The Ripple Effects Of Kindness

When we treat others with kindness, there is a ripple effect that is felt through the lives of countless people around the world. And that kindness comes back to us too.

Please note, this is a lecture, not a guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Over the past 30 years, I've been listening to people's stories, The stories of their lives, What's caused them to be the way they are, The events in their life that have caused them unhappiness, And the events in their life that have caused them happiness. And though there's been innumerable things that I've learned about human behavior, The one thing that I've learned is that we affect each other. The way we treat others matter. So if a person's raised in a critical, Unkind, Cruel environment, They're going to be affected by these behaviors. The words, The actions of people that we're raised with and exposed to throughout our lives truly matter. Some parents, Very sadly, Say words that are so cruel and unkind to their children, Like, I wish you'd never been born, Or you'll never amount to anything, You're a worthless piece of blank. Or they may do terrible things like beat them or sexually abuse them. Or sometimes, When we grow up, Other people, Like our peers at school, Treat us horribly or cruelly or say things about us that reverberate in our minds for years to come. You may have had that experience, Or you may know someone that had a very challenging childhood growing up. And I'm not surprised to see that the ripple effects of this unkindness affect people and affect them in very many ways. They may end up getting in an abusive relationship when they're finally free of their family upbringing. They may turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the effects of the words that reverberate through their brain and cause them so much suffering. Sadly, Some of them turn towards being unkind. When they have their children or get in relationships with other people, They now turn that venom on these people that they actually love, And it becomes a vicious cycle of cruelty and pain, Going from one generation to the next. This probably makes sense to you, As it does to me. But what's so beautifully surprised me over the years is I've known people who've had incredibly difficult childhoods or upbringings that have turned out beautiful. And I wonder, How did that happen? So the one thing that I do is I ask questions, I explore, And I find people that have had very challenging upbringings, Upbringings that you and I would call cruel, And yet they're thriving, They're shining, They're kind, They're helpful, They're loving. How did that happen? And this is what I've seen. I really believe that no matter how challenging our upbringing is, That someone in our lives probably loves us unconditionally and shows us beautiful, Gracious kindness, Even in the darkest of hours. Maybe they're angels, Maybe they're just people that are sent to us to help us when life is so challenging, But they're there. I've really never found anyone who didn't have someone in their life that showed them some kindness, Some love, Even when it seemed like everyone in their lives was so cruel to them. And that kindness had a ripple effect. It gave them hope. It gave them belief that perhaps they could turn out well, Even though so many people in their lives were doing or saying things horrible to them. And then these people that I know take that kindness and turn it into something beautiful. They have a lot of work to do to undo the cruelty that's been done to them. How did they do that work? And they remember the kindness that was shown to them. They are able to get better and improve and have beautiful lives, Even with the cruelty that they grew up with. I've known so many people that have overcome incredibly challenging upbringings. It's a lot of work and they need help from others. But because they were exposed to kindness growing up, Perhaps from a teacher, Perhaps from a neighbor, Perhaps from a grandparent or an aunt or uncle, Someone showed them kindness. So they knew that existed. And the ripple effects of this initial kindness gave them hope, A hope that they could hang on to and pursue in order to work towards finding happiness in their lives and letting go of the pain and suffering that they grew up with. Kindness has a ripple effect that is so beautiful. And often we don't get to see. We have opportunities throughout the day, Throughout our lives, To be kind to others, To say something kind, To treat them in a kind way, To show expressions of kindness to them. And what will happen is we create a ripple effect of kindness. And that ripple goes two ways. It goes outward towards others to help improve their lives, To perhaps give them hope, To help them through their difficult times or just put a smile on their face. And we often just don't know the effects of our kindness. It may ripple into making their day better, Or they may go home now instead of being angry at their spouse or their children. They may come home with their happier heart. Our stopping and making time for kindness with others can have such beautiful effects. Sometimes it can keep them from committing suicide. Sometimes it can pull them out of their dark despair that they're in. Sometimes it can just help them when we don't realize what a hard time that they're having. Our acts of kindness have ripple effects, And we don't know how far those ripples are going to go, But I believe they can go very far sometimes. We can help others improve their lives by just being kind. Kindness is really what allows us to have hope. Because when we know that others are being kind towards us when they don't have to be, We take that in and we say, Oh, Maybe there is love, And I can let that love in and even love myself. Because if this person is being kind towards me, Even though I may not feel I deserve that, I can loosen my bonds and let that love in and perhaps begin to love myself now. I just don't think we're going to meet people who have had tough lives or are going through very challenging situations that came out of it unless they had someone show them some kindness. Kindness has so many ripple effects that we'll never see. We have the ability to show kindness to others throughout our day, And if we do that, The world around us will become a much more beautiful place because there's so much negativity and darkness in our world, But light can shine. Think of the darkest cave you've ever been in. I remember once being in a cave and it was so dark that they turned off all the lights and no matter what, You just couldn't see anything. If someone had a watch that glowed, That would be so bright in that room because that room was completely dark and when the lights were turned on, We were almost blinded by the light because the darkness was so dark. Light shines in the darkness. Kindness shines when people are in despair or struggling or just having a bad day. We can help people in their journey through life by being kind and often the place that we forget where kindness is most important is the people in our daily lives, Our friends, Our family. We have an opportunity throughout the day to share kindness with them. We can come home and tease them, Kid them, Make fun of them, Or we can come home and compliment them, Be kind to them, Share loving words with them. This has a ripple effect and we can throughout the day make the choice of being kind. Over the years when I've worked with couples that are struggling, One of the things I teach them is be kind. Say kind words to each other throughout the day because it's helpful. It gives us hope. It gives us love. We experience love through kindness or in the workplace. If we're a supervisor and we have employees, We may have to correct them, But for every correction, Do we say 10 or 100 words of encouragement or the people we work with or see throughout the day? How do we share kind words with them and what ripple effect might that have if we do? The ripple effects of kindness are truly unimaginable. Yes, Sometimes our words of kindness may not even be accepted, But for every rejection, Others might be really appreciative of what we do and every once in a while, Our kindness may change that person's life. These are the ripple effects of our kindness and I think when others are treating us unkindly, Yes, We can be unkind back or we can choose to walk away or perhaps even be kind back. Kindness is one of the most powerful forces in the universe and if we use it well, We can create such beautiful change in others, But this is secondary, Also important side effect of kindness. We're listening to this podcast because we want to have happy content lives. I believe that's only possible through kindness. We're not going to find happiness in our hearts if we're treating others with unkindness, But if we really choose a path of kindness, What we'll find is that is part of the journey towards happiness. We do need to be kind towards others if we want to find happiness and peace in our lives. When we're unkind, We will be unhappy. The ripple effects of our unkindness go outward and they go inward, But the same is true. The ripple effects of kindness go outward and they go inward. People that are kind have a much more likelihood of being happy because they don't have to look in the mirror and say, I'm a cruel, Unkind person. Instead, They can say, Even if other people are treating me unkindly, I can set up boundaries, Walk away, And when I have the opportunity, I can be kind towards others. Boundaries are very important when people are being unkind to us, But often the world isn't and we have lots of opportunity to be kind throughout the day. And when we do, Yes, We will sometimes see the ripple effects of our kindness, But we will definitely feel the ripple effects of our kindness internally through self-love. There are many parts to having a happy life, But one of them is kindness. You and I will never meet a happy person who is unkind because even when they make mistakes and do something unkind, They will ask for forgiveness because almost always they didn't mean it. But the person who is unkind will never find happiness. The ripple effects are so damaging towards themselves and others, But we're here to find happiness and we can create that happiness in ourselves through being kind. And the most beautiful part of it is we can make our world that we live in a better place if we really work towards cultivating kindness towards others. Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast. Until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.

Reviews

This is an excellent and most timely reminder of one of life's great truths. We all have the opportunity to show kindness everyday and it is its own reward. Thank you.

A sweet reminder to always show kindness to self and others. 💜