Dream Bigger (You Are Worthy)

I talk about why you need to dream bigger. We chat about finding clarity on your dream, being honest with yourself, giving yourself a big ol' permission slip and the number one thing you need to have to make your dreams happen!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Free Will podcast.

At the time of recording this we're just moving into the second month of 2023 and I have a question to pose to you.

Are you moving forward with your dreams?

Are you taking action towards what you said you wanted at the start of the year?

And yeah,

Are you really like making it happen?

And the reason why I am wanting to talk about this now because obviously we're at the start of a new month and we're like you know starting the second month of the new year and so on and so forth but I think that this topic is relevant regardless of when you're coming across this podcast simply because we tend to set goals or you know have dreams for ourselves and then maybe at the beginning we're like you know almost like we're rocket fuel we're just like so full up of our dreams and we're we're actively chasing them and we're just so excited about making things a reality and then over time things shift and we lose a little bit of that momentum.

Now this absolutely doesn't have to be the case it's kind of a discussion of like you know burn brightly but don't burn out but what I think tends to happen is that we have like really good intentions and then they just kind of just peter out because we lose a little bit of passion or we come up against an obstacle something kind of gets in our way and this is a relevant conversation for this time of the year in particular because it's so tied to New Year's resolutions.

Now you and I have probably never spoken about New Year's resolutions because it's something that I tend to keep kind of private it's something that I tend to talk about more with within like my paid programs and stuff like that I actually have a program called The Beginning which is all about releasing like the past year and setting intentions for the for the new year and so on and so forth but just to like kind of really give you a cliff notes version New Year's resolutions are a complete and total bullshit.

That is the express version of everything I don't believe in them I don't think that they're an effective way to set goals I think that setting resolutions is the equivalent of setting yourself up for failure but that's what people tend to do at the beginning of the year they tend to set resolutions and the resolutions that they set you know there's there tends to be a lot of problems with them I'm really not going to get into it because I'm like I said like I hate putting like a door on topics but this is something that I dive really deep into in my program and so it's not something that I'm I necessarily feel called to talk about on the podcast however because we are coming up on the time where people really start to kind of peter out on their good intentions and on their on their resolutions that's kind of why I wanted to have this conversation today around like now around this time of the year so we tend to have dreams and goals for ourselves and then we start to lose a little bit of momentum as time goes on because we come up against challenges like I said or there's a block or you know you you kind of maybe are going really good you have this like really good momentum and then something kind of just happens or comes up out of the blue and it kind of throws you off your schedule and then all of a sudden you're kind of like off the wagon and it's kind of hard to get back back on so that's one side of things and the other side of things is having goals or dreams that like maybe don't really speak to us the way that we need them to in order to like kind of keep that motivation going if that makes sense and this is where this episode is going to sit is talking about this idea of like dreams and so on and so forth and kind of where you fall in that spectrum and and what you're doing with the year ahead of you basically with 2023 so what I want to ask you what I want to encourage you to ask yourself is are you dreaming big enough so are you focusing on things that are scary and exciting something that is almost feels too big it almost feels too hard to accomplish it feels a little bit scary and then there's also that excitement that kind of gets you fired up and this ties in really nicely with a topic that I cover frequently on the podcast and that I've actually done an entire episode about if you want to find it it's like I think episode 15 or 16 but you are so worthy of your desires and and that is such an important thing to kind of tap into especially when we're dreaming because there are really two sides to things like having a dream and not believing that you're worthy of it basically leaves you in a space where you're never really going to accomplish it because you do need that belief and that sense of worthiness to kind of propel you forward it's part of what helps to create that momentum if that's what you want to do to create that momentum if that makes sense the other side of like dreaming bigger is that we tend to not be totally honest about what it is that we actually want so when I say dream bigger I'm not saying to dream for more I'm saying to be really honest about what it is that you want so one of the things that I ask myself and I ask myself this in a personal sense and also as an outsider so one of the things that I ask myself often is I'm at an age where everybody around me is getting married and having children and when I say everybody I mean everybody I mean everybody and I know that I've worked with clients too that found themselves in a similar position but I'm at this crossroads where I do feel a little bit of pressure and I do feel a little bit of like this kind of questioning like you know should I want that do I want that and then there's a little bit of like feeling behind and I think all of this is normal on the trajectory of life that we all go through like this is kind of like a sort of rite of passage to a certain extent where people are moving towards something and you're kind of questioning whether or not you want it to be in any way so for me it happens to be the marriage and children thing in the past for me it's even been like the discussion of like do I want to work in a more corporate environment do I want to work for myself and obviously you all know that I've chosen the latter but I have had these questions with these conversations with myself in multiple areas it doesn't just have to be about relationships it doesn't have to be about marriage and kids it can be about your career where like you know other people are moving forward and you're like okay I should maybe want the promotion but like do I actually want the promotion and having these kinds of conversations with your with yourself but I see a lot of people now having kids and and getting married and and part of me wonders if every single one of those people did those things because they wanted to or if they also felt a certain amount of pressure and then that pressure was the guiding the guiding force because a lot of times with the society that we find ourselves in there is sort of an a predetermined trajectory that we're all kind of being taken on especially if you are like a white cisgendered person I think even more so and not that that makes it better or worse necessarily but I do I really wanted to highlight that that like obviously I'm speaking from that perspective and it's not necessarily going to be the same for people who come from different cultures or different backgrounds or have different life experiences but I do think that in general there is this idea of like okay you go to school for however long you go to school because I think the expectations there are also different depending on the culture where you come from but you go to school and then you leave school and like okay it's time to get married and then you get married and then it's like okay it's time to have kids and that's kind of the trajectory that we we all go through and I think in one way or another that's kind of like what's quote-unquote expected of us right and so I wonder if people have had the conversation of like you know do I really want these things um is this really what my path is and then kind of making a choice based on that or if there is a certain amount of being pulled forward by the trajectory and why I'm asking this question and you can apply this to anything you know like do I really want the promotion do I really want to be in this relationship anymore do I really want to get married do I do I do I feel like I need to get married am I okay in my relationship if I don't do I actually want to have children do I want the lifelong responsibility that is automatically in encapsuled in having children um do I want to live in one place do I want to be nomadic do I want to travel do I want to like move to another city have another experience like just this constant questioning that I think is necessary when we are in this space of dreaming bigger and dreaming bigger again what I mean by that is just being really honest about what we actually want so for a period of time I'm just going to be really honest for a period of time I was going through a phase where I'm like you know I don't actually think I want kids and a lot of that is because women thank God are being so much more honest about the realities of pregnancy and um because I think that for years we were just constantly told like oh it's such a beautiful experience and I'm and I'm positive that it is I believe that it is inevitably a really beautiful experience but nobody was talking about like the kind of side effects of of pregnancy so like yes you you have gone through this beautiful like like journey you have literally created a human being and you have this new person that you love more than you love life itself and I believe that all of that is true but there are other side effects to this beautiful experience like unexpected hair loss and you know the fact that like your body is kind of being torn in two if you're a woman there is a lot of like side effects that for a long time I think people weren't being really honest about and I think even the conversation of like how how common and I think a lot more common than we were thinking prior how common miscarriage is and thank goodness that we are having these conversations thank goodness and and if you are listening to this and you are one of those people who are sharing your story thank you thank you thank you because that really was so beneficial to me you sharing your story and inspiring other people to do so as well was really beneficial and really had an impact on my life so thank you for for what you have done and for your experience and being willing to share all that with us but hearing these stories and like living through that reality it really made me question for a time whether or not I wanted to have children and I think that for a good like three I think three almost four years I was in a space where I was like you know no I really don't I really don't want to have children and and now I find that like I've I've gone through another shift and I'm thinking no you know actually I might like to go through I might like to have that experience when I'm in a space emotionally physically and spiritually to have that experience and and I honestly don't think that I would be in that space now and so that is me being really honest about this dream of mine because sorry I should also clarify that from the age of 16 until whatever four years ago was I basically was certain I was going to have children and not only was I going to have children but I was going to have four kids and as time went on and my life took a path that I didn't necessarily plan and it worked out beautifully I'm grateful for everything that's happened obviously like I don't regret a single thing that has happened to me but like as time went on that just became like more and more unfeasible and less and less likely also to happen and then it became scary like four people four little humans that became overwhelming to me and I could have just held on to that dream that my little 16 year old self had but it no longer fit with the life that I wanted so I actually went from wanting four kids to wanting only two kids to wanting none and now I'm moving slowly into a space of maybe being okay with the idea of having one kid and kind of tapping out there to be honest with you but I really had to like have this conversation with myself and like question these things and and even like with the like building a business being self-employed there have been times where I've had to be like okay this is my dream I know that this is what I want but it's really challenging and there is a certain amount of like it would just be easier if I went and got a job even if it was only for a little while like do I want that?

Would getting that job help me move closer towards my dream?

And the answer for me has a different stage has been yes and no but it's never been something that I have fully pursued because I really like freedom too much and I like working for myself and I like making my own hours and I like being in charge of my time and it's very difficult for me to kind of like give up on that but the point here is to really allow yourself obviously going back repeating what I've already said but getting really honest with what like getting really honest with yourself about what it is that you want okay whatever you want is totally okay and then really allowing yourself to like want it so clarity first being honest and getting clear and then giving yourself permission to want whatever that is so one of the things like I'll just share a couple more like I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married um for a while but I have realized as time has gone on that I actually would really like the rite of passage of marriage I would like to go through the process I think it would be really beautiful um I know to who I am as a person I wouldn't be able to have like a big wedding because like I would not be able to handle the stress of planning it so that's not necessarily in the cards but the ritual and the rite um I would actually really like to to go through that and like I've already said you know I want one kid I think that like within my business something that I'm really keen on expanding into is uh I would like to move into group programs I would like to run um a really holistic heart-centered program uh with some really fabulous humans and take them on a journey I think that could be really powerful and a little bit different to what I do necessarily in a one-on-one container and like the end all for me is I absolutely want to host retreats I absolutely want to host retreats in Italy I want to invite people to be here um and I really because because I am Italian because my family is from Italy because I've lived here for almost eight years now I really want to mix everything I love about the culture here everything I love about the lifestyle here with coaching and holistic living and and all of that stuff so that's those are my dreams and they have been my dreams for a really long time the retreat and the group programs more so maybe than the other things obviously with the wave that I went through but um it has taken me a long time to really like well this is the first time I think I've ever said them out loud to like a broader audience like to people who aren't closer to me but it took me a long time to actually allow myself to want those things because to a certain extent they feel a little bit big the retreat feels like how do you even do that how do you even go about you know like making that happen and it's really just about being in the energy of your dream not necessarily having to figure out every step because how you do one thing is how you do everything so how do you figure out any anything at all I mean literally from like a math problem to something like really difficult about life you do everything one step at a time so the how is less important than really getting clear on what it is that you want and why you want it right and so like this is kind of the reason why I'm taking you on this like what is now becoming a really intimate journey with me where I'm talking about like all my hopes and dreams but I want you to really sit in this energy and assess what the hell do I want and like sometimes where you start with that is this idea of like I don't know what I want which is never true I hate to break it to you it is never true if you don't know who the hell knows right you have to know so you have to take the steps in order to like figure out what it is that you want but you have to really like get really get crystal clear on like whatever it is that you're that you're wanting and it can be anything there is there are no limits on it and that's another thing to like be really unrealistic about your dreams why the hell would you want to dream that is something that you could achieve tomorrow like what a snooze fest boring super boring dream for something that's bigger aim for something that feels again that like scary and that mix of scary and exciting and that that mix is so important for motivation it's so important for like that drive to keep going it needs to be scary because if it isn't you have no skin in the game if it doesn't scare you a little bit then it is a colossal waste of your time 90% of the time because it's not going to get you anything that you actually ultimately want it's not going to make you feel the way you want to feel it's not going to really move you forward in any way it's just kind of like and who wants their dreams to be 90% of the time life can be pretty eh right when we're sitting in front of the television and we're just like binge watching garbage on Netflix and whatever else and like that has become our trajectory like we go to work we like have dinner we watch tv we go to sleep eat rinse and repeat like there's enough meh that we can find in our day-to-day if we want to look for it why would you want your dreams to be there right be unrealistic about what you want be really really really unrealistic and then find a way over time steps will start to present themselves to you as well but like find a way to make it happen and just know really what you want and then know that you can take one small step towards it every single day and then really believe really really really believe that you are worthy of this and like this is always going to be the hardest thing okay the worthiness aspect it is always going to be the biggest obstacle because we all have dreams we all have these kinds of inner worlds that are very rich where we have these ideas of what is possible for us and what we could do everyone has that little like kernel inside of them i really believe that everyone has this space where they hold the big big dreams that they want to accomplish okay and the number one thing that stops us from going after them is believing that we're not worthy or we're not smart enough or we're not good enough or we're not capable of making them happen and so how do you sink into that step well a lot of the magic is in the doing so and that sounds like bullshit but it really is one of the things that i was always afraid of was recording these podcasts i'm going on week like five or six of recording them continuously which is unheard of in all the years that i've had this podcast and i've had it since 2018 and the reason why is because i always felt like i had nothing to say and that's not true i always have something to say i was judging whether or not other people wanted to hear what i had to say and that is not the same thing so i allowed myself to be held back because i felt like what i had to say wasn't worth other people's time and i can't possibly judge that other people have to judge whether or not what i have to say is worthy of their time is worthy of their attention is worthy of their energy right that's on other people to decide if it's in my heart and it feels true and it feels valuable and i want to share it then that is reason enough to go out to go after it to do it right and that's kind of what i'm getting at here it's not up to you to like decide whether or not something is like valuable to somebody else you just have to believe that because it matters to you that is reason enough to go after it whatever it might be okay whatever that thing might be and really believing that you are worthy of having it and like i said it starts in the doing and you can also reframe the way that you're thinking and you can also do a million other things and for this if this is something that is really tripping you up i can give you all of the podcast episodes in the world about worthiness and i talk about it in almost every single episode of this podcast nothing is going to be more powerful than working with somebody one-on-one and i and i really do mean one-on-one because i have read books and i have done courses and i have listened to this that and the other thing audiobooks podcasts and stuff like that and nothing has had the impact on my life and my self-belief the way that being in a container with someone has and i've done group work where it could be valuable but it can be hit and miss which is why i had said one-on-one but group work could also be really valuable for this but really put yourself in a position where someone is seeing you okay and somebody is able to reflect back the worthiness that you may not be able to see in yourself and i i understand that i am a coach and you can take what i'm saying right now as like a really shameless bid to get you to like work with me but i am saying it from like really the depths of my spirit and my own personal belief and the way that i choose to live my life because i believe that it works i am not saying this to like convince you to work with me one because i don't think i could convince you to work with me i think that if you wanted to you already would right i think that if it was something that was in your heart to do you would know and nothing i say or do is going to convince you otherwise so i don't believe that that's possible and i wouldn't do it in the first place but because i have seen the power that being witnessed can have on somebody and sometimes we just need to be in relationship with people and maybe that's a friend or a family member if you are lucky enough to have that support system god bless you and and be grateful every day that you do because not everybody has access to that but maybe it is a therapist maybe it is a counselor maybe it is a coach maybe it is a a program where somebody can see you like where somebody can really witness all of the magnificence that you are and i say this as somebody who is actively in a program right now i am in a group program it's for kundalini yoga i've talked about it like a million times now on the podcast and it is it is changing my life like being in this group being with other women and being witnessed and witnessing them and seeing their journey and their trajectory is so powerful because sometimes somebody will say something in this group that i was thinking but maybe didn't have the courage to say or somebody was sharing something that i forgot to share or that i didn't even realize was true for me there is so much power in having that reflection happen right and really allowing somebody to see their own worthiness and then really allowing yourself to see it and witnessing each other as you grow through this journey it is insane how that can change your life so i really do um believe that that there's power in that and and when it comes to unworthiness just because it is so sticky i genuinely believe that we could read all of the books that we want but until we really have somebody see us it's very difficult to let that go because the book is not there witnessing what you're actually going through it's the book can be there and it can give you tips and if you can implement them you will have success absolutely there is value and there is value in everything i would not negate anything so if you want to try it you you do that but there is a power in in somebody being able to to see you as inherently worthy and you being able to see yourself through their eyes so that is something that i would really really recommend so to recap this episode which is way long the podcasts are much longer now than they used to be and i'm from a certain point of view i'm really sorry for that because i do want them to be bite-sized but to recap um please please please dream a bigger life for yourself dream as big as humanly possible and get really honest about what you actually want not what your mom wants not what your mom wants for you not what your sister wants not what your friends are doing not what your husband wants or your partner wants or whatever no what you want okay give yourself permission to actually want it okay believe that you are worthy of having it be completely unrealistic about it because nobody wants boring ass dreams that should be a new hashtag hashtag no boring ass dreams uh if you know you know and then fucking go for it because you you deserve it because you fucking well deserve it you absolutely wholeheartedly 100% deserve to live a life that you love you really really do so i hope this podcast was episode was episode oh my god what is happening to me today sorry i hope this podcast was helpful and if you liked it um please leave a review or uh subscribe or rate or whatever it is that people do with podcasts on whatever platform that you're listening to it um i would really really appreciate that and if you do feel the nudge to work together um i would be so happy to talk to you about that you can reach me at um kandis alacia on instagram at kandis alacia coaching on facebook and on my website www.

Kandisalacia.

Com that's c-a-n-d-i-c-e-a-l-e-s-s-i-a so yeah i hope you have an amazing week and i will see you next week on the podcast ciao

Reviews

🥰 I agree there’s nothing more powerful that witnessing and being witnessed. ☺️🤍✨🌟