Moving From Loneliness To Peace And Empowerment

In this teaching, Geoff Bell-Devaney talks about the importance of accepting challenging emotions like loneliness and meeting them with compassion. He gives specific advice about how we can use those moments to find deeper inner peace.

Transcript

These strong emotions, Loneliness, Shame, Fear, Anger, Excitement. Desire, They can trap us, They can draw us into them. And loneliness in particular, If we sit with it, If we go into it, As we do sometimes. I was on a six-week silent mindfulness retreat just this last fall. Loneliness comes up. All emotions come up in those retreats, And you learn to sit with them. And the more that we can do that, The more we can be with these strong emotions like desire and fear and. . . Humiliation, Whatever they may be. We have to stop running from these. Emotions, Whether they're desire or fear. We don't want to get into craving and aversion, And we want to stay away from those two states. Buddhism teaches us only lead to suffering, You know. And we have to, As Buddhism teaches us, Acknowledge. That there is suffering and that these challenging emotions like loneliness, Or fear, Or desire, Or sadness. . . We don't want to feel them because they don't feel good. So we tend to cover them up with ice cream and sex and drinking and scrolling on our phones. Running from ourselves and instead of that we We have to see that those pleasurable pursuits are only temporary. Yeah, It feels good, You know, To have a cookie if we're stressed. But what feels even better is sitting with whatever emotions, Whatever sensations that stress brings up. Within you. And as we do that in the case of loneliness, I found that it bears a beautiful fruit of truly wanting to connect with the world, Not from a taking way, Like I don't have this person or I'm not able to meet this person. This person I'm wanting or I don't have a lot of friends. It's not about taking at all. This is the beautiful fruit. It's a. You could see it as a spiritual gift for those on a spiritual path to sit with the heavy emotions of loneliness bears a deep desire to connect with the outside world. And to let go of these old ways, Perhaps since childhood, Where we've withdrawn or isolated in moments, You know, Not always, Not often perhaps, Or maybe never, But. Nonetheless, We have to let go of these old ways of. . . Being helpless, Which is intertwined with loneliness. Sadness, Which is intertwined with loneliness. Unsurety, Which is intertwined with loneliness. So many emotions that are not empowering are intertwined with loneliness, And we have to sit with the root of all of those other symptomatic emotions, Perhaps. And if we're willing to do that with courage and compassion for ourselves and to really feel these painful emotions. We can start to grow in wisdom and inner peace, And we can start to realize that It's in being gently with ourselves and whatever life is giving us that bears true fruit. And in the case of loneliness, It bears a strong desire to connect with the world, And not from taking, But from giving. From giving in ways that only we can. Loneliness can help us find our voice and our power. Can help us merge into the world in ways where we want to connect. To share our gifts and to hear other people's stories and interact with them in authentic, Differentiated, Healthy, And empowering ways. So, Don't run from loneliness or any emotion. I know it's hard, Because they suck. And if we do run to the pint of ice cream in the freezer, It's cool. We'll just sit with the regret or whatever. Just whatever comes up, Just sit with it. Just be with it gently. It's how we find inner peace.