When You Want to Explode

Do you ever lose your patience when you are rushing and nobody cooperates? Ann Weiser Cornell tells the story of a student whose young son picked the worst moment to play and hide, and how she stopped her anger from running the rest of her day. You learn three simple steps for a stressful moment: pause, connect with your body (a hand on your heart helps), and say hello to something in you that feels that way. It is a short way to respond from your bigger self instead of reacting. This content is educational and is not a substitute for one-to-one professional care.

Transcript

Hello? So today I want to talk to you about stress. And how you react to stress. Because everybody I know says life today is getting more and more stressful. Is that true for you? And there seems to be not much we can do about it. But here's the thing. If you can become more peaceful inside, Your outside world gets more peaceful too. Now that's amazing. So how is your stress versus peaceful today? Do you feel like there's too much coming at you at once? Do other people just not cooperate in your plan? I bet you can relate to my student Emma. I want to tell you the story of Emma. She has a spirited three-year-old son. And the busy life. And when she'd be trying to get him ready for daycare. Of course, That would be exactly the moment when he'd want to dawdle and play and hide. Well, She has a lot of fun with him at other times. But when she's rushing and in a hurry, She would lose patience with him. That's surprising, Right? And. . . Start to shout and scold. And really kind of lose her temper. And the worst of it was that once her anger was triggered by him, That would go on and on and affect her whole day. Not to mention how guilty and ashamed she'd feel when she remembered the way her little son would cringe at her anger and look like he was scared of her. Does that ever happen to you? Have you ever been triggered, Lost your patience? Feel terrible afterwards. Back to Emma. I gave Emma some tips. How to get back her inner peace when she started losing her cool. I'll give them to you right now. So number one, Pause. Even if you feel you don't have any time, Just pause a moment. Because you have enough time for this, Believe me. All right, And number two, Connect with your body. And if that feels hard, Just put your hand on your heart. Number three. Say hello to what you're feeling. And that really shows it's not all of you. It's something in you that's feeling that. It's simple and it's profound. It's a way to shift your energy so you are bigger than your feelings. And you aren't reacting out of your feelings, But you're responding from your bigger self. And this can affect everything in your life, All your relationships, All your work life, Everything. So here's what happened the next day as Emma was getting little Jackson ready for daycare. She had him all ready. He was standing by the door and. . . The time was short, So she just turned away. It felt like only a second, Right? She just took her eyes off him for a moment. And when she turned back around. . . He was completely naked. He didn't have a stitch on, All right? He had this wicked mischievous gleam in his eye. Oh my gosh. Emma could feel herself starting to blow up. But she remembered what I taught her. She was able to pause. Pausing was hard because of the tongue pressure, But she did it. And she just stood there quietly, She put her hand on her heart and she breathed. And then she said inside herself. Something in me. Is really wanting to explode. And I'm saying hello to that. Something in me is wanting to explode and I'm saying hello. And she felt her breathing get deeper and the urge to explode receded. And she opened her eyes, She said calmly out loud, Sweetie, We need to get your clothes back on. And little Jackson was so surprised at her tone, He cooperated like a dream, Getting his clothes on and getting out the door. And Emma's whole day went by. She wasn't caught up in anger that was hanging on, Ready to be triggered by other interactions all day long. And she felt good about herself. Hey, And when I heard this story, I was so proud of her. So you see, It can feel like we have no control over our emotional state. They're triggered by events outside of us, Other people's infuriating behavior. But the truth is, We actually have a lot of choice. So remember these three steps, All right? Number one, Paul. Number two, Connect with your body. And number three, Say hello to something in you that feels how you're feeling. And notice what changes start to happen throughout your day, Throughout your week. In your relationship, In your ability to feel calm.