Trusting Your Heart LIVE Talk & Practice 10/7/2022

This is (part of) the recording of Femke's Weekly Friday Live of 7 October 2022, Trusting your Heart. In the talk Femke explains why your heart can never be broken en how self-gentleness can help you strengthen the relationship with your heart. After about 10 minutes, Femke guides you in a meditation that will let you experience for yourself how you can start trusting your own heart. The recording of only the meditation is also available in Femke's track list.

Transcript

So the theme of today is trusting your heart.

You might know I always think of the titles,

The topics for these lives well in advance and then I plan them.

And then just before I start to feel it out,

What did I mean with that title?

What do I mean with it now?

What do I want to do with it?

What is it that I want to tell?

And this process is mostly very intuitive.

Of course based on knowledge that I have,

Based on expertise and experience also.

I think that the inspiration for many of these topics comes also from my own process.

I'm already for many years in this self-gentleness process and I'm learning a lot from that and I really love to tell you about the things that I learned,

The practices that I found that you can use to try for yourself what is working for you.

But by all means don't think that I am perfect,

Don't think that I nailed it.

Because being self-gentle remains a process that will continue for the rest of your life.

And if you find that discouraging,

Please don't.

Because how boring would it be if at a certain moment you're all set?

I mean no one can feel uplifted and happy 24-7,

Right?

The beauty is that you learn to ride the waves of life so much better.

The beauty is that yes,

You will have your ups and downs.

There will be things in your life that are disappointing or frustrating or saddening.

Just like there are things in your life that will be uplifting and happy and satisfying and delicious.

But that is life,

That is the beauty of life.

That is also why we are here to experience and to find our balance in that.

With those waves that will come and go,

Sometimes high,

Sometimes really small,

Sometimes there's like really calm,

Calm,

No storm and then suddenly there are waves.

But that we know how to ride these and that sometimes we're thrown off of such a gulf but we know how to climb back on it.

So in my self-gentleness workshops I call this surfing skills,

Especially when it comes to the matters of the heart.

The matters of emotions which are of course so connected with our hearts.

So I think when I mean trusting your heart I find it really hard,

No I find it really important because for myself,

Trusting my heart has taken me way longer time than trusting my body or trusting my soul,

Trusting my mind.

Trusting my heart was sometimes really hard because it can feel so vulnerable,

Your heart,

All your emotions,

The love,

The heartbreak and I don't mean just heartbreak in a romantic sense,

We have heartbreak over so many things,

Very often also over ourselves.

But you know what I discovered?

I discovered that our heart is actually never really broken.

Our heart is always whole and it's there and when we experience things in our lives that make us believe that our heart is broken and we can believe it so strongly that it can actually feel physically as if we have a broken heart then still it is like an illusion that our mind creates,

Making us believe that because of that person abandoning us,

That person dying,

That situation happening to us that we are not loveable,

That we are not worthy.

But that's never,

Never true because our heart knows every split second of every single moment of your life that you are loveable and that you are worthy of that heart.

It is us who forget to listen to that heart.

It is us who make ourselves deaf or we listen to all those other way louder voices than that beautiful,

Gentle,

Whispering voice of our heart.

So the fact that I discovered that and that I know that now with my head that I can tell you this with so much conviction,

It doesn't mean that also I sometimes fall into that illusion of my heart being hurt or maybe even being broken or missing someone really strongly about which I have a life actually in two weeks.

But that is why it's really important for us to learn to be able to learn to connect to that heart on a regular basis so that we will learn to find that little road,

That little path to our heart every time again to find silence within so we can listen to that so truthful voice,

That really gently whispering voice that is so patient,

That will never shout,

That will never call you in but that just knows that you will come so that it can tell you that you are loveable and you are worthy.

And it takes some guts sometimes,

Especially when you experience something that feels as if your heart is broken.

It's scary to go there and listen to it because our head,

And I don't mean that our head is malicious or unkind to us,

But our head is used to think the things that we're often thinking and many things that we are thinking are conditioned based on experience that we had,

Life experiences,

Things where we started to believe that we might sometimes have to be punished or that sometimes we are not so loveable or sometimes we are guilty so that we are bad boys,

Bad girls,

All that kind of thinking that we're not always so consciously aware of that but that is in the background and in these moments it suddenly comes to the forefront and we hear it loud and clear and that is why we think and feel that our heart is broken but it takes then some courage and mainly just some time and silence to let go of those voices and to sink into that heart and just to hear again this truth that lies within every being.

Every being on this earth has that capacity.

So that's what I want to do with us today.

I don't want to speak too long.

I just want to go there with you guys.

I'm going to guide you in a meditation where we first go on to find silence.

So if you've been here more often I very often take you on a guided visualization tour which I really love and which will come back another days but now I'm going to guide you in a meditation technique that will help you to sink into yourself and find that peacefulness,

Relative peacefulness.

It can be if you're really riled up with a lot of things in your head and you're very stressed or things are going on then it might be really hard to find real silence but that is okay as long as it is relative to where you're starting right now.

I will guide you there and then when we are there I'm going to guide you and help you connect with that voice from your own heart so that you can listen to what it is saying and you will hear from your own heart those words that I was just speaking that you are love that you're lovable and that you're worthy but it's so much better when you can hear it from your own heart than when I'm telling you because when I'm telling you you want to believe me but it might be hard sometimes and I want you to understand and feel and experience that your own heart is telling you this because that is that gentle self-empowerment what I was speaking about because when you experience that you can do this for yourself you give yourself a gift that no one can ever take away from you and you start to feel that you don't need anyone to get you there that you can get there by yourself with some training maybe and sometimes it takes a few times maybe sometimes it takes you months maybe it even will take you a year or a few years that's also okay you will find that pathway and every time you walk that pathway the path will become clearer more open more available more to be used by you all right enough of those metaphors let's just start and then after the meditation I will come back here to see if anyone wants to share something wants to ask something and we can have our regular chit chat but let's just meditate right now all right so make sure that you are sitting comfortable or you're lying down comfortable that's also really great most important words in this sentence is that you make it comfortable for yourself so put your feet on the ground or fold your legs whatever feels good to you you can support your back so that you can really relax into your body you don't have to use all kind of muscles to stay up straight unless you like that then you do that like I said make it comfortable for you now gently close your eyes and take a moment to be aware of how you are sitting feel how your feet are touching the ground your buttocks on the chair and your back leaning against the chair your hands relaxed in your lap bring your attention to your jaws are those jaws relaxed soft your forehead without a frown if you notice that you're frowning see if you can relax it let go of the tension bring your attention for a moment to whatever you are hearing you hear my voice Let's see if you can relax it.

Let go of the tension.

Bring your attention for a moment to whatever you are hearing.

You hear my voice,

That's pretty obvious.

But can you listen also further away?

Sounds that are far away from you,

Like traffic in the distance.

Birds singing outside.

And can you also hear the subtle sounds in your environment?

Maybe you hear a faucet strip,

Or the wearing of a heater or an air-co.

Maybe you can hear even more subtle,

Like your own breathing,

Or your heartbeat.

Listen.

Now the next time you inhale I would like you to bring your attention to whatever you are seeing with your eyes closed.

Yes,

Even with your eyes closed you can see things.

Maybe you see blackness.

Maybe you see some light shining through your eyelids.

Maybe your mind's eye immediately responds and gives you images and memories,

Or swirling colors,

Freckled dots.

Whatever you are seeing,

Don't try to change it,

Just observe it and let it be.

What is it that you see?

Now the next time you breathe in,

Bring your attention to your sense of touch.

What are you feeling with your skin?

Pretty obvious,

Your buttocks on the seat,

Feet on the ground.

You feel your hands resting on your thighs.

Can you feel also more subtle,

Like your socks sitting on your ankles,

Your blouse on your shoulders.

Can you feel the hair on your neck?

The air on your skin?

What is it that you feel?

Alright.

Now keeping your eyes closed,

We are going to bring our attention to the repetition of a mantra.

We are going to use the mantra,

IAM.

I am going to repeat this mantra,

You can repeat it with me out loud or mentally.

We are just going to repeat it in a really calm way and I would love for you to really listen to the sound of that mantra.

IAM Now let's make it softer.

IAM Softer IAM Now keep repeating the mantra IAM mentally without moving your lips or tongue,

Just repeat it in your own tempo.

You don't have to sync it with your breath but if that happens it's ok.

But focus,

Bring your attention to listening to that sound in your hand while it's slowly fading away like an echo.

IAM IAM And if your mind wanders on those thoughts or emotions,

Sensations,

Memories,

That's ok.

Whenever you notice you are doing that,

You gently favour thinking of the mantra.

IAM IAM And don't worry if the mantra syncs up with your breath,

There will come a moment that it will detach from that rhythm.

The moment you notice that your attention goes to different things like your breath,

Thoughts,

Emotions,

That's ok.

You gently favour thinking of the mantra again.

IAM IAM Become aware of the silences between the repetitions of the mantra.

And see if you can expand those moments of silence as if you let yourself sync into those silences using the mantra as an anchor,

Pulling you there into the silence.

IAM IAM IAM IAM IAM IAM Be with where you are right now,

Experience the relative silence,

The relative relaxation of your body.

A sense of peacefulness,

A sense of quietness.

It feels good,

It feels connected.

It feels powerful to be able to get to this place by just sitting for a few minutes,

Having your attention on the mantra.

That's all there is to it.

It's pretty powerful to realise that you've got this,

You've got this at your fingertips,

You've got this,

You can do this.

You have the ability to feel like this in any moment,

Because you can bring yourself right here.

Alright now,

Let's bring our attention to the middle of our chest,

To our heart space.

And if it helps you can put your hands there.

Really become aware of your heart.

Oh this beautiful heart.

It moves me to think of my heart,

How much it loves us,

Just being here.

That it's working so hard every second of every day to make sure that we get oxygen spread throughout our body.

And all nutritions are brought to every cell in our body.

And that all the garbage and junk that we need to get rid of are being brought away.

This heart that is beating for us.

How much love is that?

That there is this part of you that is always here for you,

Working for you.

Pulling everything out of everything to make sure that your body can function.

Have you ever noticed when you have to run for a bus or a train or you were biking really really fast or walking or running because you were in a hurry?

That your heart responded and that it helped you to spread that oxygen way faster because that's what your body needs.

Oh my friends that is love.

Can you acknowledge that?

Can you recognize that?

How much love is only in the biological movements of your heart.

Your heart is keeping you alive.

Your heart enables you to be here,

To use your senses,

To enjoy life,

To experience life,

To feel.

How beautiful is that?

And when we now realize that there is this other function that is so often neglected by all of us but that our hearts are here to love.

And that is all that they are doing as they express their love for you by keeping you alive,

By beating for you,

By making sure that all their organs,

Everything in your body can continue to function properly.

That it also just simply loves without restrictions,

Without conditions,

Without doubt,

Without judgment,

Without fear.

Our heart just loves.

And I know sometimes we do not realize this.

Sometimes we want to protect our heart because we think we need to protect it.

But our heart never needs protection.

It always loves.

What we need is to allow ourselves to deal with the thoughts that surround it.

So let's tune in to our hearts and start building or rebuilding or building on the trust for that beautiful heart of yours.

To feel that love so.

Let your attention hoover around your heart in the middle of your chest and if you find it hard then just imagine that it is a light shining in your chest.

And then make it a light that you like.

Whatever light you like.

If it is a candle for a laser beam it doesn't matter.

Make it your light,

With your color.

And hook your attention to that place,

To that heart space.

Where your heart not just lives but also resides and reigns and loves.

I would like you to bring to mind a person in your life,

It doesn't matter if they are still in your life right now or that they are not in your life anymore.

But it is someone from whom you have experienced love.

Someone who loves you.

Maybe even loves you unconditionally or at least it feels like that.

Bring that person to mind in the way that suits you so you can imagine them standing in front of you.

Or you can say their name or do something else so that you get a sense of their presence.

And when you get that sense just be aware that they are standing in front of you.

Looking at you with a beautiful smile and so much love in their eyes.

And it is as if now the love that is in their heart for you is beamed over to your own heart.

So you can actually visualize this if that helps.

You see in their chest their beautiful light and from this light comes this big fat laser beam that shines right into yours.

And if you have to giggle a little bit that's okay,

That's a good emotion to feel when this happens.

But if it makes you feel a little bit heavy then that is also okay.

Then it means that there are some thoughts hanging around that person for you that make it hard to feel that connection with your heart.

So if that's too overwhelming then just thank them for being here and think of someone else.

And it's also okay for it to be a different being like a fantasy being or a pet you once had or maybe that beautiful lion that you so much love.

It doesn't matter.

Just make it a being from home you can receive that beautiful laser beam of love,

Of light right into your heart.

And you feel now,

You can experience how open your heart is.

It's not shielded,

It's not afraid,

It's not guarded,

It's just open and it receives the light,

It receives the love,

It absorbs it,

It channels it through your body.

It cherishes this light and love.

And how grateful you can feel for knowing this person,

Having experienced someone in your life that gives you this.

Whether they're still in your life or not that doesn't matter.

They have given you this gift of love and the fact that you remember them right now,

That you can feel this that's so powerful because you are doing this.

You are doing this by yourself,

All by yourself.

Now thank this person for a moment and let go of their presence.

And I would like you to think of something in your life that you like to do that brings you joy.

It doesn't matter if it's drinking a cup of tea or making an artwork or seeing the beautiful smile of your kids or one of your animals running around or whatever it is.

It can be large,

It can be small,

It doesn't matter as long as you feel that this situation or this person or this being or this experience brings you joy.

Now bring this to mind in the same way like you did before.

Use the fantasy like you use your own fantasy.

And be aware that it is right there.

Can you notice that you cannot stop smiling right now?

That it is as if someone is pulling up your mouth?

You cannot differently than grin and smile by the thoughts of this joyful presence in your life.

Maybe it is just a joke that you sometimes think about that just makes you laugh out loud.

It doesn't matter,

It doesn't have to be something big or important.

It can be as tiny as an ant who tickles you and makes you laugh.

But joy it brings.

Can you feel the response of your heart to this joyful feeling?

How it blossoms and resonates and tells you yes,

This joy,

This is you.

This is how you can feel most of the time.

This is what I want to convey to you.

That you are here to find joy in your life.

Most importantly to find joy.

And the way you will find joy is completely up to you.

You can find joy in ways that others find boring but it doesn't matter because it is all about you.

Your heart soars from love.

It grows,

It beats,

It is proud of you.

For you allowing yourself to feel this so vividly,

So deliciously.

Are you aware that you are doing this all by yourself?

That you are realizing something that you feel joy is about and that you bring this emotion right into your heart,

Right into your body.

You did that.

Alright,

Now I would like you to think of something pleasant,

Something fun,

Something good that you would like to happen in your life coming week.

It doesn't matter what it is.

Don't make it big,

Don't make it a challenge,

Don't make it something that you doubt.

Make it as small as I am going to see a hundred butterflies or I am going to smell the most delicious roses this week.

Or I am going to see everyone who will smile to me.

Or I will get a kiss from my loved one just like that when I least expect it.

Whatever it is,

Just this joyful wish for something that you would so much love yourself to allow into your life.

Something feasible,

Something imaginable.

But I would love for you to really feel that this is something that you would like to see in the coming week.

Now imagine it.

Use your fantasy in your way so if you use images you see it,

If you use your knowing you know it,

If you use your smell you smell it.

Become aware.

Daydream as if it is already happening.

The anticipation that you can feel that whenever this happens that you will feel this light hearted,

This happy,

This pleasant,

This alive,

This joyful.

Take a moment and don't make it too big.

Just touch upon this light dream,

Touch upon this vision,

Touch upon this feeling.

Let it fill your heart and then bring your attention back to your heart.

Oh your heart is so grateful for you right now.

Can you feel that your heart feels seen,

Your heart feels acknowledged,

Your heart feels loved by you.

All that love your heart is giving to you is reciprocated by you right now.

You are strengthening this relationship.

You are building the trust.

Especially your trust because your heart already trusted you.

Now acknowledge for a moment that it feels pretty good right?

It feels really pretty good like this.

Hey you did this.

Just a few moments to relax your brain,

To find some relative silence and then you started to cultivate to become aware of that relationship with your loving heart and see how you feel right now.

Energized.

Aware that you are lovable.

Aware that you are worthy,

Confident,

Loved,

Seen and awake here and now.

Pretty powerful stuff right?

You did this.

I cannot emphasize this enough.

You did this.

I am proud of you.

Your heart wants to tell you something and it might come in words,

It might come in an image,

A symbol,

A song,

A smell,

A memory.

I am just going to give you one minute to bring your attention back to that loving heart.

The lines are open.

It wants you to know something special,

Something good,

Something uplifting.

So I am going to shut up for a minute or so.

So you can make that connection and receive that beautiful message from your own heart.

Go ahead.

And whatever that message is,

If you don't understand it,

That's ok.

It will come later.

But if you do understand it,

Then feel that joy,

Feel that connection.

There is so much wisdom in your heart.

There is so much wisdom conveyed to you right now.

Alright,

Now sit for a moment with your hands on your heart or your hands in your lap and just find again that quiet silent place which might be roaring now with these feelings of love from your heart.

But that's good,

That's perfect,

That's love.

Soak yourself into these feelings so that later today and tomorrow,

This weekend,

Coming week,

The rest of October,

The rest of the year and also next year you will remember how this feels.

And it will pull you in.

It will ask you to come back.

It will be such a beautiful pull from your heart and you being drawn in because you start to love to hear the beautiful truth of your heart.

Namely that you are so unique,

So special,

So worthy,

So lovable.

And that's good to know.

If every being on this planet would just know and feel what you feel and know right now,

The world would be a different place.

But it's ok,

It's ok we're not yet there.

Slowly,

Slowly,

All in good time.

But you my dear friend,

You are well in your way to get there.

And that's beautiful.

That's a leading edge.

That's a shining example for your friends,

Your kids,

Your family,

Your parents,

Your community,

Your world.

All right.

You can relax your attention now.

You can put your hands in your lap.

And I would love for you to really take your time to come back to your body,

To transition from this meditative state back to your room,

Your body,

Your time,

Your day.

But if you're lying down and you're feeling sleepy,

Really relaxed and you have the opportunity to take a nap or go to sleep if you're in Europe together with me,

Then do so.

Use this beautiful momentum to allow yourself to receive the best that your body can get sometimes and that is sleep when you're tired.

But if not because the day is waiting for you and you are waiting for you or maybe you're just really energized,

Then take your time to come back.

You can wiggle your fingers and toes.

You can stretch yourself a little bit and then in your own time,

Whenever you're ready,

You can start to slowly open your eyes.

But take your time,

Okay?

You can relax your attention now.

.