Foundations

We all have a foundation that we started building as a young child. But is our foundation built from duck tape or cement? And what do we do if we want to change that foundation?

(Please note, this is a talk, not a guided meditation).

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

I recently received a letter from one of our listeners,

And I wanted to read it today as a way to understand our path and who we are.

It's called Foundations.

People are like foundations.

We start to begin to lay our foundations in early childhood.

We look around to those of us,

Primarily our parents,

To find out how to start the process.

Our goal is to build a strong and beautiful home to live in and to feel safe in,

Yet along the way we face small and big obstacles that create cracks and fine lines in our foundation.

We look to our parents and those around us for solutions to mend these cracks.

If we're lucky,

We learn how to repair them properly,

But sometimes we are given or shown solutions that aren't the proper fix.

Instead of using concrete to reinforce,

We use duct tape.

We use duct tape because that's what our parents are using,

And we don't know any better.

As life continues,

The duct tape covers those cracks so that we believe we are repairing them and that they are fine.

It is not until something that is truly devastating that we realize how unsound our foundation really is.

These events are like the sledgehammer that seems to know exactly where those superficial cracks are,

And they split right open.

We frantically run to our duct tape to make repairs,

But find that it is not enough.

We realize that the duct tape we have been using all those years never really repaired the small damages,

And usually by that time we started to build our home on that duct tape foundation.

These homes were built with sticks because that's all the foundation can carry.

And with a house of sticks,

We hope to always have mild,

Temperate weather because a house of sticks can survive that kind of weather,

But if a storm hits,

Our house will surely crumble.

We see others and the homes they have built,

And notice not all the homes are made out of sticks.

These homes are grand and beautiful,

Complete with bricks,

Bay windows,

French doors,

And an impressive staircase.

We ask these people how they built their homes,

And they say it starts out with a good solid foundation.

We learned that they used concrete to repair their cracks early on,

And because of that they were able to create a strong foundation.

If only we had known to use concrete on our foundation.

So how do we begin to build a beautiful home on that duct tape foundation?

We first have to demolish the stick house,

Which doesn't take much.

But then the real hard work sets in when we reach the foundation.

We have to remove the duct tape and lay a new foundation.

We have to learn how to pour concrete,

A skill that is much more difficult than using duct tape.

It takes time to learn this skill,

But with time we can re-lay our foundation and go on to build a strong,

Safe,

Beautiful home.

The End.

I love this metaphor of life.

I think it's beautifully stated and really with images that we can truly understand and apply to our lives.

After all,

Probably if we're listening to this podcast,

We are wanting to improve our lives.

And it's hard sometimes to understand why things that we're doing aren't working.

And so we're here to learn.

We're here to lay a new foundation.

And we have to realize this path is difficult.

But if we keep on the path that we're on,

If there are bumps along the way,

Like this person said,

It isn't much to shake our house and it comes crumbling down.

I think that's where often people start looking for help when we begin to realize that the foundation we have for our life isn't working anymore.

And in many ways,

That's a test on how we are living our lives.

Is it a good foundation or is it built on duct tape?

If it's built on duct tape,

It truly doesn't take much to make a collapse.

For example,

Let's say our parents got divorced when we were younger and perhaps our mother or father,

When that happened,

Turned to alcohol as a way to not deal or deal with the divorce because it was so devastating to them.

And that's our foundation if we haven't dealt with it and built a different one.

So in our lives,

Let's say years later we get married,

We have our own family now,

And everything seems to be going well.

But then something happens.

Maybe we lose our job.

Maybe we catch our spouse talking on the internet to someone inappropriately.

Maybe,

Fill in the blank,

Something happens and we saw one of our parents turn to alcohol as a way to deal with it.

And we've been a casual drinker throughout our lives.

Not too much,

But enough that it's regularly in our house and we have a lot of booze lying around.

So it doesn't take much to push the person over the edge and have everything come crumbling down just like it did with their parent.

So we may not know how our foundation is built,

But there really is a pretty easy way to find out.

Most of us,

If we've lived long enough,

Have gone through crises.

I mean,

It can be a financial crisis.

It can be a romantic crisis.

It can just be a crisis of something happening in our lives that scares us.

Our kids are supposed to be home at 10 and now it's 1.

30 and they're still not home.

We go to the doctor and they're concerned about our blood work and they want us to come back.

And this is just a could be cancer.

We,

If we've lived long enough,

Are going to have these experiences.

And they're just part of life.

The question to ask ourselves is,

How did we do when these crises arose?

That's a very good indication of how our foundation is.

If our foundation is solid,

We just wait.

And then we deal with things as they come up.

When our foundation isn't as good,

Isn't as solid,

Built with concrete,

Then what we do is we make choices that can be self-destructive or like duct tape,

Don't really solve anything and actually make things much worse.

So,

I think what crisis can do is they can allow us to examine what we're built on,

How solid is our foundation.

And the point of this podcast isn't to judge ourselves,

It's to say,

Okay,

I get it.

This is why I fill in the blank so often.

And now that I understand that,

Is it time for me to begin to tear this feebly built house down and tear out the foundation and build a new one.

This podcast is all about building a very extremely solid foundation so that no matter what comes,

No matter what happens,

We can truly say,

I accept this.

I even love this.

That's a solid foundation.

But it's built on things.

It's built on things like non-attachment.

It's built on things like awareness.

It's built on things like knowing what happened in our childhood and working those things through.

It's built on a lot of different things.

And so,

Today,

Because of this beautiful letter we got from one of you,

Our listeners,

I want us to examine this week and throughout our lives is how am I doing when crisis has arrived?

I mean,

Again,

If the weather's perfect and everything's fine,

We don't know.

We'll never be tested.

But if we've lived long enough,

The tests will come.

I can pretty much guarantee it.

And that's not a bad thing.

That's just a time to decide,

Oh,

I am built very well.

I've handled this well.

I like the way I'm dealing with this.

It doesn't mean we don't have feelings.

It just means we feel our feelings and move on.

It's a sense of not being trapped by our feelings or,

If it's a very poor foundation,

Being trapped by our poor choices,

Like turning to drugs or alcohol of some form of addiction,

To not deal with what's going on.

So,

In life,

We are going to have things that test us.

And what we can do when these tests come is say,

Oh,

How am I doing?

What is inside of me?

And am I prepared to weather the storms extremely well?

So then,

Instead of being frightened by these storms or even strong winds,

We say,

This is good.

This is OK.

This is just life.

Sometimes it's beautiful weather.

Sometimes there are storms.

It's just life.

And we flow with life.

And life goes so much better when we do that.

But it is work.

It's a lot of work.

And the foundation,

Truly,

That is at our core,

Was set a long time ago.

And if we're 20 or if we're 100,

Then that's how many years that foundation has been in place.

And it may take a lot of work to change it.

But at any age,

It can be changed.

It just takes work.

It isn't hard,

Necessarily,

To determine someone's foundation or our own.

That's what I do for a living.

What's hard is getting them to build a new one.

That is hard.

But hard is not impossible.

If right now we're listening to this podcast,

That means we're probably seeking change.

We've seen that when the storms come,

Our house isn't built on the best foundation.

But with work,

Any foundation can be built upon and be made better and improved.

We can.

It just takes work.

It takes commitment.

I know there's a tendency to say,

But it's just too hard.

It is hard,

But it's worth it.

We have been given this beautiful life.

And I think we're here for one purpose to live well,

To love well,

To love others and ourselves.

And I think we can do that by when we notice that our foundation isn't the best,

Then to go in and make the repairs,

Change it and make it better so that when the storms come,

It's more a joy being in the storm instead of something to be feared.

But we first need the awareness of how solid our foundation is.

What are we built upon?

And then next,

Do we need to make some changes?

And if we do,

Probably most of us do,

Then we're going to make them and we're going to be so much stronger,

Happier and better for it.

I know it's work.

It's a lot of work.

But living a life that isn't going well and that we keep struggling with is also a lot of work.

Instead,

Why don't we decide that yes,

Today I'm going to commit more than anything else to improving my foundation so that I can have a beautiful life.

We all can.

It just takes work.

It takes changes.

There are so many episodes we can learn about what that foundation is built upon here on the Happiness Podcast.

And of course,

There are many other places we can turn towards too.

But let's find the things that work for us,

Implement those changes and build our foundation solidly so that we can have beautiful lives.

And when we take our last breath,

We can look back and say,

That was a good life.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

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And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Thank you so much. An ideal way to start any day. Soothing and uplifting.

Here is to creating a solid foundation ... Thank you

I always get something useful to enhance my life from each of your podcasts. Down to earth advise. Thank you!💕🙏