When Expectation And Reality Clash

Perhaps you've experienced the friction between what you expect will happen and what actually happens. In this talk, I explore how buying a new cabin invited me to navigate that friction and what we can all learn from it. Live light!

Transcript

Hello,

And welcome to A Hit of Hope.

For a few years now,

I've been longing to find a place to nest.

It didn't have to be big,

It just needed to ooze bright energy and good spirit.

And I wanted some land where I could create wild,

Ephemeral altars out of branch and bark.

I closed on Clover House,

My new cabin with 3.

6 acres,

This past week.

It was literally turnkey.

Bedding,

Canoe pillows,

Coffee filters all waited to greet me like I'd suddenly stepped into a Folgers commercial.

In fact,

If Norman Rockwell were to paint a picture of a cabin,

It would surely look like this one.

And this was it,

My chance to live the perfect dream of retreat and restore.

And,

Barely 24 hours after I closed,

I started to see the flaws.

Oh,

That has to be fixed.

And what is happening there?

Is that something I need to worry about?

And then,

There were the 37 ticks I pulled off my body.

Crushing them with my thumbnail and throwing them into the toilet I didn't flush because I didn't want to fill up the septic tank too quickly.

After seeing the pictures,

A friend suggested this was the perfect place to learn the art of idleness.

Yes.

And,

Even though a quiet nest was the very thing I had longed for,

I wanted to write my friend back and admit what was already becoming painfully obvious to me.

I don't know how to idle.

I only know how to rev.

What in the world have I done,

I thought,

As I tried to fall asleep on my first night in the cabin?

Which was hard to do because my skin still crawled with the memory of all those blood-sucking bugs.

It was a classic case of the tectonic relationship between expectation and reality.

Whether it's a cabin in the woods,

The love of a lifetime,

The life path of a child,

The promotion we've been longing for,

Or whatever,

All of us have probably experienced this friction between what we want,

Imagine,

Hope,

Plan for,

Strive for,

And what the actual offers.

Expectations can crush the life out of what is real.

Because nothing is perfect.

Not my cabin,

Not our lives,

Not our experiences,

Nor anyone else's.

Everything and everyone has flaws.

That can bring us frustration,

Despair,

No end of sleepless nights.

Yes,

And it offers us yet one more opportunity to choose the real.

That sounds good,

But here's what we often forget.

When we choose the real,

We will invariably mess up.

It's what we humans do.

We do the wrong thing,

We make the wrong choice,

Speak when we shouldn't or don't speak when we should.

All of which is to say,

Expecting mess and even failure and not perfection might just be our surest way to find joy.

Expecting mess and even failure in ourselves and others allows us to step out of the crushing jaws of expectation.

So we can run into wide open love.

And I am not talking about the soda pop version of love.

The kind that's all bubbly,

Sweet,

And light.

I'm talking about the good trouble kind of love.

The kind that shows up in the hardest,

Scariest moments.

The kind of love that stands beside us,

With us,

For us.

The kind that confuses and disrupts.

The kind where we can bask one minute and thrash the next.

The kind of love where we have a capacity to hold what is.

Whatever that might be.

And say,

Yes.

Even this.

Yes,

Even this relentless stirring in the soul.

The one that moves us into spaces that turn out differently than we could have ever imagined.

Like my cabin.

A place I cannot wait to return to.

So I can learn again and again,

Or even practice again and again,

How to be with what is.

Living a real life.

Not a Folgers commercial.

So,

Yes.

Yes to a drooping gutter.

And maybe even yes to tick bites.

Because at least they mean I've put myself out there.

Where I think is our best chance to experience a real and wild crashing into joy.

Live light and shine.

Reviews

This is truly fabulous and I so needed to hear this today. Thank you fo the honesty and joy x

I listened to this once and forgot to save it! I’m so happy I found it again. It’s the best talk I’ve found on this app and I now that I’ve found it I will be sure to listen to it on repeat! Thank you for this.

Thank you so much, Betsy! I in that exact position where expectations are being slapped by reality. This is the day that I will begin to embrace and love that reality. Thank you again for this much-needed message.

This was so helpful and beautifully told. Thank you for sharing! I might try not to remember the tick part so much... But the idea of integrating the realities into something we can appreciate is one to hold on to 🌸

Absolutely loved this message.

Looking forward to hearing more updates on the cabin. 😊

You are so inspiring. I thank you for your constant challenging sessions

Congratulations on finding your nest. As always your words relate to my experience. Thank you for the clarity 👍🏾🌺💐🎉😃

Wonderful & Stark reminder that life is so lifey. Congrats on the purchase. Drats on the nasty bugs. Thank You for sharing 💜

A beautiful reminder - thank you for sharing it all. 🙏❤️

Best part of waking up ...is foldger's in your cup 😉........you even have me seeing ticks in a new light ( not that I ever think I'll like them ).thank you for another hit of hope.🕯️🙏🕯️

This was exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you for sharing your wisdom

This made me so happy. Thank you. I think you described reality really well. :)

Good morning lovely lady. So pleased listening to your talk this morning, learning for me too, to 'live with what is', as a new work chapter is opening up for me...
Hugz ❤️

Thank you, especially for naming “ the crushing jaw of expectation “ and of course “ crashing into joy “ ! Wonderful !

It was SO lovely to hear your voice tonight.
Expectations...Mmmmm...been preparing most of the day for Mum's 90th tomorrow ..'high tea' a la moi at hers pm tomorrow...sorted everything Then my printer stopped working, Pepples went AWOL, texts arrived etc SO I've wrapped presents but not yet touched the sandwiches, cakes, blinis etc. 8 mins of BETSY has calmed, reassured and as always come when I needed it...hope the ticks are gone, the acres can manage themselves and a little bit of idle time lies ahead.

Thank you for your honesty and wisdom Betsy 🙏(good luck with your new venture)🏚💛

Great perspective on expectations and being with what is. 🏕