then disgust, And then sadness, Anger, And fear. And I explain the different perspectives regarding emotions according to Ayurveda, According to yoga, According to modern on psychology. For me, There is a spectrum of emotions and feelings. On one side, You have love. On the other, You have fear. And in between. They are emotions. They are different expressions. Now, I don't see emotions as toxic or not toxic. Emotions are emotions. They are part of our human experience. Also, As we receive an emotion, We are processing an experience, We have an emotion. The emotion as a message. When we understand the message, We can grow from it. And for me, Really, Emotions, I see them in a very different perspective now, As I really believe that we have all emotions. You know, Sometimes I am angry, I am sad, And is it wrong? Well, It depends. It depends how you feel your emotion and in the instant. I can retell a story when my children they were young they were playing in the street and i remember one day i was just checking on them in the street and i see this little boy just cross the street not paying attention to the cars at all, And I got so angry. I got angry because I was afraid for him. So I was angry, I went at him and I said attention of the car. I will tell to your mom and you have to take care of yourself. And so the little boy, I think he was freaked out. But at this moment, Anger was necessary. Because he learned a lesson. And I think that all emotions are part of the human experience, Suppressing them. It was make-up sick. I couldn't agree more with this. You know, The anger thing especially, I find ill will can be really damaging, But that's like the intention behind it and how that expresses. But what you're talking about here is a protective mechanism that there's clear boundaries for helpfulness. So with that anger, There's not a hostility involved. There's a need to want to protect or set boundaries and reinforce boundaries without any kind of hostility. So yeah, In that sense, Yeah, The words can mean a lot when we try to describe this. And one of the things I find helpful, Hopefully I tend to go in a lot of different areas at once. So you're welcome to take me back on track or continue however you like, Is to use talking about emotions, Emotional language, You know? And so one of the things I find, There's so much around this topic, Right? Sometimes it seems like I, Maybe this is a misinterpretation, But I process emotions and then it could be just like, You're saying, Just, Okay, This is a love emotion, Or this is love, Or this is fear. And then go from there. And then I'm not very expressive about it. While some people are more expressive and then they might misinterpret that as being, You know, Cold or distant or emotionalist. You know, I think that's, That's one, One thing here. Well, Let's just take it one at a time here. What do you think about this? Yeah. Yeah. The importance of emotion and suppression. It's important to understand that the emotion we are receiving or feeling or expressing, It goes deeper than just talk about it. So the emotion first, I would say that emotion are not punishment. Because most of the time they say I am angry all the time and then we feel guilty because we are angry all the time. What is the anger about? And I like to take anger because I think it's one of the emotions that might be the easiest to articulate. When we are angry, Like I explained with the little boy, Well, The anger was to protect the boy. There were no negative aspects in what I was telling the boy. At the same time, Sometimes when I am angry, Do I receive a truth? That I don't want to hear. And I would say that. If we feel anger, We can talk about it. We can talk about, You know what, What you are telling me, I'm very angry about that, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. And emotions start in the body. So I can formulate to you, You know, I'm very angry at the situation, Blah, Blah, Blah. The emotion starts at the journey in the body, So it's important to remove the emotion from the system. So we can really pause and go towards self-inquiry. And that is something we can learn. It's really something that we can learn. So. . . Again, Another story that one day I went to a kind of evening event with a Swami. He was talking about yoga philosophy and he was talking about anger. And what he was saying is that when we pay attention to the breath, There is an inhalation, A pose, An exhalation, A pose. We transform ourselves. During the pose, Not on the inhale, Not on the exhalation. So I feel the emotion coming uh hi in me i Inhale. Pose, Excel, I do that a few times. And then in this gap. I can choose how, If I want to react or if I want to respond. And because I like all those little stories, I can tell you that when I went to this workshop, I came back home and I said, You know what, It's so true, I am angry all the time. And my children were young and I didn't think it was fair for me to put pressure on the shoulder of a 4 years old and an 8 years old. And I started to observe myself. And what did I observe? I observed that when I started to be angry, My breath was changing. I was holding my breath. I felt heat in my body. I felt that my heart was beating faster. Then I came back to what the teacher said. He said, OK, Stay with your breath. And one day I had the opportunity to really witness something extraordinary for me. We come back to school, It was my five years old, He came back home. And he said, I'm thirsty, Mom. I give him a glass so he could put some water in the glass. And well, He slipped in his hands and he broke. And right away I felt everything, The rush, The anger, The frustration. And so I turned around and I said, You know what, Henry? Give me five minutes. And I saw my little five-year-old go up the stairs in this bedroom, And I was paying attention of my breath, I was paying attention of what I was feeling in my body, Where I was feeling it. And then when all the emotion was releasing my body, I was able to pause and say, Did your child broke the glass in purpose to annoy you? Of course not. And so five minutes later, My son came back and I was, I was completely a transformed woman. And so I said, Okay, Henry works to clean and I'm going to teach you how to clean a glass without hurting yourself and blah, Blah, Blah. And it stays so strong with me because I'm taking the example of anger, But it can be with any other emotion. When we feel love, I mean, You feel physically. Probably when you feel love or happy, You feel lightness in your chest, Your breath is steady, You feel you are very motivated, You feel that you can do anything in the world. This is great. Are we feeling love every single day? Well, I hope so. But even during the day, There is fluctuation. Because we have all different experiences. So, When we move to the. . . Other part right toward anger, Sadness, Fear, Then it's where you want to be aware of what you feel in your body, To assess it, Release it, So you can move I would say the emotion moves through you and you grow from it. Everything in life is energy. Everything, The food we eat is energy, The sun is energy, The air is energy, Everything is energy. You can come inside a room and you feel the energy of the room. Oh, Yeah, I want to stay there. Oh, Well, I don't want to stay because you feel the stress. So emotions, They are exactly the same. They are energy. When we receive an emotion, Let's go back to whatever, Anger, And say, This person said that to me, It's me. Boom. It stays somewhere in the body. As long as we don't release it physically. And we don't process it mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. It's going to hurt us. Is going to be in. And I have, Again, Incredible experience regarding that. 10 years ago, I lost my mom and I was thinking that I was grieving. Great, You know, I'm a yoga teacher, I do breathing, Meditation, All is fine. Except that I was not able to breathe properly. So I went to the doctor and he said, Well, Everything is fine with you, Nothing wrong, But still something wrong. So, And I went to see my, My mentor. And I explained to her that everything was fine in my life, The boys, My husband, And I was grieving my mom, It's just that somehow I'm not breathing very well, Every time I go up the stairs I am out of breath, And I'm still doing all my pranayama and breathing exercises, But that's weird. And she looked at me and said, You know Sophie, That you are holding grief in the lungs. Duh, Yes, I know. I know, But I didn't know. Because I didn't experience it. So I came back home and on my way driving home, I would say, Okay, Sophie, You didn't grieve your mom. So what is it? And I'd say, I'm just going to be curious. And so the next day I was starting my meditation and I said, Well, When you think of your mother, What is the first emotion you feel? And it was anger. And because I was feeling anger toward my mother, I felt guilty. How can you be angry at someone you love and not physically with you anymore. And I was thinking, Okay, So here are the emotions. Maybe there is something beneath? And I had the help of different techniques that I learned over the years from mindfulness and yoga and Ayurveda. And I was pulling all the layers because anger was the first stage, Beneath was sadness and beneath was fear. And I understood that I was building resentment. Through the relationship I had at the end of my mother's life and the resentment that I was building. With All in Me. Was all in me, Naturally. When you go through the process, Then you move to a place of understanding. Compassion. Forgiveness, Clarity. And at the end, I regained self-confidence that I had completely lost, Not the four months when she was not with us physically anymore, But the years before, Because the years before was just. . . Thinking, Okay, Well, You know, I was building resentment. So definitely emotion, They are not a problem. They are messaging for us to understand. And the second point that is very important is understanding that we are usually Thinking or emotion? What is very important is to feeling them. And so that comes slowly to the second topic you wanted to address and I will let you go there. Men and women. They have emotions. Yeah, Absolutely. Thanks for sharing that. These things with your mother, It's my experience that There's so many different subtle things, You know, That sometimes we're not even aware of or that we're very barely aware of. And they accumulate. You know, We don't think, Oh, It's just so tiny. It doesn't matter. But as the saying goes, Drop by drop, The water buckets filled, You know, Good or bad otherwise. And so, Yeah. And I can validate that, Too. You know, When I first started getting into this and I thought, Oh, Yeah, I got a lot of this stuff figured out. I went and a healer was at like a spiritual shop or something. And he says, You know, I walked up to him. He just, Oh, Hey, Have resentment towards your father and your shoulder. And I was like, Oh, Thank you. So the response was there. It kind of took me by surprise. And I couldn't say yes or no. But then, Of course, At the time in my yoga practice, When you're doing arms overhead, The one shoulder, I couldn't go extend it all the way. And of course, I looked at it and obviously it was true. And then there was a huge release and weeping and then I in a release and I gained regained mobility in that shoulder, You know, So that's just in my own experience. And, Yeah, Some of these things can be so subtle or we have like maybe protective mechanisms or different veils and coping mechanisms to, You know, To hide it from our from our conscious experience, And it takes those that are wiser than us or that are maybe more intuitive, Or not us, But me, To point these things out to me, Sometimes discover them by ourselves in meditation. Also, Yeah, I can attest to the anger thing, And I think that's a good segue too for maybe talking about male emotions and whatnot. And, You know, In my own practice, Sitting in meditation, They usually say that it's a great container where you can feel the most murderous rage and be completely safe to feel it in its depths, Completely, Like you say, To feel it in the body and let it come to completion. And there's no risk of acting on it. Right. Because that's. Yeah. Yeah. So because anger is like a double edged sword, I often say, You know, It's if we suppress it, That's bad because it can blow up at the worst times and be harmful to ourselves and others. And then but if we constantly express it, Then it could also be like amongst other people and display in certain ways or act out on it in certain ways, Then it could be like this reinforcing mechanism where I feel some kind of righteousness and self-justification, And it doesn't matter if anybody else gets harmed, I'm entitled to feel this way and do what I want because of this, This, And this, And this, Right? So I don't find that helpful either, But the way you're talking about it, It's a brilliant way to not come into, You know, With those two challenges around it. So with the sexes, You know, Okay, I'm more traditional, So setting aside kind of the more new topics around gender and stuff, You're welcome to take on. That's totally okay, Too. But like traditional, Our traditional ideas of man, Woman, Guys, Gals, Whatever, You know, We talked about how, You know, Like men don't have a lot of training. For the most part, It is stereotypical on how to express emotions, Feel emotions, What to do with them, You know, And in my experience, Oftentimes process them alone. You know what? Yeah. So so let's just I guess if we want to get into that and what we can take, For example, This notion of anger, I think. And also, You said something really fascinating to me about anger that I forget about a lot, Is that there's some kind of truth that some kind of truth that could be that we don't want to hear. I think that's really important if we want to go behind that and talk a little bit more about that and why that would trigger so many people out. And if there's other tools, Too, To deal with that, Because this is a really important thing, You know, And also how to convey truth in a kind way so we don't maybe contribute to catastrophe to other people. And this has been a big challenge in my journey and with my folks and stuff. You know, There's there's still a lot of anger around there. And yeah, It's and then just one step deeper. If we if you ever go into like inner child. And like the inner teenager and maybe how to work with that level when it's appropriate and how it's appropriate to do that. Okay, Wow, There is so many Yes, We can come back to you. First Emotion has no gender. I mean, Men and women obviously have emotion. I think that the way We are. Educated the way the society put pressure. So a man is supposed to be strong. So a man doesn't show the emotion, A man should not cry. I mean, It would be very something to develop more and more is that we all have emotion, And if we stuck our emotion in the body, One way or the other is going to come out. And as you mentioned, Is that you are not moving through the emotion, But if you don't let the emotion complete its cycle, It accumulates. So it's very important for for men and women to process their emotion. So maybe women, They are more inclined to express more their emotion and maybe to talk with them. And I will tell you, It really depends on who you are talking to. In France, We don't share our emotions. So. After 10 years old, I was not crying because you don't show your emotion. And so when I moved to United States 20 years ago, I was like, Wow, Everybody here is crying. And for me, I had associated the tears with pain. And one day I went to a yoga retreat, And I see this woman who was crying the entire hour. And I went at the end, I went back to her, I said, I saw you were crying. How are you feeling? And she said to me, It was such a release to cry that much. And I was thinking, My God. Crying doesn't mean that necessarily I am sad. It might be a way to release. To release. And that's exactly the physical release we want to have. Crying, Laughing, Screaming, Shaking, Anywhere. Anywhere that helps us to hold the emotion, Not to stay stagnant, But to move forward. So let's come back to, As a man, It's challenging because, You know, If you're at the grocery store and there's someone making you angry, Well, So you are not going to shake or breathe or whatever. But I would say that My favorite thing is when I am in my car. And I am under pressure. I scream. And why do I like to be in my car? Because usually I'm alone in my car. And even if someone is seeing me screaming in my car, They pass by, They will never see me again. And it's really something I would say that particularly with the emotion of anger, Space, We have to release it, And then we come and we pause. And as you mentioned, There is something about the truth. Okay, When we are angry, The truth is that The person told us something, We are not happy about it. And no one likes to be told, Okay, You have to rethink. The way you think. Because we are, We love pattern, We love habit, We love to be the way we are. So if you drive always a red car and then one day you buy a new car and it's just a blue. . . I'm gonna ride a blue car. So it's where when we feel our emotion, We can say, Well, Is it true that I need to drive a red car? And then you explore. How does it make me feel? Who would I be without this thought? By the way, Those questions are coming from Byron Cutty with the work, If you are familiar with that. But that is exactly when you remove and release the emotion, It's where you are. You shift your mind, So that's a yogic concept in psychology. Mind has two parts. The ego, Ahamkara, And intellect, Buddhi. And so they are part of us and the ego wants like to control, Like to protect, Like to build patterns, Habits, And the intellect is more about discrimination, Observing, How does it feel today? Can I move forward? So let's come back to anger. Okay, You talk with a friend and your friend says something and you are suddenly very angry. So it's the ego telling, Hey, You know what, It's because you always didn't done that way, That's the right way to do it. And so you take a few breaths, You say to your friend, You know what, I'm not comfortable with that. Let's continue the conversation tomorrow. And then you go back home and then you say, Okay, Let's be quiet. My ego, I hear you. You are here to protect me. Does it serve me to keep the pattern? And then the ego is kind of going more quiet. And then there is the other part of the mind, Discrimination, Present moment, Compassion, Understanding. I said, Well, So maybe in what my friend was telling me, There is some truth. I don't want to change my habits. Does my habit serving me or not? Maybe yes, If yes, There is no reason to be angry. You say, Well, You know what? I choose to keep my habit because it serves me. Or maybe that, Yeah, I'm not ready yet, But there is some truth there. I need to evolve. I need to. Consider different aspects. And that's really the relationship we can develop with our emotions. Yeah. That's brilliant. And there's so many things that our habit and habit energy is driving, Right? It's unbelievable. And if we get into more metaphysical or spiritual concepts, If we go into like the idea or reality, However we want to look at of past lives, Then who knows how long we've been engaging in certain habits and habit energy that's now expressing in certain ways. So then let's take the flip side of this coin about those who, Specifically ill will, Which I think, You know, That's to me, I kind of defined ill will as I'm just kind of this malicious intent to want to harm, Even though I might not act on it. I, I, I, You know, I'm, I want to cause, I mean, Yeah, It shouldn't be this way and it doesn't matter if I cause harm. No, That's not, But you know what I mean by ill will. So let's flip it in like those who we're interacting with that they have no, They just want to stay in their habit, In their pattern. Maybe this is a little extreme, But you know what I mean? Like, Who won't be as insightful as you just said there, They want it their way and they don't really want to change. So if we're forced to, Or we're, We're in interaction with those, Those folks, You know, How do you do it? And so this is where, Yeah, We talked about the healthy forms of anger and that it's not really, It's not really, You know, To judge it good or bad one way or the other. It's just, You know, It's, It's, It's, It's. The other. But I do find that the intention behind our thoughts, Speech and actions is really subtle with the thoughts. That's what's going to have the consequences, Right? So if I have a skillful intention and then speak with the skillful intention, It's going to have skillful results and vice versa, Same way with acting. So of course, We can't control anyone else's intention, But we're 100% responsible for our intentions and they're subtle. And we don't always know why what we're intending to do behind what we say and do, A lot of times, Like you said, It's just driven on habit patterns. So it's completely on autopilot most of the time. So it's really important to take self-responsibility for my intentions, Although, And then I can't control how other people take what I say, Right? But I have some responsibility. Because it would be great if I can control exactly how they, Uh, How my words were taken. Right. Then I could say, Oh, I don't want you to see it that way. That's not, You know what I meant, But I can't do that. But there seems to be some responsibility I have, Uh, For the impact of what I say and do. Right. But not a hundred percent. Let's just address this. Cause I'm sure we all been in situations where we've been around, I wouldn't say maybe toxic people, But they just don't have any interest to change. Only part I am 100%. In control of if what I think and what I do. What I think. Now, When we are from a place of intention and we start to have an argument with someone, Then the person might be open-minded to see a resolution, Maybe not. I always consider the situation, Not the person. It is the person and me. With the situation. Now, In one case, When the person is open-minded and we have an argument and we talk, And then I always think of, What do I want to achieve here? Do I want to prove myself? Do I want to find a solution? You know, That's really. . . You know, Sometimes I saw people very, Very angry, You know, Kind of, You pay your parking ticket, You know, You go out of a garage and the cashier is really not nice at all. And so I could come into an argument. What is the point? My point is to pay as quickly as possible so I can leave the parking lot. So that's exactly what is a hand game. We are looking for. Now, When the person in front of us is not open at all, Cecil? Their word, Even with the best intention in my saying, In what we talk about. As long as in front of me there is a wall, This is their wall. So the most important is keeping clear. What you are saying, How you are saying. Because it's the only thing you can control. So when you have people and you say, Well, They don't want to change at all, There is not much you can do, You know. Exactly. Yes. Yes. Very well put. So we talked a little bit about, Well, I just wanted to make a comment, Even though you say in France, There's not much of expressing of emotions, But it does seem like French people, Maybe it's a stereotype, Have a very expressive way. They can still express very well, Verbally, A lot of things, You know, But maybe those emotions just aren't that way because yeah, I think there's a lot of beautiful expression, Of course, In France, But yeah, Maybe you're right, Emotion isn't one of them. Maybe French being able to express really well verbally a lot of different things. I think that still holds true. Even if it's not emotions, But lots of other things. Richly expressed, Yes. Yes, They speak a lot and they can really have a strong argument. That is something that is really. . . Amazing for me. They can have a very strong argument and at the end of the argument say, Okay, Well, Let's move on. Let's go and have a beer. Okay. Because I feel that if I had said so much thing and so angry, I would not would like to move forward, You know? So, But I think that they have this quality. They have this quality to be very expressive and tell you everything they think. And it doesn't mean that they have healthier relationship with their emotion. I am not sure in the way that uh Still in France, We have the stigma that we have here. We don't express ourselves, We don't say we are sad, We don't say, You know, We don't say so much. So they have a different way to communicate between each other. There is still work to do to have a healthy relationship with emotion. Well, Let's, Why don't we touch on that before we get into, We talked a little bit about, Maybe we want to talk about how to manage transitions. But before we do, Let's talk about, And we, We did mention before the show about expressing emotions verbally. Yes. The, The. It's way more important, Of course, To, To feel them and to process them and have them come to completion. However, I do find this, This is a key component in communication and relationships too, Is, You know, Emotions come into play when we're communicating. Like you just illustrated there. So why don't you talk a little bit about the role of emotionality and emotional intelligence too, In communication and relationships, You know, How we do it, Like how we shouldn't do it maybe, Or like what's wise, What's not, And just in general, How to boost our emotional intelligence, Especially for people like me that tend to live more in my head than my body a lot of times. A lot of people, Most people, We are in the mind and less in the body. It's why I think that emotional intelligence is a very interesting concept in a way to understand that we communicate to each other and be mindful of other emotions. Understanding that everyone has emotions, Everyone is going through their own journey. Now, What I am offering is something one step further, Is that communicating in a Good way. As healthy as possible with other is great. At the same time, Did we process our emotion? And the other thing is that you go to a meeting, You have an agenda, You want to pass some, I don't know, Some project with your boss, Whatever. And so you are afraid. You are angry because the last time it didn't give you enough time to finish your project, Whatever. So you have all those emotions. I would say that emotional intelligence is great to be aware of everyone else's emotions in the meeting. Before going to the meeting. Release your emotion. And I'm going to give you a simple way to release your emotion through your breath. So, You know you can exhale forcefully through the mouth. What is important when you want to release your emotion is to bring an intention. It's not like, Okay, I'm going to scream in my car three or four times before I go to the meeting. Why do I scream about? Okay, I'm driving to my meeting. I'm going to inhale and exhale. What I release is the stress, Is the fear, And then the anger, Whatever it is. And you release that. You can inhale deeply through the nose and exhale through the open mouth. Add movement in your body. Bring your arms in front of you every time you exhale. So this way your body is feeling the release. So if you have time, You can also investigate. Okay, Well, This meeting, I really want to have this project going forward. I need to release the stress. What is my stress about? Yeah, My boss never listened to me. Well, Is it true? Is it true? Very true. Okay, How does it make me feel? And if you come to the conclusion that your boss has never listened to your project, What can you do about that? Maybe it's to talk to your boss before, Or just after, Or whatever. Gain clarity. So you arrived to the meeting? You are aware of all the emotion, And you say, Oh, My boss today seems to be tired. OK, I'm going to consider that. This person in the meeting was very angry. Breathe in, Breathe out. Don't go into the pattern of heating that up. What is your intention in the meeting? The intention for your meeting is to propose your project, Whatever it might be. And you are clear. And you are ready. But then you have removed the emotional burden. That was building before the meeting. And I think that bringing emotional intelligence in a workplace is great. We have to bring tools. The tools we practice, They are individual. Percent open to you. If I have my own burden in emotion. Because then you have to come with your frustration, Whatever emotion you have, Your stress, You have to share it with me. And I have my own thing. So I take it on the top of it. And so, Instead of being open, With intention, Communicating with you, I said, That's too much, Boom! I send it back to you. This is great. So since you're familiar with yoga, Maybe I can go into a little bit woo woo here and get your opinion on this. And totally, I agree with not keeping these emotions bottled up because then they can come out at the worst time and trying to suppress them, Shove them down. And then ultimately, We can't really keep a lid on it at certain point. Right. So I totally agree with that. I'm just wondering. And you talked about really healthy ways of releasing, Too. I'm just wondering where that energy goes. You know, If it if it then just because I get it off of me, Does it impact someone else more subtly that I'm really not aware of? Or, You know, Is it, Where does it go? Do you know what I mean? Do you have any theories on that as well? And I just, So that's one thing I just, Before I lose my, My, Uh, The other things I wanted to say here, The, You know, This. Also, I've been in situations where I just, It, The emotion is so powerful being expressed and usually specifically towards me in a certain context. And let's just say it doesn't, I just set aside whether I'm responsible or not. But it seems to be so strong and so overwhelming, At least maybe, I don't know, For those who are energetically sensitive sometimes, That I can't really pay attention to what they're saying as much as I'd like, You know, Or I miss, Or I just pretend the emotion's not there and I only address what they're saying instead of the emotionality. And then, Then there's a huge disconnect for me because I'm not, You know, Doing that because to me, The most important thing is the emotion first, Because it's, It's so overwhelming and it's saying a lot of times, You know, It's a protective mechanism that says, OK, Stop, You know, Or get away or this is I don't want this, Like you're saying, Push back. And so it's almost like a stun. So do you have any how to process that in real time, Still communicating? You mentioned some tactics about kind of getting some distance and walking away. I like that when it's when that's available, Right? Yeah, When it's available. And then the other thing is with this that's related is emotions are amplifiers, Too. So can be the positive way around it. We can put certain positive energies in certain things and it tends to amplify them. So if you want to talk about that or address that too. Since you mentioned yoga, It's all about practice. So of course you say, Well, She's cute. She's talking about those techniques, But how do I apply them? I would say, Give yourself grace. And practice one step at a time. It's worth it because at some point we can really detach ourselves from the situation and say, OK, What's going on in there? And when I say detached, I don't say that we don't care. I say detached to kind of have a big picture of what's going on. Unhook, Yes. Yeah. You were talking about where the emotion goes. When an emotion completes its cycle, You know, I am afraid, I process my fear. So when the emotion completes its cycle, Well, It regains the energy of the universe. That's my theory, That everything is healthy and released. So we are fine. It's when the emotion is stuck that the energy is stuck. And so we cannot move forward. So I would say that when the emotion did what it had to do, It goes away, It let you be free. So you will tell me, Okay, Can you receive, We receive emotion of other people. You're right. So you have a, You are talking with someone and says, Have you ever talked with a friend and that person is very sad or very angry. And then you go back and you feel completely depleted. Well, This is because you receive all the energy. The energy you are receiving is not energy that have complete cycle, It's not the emotion that have complete cycle, It's the energy that is stuck. And because it's boiling, Boiling, Boiling, Goes away and it goes toward you. So by the way, When you have such a conversation with a friend, You go back home and you feel completely depleted or really whatever, Depressed or whatever it might be, Release it, You know? Think energy. So for those of you who cannot see us, Think that you want to shake it. You go back home, You put some music, You shake your hand, You shake your fingers and say with intention again, Okay, I met my friend, It was a little tough, And this person said, And I release it, You release it, You release it. Always start with the body, And then when you release that, Then you will feel better. Yeah, So that was the first part of your question, And what is the second part? Oh, I was just, Yeah, That's the, The, So you, You addressed both of that. It was just going to be about the, You said where your theory on where it goes and yeah, How to deal with that. I will say it's a little bit different dynamic when in intimate relationships. And I think the, The closer and longer history we've, Uh, Certain people have had together, Maybe an impact too, But that's, That's maybe another dynamic, But then also the positive thing about amplifying, Using emotions to amplify certain things. Or theories about that. What do you mean by amplify? Well, I would just say like, I guess some people use it in like co-creational things or things like that. So if I really want something to happen, Then I maybe put energy into it through emotions or expressing through it. I'm trying to think of an example here. But yeah, Let's just use a really bad example, Like really butter someone up or sweet talk them, Right? Putting a lot of kind of love energy into it, But maybe the intention behind it can be wholesome, But it could also be selfish too, Right? Really sweet talk someone and make everything feel good and smoothed over for a certain, You know, A certain way. That's one thing that comes to mind, Which can be helpful too, Because words can really soothe and have peace in the way we express and feel, But they can also be used the other ways too, I guess. We always come back to authenticity. Well, To be, To find peace, Inner peace, Regarding our emotion, It's all about our inner truth. What do I want to feel? How come I feel this way or that way? What is it teaching me? Who I am becoming when I went through the entire process and let it go. Now, When you are authentic with yourself, You have a way of being authentic all the time. And, You know, To go a little deeper of what we said earlier, As you are curious about your emotion and just starting to process your emotion more day to day life, I would say that if you right away start with your partner or your husband or wife, It's very challenging. I think the best way is to start with people that you don't really know. For example, When you go to the grocery store and you say hi to the cashier, The cashier is not smiling back at you. Always coming back? Okay, Well. . . Do I need to feel angry about that? I don't know her life. Maybe she had a bad day. I let it there. And I think that there's a really stopping taking everything personally. So we start with people we don't know, Then we start with people we know a little bit, Maybe a co-worker or not really a friend but an acquaintance, And then we move with people we love the most. That is so curious because it's people that we love the most that we have the more challenge to express ourselves. It's very wise. And I would just kind of maybe preface that when we're practicing these things called Brahma Viharas, Sometimes it's the other way around, Right? But some people start with someone where it's Well, No, Actually it still applies. So a lot of people like to start with instead of themselves in the West, Because people have a complex relationship with themselves. And, You know, At least when I first started this, It was hard to show myself kindness and, You know, What I should, You know, The healthy emotions or care. But start with someone where there's an uncomplicated relationship, Where love just flows naturally, Uncomplicated, Like, You know, As a child or a pet, Or even an inanimate object, A tree, You know, And then go to, Yeah, The new, Like a benefactor, Someone that's really helped us, You know, That's really grateful for and then and then a neutral person, And then the challenging one, Right? And yeah, A lot of times those can be people that we're really close to or grew up with. Yep. And then all beings everywhere. You're talking about loving-kindness meditation. Yes, And compassion too. And the one that's, I think, Challenging for me in the West is what's called mudita, Or altruistic joy, Or vicarious joy, Sympathetic joy. So being happy for other people's happiness. The tendency is to be envious. Oh, I want what they want. I want what they have. Why can't I have that? Jealousy, Envy. But our chances for well-being and happiness, If we can be happy for others' happiness, You know, It's great. Yeah. And equanimity, Like we were talking about before the show, Equanimity, That's the really crème de la crème, You know, Way as far as emotionality and relational energy that I like is very helpful. But yeah, We're saying. Yeah. It's a little out of the pick regarding emotion, But what you were describing earlier is that how do we place ourselves to live a life of abundance or scarcity? As long as we stay in the mindset of scarcity. People, They have a better life than us, They have more beautiful friends, They have whatever. When we live in a place of abundance, We appreciate what we have. We have a roof over our head. You have a loving partner. And then you focus on what you have. And when someone says, Hey, You know what? I just bought this wonderful house, Blah, Blah, Blah. We are happy for them. And that's really something, Again, It's more about mindset than philosophy, Is that regarding our emotions, It's always the same. How do we place ourselves? Being authentic, Living from a place of abundance. Observing the emotions the way they are, Not feeling them as punishment, But an opportunity for us to grow. And as Lugas, We move forward and we grow and we understand. Then we feel better. Just to finish on this note that 10 years ago when I lost my mother, So I was terrible. I was losing my confidence and I was a lot of resentment and it was hurting me to think of my mother. Which is not the case anymore at all. The way you receive, The way you want to communicate with someone who passed away is really up to you. For me, I feel my mother as an energy. I feel she's always with me. I think of her without pain. Of course, I miss her. I would love that she would be physically with us for special events. And yet I am not suffering. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. It's a really key distinction and really important once we understand that, Yeah, It's what it's all about. I think maybe to wrap up here, I wanted to go into this notion of vedana, That, You know, These emotions which are so helpful and rich and vital to how we are in the world and on spiritual paths and stuff too. And in a way though, Also, They can be kind of, I don't know, Simplified, Boiled down, Reduced, Deconstructed in another rubric maybe of everything is either pleasant, Unpleasant, Or neither pleasant nor unpleasant, Right? So for me, I found that helpful a lot of times when I find myself, Well, Why am I feeling this way? Why am I reacting this way? And this is pleasant or this is unpleasant. And I'm not aware of that. So I think at a more maybe rudimentary fundamental level, This is really important to be mindful of, Whether because it's just basic human nature, Especially when we haven't been trained, Is just to gravitate towards the pleasant and want to push away the unpleasant. Unpleasant, And be kind of bored and uninterested in the neutral, You know, That's neither. And so then go seek out something with an emotional charge of unpleasant or pleasant, Because it's too boring and uninteresting to be not have those, You know. So yeah, Do you want to talk a little bit about this? Yeah, Well, So the way I explain this this idea of pleasant and pleasant and well I say neutral but neither of those. Yes you can say neutral yeah. It's when we practice and we feel in the body what I believe. Is Whatever we are feeling, Pleasant, Neutral or unpleasant, Each experience has value. When we feel love, It's pleasant, We want to stay there forever, That's great. When we are angry, Sad or afraid, It's so unpleasant, We don't want to stay there, Which is the danger of suppressing the emotion trying to bypass the emotion. This experience that is unpleasant is as valuable. Than what is pleasant or neutral. When it's neutral, Usually, When there is not much, It is as it is. I'm very interested in the unpleasant, Not because I want to punish myself or whatever, Just because There is so much to learn there. So when I have an unpleasant. . . Sensation and pleasant emotion. Let's sit with it and let's feel it. Yeah, That's right. I love this saying that pain can be a great teacher. I'm sure you have so many amazing ways to work with pain too. If you maybe just want to touch on just a few of those before we start wrapping up. Okay, So pain. I'm going to talk about emotional pain. To be aware of the pain, Always start in the body. Ask yourself, Where do I feel it? It doesn't matter where. You feel in your shoulder, You feel in your chest, You feel in your head, Whatever. First, Feel the pain in your body and move it. It can be shaking, It can be dancing, It can be, I don't know, Punching in the pillow, Whatever. Move it. Then calm and quiet your mind. So you quiet your mind. Breathing exercise is good. Meditation is good. Some people like to journal or go and walk into nature, Whatever. But right, First you feel it, You move it, Then you bring awareness on your breath, So you quiet the mind. And then ask you the question. Is it true? Is it really true? How does it make me feel? Who would I be without these thoughts? And it's amazing how much more clarity. So when we are in pain, Sometimes we hold on the pain. We hold on the pain because we say, Well, As long as I am in pain, I know that my mother, Wherever she is, She knows I'm loving her. Well, You know, I can still love my mother without the pain. Absolutely. But what about, I'm thinking for me, Like if I'm not in a lot of pain, I get a little bit in my neck and stuff from time, It comes and goes. But if there's certain areas of my body where I press, That there's some sore spots right underneath the skin. So for whatever reason, Day to day, I'm not noticing it, But I'm wondering if it's underlying. So I'm wondering if you have advice on actually, Like you're talking about learning, There may be a risk of this, But bringing up suppressed pain. Pain that we don't know is there. Do you have any techniques or would that actually help reinforce getting more pain? Because, You know, You hear these notions of people that like to clear things, You know, Then the universe is going to give them more things to clear. People like to solve problems. Well, Then the universe is going to give them more problems to solve. So I just wanted to throw that extra dynamic and see if you have any thoughts about that. It's not necessary that we are going to look for every. . . Discomfort we have in the body. I would say it's important to practice such awareness when you are dealing with something like grief, Like you move to another place, You have a new job. Because, You know, When we think of grief, We think that it's the passing of someone. We are grieving every single day. My children come to spend the weekend with us. I'm super happy to see them and they leave. Guess what? I'm grieving. It might take me 15 minutes, It may take me three hours. I don't know. But there is grief. And so I would say that if you have an event, A transition in your life, Something that is bothering you, This is great to look at it a little closer with more awareness. Now, I would not necessarily dive into and feel my body every day and say, OK, Today I feel my shoulder. What is my shoulder telling me? That might be overwhelming, That would be. . . No, I would not go there. That's great. And thank you for pointing out that the transition thing and how there can be lots of there can be just kind of natural everyday grief involved in these transitions and really being aware of that. And I also thank you for pointing out the fact that of the pleasant, Unpleasant, Neutral, You know, And how valuable the unpleasant, I would just say, Even mindful, Just being aware that this is going on constantly all the time. And the awareness of that, Even if it's just passive, Is very valuable too, You know, Or just momentary from time to time, Being aware of this is very valuable. Okay. Well, That's great. May everyone out there come to know their most optimal and beneficial emotions and learn to work wisely and beneficially with them for your own well-being and for that of everyone around you and for all beings everywhere. May all beings everywhere realize awakening and be free.