Welcome to the Happiness Podcast,
I'm Dr.
Robert Puff.
When I was in junior high,
A family with three children moved in to next to our house.
They were all about my age,
And their middle daughter,
Who was actually in my class,
Had a birth defect.
Her right eye was large and protruded from her face,
And of course it was noticeable,
But they were my neighbors and they were my friends,
And we spent time together over the summer,
Hanging out and getting to know each other.
Well when school started that fall,
Sadly,
Though I wasn't aware of it directly and didn't witness it,
The other kids started teasing her,
Some of them at least.
I did,
However,
Discover the extent of it when I went to my homeroom that morning,
And my homeroom teacher was incredibly angry about how the kids were teasing her,
And he went on for about five minutes saying how people were being unkind to her,
And that was incredibly wrong.
He was so mad.
Of course,
I knew people could be mean to each other,
Could be unkind,
But this is someone I knew,
And someone that other people that I knew were being mean to her,
Were being unkind.
But thankfully,
I didn't see it all the time,
And most of the people in my life were kind.
But today,
Our world has changed a great deal,
And it hasn't changed in ways that people are more unkind to each other.
What's changed is our ability to witness it,
Over and over again.
In the past,
We all have stories of people being unkind,
Perhaps towards others that we witness,
Perhaps towards us,
Some of us,
Of course more than others.
But as I said,
That's really changed these days.
There are some really great videos on YouTube,
And I subscribe to some channels,
So I get on YouTube periodically to find new videos that I want to watch.
But if you know much about YouTube,
When you get on YouTube,
It feeds you other videos,
Not just videos that you've subscribed to.
I was on it last night,
Just looking for some of my video subscriptions,
And one popped up that I hadn't seen for a very long time.
You may have seen it,
But it's about a guy who goes around to different parking lots at grocery stores,
And he asks people,
In a pretty cute way,
To go ahead and put their cart back.
I watched the one last night,
Just for a little bit,
And the guy that was putting carts away asked the cart guy if he could take a video with him,
A selfie,
Because he had seen his videos and really liked what he was doing.
But during this short clip,
He's asking a lady who left her cart right in the middle of the parking lot to put it back.
I thought he did it in a fairly kind,
Unoffensive way,
But boy,
She did not feel that way,
And she started calling him all these names,
Profanity,
And though she put the cart back,
Even after she put it back,
She continued to call him all these awful names.
Now,
Overall,
This is a fairly innocuous video,
But if he hadn't made it,
I wouldn't have seen it.
In his video,
Let me see how people can be unkind,
And of course,
This is one of millions that are out there that we can watch over and over again.
Seeing,
Experiencing,
Being exposed to acts of unkindness makes some people think that kindness may be dead,
And the world is just a cruel,
Unkind,
Awful place.
And that's my first point today.
If we expose ourselves,
Whether in real life or through social media,
Acts of unkindness over and over again,
We may begin to believe that the world is an awful place to live in.
Focusing on the lack of unkindness in our world can lead to cynicism,
Bitterness,
And even a sense of disgust with the world around us,
Which of course is not good for our soul.
Some of the listeners,
Maybe people that you know personally,
May have gone through very hard childhoods where the people in their lives were horrible and truly unkind over and over again.
I think we all know this is going to impact us,
And often not in good ways,
Because we begin to get really bitter and angry or fearful of the world.
But thankfully,
I do think this is more the exception than the rule.
Overall,
Most of us are exposed to lots of acts of kindness overall,
But we have the choice,
Unfortunately,
To expose ourselves to lots of acts of unkindness now because of social media.
So my first point is,
Is this feeding our soul,
Watching or exposing ourselves to acts of unkindness over and over again?
I mean,
If people being raised in these situations clearly get affected by these horrible acts of unkindness,
Are incredibly impacted in not good ways,
How can we exposing ourselves to videos showing us acts of unkindness be good for our souls?
I argue that it isn't.
So let's really think about what are we exposing ourselves to,
Whether movies,
Whether videos or news feeds are the things that we're exposing ourselves to causing us to become cynical and think that the world is an unkind place.
And it definitely can matter because this is what can happen when we begin to see the world as an unkind place.
We begin to say,
Well,
I'm going to get them before they get me.
We become the people that do unkind acts towards others because we see the world as unkind and we're not going to be pushed around.
We're going to push others around first.
So instead of seeing acts of unkindness,
We are the creators of acts of unkindness.
And why does this matter?
I'm going to make a categorical statement right now.
You don't have to agree with it,
But I've spent my life trying to figure out what makes people happy and I can guarantee you unkindness is the quickest way to lead an unhappy life.
Think of anyone you know that is exceptionally unkind.
Perhaps an aunt who says such hurtful things when you see her.
Perhaps a boss who's been cruel to you for months or years.
Perhaps someone at school who's picking on you,
Bullying you.
And really ask yourself and see,
Are they happy?
They are never happy.
People that engage in purposeful acts of unkindness lead miserable lives.
But why would that be?
Why aren't they happy?
I mean,
They're dominating other people.
They're controlling.
They're manipulating other people.
Why wouldn't they be happy?
Because we're all the same.
When someone hurts us,
We hate them.
When someone is cruel to us,
We despise them.
When someone hurts the innocent,
We loathe them.
But if we do those acts,
Guess what?
We loathe,
We hate,
We despise ourselves.
So now I want to talk about the third part and the main point of this talk today.
I do understand why people become unkind towards others because they have pain inside.
They've been hurt so many times in life.
They're just exhausted and they want to push back before they get pushed.
They're so sick and tired of people being unkind to them that they're going to be unkind first or at least in reciprocity in their mind,
They'll pay them back whatever's done to them.
But so often,
Because of all the pain and hurt they have in their hearts,
They go to that place so quickly,
So fast,
That the other person may have done something innocent,
Just a slight mistake or a misunderstanding because they see the world as a cruel,
Unkind place.
They now are cruel and unkind with everyone.
It can end up being a very dark,
Bleak life.
But here's the main point I want to make today.
Let's assume that you right now do believe that the world is a cruel,
Unkind place.
What if in the world that you lived in,
You changed that through your own actions,
That even if you see the world as truly cruel and unkind,
You,
Throughout the day,
Do acts of kindness towards others.
So now your premise that the world is a cruel,
Unkind place has to change because there's one person in that world who isn't,
And it's you,
And this can be so powerful.
Think of perhaps three people you've heard of who changed our world through kindness,
Who didn't,
When they were spit on,
When they were kicked,
When they were screamed at,
Didn't attack back,
But returned kindness toward their oppressors.
Do you remember Martin Luther King?
Do you remember Mahatma Gandhi?
Do you remember Jesus Christ?
Now these three may seem very lofty for most of us,
But little acts of kindness throughout the day lead towards a happy life.
And now I want you to be a scientist with me,
And let's prove this.
Choose an amount of time,
Perhaps a day,
Perhaps a week,
Perhaps a month,
And go out of your way to be kind towards people.
Every opportunity you have to show acts of kindness,
Take them.
If your Aunt Louise is in a nursing home by herself,
Go visit her.
If a neighbor who you know is housebound needs their lawn mowed,
Mow it for them.
If you meet a stranger on the street who drops something,
Who is struggling,
Help them.
And when during the week or however long you decide to do it for,
Someone is overtly unkind towards you,
Don't be unkind back.
Just walk away and don't engage.
And then at the end of the week,
Ask yourself,
How's your heart doing?
Is it better?
I think you find it will be a lot better.
It will be lighter because you realize there is kindness in the world,
And it's coming from you.
We have opportunities to be kind throughout the day by being patient with others,
By actively listening,
By giving the benefit of the doubt when others hurt us,
By offering genuine compliments when we see something that is beautiful.
I was at the grocery store the other day picking up a few items,
And I usually use a self-checkout aisle.
There's a lady that's almost always there when I check out.
She's probably at the age where she probably wasn't expecting to still be working,
But she is,
And she has such a beautiful demeanor.
She always smiles when I see her,
And you can tell she tries to do a good job.
Well,
I carry around gift cards.
They're just small little gift cards that I carry around to Starbucks,
And I give them to people for a variety of reasons,
And as she was walking away,
I think she was going on a break,
I ran up to her and said,
Hey,
I wanted to give you something because you're always so sweet when I'm here,
And you work so hard,
And I just handed it to her,
And I walked away,
And I did look back,
And she was so happy,
And her happiness made my heart happy.
Kindness isn't just a reactive emotion,
But it's something as a proactive choice and a skill we can cultivate,
And I'm not trying to share these stories of my own to brag.
I'm truly not.
I just want you to know that there's so many opportunities we have to be kind.
The previous week,
I was at Trader Joe's,
And as I was leaving,
There was a homeless woman asking people for money,
And she came up to me and asked me if she could just have a dollar,
And I said yes,
So I went to my car and got her more than a dollar,
But as I was handing it to her,
I said,
By the way,
Are you a mother?
And she said yes,
And I said,
Happy Mother's Day to you because it was Mother's Day that day,
And then she said,
Oh,
I didn't even know it was Mother's Day today,
And you could tell her life had been hard,
Was hard,
Because before she came to me and she was asking other people for money,
Most of them were ignoring her,
And I didn't hear anyone say this,
But I know people do say it,
Well,
Just why don't you go get a job?
People say things like that to homeless people,
And it may be true,
But it's unkind,
But she looked at me after I wished her happy Mother's Day,
And she said,
You're very kind,
Thank you.
We all have opportunities to be kind,
And if you decided to listen to this podcast because you think the world is a tough,
Cruel place,
Remember,
You can change that world by changing how you act.
Be kind,
And what you'll find is the world becomes a more beautiful place,
And maybe right now the world is really being tough on you,
But if you act kindly,
You'll see the love and the beauty in our world,
And you'll find,
I believe,
That each day will be a better day,
A more beautiful day,
A more kind day.
Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.
Until next time,
Accept what is,
Love what is.
Love what is.
