Why Women Can’t Switch Off After Work

Welcome!

Let me ask,

Have you ever found yourself wondering,

There has to be more to life than this?

Maybe it has been a quiet thought at the back of your mind or a loud question echoing after a long day of work.

Either way,

Something along those lines is likely the reason why you're here.

And I see you in this video where I'm packing something many of us know too well.

Over working and when i'm when i'm saying overworking i'm not just talking about the hours you spend at your desk I mean the mental tabs you keep open long after your laptop has been shut.

You know,

When work keeps running in the background like a never-ending app on your mind.

Here's the thing,

It's not your fault.

It really is not your fault.

Because we live in a world that has taught us to tie our value to what we do rather than who we are.

I'm going to repeat this one.

This is important because I want you to think back to your great grandparents,

To your grandparents,

To your parents,

To you,

To where you are now.

And also what you,

If you are a mom,

What you might be passing on to your children.

We live in a world that has taught us to tie our value to what we do rather than who we are.

And that's also why sometimes we doubt ourselves.

If I'm not doing enough,

Am I enough?

Okay.

It's like we're carrying around an invisible measuring stick,

Constantly comparing ourselves and falling short in our own eyes.

Let's talk about unrealistically eye standards,

Am I right?

You've probably felt it too.

The guilt when you try to rest.

The voice that says,

If I don't do it myself,

It won't get done right or it won't get done at all.

I certainly know that one.

Or the doubt and the anxiety that whispers,

Am I even making a difference?

Or am I just spinning my wheels?

Does any of these sound familiar?

If so,

Good thing that you are not alone anymore because we're going to be tackling those and many,

Many more together throughout our time.

Now,

When we talk about overworking,

Overworking is not just something that sometimes we have to do.

It's not just a bad habit.

Overworking is also a way we have learned to cope with deeper fears and insecurities.

Think about it.

When you're constantly doing,

You don't have to sit with uncomfortable feelings like self-doubt,

Fear of failure,

Or even loneliness,

Right?

Because you're doing something else.

You don't have the time nor the space.

To give that to those uncomfortable feelings.

So overworking is not just about getting things done.

It's also about avoiding those feelings we don't want to face.

But here's the tricky part.

Often we have not only been conditioned to sweep our emotions under the rug.

But we have also conditioned to believe that rest is lazy and that our value is tied to how much we do.

That's why resting feels uncomfortable or even wrong because deep down we've equated busyness with importance and productivity with self-worth.

And the thing is this,

That overworking just doesn't stay in your head.

It shows up in your body.

It shows up in your emotions.

It shows up in your behavior.

It shows up in the form of stress.

Stress is like an uninvited guest that lingers in the background.

It might look like headaches,

Fatigue,

Tension in your neck and shoulders,

Feeling irritable,

Snapping at loved ones or withdrawing altogether.

Overthinking conversations or replaying the day in your mind before going to bed,

Sometimes creating trouble to fall asleep.

It can also show up as neglecting self-care because there's simply just no time.

But here's the truth.

Stress isn't necessarily the problem.

It's how we respond to it,

How we manage it.

And also here,

Again,

It's not your fault.

Let me ask you this.

Have you ever seen a truly relaxed woman?

Truly relaxed.

And I want you to think about this for a moment.

I want you to think about your grandma.

I want you to think about your mom,

About your aunt.

Maybe if you have a big sister that was very important to you.

And did they teach you how to properly deal with stress and emotions in a calm and relaxed way without sweeping them under the rug?

Chances are not.

Most of us have been taught to push through stress,

To keep going,

To just power through.

I certainly have been brought up like that as well.

Like we're machines in a way,

But you're not a machine.

You're a human being,

Not a human doing.

And when we tie our worth,

Our value to our achievements,

We get caught in a cycle of overworking,

Of overthinking,

Of constantly chasing that next accomplishment to prove that we're good enough.

And of course,

There's also a biological component.

Because on a biological level,

Every time we take off a task or hit a goal,

Our brain rewards us with a shot of dopamine.

So it's just feeding that loop because it feels good.

So we chase the next achievement and then the next and then the next until what's next becomes an addiction.

And as women,

Especially in the business world,

We often feel like we have to prove ourselves even more,

Right?

Let's face it,

We live in a society that values masculine traits,

Like constant doing,

Constant achieving,

Constant competition,

Constant showing what you got.

But that has us trapped and we rarely look back on what we have actually accomplished,

Where we can just pause for a moment and to really just reflect and look back and go like,

Wow,

This is what I've done.

And when we forget to do that,

This robs us of the space that we need to integrate our incredible successes,

Which is only what feeds into self-doubt and sometimes even imposter syndrome.

And in some places,

Workaholism isn't just accepted,

It is also celebrated.

But your worth isn't tied to achievements.

And this is where most of us go wrong.

We confuse self-esteem with self-worth.

So imagine this.

Self-esteem is like a seesaw.

It moves up and down based on your successes and your failures,

Based on the external value and how competent you feel in specific areas,

Right?

If you are really good at math,

Then you have high self-esteem when it comes to a topic like math.

Might be rather low,

Right?

And you might have higher self-esteem when it comes to painting or drawing or more artistic skills.

And depending what the topic is that you're more competent about,

You will also feel more confident about it.

So it goes up and down like this.

But self-worth is like the base of the seesaw.

It's steady,

Constant and unshakable,

Independent of what is going on around you,

Saying what about you,

Independent on how good you are at something or how bad you are at something,

Your self-worth is always stable.

It's always there.

Let me bring this home for you and be really,

Really clear.

Do you have kids or do you have pets?

If you don't,

That's perfectly fine as well.

Just think of someone you really,

Really,

Truly love.

And if you cannot think of a person,

Just think about the cutest little animal that really just opens your heart and you feel so much love for this little creature.

Good.

And when you have something,

Here's the first question.

Do they have flaws?

Be really honest with yourself.

Do they have flaws?

Probably,

Right?

They probably have flaws.

Second question,

Do they mess up sometimes?

Also here,

Be honest.

Yes,

They do.

Chances are that they are messing up sometimes,

Right?

Everyone fucks up sometimes.

And the third and most important question.

But would you ever say that they are not worthy of love or care because of those flaws or mistakes?

Of course not,

Right?

Their worth is just there simply because they are.

But then why do you do it with yourself?

Because the same is true for you.

Your self-worth is inherent.

You don't have to earn it.

It's already there It's just like the air you breathe.

It's always there.

It's given to you simply because you exist.

It is your birthright.

When you truly grasp this,

And not just on an intellectual level,

But on a feeling level,

When it has sunken deeper,

You move from thinking,

Oh,

This happened,

Am I not good enough?

Doubting yourself to.

.

.

Okay,

That happened.

That sucks.

I trust myself and next time will be better.

And here's why this is so important.

When we chase success to prove our worth,

We activate our stress response like our survival depends on it.

When in fact it doesn't.

But when we create success from a place of peace,

From a place of worthiness,

We step into expansion without the internal pressure,

Without burning out.

One key practice is in the Japanese art of kintsugi,

Repairing broken pottery with gold.

Kintsugi teaches us to embrace and highlight imperfections,

Seeing them as part of our unique story that makes us more beautiful,

Not less.

Just like Kintsugi vases are more valuable,

It's our flaws and imperfections.

It's our unique story that makes us incredibly valuable.

And that's the energy that we're stepping into this week,

You.