Do You Feel Like A Fraud? Diving Into Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever found yourself in a room of highly successful people and thought to yourself, “How did I get here?” Or perhaps look at your partner and wonder why they choose you? Have you ever felt that you were faking it and wondered when the bottom would drop out of the fake façade? Have you ever pretended to be someone you aren’t to fit in? Lastly, do you think of the wins in your life as “dumb luck?”If so, you may be experiencing imposter syndrome. That’s the bad news. The good news is everyone experiences this from time to time. But, unfortunately, our mental and emotional health are impacted when we live this way 24-7. We are taking a deep dive into what imposter syndrome is, its characteristics, and how it impacts us, and then we’re talking about flipping the internal conversation to get us out of untrue patterns that easily own us.

Transcript

Imposter syndrome.

Talk about a thought pattern and a behavior that can really own us full stop.

I know I have personally experienced this,

We'll call it a phenomenon,

In different manifestations of my career and life,

As most of us do.

I remember sitting in front of one of my very first women that I served as a behavioral therapist and thinking,

Why the hell would this person trust me?

What if she begins to ask me questions about my own life?

Who am I to tell her how to get her life together?

My life has been messy at best.

I've made more mistakes than I can count.

I've screwed up more times than I've won.

I've tried.

I've failed.

I mean,

Haven't we all?

But inside me,

There was this sinking feeling and it took over and I remember feeling my face flush and my ears begin to burn.

Who the hell was I?

I felt like an imposter,

A fraud,

And I fooled myself into thinking that I had somehow locked my way into this position.

It wasn't because I had earned it.

It wasn't because I had worked my ever-loving tail off when I went back to school.

It wasn't because I had met all the requirements.

It was because of dumb luck.

I can't even begin to tell you what this wonderful woman said to me in that time.

It was a hell of a way to begin,

Right?

But it challenged every fabric of my being.

At the time,

I was a perfectionist.

We'll talk more about that in just a moment,

But it really did own me.

Who was I?

What was I doing?

How did I get there?

When I expressed these thoughts to a friend later in the day,

She said,

My dear,

Look up imposter syndrome and then,

Okay,

Cover your kids ears if they're in the car listening with you.

But then she said,

Can you please cut that shit out?

I laughed,

Hit up Google,

And then I realized if I wanted to thrive,

I absolutely needed to cut that shit out.

And since that time,

That feeling,

Of course,

Has snuck back in.

But what I do know is this.

I've seen it time and time again,

Expressed in so many different ways from women of all different backgrounds,

All different races,

All different cultures.

And I have to say,

We all feel this way one time or another.

In fact,

The large majority of us have stories or at the bare minimum have had thoughts like what I just shared.

And if you wonder whether you might have imposter syndrome,

Ask yourself the following questions.

Do I agonize over even the smallest flaws and mistakes?

Do I attribute my success to luck or outside factors?

Am I sensitive to even the most constructive criticism?

Do I worry about being found out because I'm a phony?

Do I downplay my own expertise,

Even in areas where I know I have genuine skill?

If you can answer one or more of those questions,

We still have a lot to talk about.

Imposter syndrome is a beast and it can destroy our potential before we ever get started.

So what is imposter syndrome,

Right?

Maybe you're asking yourself that.

You've probably heard the term,

Thanks to social media,

Because it's everywhere,

Right?

But with all the information out there in those 90 second clips,

We really don't have a true understanding of what imposter syndrome really is because there's not enough time to really get a sense of what's happening in our thoughts,

Our emotions,

Our behaviors when it comes to,

Again,

We'll call it a phenomenon.

So our working definition right now is imposter syndrome is the internal psychological experience of feeling like a phony in some areas of your life.

And it doesn't matter how much success you've already achieved in that area.

You still feel like you're not good enough.

Now,

Here's what it is not because this is actually a huge misconception that is circling social media.

Imposter syndrome is not a diagnosable mental illness.

Please hear me.

So many people think that it is an actual mental illness.

It is not.

The term is usually applied to intelligence and achievement,

And it links really to our thought patterns,

Our feelings,

And our behaviors.

So what does that mean?

It means there is good news.

It means that the pattern can be changed.

Can I get an amen or a hallelujah or something like that,

Please?

No,

In all seriousness,

If the pattern can be changed,

It means that there is a way through this and a way of making this behavior disappear with a little bit of effort and a little bit of work.

So beyond those questions that I gave you just a few minutes ago,

It's probably fair to start asking,

You know,

How do we know if we have imposter syndrome in full motion?

And let me kind of describe what happens and what is happening within us.

So you might find that you are constantly experiencing self-doubt,

And this is in areas that you normally would excel in,

Right?

So if you know that you're a really excellent baker,

Let's say,

But yet you still have a lot of self-doubt when you enter the baking show,

You could be experiencing imposter syndrome.

You could also feel a lot of restlessness and nervousness and often have a level of negative self-talk that ties to anxiety and even depression.

It's like suffering from a sense of inadequacy and insecurity that makes you feel incapable.

Hear those words.

Feel incapable.

Not actually being incapable of doing the things that you set yourself up for or,

You know,

Set yourself toward doing,

But this feeling of,

I just can't without any logical evidence to support that.

And that incapability can even take us into another place that becomes really dangerous for our mental health,

And that is in a spot where we refuse to reach out for help when we need it,

Right?

We just think that we're not capable of getting the help that we deserve or need,

And so we don't ask at all.

It's like cutting ourselves off at the knees and then forcing ourselves to run a marathon.

It's doable,

I guess,

But damn,

It's kind of hard,

Right?

So with that in your thought process,

Let's talk about the five different types of imposters.

These are generalizations.

I'm going to put that out there right now,

But I want to give you some understanding of what we're dealing with when it comes to imposter syndrome and get down into more finite detail.

So,

In no particular order,

Let's start with the worst one,

Perfectionism.

I'm sure you've heard me say multiple times that I am a recovering perfectionist.

It's true.

And how I knew I was a perfectionist was when I googled imposter syndrome and I realized this is me.

The perfectionist sets very high goals for themselves and becomes disappointed when the smallest tasks aren't able to be completed or the smallest mistakes take place.

This type of imposter syndrome involves believing that,

Unless you were absolutely perfect in all ways,

You could have done better.

You feel like an imposter because your perfectionist traits make you believe that you're not good enough or that you're not as good as others may be fooled into believing.

It is such a heavy coat to wear and it takes you down so fast.

So fast,

In fact,

That no amount of positivity can kind of build you back up or make you feel better because you don't believe it.

You do not believe that you are worthy and that if you are not perfect,

Nothing actually matters.

It's so daunting.

Let's move to the next one,

Which is the superhero.

This is the person that pushes themselves so hard,

Harder than anyone else does.

And it involves believing that you must be the hardest worker in the room and that you have to reach the highest level of achievement possible.

And if you don't or if you can't,

You are a fraud.

By the way,

I should probably mention that these actually cross over.

These types of imposters cross over.

So if you're hearing some operation of one and you know that you have the operation of another,

Don't frame yourself into one little box.

You can take all the labels here,

Right?

Because we're going to clean them all up.

So the next one is the expert.

This is the person that is constantly learning.

They never want to stop because they don't feel as if they are good enough to serve or they don't feel like they have enough information to be the expert in a particular subject or a topic.

And even if they have worked really hard and mastered one area of it,

They feel like they will never reach that rank of expert if they can't learn and be geniuses on all things.

Which leads me to the next one,

The natural genius.

And this is somebody who may feel like they have failed when they don't first succeed on the first attempt.

If this is you,

You may feel like a fraud simply because you don't believe that you are naturally intelligent or competent.

It's like you can't get it right the first time,

So why even try?

Or it would take too long to master the skills,

So you just kind of fake it until you make it.

So that makes us feel like an imposter.

And lastly,

We have the soloist.

These are the people who prefer to work alone because they don't want to ask for help and they don't want anyone to poke holes in their knowledge.

You can also feel like a soloist imposter if you have reached a certain level or status and you had to ask for help,

Right?

Like,

We feel like we don't deserve to be here because we had to have a helping hand to get here.

Those are really the five different types.

So are you still with me?

Feeling a little called out?

Don't worry if you do because,

Remember,

This is not a disorder.

This is a thought pattern.

This is a behavior and we can always change those things.

So let go of any shame or blame or anything in between that may be coming up.

And if you are still questioning,

Let's go a step further and deep dive into a few thoughts that are fairly common in any form of imposter syndrome.

So that first thought that comes up is,

What am I doing here?

I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself that question in the middle of moments that I absolutely deserved to be at the table and yet I questioned whether I did.

Anyone else?

All right.

Next,

I am not fooling anyone here.

This is a massive one.

We often believe that others are watching us and narrowing down into our thoughts and they know how much of a fraud or a fake we feel inside.

And that thought process really takes us down.

We feel like everyone has an inside intel into our feelings and that simply isn't true.

Another one that I often hear,

Usually from younger women who don't have as much life experience,

But it's still something that comes up a lot,

And it is that everyone is smarter than I am.

Clearly,

Everyone has different intellect levels,

But everyone being smarter than you.

Is that true?

Of course it's not.

The next one downplays your ability and worth and it sounds like,

I guess I just got lucky.

And even if the results have come to you because of luck,

Isn't there some sort of movement,

Thought pattern,

Behavior,

Feeling that really was at play?

I mean,

Everything starts with the thought,

So is it really lucky?

And another thing that happens within that thought process is we feel like when others,

You know,

Realize what's going on,

We're going to get fired or left or broken up with or whatever.

We feel like there's some massive consequence that will fall upon us for not being enough.

And the last one that I'm going to throw out now is,

I need to do more to feel like I deserve to be here.

There is an air,

A massive air of people pleasing in that statement too.

We want others to feel our values so that we can be settled in what we've created.

And that's normal,

But part of that is also feeling like an imposter.

What does all of that come down to?

All of those thoughts and feelings?

It comes down to an inability to realistically assess your competency and your skills.

It comes down to attributing your success to outside factors,

Berating your performances,

Fear that you can't live up to expectations,

Overachieving,

Self-sabotaging your success,

Self-abandoning instead of doing the work,

Self-doubt,

Setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short.

It comes down to not really feeling you are enough.

Now,

I want to say this before we dive into the impactfulness of these thoughts and feelings.

There are some,

I was one of them,

That use their knowledge,

Their understanding of feeling like an imposter to fuel their motivation.

They use their perceived lack as a way to achieve.

Fine,

If I can't do this,

Then I'll do better.

I'll do more.

On one hand,

This is actually a good use of our feelings because they really do push us to create more attention in being more mindful in creating what we want.

But,

Can I scream the but really loud so that I have your full attention?

But this type of motivation comes at a cost and the cost is constant negative thinking.

It's anxiety.

It's burnout.

It's feeling like you have to do more.

You have to be over-prepared.

You have to work harder,

Be better,

Be smarter,

Do more in the slightest hope that we will succeed.

This thinking,

This motivation,

This behavior,

This feeling sets up a vicious cycle in the brain.

And this is where these patterns are formed.

It sounds like this.

The only reason why I did well was because I stayed up all night working.

The only reason I got through that moment was because I rehearsed it to death in my mind.

We tell our brains that this is how we will handle the next moment that arises that has any amount of semblance.

And this is where we begin to respond to the patterns.

What does that mean?

When we stay in a negative thought,

In a negative action,

Hoping for a positive outcome,

We get into a spin cycle.

We tell the brain,

This is what I want.

This is what I need.

And then we react.

Again,

We're looking for safety when it comes to the brain.

And safety does not always mean positive.

Your brain does not know the difference between positive and negative.

It just knows what you feed it.

An even greater risk is the more we accomplish in this thought process,

The more we feel like a fraud.

We cannot internalize the success.

We cannot own our moments.

We think we got lucky because we over-prepared.

We don't look at what really occurred.

We actually just prepared.

Therefore,

We did well because we were ready to be present in the moment.

And when we can't internalize success,

What happens?

We look for outside feedback to validate ourselves.

And that doesn't stick either.

When we are out of this behavior and this thought process and we own our core beliefs,

That core belief that we are strong,

That we are good enough,

That we do belong,

There's nothing that can happen that can offer any evidence to the contrary,

Even if we do experience hard moments and even if we have moments of doubt.

It's not long-lasting.

It doesn't stick to our bones the way that these harmful thought processes and feelings do.

Now,

Let's go back to the impact.

I want you to think about how impactful these thoughts and feelings are within the five areas of our lives that I often call the masters.

The mental,

Emotional,

Physical,

Financial,

And even spiritual elements of our lives.

Many people with imposter syndrome don't talk about it because of fear.

What will people think?

What will people say?

How will this affect me long-term?

This impacts all of those mastery areas of our lives.

Now,

Beyond the obvious mental issues,

Beyond the emotional issues,

Let's talk about how this impacts us in real time in real life.

The first area we should look at is professionally.

If you have a job or you own a business or you operate in some way professionally,

If you believe that your career success is due to luck instead of skill,

You're going to be less likely to go after that big thing or to ask for a promotion or to step out of your comfort zone and really try to grow.

You could also feel like you need to overwork to meet the unrealistic high standards you've created for yourself.

Studies have even shown that imposter syndrome can cause us to have more burnout,

Lower job performance,

And less job satisfaction.

Let's talk about academically.

For those that are in school or wanting to learn something else,

Students may not ask questions or speak up because they fear that they are going to look like they're foolish or they're stupid and they don't get what they need because they don't want to show up to the moment.

In relationships,

Most parents feel unprepared to raise children,

Right?

Who doesn't?

We don't have the manual and if we let those feelings take over,

We have a really hard time making parenting choices because we fear we're going to screw it up.

Guess what?

We're going to.

Doesn't matter.

We are all making mistakes left and right and that's just a part of life.

And when we feel unworthy of our romantic partners,

We often self-sabotage in a mindset that is so negative because we don't feel worthy.

And what happens?

Our relationships end.

The impact is so far-reaching in our friendships.

If we don't feel worthy or we're lacking or we try to fit in and be someone we are not,

We cannot create genuine relationships and they,

Too,

Fall apart.

The impact of imposter syndrome is really far-reaching and that's why we have to eliminate it.

But maybe you're asking,

Why?

Why does this happen?

And let's talk about that before we talk about changing the pattern.

So,

When I first began to deep dive into this issue,

I read all the studies,

Right?

I geek out on that kind of stuff.

And so,

I want to share a little bit of that research with you without boring you,

I promise.

You know,

In the earliest studies,

Researchers found that imposter syndrome was connected to factors including early family dynamics and even gender stereotypes.

For so long,

Imposter syndrome was only targeted as a female-driven phenomenon.

We know that is not true now,

But that's really how it was first set up.

And we know that it can happen to anyone,

Anywhere,

Of all ages,

Of all genders,

Of all backgrounds.

So,

Let's first talk about the family element.

You know,

If you had parents who you would call controlling and overprotective,

You may actually have this thought pattern and here's why.

You might come from a family that sets the bar so high,

It's impossible to reach.

Whether it was about grades,

Or sports performance,

Or any kind of achievement,

They began to really place value on the looks and the outcome of your performance.

And if that was you,

You may have this sense that you have to do more to be accepted.

Or,

You may have had those parents that flipped back and forth between offering praise and being hyper-critical.

And if you did,

I guarantee you at some point,

Whether in the past or right now,

You have some level of perfectionism and lack in your thinking and in your behavior.

Okay?

I'm just telling you.

I just,

I know.

Trust me.

We can also even experience this if we had high levels of abuse or high levels of conflict with little to no support for us as the child.

You can experience imposter syndrome because of these things.

And you can often wonder,

How did you get where you are when you came from where you did?

Right?

We question our worth and our deservings because of the way we were raised.

We can even see this within our work environment or even in the new opportunities that show up in our lives.

You know,

I had one lady that I worked with last year and she came to me because she felt tremendous pressure to succeed in her new job.

For the first time ever,

She was leading a team and the pressure was so high.

It was causing anxiety.

She had never been in the division that she was leading.

She had never really worked on the material that they were,

You know,

Producing.

She had really high anxiety and security,

Tension,

Fear,

And her belief in herself sank while her perfectionism grew off of the charts.

It was nasty,

But we cleaned it up,

Right?

Because it's a behavior,

Not a mental illness.

And then the last reason,

At least for today,

Is that many people have social anxiety.

And this is a huge factor.

Imposter syndrome and social anxiety can often overlap.

A person with social anxiety may feel as though they don't belong in certain circumstances while they're reaching for the mask to put on so that they fit in.

You might be in a conversation with someone and feel as though they're going to discover your social ineptness,

Right?

Or your incompetency.

There's something else that even happens here too.

And sometimes this anxiety and these masks become so heavy,

We begin to overshare in hopes of either locking down the friendship or,

You know,

Scaring them away.

This is me.

This is who I am.

And so take it all.

And while the social anxiety can definitely fuel imposter syndrome,

I want you to realize that not everyone who has imposter syndrome has social anxiety and vice versa.

I have to make that clear,

Right?

But I just want you to be aware that it's definitely there.

Whenever you have social anxiety,

You can feel this lack of confidence and competency.

And then we just encode this message of not enough over and over again.

With all of that,

How do we cope?

How do we change the rhythm of these feelings and these thoughts?

We have to go to round two of difficult questions.

You know I love good hard questions.

But the reason why is because it forces us to sit.

It forces us to weed through the mistruths that we tell to ourselves and get down to the real facts.

It makes us show up for ourselves.

It makes us say,

You know what,

I may be uncomfortable,

But damn it,

I'm going to do the work.

And so let me give you round two of the questions that you need to ask yourself.

And you might want to grab a pen or bookmark the time that you're at right now and let all of these soak in.

Okay,

So here they are.

What core beliefs do I hold for myself?

If you don't know what a core belief is,

Google it.

All of us have core beliefs and we should know what they are.

Next question.

Do I believe I am worthy of loving myself as I am?

So let's roll through the rest real quickly.

Must I be perfect for others to approve of me?

Do I believe that I am worthy of my dreams?

Must I live to other people's standards?

That's a big one.

If I listen to my internal pushes,

Would I hear the voice that belongs to me or do the words and voice belong to someone else?

That's a big question.

All of those are hard questions and I don't want you to rush to answer them.

I want you to give them some thought.

I want you to allow yourself space to own whatever comes up.

Remember,

We don't have to change anything right in the moment that we hear it,

Feel it,

Think about it.

We can sit in it for a moment and allow it to have some space because we can't change anything that we don't name and address.

But to move past anything,

Especially these feelings,

You have to get comfortable in confronting some deeply ingrained beliefs that you hold about yourself,

That you hold about your life,

That you hold about the world.

And this exercise can be hard because you might not even realize that you are holding on to things that are not working for you.

And once you answer those questions,

You'll know,

Right?

If you actually do the actual work,

You'll know.

And here's some techniques that I want you to match to whatever comes up,

To whatever you need and however you're going to process it.

So let's start with the tool that is,

You know,

Most important in all of this.

And it is to share your feelings.

That's a hard one.

It's a very hard one,

But you have to get uncomfortable.

Do what I did and share.

Call someone and say,

Listen,

This is how I'm feeling so that someone can say to you,

You need to cut that shit out.

Right?

Talk to other people about how you're feeling.

Irrational beliefs tend to fester when they're hidden and we do not talk about them.

So tell the person that you trust.

I'm not saying go until everyone I'm saying,

Hey,

I don't feel like I belong in this relationship.

Do you have some space to hear me right now?

Or,

Hey,

I am not feeling like I can confidently run this business meeting,

Or I'm really feeling like I'm sucking as a parent.

The person that I am really does not feel like it is worthy.

Right?

Can you feel this?

Can you feel how good and freeing it would be to express truly what is in your thought process?

And if you share your feelings,

You hear yourself.

So share them again with someone that you trust.

Okay?

The next tool,

The next technique is for once,

For once,

To allow yourself to focus on others first.

This sounds very counterintuitive to everything I teach.

Right?

However,

In this circumstance,

It's okay.

I want you to really focus on someone else.

Because if you see someone who is awkward or alone,

You can start asking questions.

Right?

You can ask them to come into your group.

And if you are practicing your skills,

You build confidence.

Right?

And so you don't need to fake it because you already have that skill set available to you.

The other part of this is you begin to ask for help.

You go to people that are in similar positions as you.

You ask questions,

You ask for help,

You talk so that you know you are not alone.

And in this focus on others,

You are able to come back to yourself.

And then I want you to assess your abilities.

If you have this long-held belief that you are incompetent in certain situations,

That becomes your reality.

It also becomes the realistic assessment of your abilities because that's what you believe.

And so I want you to counter it.

Write down your accomplishments.

What are you good at?

And then compare it to the questions and the self-assessment that you created a few minutes ago.

It's so important.

It really does allow us to see where we're feeling lack versus the truth of the matter.

And from there,

I want you to take baby steps.

I don't want you to focus on doing things perfectly.

Instead,

I just want you to be reasonable and do.

Right?

Get into action and do things reasonably well.

And when you do,

Reward yourself for taking action.

Again,

Doesn't have to be perfect,

But did you show up?

From there,

I want you to question your thoughts.

Once you have assessed your abilities and you've taken some baby step action,

Question whether your thoughts are rational.

Does it make sense to believe that you are a fraud given everything that you know,

Given everything that you've done?

Is this a fact?

And if it's not,

Then stop the thought.

And in stopping the thought,

We want to stop fighting the feeling.

Don't fight the feelings of not belonging or being enough.

Instead,

Lean into them.

Accept them.

Ask them,

What is it that you're trying to show me?

It's only when we acknowledge these feelings that we start to unravel the core beliefs that are holding us back.

Again,

Is this my voice or is this something that I was taught?

Is this a past experience in action or is this a moment where I don't have enough information?

These are the things we ask ourselves.

And in all of that,

We refuse to let our thoughts and our feelings hold us back.

No matter how much we may feel,

No matter how big of a fraud that we feel that we are,

No matter why we think we do not belong,

We do not have to allow these things to stop us from pursuing our goals.

We have to keep going.

We have to refuse to stop.

From there,

How do we change the behavior by changing the thought?

This is a big one.

I want you to create reminders.

This seems like a really,

Really simple thing,

But it's actually huge.

It's a huge game changer.

So what we do in creating reminders,

Not like an alarm clock kind of thing,

But instead,

I want you to write down that list of accomplishments of things that you're so proud of.

Again,

If you didn't do it before,

Now is the time to do it.

I want you to save the emails and print out the notes that someone has praised you.

It doesn't have to be all of them,

But what are a handful of praises or emails or communications that you feel really connected to,

That you feel allowed you to see how others see you in a positive way?

I personally have a three ring binder of emails and DMs and little notes that have been posted on social media and reviews of different clients that I keep handy.

It's not to boast and it's not to boost my ego,

But it's allowing me to read other people's wins and my personal wins.

They help me elevate the experience that I'm having when we feel down or when we need a boost,

A reminder.

This is a beautiful way to allow ourselves to see ourselves.

It's a beautiful thing,

So try that.

And then I want you to separate your feelings from reality.

If you know you are prone to imposter feelings,

Mentally prepare for them.

Be ready to observe and to respond to them.

Realize that they are really just emotions that lead to feelings.

Remember and remind yourself that you are capable of anything you so desire and that you do belong in the rooms that you find yourself in.

And from there,

Quit the comparison.

That again seems very counterintuitive to what I said about focusing on other people.

Focus and comparison are two very different things.

Focus is,

I see what you're doing.

I understand.

I feel like it is a good example.

Comparison is the measuring stick in which we use to judge ourselves based on someone else's accomplishments.

We see this in social media every single damn day.

We use someone's real as the highlight of what they are,

What they stand for,

What they live,

And we compare our own reality.

It's best that we don't do that.

Those aren't reality and they keep us from living within our reality.

So quit the comparison.

Know the difference between focus and comparison and then understand the syndrome.

Keep in mind that actual frauds don't have imposter syndrome.

The very fact that you may feel like you have imposter syndrome means that you're not an imposter.

You just need to maybe kick up your confidence and own your greatness.

So I want you to understand where do you fall in those five imposter categories?

How does it show up for you?

Why and what situations is it showing up for you?

And then create a plan to kick up that confidence and do something about it,

Right?

And then talk to someone.

Your friends and family can help normalize your feelings and remind you that your fears are not real.

They have true based evidence as to what you've done and what you haven't done.

Or,

You know,

Book an appointment with me or another therapist who can help you create internalized,

Individualized tactics to help you get out of these feelings,

Right?

There's no shame in that.

So ask for help.

It's important.

You know,

The other piece is to accept that no one is perfect.

So we have to stop setting unrealistic goals.

Understand that hard work leads to good results even when you're not perfect.

Imposter syndrome can own us all.

It can take us down.

But the steps to solving it,

The steps to changing it,

Is to recognize it,

Understand where we fall,

Asking ourselves the hard questions,

Knowing that our beliefs matter,

That our thoughts and feelings matter,

And then changing them,

Right?

Getting into a space where we own our truth and we quit the comparison.

We talk to people.

We realize that perfectionism isn't serving us and we choose something different for ourselves.

When we realize that our feelings are showing up in a way that helps increase our thought process and decrease our behaviors,

We begin to trust ourselves.

We begin to have inner peace.

We begin to have alignment of self-love in our mind,

Body,

And spirit.

We begin to own our greatness.

Yes,

It is hard sometimes,

But we can change the rhythm.

We can change the way we show up.

And if none of those other questions worked for you,

If they felt too damn hard to tackle,

Go back to the four questions that I always ask.

What do I want?

What do I need?

How do I want to feel?

How will I get there?

When you ask those questions,

You set a parameter,

A boundary line,

If you will,

Of permissions in your mind that say,

I am worthy and I am going to show up as my authentic self.

No mask needed,

Right?

No need to hide.

No need to push ourselves to an oblivion.

No need to feel like an imposter.

No need to live like we are not deserving.

You are deserving.

You are capable of living the life that you want without having to try to hide,

Without trying to be more than,

To hustle and to continue to burn out.

You deserve to feel your best.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode,

Which originally aired on the Get Your Life Together Girl podcast.

Please take the time to review this conversation and follow me here on Insight Timer for more courses,

Meditations,

And additional conversations.

Until next time,

Be kind to yourself and others.

Reviews

Thank for this episode, I really didn’t see it but now it makes so much sense. I love your 4 questions by the way. I appreciate you in my life so much.