Hello,
My name is Catherine Cook-Coutone.
This meditation is offered to help you manage when you are worried about someone you care about.
You have done all that you can and is appropriate for you to do,
And you are still worrying.
Before I start,
Be sure you are seated in a comfortable position and feel well grounded.
Press your feet into the floor,
Your sitting bones into your chair,
And make sure you are engaging your core so that you can extend through your spine.
Take a few deep breaths and allow your mind to settle.
And open up into listening.
Open up into the inquiry,
Into the possibility of this meditation for you.
Orient your awareness to your breath.
Notice as you breathe in and you breathe out.
Begin to deepen and lengthen your breaths a bit more each time,
Making sure to maintain your grounded seat and extend through your spine.
Maybe even soften your shoulders and soften your jaw.
You might add a noticing that breathing in,
I know I am breathing in,
And breathing out,
I know I am breathing out.
I notice that breathing in,
I know I am breathing in,
And breathing out,
I know I am breathing out.
Let's begin here by acknowledging that caring for and loving others is a courageous act.
It's probably what life is truly all about,
The love and connection we experience while we are here.
This loving,
This caring,
This courage is especially hard when someone you love and care about is struggling.
Maybe your person is in pain,
Maybe it's addiction,
Maybe they are very ill or they're in an unhealthy relationship or making poor choices.
You have done all that you can do to set the boundaries,
Offered all the appropriate levels of support,
And there is nothing more you can do.
And perhaps doing more would cause harm.
This is a painful place to be.
When there is nothing more you can do and you are scared,
Maybe even terrified for your loved one,
These feelings can be so hard to hold,
These thoughts so overwhelming to navigate.
In this place,
When you are so scared and yet your hands are tied,
It can be helpful to do a form of a loving kindness practice.
It's called tonglen.
It can help you settle your body,
Your emotions,
And your mind so that you can orient to your life and what you need to do while you hold space for your loved one and their struggle.
Of course,
This will not magically take your worries away.
Your worries are valid and important.
However,
It might help you manage this moment just a bit more and allow you just to be a bit more free so that you can navigate this next moment,
Maybe this hour,
Maybe this day.
With your feet pressed to the floor and your sitting bones grounded,
Lift through your spine and orient to your breath once again.
Breathing in,
I know I am breathing in and breathing out,
I know I am breathing out.
Breathing here,
Bring to mind the loved one about whom you are worried,
About whom you are scared.
Imagine them in your mind's eye.
Imagine them in a way that makes your heart smile.
Are they sitting?
Are they near water?
On a beach?
At a lake?
Maybe they're laughing or have a smile on their face.
Imagine them in the fullest version of themselves and hold this image in mind.
As you see your loved one,
Perhaps you can surround them with a sphere of loving kindness,
A sphere of safety,
A sphere of healing,
This sphere that offers your love and caring for them.
Then breathe here,
Seeing them.
Now,
Almost like a prayer for your loved one,
Knowing that right now in their lives they may be struggling,
Knowing that you have done all you can do or is appropriate for you to do,
With each breath,
Imagine that you are taking in all of their suffering,
All that your loved one is holding,
Breathing in all of their suffering.
And with your exhale,
Offer them a wish for relief from the pain,
From the craving,
From the confusion,
From whatever it is they are experiencing.
Exhale that.
Breathing in,
I take in your suffering.
And breathing out,
I wish you freedom from pain and suffering.
Breathing in,
I take in all of your struggle.
And breathing out,
I wish you freedom from pain and struggle.
Breathing in,
I take in your suffering.
And breathing out,
I wish you freedom.
You can be really specific here for your loved one.
If they are in need of clarity,
Breathe in confusion and breathe out a wish for clarity.
If they are in physical pain,
Breathe in the physical pain and breathe out a wish for freedom from pain.
Breathe out a wish for peace.
If they are lost in addiction or substance use,
Breathe in their craving and compulsion and breathe out a wish for contentment and relief.
If they feel like they're not strong enough,
Breathe in their fear and their doubt and breathe out a wish for confidence and courage.
Breathe here really specific for your loved one.
Take time to make this offering theirs.
Now a few more times together.
Breathing in,
I take in your pain and struggle.
And breathing out,
I wish you relief and peace.
Breathing in,
I take in your pain and struggle.
And breathing out,
I wish you relief and peace.
Breathing in,
I take in your pain and your struggle.
And breathing out,
I wish you relief and peace.
Hold your person in your mind's eye and just breathe here for them.
And this is the end of the meditation.
Remember,
The goal of this work is not to remove all feeling or to escape from what is.
It is to learn how to have a better relationship with what is,
To have an effective relationship with what is.
Maybe a more manageable relationship with what is.
This is not easy work.
Take a few breaths here.
Allow this meditation to settle.
Begin to deepen and lengthen your breaths.
Staying grounded in your seat,
Extending your spine.
And maybe here you add the noticing of your breath.
Breathing in,
I know I am breathing in.
And breathing out,
I know I am breathing out.
Breathing in,
I know I am breathing in.
And breathing out,
I know I am breathing out.
You might want to take a few moments breathing considering what this meditation means to you or for you.
You may even want to journal about this meditation and what you might have noticed or considered.
Thank yourself for taking a few moments to listen,
To wonder,
And to center.
And I thank you so much for listening.
