Welcome to the Happiness Podcast,
I'm Dr.
Robert Puff.
There's a lot of wise,
Sagacious books out there.
The Bible,
The Quran,
The Bhagavad Gita,
The Buddha Sutras,
But do you know one of the most informative,
Insightful,
In many ways sagacious,
Periodicals,
Texts of all time that comes out once a month?
People Magazine.
If you're utterly shocked and maybe perhaps disgusted by what I just said,
Give me a few minutes to explain my point.
Perhaps 99% of people on planet Earth believe in the following algorithm,
If,
Then.
If I get my promotion,
Then I'll be happy.
If I find my life partner,
Then I'll be whole.
If I win the lottery,
Then I'll have everything I ever wanted.
We could call this the destination addiction.
If this happens,
Then all will be well.
If I can heal from this ailment,
Then my body will feel better and all will be well.
So again,
Before you go away,
How does People Magazine fit into this and what does it have to teach us?
The thing I like about People Magazine,
One,
I could be wrong,
But I do think it's a fairly honest periodical.
When it's detailing the lives of the rich or the famous,
It's really not sensationalizing anything.
It's just describing what's happening in these people's lives.
And we as humans are very curious.
We wanna know,
My favorite rock star,
My favorite tennis player,
What's happening with them right now?
So what possible sagacious information could People Magazine have for me or any of us?
That seems ridiculous.
But if we go back to the concept of destination addiction,
The if,
Then equation,
Then here's what People Magazine has to teach us.
Most people,
Not all people,
Aspire to do well in life.
I think that's a fairly common desire.
When lottery tickets reach a point where they're astronomical amounts of winning,
We kinda go crazy.
The other day,
I heard a very interesting story.
There was a man who went on an internet date and he thought she was great,
But after she left,
She wasn't very impressed and wasn't planning on dating him again.
Well,
Through the small world grapevine,
She found out he's quite wealthy,
Exceptionally wealthy.
And her first date opinion of him changed.
And then later,
They ended up getting married.
So here's what People Magazine can teach us.
They're only gonna report on people who are famous or rich,
For the most part.
And they have what so many people in the world are aspiring to get or wish they could get one way or another,
Through winning the lotto,
Working really hard,
Or finding that rich boyfriend or girlfriend.
But the men and women discussed in People Magazine have arrived,
They've made it,
They've gotten what we're so often striving for ourselves.
But with all this,
Whether fame,
Fortune,
Or both,
They still struggle.
Their lives can still be quite difficult,
Quite challenging.
So when we reach the finish line,
Whatever it is,
Fame,
Fortune,
Health,
Love,
The moment we reach the goal,
The goalpost shifts.
Why?
Why doesn't this work?
Because People Magazine makes it very clear that it doesn't work.
We're trying to solve an internal problem,
Feeling empty,
Sad,
Depressed,
Lonely inside,
With an external solution,
Achievement,
Reaching a goal,
Arriving at the destination.
But this is like trying to quench our thirst by eating salt crackers.
It just doesn't work.
Why?
Trying to fill an internal problem with an external solution is like the hungry ghost phenomena.
If you've ever heard of it,
It's where someone dies,
And let's say they were an alcoholic in life.
Now they crave the alcohol so desperately,
But no matter how much they drink or expose themselves to alcohol,
It goes right through them,
And they just crave more.
The solution isn't the alcohol.
The solution is healing the ghost.
Of course we're not ghosts,
But there's another concept called hedonic treadmill.
Have you heard of it?
It's very important.
Our brains quickly adapt to new levels of success.
The new car smells great for two weeks.
Then it's just a car.
The new relationship is exciting for six months.
Then it's just life.
Imagine a bucket with a hole in the bottom.
You can pour an ocean of water,
Like money,
Love,
Or praise,
But it will never be full.
You don't need more water.
You need to fix the bucket.
Life is replete of examples of people having it all and not being fulfilled.
Think of Alexander the Great.
By the age of 30,
He had created one of the largest empires in history.
Stretching from Greece to India,
He had absolute power,
Wealth,
And fame.
What was the outcome of all this?
Legend says that when he looked upon the breadth of his domain,
He wept,
But not out of joy,
But because there was no more worlds to conquer.
If our fulfillment comes from getting,
Then we'll despair when there's nothing left to get.
Alexander's conquests didn't fill him.
It just distracted him.
What about the actor Jim Carrey?
When he reached the pinnacle of Hollywood success,
Making $20 million per movie,
Global fame,
And adoration,
He famously said,
I think everyone should get rich and famous and do everything they dreamed of so that they can see that it's not the answer.
And of course,
He's not the only one.
That's the knowledge,
Perhaps even the wisdom,
We can glean from magazines like People.
Have you ever read the book,
The Great Gatsby by F.
Scott Fitzgerald?
If you haven't,
I would suggest you read it or watch one of the several renditions of movies that have been made from the book.
Jay Gatsby throws the most lavish parties in New York.
He's accumulated immense wealth,
All to win back his old love,
Daisy.
He spends his nights staring at the green light,
At the end of her dock.
The green light represents the myth of more.
It's the future happiness that's always just out of reach.
Gatsby dies chasing the light,
Never realizing that the chasing was the problem.
So how do we start fixing our bucket with the huge hole in the bottom that we're trying to fill up externally?
And it doesn't work.
We have to shift from getting to being.
Fulfillment doesn't come from adding layers to our lives.
It comes from peeling them back to find the peace that is already there.
Have you ever watched a beautiful sunset?
I work and live quite near the ocean in California,
And I'm often trying to get my clients to go watch a sunset.
And they'll say,
Why,
Dr.
Puff?
What's the point of it?
But when I can get them to do it,
It can transform their lives.
When we're still,
When we're present,
There's a peace that rises up inside of us.
It's always there.
It's just covered by so many layers of life.
It's shifting to the enough mindset.
It's not about not having goals.
It's about realizing I am enough right now,
Even without this goal.
The only thing that can actually fill the void we feel inside are eternal.
In the present moment,
In the here and now,
Without fears,
Without desires,
Without wishing or waiting for something to be different,
We'll find there's just always something beautiful to be with,
Even if it's just the silence of our breath.
When we connect to nature,
When we connect to the divine,
The universe,
We find that there's a beautiful peace in that stillness.
But we're so inculcated into thinking someday,
I'll,
Or if,
When,
That we have to really work on actively changing these habits.
When we find ourselves thinking or saying,
I'll be happy when,
We can change it to,
I am happy because.
We had to let go of the if then,
If may never come.
But right now,
In this very moment,
There's something to be grateful for.
Perhaps we can spend two minutes appreciating something we already once prayed for.
Haven't we all known someone who finally got that job they wanted so desperately,
Or met their soulmate and couldn't wait to spend their lives with them?
Now complain about the situation?
What if we shifted that to one of gratitude?
I'm so grateful for my partner.
I'm so grateful for this job and what it gives me.
And then there are acts of service.
When we feel empty,
Give.
Pouring out love selflessly actually fills our internal bucket.
It's one of the paradoxes of generosity.
Through giving,
We find peace in our hearts.
It shouldn't surprise us that research shows that service jobs,
Like clergy and religious directors,
Firefighters,
Or psychologists like myself,
Often rank highest on happiness when it comes to job satisfaction.
When we shift away from if then,
We'll begin to look at what's here right now that brings me joy,
Not what can I work really hard at for the next 10 years,
Reach this goal,
And then I'll live happily ever after.
People Magazine shows that this isn't how life works.
We don't live happily ever after when we reach our monumental goals.
We live a happy life by living one day at a time,
One breath at a time.
We're already whole.
We just need to stop running long enough to feel it.
That's why I love meditation and encourage everyone I work with to meditate because then we'll have perhaps 30 minutes a day of stillness and realizing in that stillness how beautiful the present moment is.
If you're waiting for or working towards that next big thing that'll make everything better,
Pause and ask yourself how many times since you're a child have you been waiting for this?
Maybe it's time to stop waiting and start living.
Happiness comes from within,
Not by getting things to happen in our lives externally.
If you're working really hard right now towards something,
Ask yourself,
If it's not gonna make any difference,
How do I enjoy what I'm working towards?
It's a refocusing from the destination to the journey.
It's finding the peace that is already in us,
Not looking for external things to bring us joy.
But if you forget all the time you've done this in your life and gotten the same results,
Pause for a moment,
Pick up the sacred text of People Magazine and remember that whatever you are working towards,
No matter how wonderful it sounds,
There's people that have done so much more than you and I have ever done and it didn't make any difference.
Happiness is in each of our grasp.
We just need to slow down,
Pause and be in the moment.
And in conclusion,
If you want something to help you along the journey,
Repeat this phrase every day.
I release the need for more to define me.
I am complete,
I am whole,
I am enough.
Peace,
My friends.
Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.
Until next time,
Accept what is,
Love what is.
