Believing In Yourself

In this episode of the podcast, I discuss different steps you can take to slowly increase your confidence and levels of self-belief.

Please note: This talk contains explicit language and is not suitable for children.

Transcript

Hey guys,

Just a fair warning before you dive in that this podcast does contain explicit language.

Hey guys,

I'm really excited to be here chatting with you today.

I know it's been a while,

But we're going to dive into some good shit today and it's going to be a lot of fun.

So I hope you're ready.

Today I really want to dive into the idea of believing in yourself.

And more importantly,

I want to ask you guys the question,

Do you believe in yourself?

I know it sounds like on the one hand kind of simple and maybe on the other hand it's like a little bit vague.

But I think once I start diving into some steps to build self-confidence,

It'll make a little bit more sense.

I feel like the feeling of believing in yourself is super important for all aspects of your life.

I don't actually think that you can achieve any of the goals that you want to achieve or accomplish the things that you want to accomplish if you don't believe in yourself.

And mindset plays a huge role in this because believing in yourself is a mindset.

And we know that mindset is a choice.

We tend to be more predisposed to negative mindsets.

And so in order to achieve the things that we want to achieve,

We have to instill and ingrain and,

You know,

Really work towards creating a positive mindset,

In this case,

A mindset of self-belief.

And so how do you do that if you don't already believe in yourself?

And I think it would be really useful for you to take a second and kind of assess where you're at on a scale from one to ten.

So where do you feel you start off at?

And I think this is important because one of the things that's fundamental in coaching is understanding your starting point in order to be able to track where you end up and how much progress you've made.

Because you can't really track your progress if you don't know where you are.

Right.

It's like,

Let's use the example of a map.

If you're looking for directions somewhere,

You have to know where you're starting to get where you want to go.

Right.

And so that's kind of what we're doing with this.

So take a second and think about it.

How much do I believe in myself?

How confident do I feel in my capabilities?

How confident do I feel even in general on a scale from one to ten?

And once you've got that figured out,

Let's take a look at some things that you can do to build that number,

To build those feelings of self-confidence moving forward.

So one of the first things that you can do is build your self-confidence with easy tasks.

What does that mean?

It means doing things that you're good at and that you know that you're killing at and that you know you're going to like leave feeling like a winner when you do them.

That was like really convoluted how I just said that.

So I'm really sorry.

I'm going to I'm going to try and clarify that again.

So basically it's about doing either simple things and then having some of those simple things be things that you're really good at.

So they're kind of a little bit different just because an example of like a simple task would be checking something off your to do list.

Maybe you've had something on your to do list for a really long time and you've never really gotten around to doing it.

And maybe it's a time issue.

Maybe it's like a confidence thing,

Whatever it might be.

But I want you to take something that you have on your to do list and check it off because there's something about doing that psychologically that makes us feel so fucking good about ourselves.

When we check something off our list,

We're just like,

Yes,

Like I'm the queen of everything or maybe it's just me.

But I doubt it.

I feel like I feel like everybody kind of gets that like deep seated sense of satisfaction when they check something off their to do list.

The other thing is to do things that you're good at.

So this can be anything in everyday life.

An example that I like to use for this is making a dish for dinner that you know you make really,

Really well.

Like you're the best at it.

No one you know makes this dish better.

And doing that like really ingrains this like sense of like accomplishment,

But also this sense of like I did this like I made this.

I am capable.

And in feeling capable,

It raises our self confidence.

So,

Yeah,

Those are the first two.

So either scratch something off your to do list,

Accomplish something because it gives you like it gives you a sense of accomplishment and it builds self confidence and do tasks that you're good at.

So some other things could be like doing your favorite workout at the gym or,

You know,

Going for a run.

That's like simple or organizing your house in a way that only you can or making something like painting or knitting or drawing or cooking something,

Baking something.

My God,

I'm so bad at baking.

Any time that I bake something and it comes out edible.

That for me is a huge win.

But this would not be something that I would choose for my like task because it's not something that I'm inherently good at.

And I think that's a really important distinction to make.

So let's go on to the next step.

The next step would be to keep promises.

And this is like in general,

You need to keep promises to everyone.

So if you make plans to do something or you agree to help somebody or you offer to do something,

Whatever it is that you said that you're going to do,

Whatever commitment you've made,

You really stick to it because that really builds up this feeling of like trust with yourself and with the other person.

So you're enhancing your relationships as well.

But when you do the things that you say you're going to do,

You automatically feel better about yourself because you are holding strong to your commitment.

You're keeping your word and like you're keeping a promise.

Sorry,

That's repetitive,

But you're really building a sensation of trust within yourself.

And most importantly,

Most importantly is keeping promises to yourself.

So if you've said that you're going to do something,

Whatever that something might be,

I've given like a million examples today and I don't want to drown you guys in them.

So we'll just leave it here.

But whatever the promises that you made to yourself,

Whatever commitment it is that you made to yourself,

That is the single most important promise to keep.

When you keep promises to yourself,

You establish a relationship and a foundation of trust and knowing and believing that when shit gets real,

You will show up for yourself.

And that is huge in terms of building confidence.

Think of how good you'll feel when you do those things.

Think of how good you felt in the past when you've done those things,

When you've made a commitment to yourself,

Whatever it might be,

And you've shown up and you've given it your all.

And you've done the work afterwards.

I bet you feel like a million bucks because why not?

You should.

You absolutely should.

And I want also to take a second and kind of dive into the negative aspect of this.

But think about how you felt when you've made a commitment to yourself specifically in this case.

OK,

I want to keep our focus on the relationship we have with with ourselves.

When you've made a promise to yourself that you haven't kept,

How do you feel when you let yourself down?

It sucks.

It sucks.

It feels like crap.

And so we want to not like avoid it because obviously there's going to be times where things happen and that's OK.

That's life.

And life is,

You know,

A well-rounded experience.

Ups and downs,

Good,

Bad,

Light,

Dark.

And we're grateful for that because without one,

We wouldn't recognize the other.

But we really want to focus on making promises,

Making commitments and sticking to them.

And then another thing that has like a less direct effect than the first two is really focusing on doing stuff that you love,

Like whatever that might be,

Anything at all.

If it lights you up and it makes you feel good and it makes you happy,

That is ace for building a sense of self-confidence.

Because when you do things that make you feel good,

When you do things that you love,

You can't help but walk away feeling better about yourself.

Right.

Like when you're in the middle of doing something where you like lose a sense,

Like lose track of time and like you're so involved and like engrossed in what you're doing,

There is nothing,

Nothing more powerful for your life in general than that moment.

Because you're focusing on filling your own cup and feeling really,

Really good about yourself.

And when you feel really good about yourself,

You attract more good things to you and you build self-confidence.

It's inevitable because when you feel good,

You do good,

Your energy is flowing and everything comes easier.

And,

You know,

You've been in that you've been in that flow state before.

So the last two things are the same things I say basically every podcast all the time because it matters and because I think it's something that's seriously undervalued in the world today.

You have got to love yourself and you have got to take care of yourself.

You cannot cannot feel self-confident if you're not sleeping.

You cannot feel self-confident if you're not moving your body.

You cannot feel self-confident if you're not feeding your body healthy food.

If you're not doing the things that you need to do to live well at a baseline.

Here we're talking foundational shit because I know I talked about doing stuff that you love and maybe you love exercising and maybe you love eating healthy.

And so it falls into that category as well.

But here we're talking about the basics.

You really need to be focusing on the fundamentals of your life in order for you to build and to reach for a higher level.

So if you're not sleeping,

It's going to be really hard to do basically anything.

And that goes for eating healthy.

It goes for personal care,

Personal hygiene.

Like,

I know that might sound crazy,

But like,

How much better do you feel after you've had a shower?

It is basic and it's silly.

Sure.

My stepdad says all the time,

If God made anything better than showers,

He kept it for himself.

And I feel that every time I have a shower,

It's literally the best feeling.

It's like a fresh start.

And yeah,

That like showers for me are like a part,

A huge part of my self-care.

Obviously,

They're a huge part of personal hygiene.

But when I'm feeling really stressed and really tense and I know that I need a little something extra,

I just like get into the shower and like cranker to like as hot as it can possibly go and just let the water wash the worries away.

So for me,

It's like double,

You know,

Double duty.

But yeah,

Like basic,

Basic things,

Eating healthy,

Connecting with family and friends.

That's a huge one.

Really maintaining these relationships,

Because in the moments when things get tough and you're questioning yourself and you don't believe in yourself,

If it's a really difficult moment where you literally can't see the forest for the trees,

That support system is going to be what helps you see your own worth and confidence and you know,

That they believe in you when you can't.

So that's massive.

And then obviously loving yourself.

So we don't ever want to come to any kind of growth or change with an attitude of I need to be fixed.

Like this needs to change.

This needs to be different.

I mean,

Maybe it does.

Maybe it does need to change and maybe it does need to be different.

But if you really want to set yourself up for success,

You will do that better from a place of accepting who and where you are right now and then moving forward from that space.

So I'm here.

And right now I believe in myself.

Let's say level four.

OK,

Four out of ten,

Because you did the self assessment at the beginning of the podcast that I had mentioned.

So where I'm at is a four.

And I want to be at like an eight or a nine or a ten,

Because dream big.

Like you can be a ten.

You just have to like want it and you have to be willing to do the work to get yourself there.

But you can absolutely have that.

There's no such thing as dreaming too big.

So say I'm a four and I want to be a ten.

OK,

Well,

Now I know that I have the option of doing these tasks to get me there.

Right.

But it's not negating the fact that I'm at a four.

I'm not pretending that I'm at a ten necessarily.

I'm acknowledging that right now I don't feel like I'm where I want to be.

And that's OK.

And tomorrow I might be at a six and the day after I might be at a three.

And eventually I might get to a nine and then I might fall back down to a five and then I might end up at ten.

Because that is life.

I get caught up in this all the time.

I swear I'm probably the biggest offender.

I have a tendency to believe that I will be able to do one thing and then all of a sudden I will get to this mystical magical place where I will have arrived and everything will be perfect and sunshine and there'll be rainbows and dancing unicorns and I'll never have a problem again.

That is not life.

You're not going to get to a level ten and then never fall backwards again.

It doesn't work that way.

But what happens is when you work through these steps that I've given you on this podcast and on any other episode of the podcast and you show up for yourself daily it gives you the capacity and the capability and the tools that you need on the days where you fall from a ten to a four.

If you end up back where you felt like you're starting and you know you feel like you've taken ten steps back you can come back to these steps and rebuild again and that is life.

It will be forever that way.

Seasons and cycles that is what life is about.

But as long as you keep showing up and you keep loving yourself and you keep taking care of yourself as a baseline you can become any single thing that you want to be.

And I really hope that this podcast has really helped solidify that for you.

So one more time for the cheap seats we'll go over things again.

So some ways to build self confidence are doing things that are easy simple tasks checking off to do's cleaning your house doing the things that you basically need to do day to day to like let's say thrive because they're not survive.

It's not we're not talking about like eating going to the bathroom sleeping like that's also but I mean we're talking a level above that.

And then also doing things that you're good at.

So whatever you have a natural capacity for talent for capability for like that's what you want to do paint draw sing dance run lift weights help people whatever it might be.

Okay.

The second thing is to keep promises to yourself and keep promises to others.

Okay.

But mostly to yourself and then the third thing is to do stuff that you love whatever makes you happy whatever makes you feel good.

That's not necessarily something that you're good at either.

So there is a distinction between the two I want you to keep that in mind.

And then as always love yourself and take care of yourself because that is the whole point of why we're here.

And if you're not taking care of you no one's going to take care of you.

You got to show up for yourself that way first and then everything else will fall into place.

I really hope that you found this episode of the podcast useful.

And if you have any questions for me or comments you can head to my website which is www.

Candicealacia.

Com.

So C A N D I C E A L E S S I A dot com and you can find me on Instagram at Candice Alacia and on Facebook at Candice Alacia coaching.

And I'd really be happy to talk to you about this and hear your thoughts.

And like if you're listening to this and you think it's awesome like you know shout out like let me know let me know what your favorite part was.

If you heard something here that you didn't resonate with or you have a different opinion let me know.

I really want to have a conversation about these things.

I want to hear what you think because that's how we learn and grow is by changing by exchanging opinions and viewpoints.

So yeah reach out to me and tell me what you think.

I'd love to hear it.

And if you liked what you heard here you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple or on Google podcast or you can even find me on Spotify.

And if you're interested in seeing what working with me would be like you can actually head to my website.

There's a ton of testimonials there and client reviews and you can also reach out to me.

I have some spaces available for one on one coaching and I would be so happy to learn more about you and what you're working on and where you want to be.

And any way that I can help you get there.

So yeah sending you guys boatloads of love.

I hope you have the most amazing weekend and I can't wait to connect with you on the next episode.

Bye.

Reviews

Fantastic, positively-focused advice that, for once, doesn’t leave me feeling broken incompetent. I’ve felt that way for the past year so this is refreshing.

This was helpful. The teacher gave some practical tips which are easy to do. Thank you so much 😊

Great job! Everything mentioned was applicable in a positive moving forward kinda way.

Oo! I love her! This was great!