Life can truly be a beautiful adventure. But we have to be less concerned about what other people think of our life choices and be willing to try new things. Please note, this is a talk, not a guided meditation.
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San Clemente, Ca
Transcript
Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Many years ago I went on vacation for a week and it was at a resort in Mexico. And it was one of these all-inclusive resorts where everything was provided. You just paid one fee. But the unique thing about this resort was it had activities. And these activities were centered on sporting type events. For example, They had volleyball, They had yoga, They had rock climbing, They had hiking, They had running, They had volleyball, They had all kinds of activities. They even had one that was set up like a circus so you could go out and swing and land on the net below you. Well, As you can imagine, I was pretty excited about this vacation because I'd never been on one like this before. So when I arrived, I decided I wanted to try every activity at least once. And I did. And it was so much fun. Some things I was not bad at, But some things I was really bad at because I'd never tried them before. And like I said, It was a really enjoyable vacation. But there's one thing I noticed that surprised me because there are people there, Mostly from the US and some from Mexico. And what almost everyone did is they did one activity pretty much their entire time that they were there. I was surprised by this. And what I noticed was they did activities that they were good at. And if they didn't know how to do something else, Or if they weren't good at it, They wouldn't try it. That was pretty much categorical. Pretty much everyone stayed within one to maybe three activities that they were good at. And they just did these activities every day. And mind you, There's nothing wrong with doing what you enjoy. But the inquisitive person that I am, I kind of asked people, What made you decide to do what you do, Or not do other things? And it pretty much boiled down to, They like doing things that they knew that they were good at. And if they weren't good at something, Then they didn't want to do it. They didn't want to embarrass themselves by doing something that they weren't good at. And mind you, Probably in other people's eyes, I was an embarrassment on some of the things that I was doing. But for me, That's never been a very strong motivating force, Getting the approval of others for things that I do. I do them because I enjoy them and I want to try different things in life. Life is a beautiful adventure and I like trying different things. But I want to relate this to life, Our lives, Because we're here to learn how to live good lives, Lives that are rich and fulfilling. And life has so many different things that we can get involved with. It can truly be an adventure. But for many, I think that isn't true. I think life becomes something that can be feared or something that they're just not willing to try for what other people might think or in order not to embarrass themselves. Because this is what I think happens when we're very young. We really don't yet observe what other people think about us. And thus, We're willing to try a lot of different things. As long as children are raised in a safe, Comfortable environment, There is a willingness typically to try new things. And they're excited about it and thrilled for the opportunities that might lay before them. But as we get older, We begin to hear or notice the comments of others about our behavior. Are we doing things with their approval? And if we're not, They may share it with us and look down on us. And that has a lot of power over us. Because instead of willing to try new things and explore our world, We begin to observe what other people think about us. And this affects our choices in life. And sadly, I think it keeps us from living sometimes. Living life well. So think of life in this way. Life is like a week vacation at a resort. And there's truly thousands of different things we can try during our stay on planet earth. Our week, Metaphorically, Living on earth. But instead of a week, We may have perhaps 80, 90 years. But during that time, There are so many different things that we can explore, We can touch, We can dance with, We can do during our life on planet earth. And sadly, We miss out on so many different things because we do care what other people think. We do care about what our behavior can look like to others. And in the process of doing that, I think a lot of us miss out on living life well. Because I believe life can be a beautiful adventure with so many opportunities to try things, Explore things, Engage with others, And opportunities that come our way. But if we live life concerned about what other people will think or doing something not very well, Then that will be something that keeps us from living. And then we miss out on so much of life. It's like again, Going on the vacation of life and instead of trying hundreds of things, We stick to two or three. Life is our adventure and we're given it once because none of us for sure know what comes after this life. We just know and we remember this one. So this is the one we're supposed to live well because it can be a gift. I know there's struggles we have, There's things we have to work through, But even as we work through those things, It doesn't mean we have to lose our desire to explore the world around us. And every day can be that exploration, That desire to try something new, To explore the world around us, The willingness to do things just because. Now some of you may be wondering, Yes Dr. Puff, I get that, But what about things that are harmful to myself or to others? And that's really the answer. What we decide to do is the things that we engage with. One, Does it hurt another person? Then we don't do it. Or two, Can it potentially hurt ourselves? Then again, We have to be very careful. So if we got into skydiving, We may say, Okay, If I do this enough, There's probably a probability I could get injured. Do I want to keep doing this? And it's just a question. It doesn't mean we have to stop. It just means we have to think about it. For example, Someone may be willing to try drugs because they see that as something worth trying. Well again, I think there's a lot of risks involved with that. You can learn that from other people who now live on the street because they're addicted to drugs. Or we do things that hurt others. And again, That's a very good clue that that isn't something we want to do. But if we keep those two things in mind, Not hurting ourselves and not hurting others, Then life can truly be an adventure. But the hard part about this is we do so often care about what other people think and what they're thinking about us, Even though other people may not care at all. It's so much of it, In our head. They may not remotely care about what we're doing or have any interest in it. Or even if they do, It's very fleeting. But the thing we carry with us all day long are our own thoughts. So mostly what we need to pay attention to, If we're truly going to begin to see life as an adventure and start indulging in it in ways that it is an adventure, We have to do two things. We have to be careful about what we think about ourselves. And we have to be careful about judging others that are willing to try things that either they're not good at or that is different from what we do. I think if we judge others, We're going to judge ourselves. And if we judge ourselves, We're not going to be happy. We can learn, Of course, From our mistakes. But mostly, Life is just an adventure and we explore it. We try different things. We're willing to say, Wow, I wonder what that's like. I want to try that, Even though I may not be very good at it. For example, Just the other day, A friend of mine asked me if I wanted to play Scrabble. I had not played Scrabble in a long time and I remembered not being very good at it. But I said, Sure. And guess what? I was really not very good at it. But it was so much fun. I really enjoyed it and look forward to playing again. It doesn't have to be about doing things well. It has to be about just exploring life and trying new things, Even if it looks silly to us. Or if we think it looks silly to other people, We just have to begin to let that go and say, You know, I'm just going to live my life well and stop worrying about what other people think and stop judging what other people are doing. I'm just going to focus on me, Try new things, See what's out there, And see life as that adventure. It is a beautiful adventure, But I need to be willing to keep my heart open. I need to be willing to try new things. And I know this can be hard, But if we're able to overcome, I need to be willing to try new things, That fear, That fear of not doing it well, That fear that other people may look down on us, Then what we'll find is all of a sudden we discover we're at a resort for a lifetime called life on planet earth. And there are thousands and thousands of different things we can try. They're all open to us and they are all welcoming us. Come try us out. And we decide that in our lives we're going to be explorers, Explorers of all the different adventures and opportunities that life presents us. So that when we take our last breath, We'll look back on our lives and say, I lived well. Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast. Until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.
