Welcome to this practice,
How to Comfort Your Inner Child.
As an internal family systems therapist,
I've helped hundreds of clients comfort and soothe the young,
Hurt parts of themselves.
This is a core part of this warm,
Compassionate,
Transformative approach to therapy.
But over the years I noticed many of those people struggling to self-soothe in this way between sessions.
So I developed this meditation for them and for you,
So you can use it to soothe your inner child.
You'll find this practice helpful if you're struggling with any painful emotions right now,
Such as feeling anxious,
Frustrated,
Angry,
Hurt,
Sad,
Lonely or ashamed.
You may also be dealing with obsessional thoughts and worries which go round and round in your mind,
Or uncomfortable physical sensations such as a tight chest,
Breathlessness,
Butterflies or churning in your stomach.
In the IFS model,
These emotional,
Cognitive and somatic sensations are all seen as trailheads,
Meaning communications from one of the sub-personalities that make up the complex,
Connected web of your internal system.
And rather than seeing these sensations as something to ignore or get rid of as quickly as possible,
We can view them as flares sent up from your inner world,
Letting you know someone in there is struggling and needs your help.
So,
Let's begin.
Start by finding a comfortable sitting posture,
And close your eyes if that's okay for you,
Or soften and lower your gaze.
Feel your feet grounded on the floor,
Gently roll your shoulders back and take some nice deep breaths,
In through your nose and out through your mouth.
Try counting slowly to four on the in-breath,
And four on the out-breath.
Keep breathing.
As you breathe,
Let your belly rise on the in-breath and fall away on the out-breath.
Keep breathing for another 30 seconds.
Then mindfully scan your body and notice whatever you're feeling right now,
Paying particular attention to your throat,
Chest,
Belly and upper back.
What do you notice?
You may be feeling some strong emotion,
Like anxiety or sadness.
Or you may not notice any feelings,
Instead finding places of tightness,
Tension or discomfort in your body.
If you notice physical or emotional sensations,
Or both,
Try sending some warm,
Friendly,
Compassionate breath into that place in your body.
Feel the breath travelling in through your nostrils,
Down your throat and into your lungs.
Then imagine it travelling into your belly,
Or wherever you feel the discomfort.
Keep sending warm,
Kindly breaths into this place inside.
Now you can let go of breathing in this way,
And allow yourself to connect with the little boy or girl who lives inside you,
And has been communicating their unhappiness with these uncomfortable sensations.
You may find this easy and quickly get a sense or even see an image of your little self.
Or connecting with them might be tricky for all sorts of reasons.
Remember there is no right or wrong way to do this.
Just give it a try and see what happens.
Try communicating with your little self by thinking messages to them inside,
Saying things like,
I'm here,
Or I really feel how much pain you're in right now and want to help.
Keep the messages simple.
Imagine speaking to a hurt or scared child,
And use the same kind of language,
As well as a warm,
Friendly voice tone,
As you would with one of your children,
A beloved grandchild,
Godchild,
Niece,
Nephew,
Or friend's son or daughter.
Ask them how they're doing,
And wait for the answer.
This might come back as words,
Body sensations,
Emotions,
Images,
Memories,
Or some other form of communication.
Just be open to whatever arises in your mind and body.
If you do get a message,
Enter a dialogue with them,
Again,
Just as you would with an actual child in your life.
Remember that your voice tone is the most important thing.
Warm,
Kind,
Friendly,
And slow.
If they're upset in some way,
Try to be with that upset without trying to problem-solve it or even comforting too quickly,
Because this can feel a bit invalidating for our young parts.
Kids need to feel their feelings,
However uncomfortable they may be.
So let them,
And you,
Feel sad,
Anxious,
Agitated,
Or whatever it is,
And keep giving them those simple messages to let them know you're there,
You're with them,
They're not alone.
When it feels right and organic,
You can start comforting them,
Perhaps putting an arm round their shoulders or giving them a hug if that seems like what they need.
Don't force anything,
Just ask if they'd like that and go with their reply.
Keep talking to them,
Slowly and gently,
Reassuring them that you're here for them and won't be going anywhere.
And,
Crucially,
That they're not alone with whatever they're going through.
They have you,
Strong,
Wise,
Kind,
Adult you,
Right there with them,
Every second,
Minute,
Hour and day for the rest of their life.
After a while,
You may feel them soften and relax,
Which is wonderful.
Let them know you'll check back in with them soon.
Or they might not relax,
Which just means they need more help from you,
So set an intention to come back tomorrow and the next day until they feel heard,
Validated and soothed.
Then give them one last hug or kind word and tell them you'll see them soon.
Now do whatever you need to make this feel complete.
And when you're ready,
Gently open your eyes and come on back.
How was that?
And how are you?
I hope you found the exercise nourishing and soothing.
If it was tricky in any way,
Please don't be discouraged.
This way of communicating with your inner child takes time and repeated practice.
Keep trying,
On your own or with the help of an IFS therapist,
And over time it will become more and more effective.
Which means they will feel calmer,
And of course so will you,
Because this little boy or girl is just a part of you.
I hope you found that helpful.
Thank you for meditating with me,
And have a wonderful day.
