The One Reason Why You're Stressed

This talk is for you if you're often feeling stressed, your mind wanders from A-Z, and you want to know why. This talk is also for you if you have difficulty staying present and want to change that. The session will be concluded with short mindfulness meditation to try out the "Look Forward to Now" strategy. What I'm sharing with you has helped me to become more present, calm, and peaceful. My wish is that it'll do the same for you. Much love & gratitude, Canel

Transcript

Hi fellow beings,

This is Janelle Tai and today I would like to share with you a story about the real reason for why we're often stressed and why our minds go from A to Z like they're shopping on Amazon and a strategy I found useful to come back to the present moment.

A couple of years ago I was listening to a talk by Sri Kumar Rao,

A former business school professor and creator of the renowned creativity and personal mastery course.

The talk was about the number one reason that causes us stress.

It immediately caught my attention because it was in a stage in my life in which I've seemed to have been possessed by the stress demon.

I asked myself,

But what could the main cause of my stress be?

Of course I had a couple of explanations ready,

Such as too many demands from others that I want to satisfy,

Working too much with too little free time,

Fear of losing recognition of what I've been doing,

Being surrounded by people who give one stress,

Not being able to pay back debt and so on.

The list of reasons I could come up with was endless.

But as you can see,

All my answers were externally oriented,

As was the way I was mainly living my life back then.

I felt like things were happening to me and I had no control over changing them.

For this reason,

Sri Kumar Rao's bold answer to this question surprised me even more.

Maybe you're as curious right now as I was back then.

Here it comes.

Our main reason for stress is our inability to accept the present moment as it is.

Yes,

Let me repeat that.

Our main reason for stress is our inability to accept the present moment as it is.

I remember that I was flabbergasted.

And to be honest,

My initial reaction was,

This can't be true.

However,

The more I contemplated on it,

The more its truth was revealed to me.

I got worked up about a meeting because it didn't go the way I wanted to.

Hence,

My inability to accept the present moment as it is,

The meeting went as it went,

Created stress within me.

I got stressed out about not being already on my next vacation and instead having to do whatever unpleasurable task I was doing in the moment.

I wanted to escape the present moment,

Hence my inability to accept it as it is.

I was looking forward to a future that seemed to be brighter.

In all of these situations,

I could recall that I was rejecting the present moment as it was and instead opted for ruminating in the past or looking forward to the future.

Perhaps that sounds familiar to you.

However,

Now I know that this is exactly where stress is created,

Outside of the present moment.

Most of us have the tendency to look forward to future events which we predict to give us greater happiness and fulfillment.

But whether that's actually true or not,

We don't know,

Because we're not living in the future,

We're living in the now.

The same is true for traveling into the past.

And if all of this is true,

What can we do about it?

1.

Accepting that this is a feature of our mind.

And we all have it.

It served an evolutionary purpose.

By remembering the past and predicting the future,

We learned which situation to avoid and which to approach in order to survive and reproduce.

The second thing we can do is to cultivate present moment living through meditation or other mindfulness practices.

In this regard,

I'd like to share a mindfulness practice with you I came up with the other day as a result of walking home with my partner from our weekly grocery shopping,

Where we were everything but present.

I coin it the look forward to now strategy.

It's built on the one basic principle that our life is happening in the moment.

So how can you use it?

Firstly,

In your everyday life.

As you go about your daily task,

Your mind will drift off.

That's absolutely normal.

You're not alone.

Thoughts will take you into the past or the future.

Whenever you notice that your mind does that,

Use the mantra,

Look forward to now to bring yourself back into the present moment.

You may do so by repeating it silently or out loud.

I'd like to add some fun to it by giving yourself a smile.

This way,

You create a kind distance between the you that is present and the thoughts of your mind.

It's especially effective when you're already in the habit of repeating the sentence stem I'm looking forward to.

Then you can stack I'm looking forward to now on top of it to come back to the present moment.

It can look something like this.

I really don't feel like working right now.

I'm looking forward to when I finish this project.

I'm looking forward to the weekend.

I'm looking forward to now.

And we're back in the now.

Another way to apply it is with family and friends as a gentle reminder for them to come back to the present moment when you are noticing that they're wandering away from it.

Whenever they get into the I'm looking forward to spiral,

You may add,

And I'm looking forward to now.

Perhaps it will bring a smile on their faces too.

A slight disclaimer,

This may work best with loved ones who are already familiar with mindfulness.

However,

If they're not yet,

Perhaps you can introduce them to this strategy or share this talk with them.

Thirdly,

You can use it in your meditation.

When you notice that your thoughts are taking you away from your practice,

Note it by saying to yourself silently or out loud,

Look forward to now.

This way,

Thoughts about the future or past are replaced by bringing back the attention to the present moment.

It's like you're giving your mind a kind reminder what you want it to do right now.

Let's give it a try with a short meditation.

If you're not doing so already,

Sit comfortably and close your eyes.

Let your hands rest on your knees and notice how your body is feeling.

Is it relaxed or is it tense?

And however it's feeling,

Simply accept it and send the parts that are more tense some love.

Now focus on your breath,

Inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.

Take a couple of deep breaths here,

Elongating your exhale.

And whenever your thoughts are drifting off,

Note it by saying to yourself,

Look forward to now with a smile.

You're doing this in your own rhythm.

And when your mind is wandering off,

Bring it back by saying to yourself,

Look forward to now.

Let's take one final breath here,

Inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.

And when you're ready,

Slowly open your eyes and come back.

How are you feeling now?

What came up for you?

When I do this,

An instant feeling of calm and joy fills my body and mind with a deep appreciation that this moment is perfect as it is.

It's a rare feeling,

Right?

I wish I could tell you that now being a long-term meditator,

My mind is always present and I'm never stressed anymore.

But that's not true.

But what is true is that through daily mindfulness practice,

It's easier to tap into the joy and peace of the present moment.

And it's growing stronger every day.

And remember,

There's nothing more precious than the present moment.

You can approach it with stressful resistance or mindful appreciation.

In the former,

You lose time.

In the latter,

You win it.

So I'm inviting you to apply the look forward to now strategy into your daily life.

And I'd love to know in which areas of your life it has been useful for you.

Thank you so much for listening.

And if you like this talk,

Please leave me a comment.

I'd love to hear from you.

Much love and gratitude to you.

Namaste.

Reviews

EXCELLENT! I could easily leave a long and wordy review about how justified it would be for me to greatly appreciate this meditation, but I seriously don’t have the energy to right now. Suffice it to say, I was on the verge of losing it all together until I heard this! Thank you so much, and I now look forward to making this part of my daily routine as I look forward to now!

Oh my, THIS is exactly what I needed to hear. I may even design a small tattoo for inside my wrist, to remind myself to ‘Look forward to NOW’😉Namaste🪷

“I look forward to now.” is such a powerful mantra, thank u!

Thank you so much I love your talk! And your Meditation. your beautiful voice and the music is awesome in the background! just right. and I very much share your thoughts - it is all about doing the meditations to stay calm and in the presence

Brilliant thank you! The present moment will
never return, so I will endeavour to enjoy it!
❤️💕💕

This was a very excellent talk, Canel. Thank you! I have been in the state of mind you described at the outset and have been working very hard to be more present and appreciative for the now. This talk provides fantastic reinforcement and gives me much to contemplate. You have my gratitude. 😊🙏🏻

How often have you heard “Live in the present” followed by a solid intellectual argument? Maybe it’s self evident to most in how to live that, but for the rest of us here you are offered a practical yet super simple tip. It’s new to me now, but it’s one I’m sure years from now I’ll still be practicing and hopefully benefiting from. Best wishes.

Lived this simple technique! I’m going to try that when I’m spending time wishing my life away, as we all do. Thank you! 🙏❤️

Absolutely brilliant. My mind, despite being a regular meditator, wonders far too much. Unfortunately I spend a lot of time on my own which I don't think helps. But I will certainly practice what you are teaching. Thank you Canel. Namaste 🙏

This is terrific! 💐
Many thanks 😊

Great perspective for the next time I get stuck in a stress loop 💜

Thank you so much for this lovely talk, and for this amazing strategy! Definitely going to try it!

Interesting technique. Thanks for posting

Thank you 😊