Hi,
I'm Anne.
Doing what I love,
Which is talking to you about inner peace in challenging times.
It shakes up your sense of inner peace.
You know,
Sometimes things change and they don't change for the better.
Have you noticed that?
And we're bound to have reactions.
But it's what we do with those reactions that really makes a difference to our inner peace.
My student Liz loves her 13-year-old daughter Sophia.
Who she described to me as a smart,
Funny,
And kind person.
And until Sophia was 11 or 12.
They had a super close relationship.
They would talk in the car or on walks.
And Sophia shared with her mom all the struggles and joys of her day at school.
Liz adored feeling this much closeness with her daughter.
She probably didn't even realize how much it meant to her.
Until it all went away.
Seemingly overnight around the time Sophia turned 13.
Those nice,
Intimate talks disappeared.
The two of them still rode in cars together,
But the car rides included a lot of silence.
On Liz's part.
It was awkward silence as she wondered how to reawaken the closeness and if there's something she'd done wrong.
Liz was able to confirm that Sophia's new quietness wasn't because she was depressed or that something had gone wrong at school.
To realize that Sophia was going to a new place inside herself,
A developmental stage where her closeness with her mom was no longer what drew her attention.
The problem was Liz's own feelings of loss and longing.
Attempting to connect with her daughter.
She was often left feeling needy,
Lonely,
And sad,
Kind of desperate,
Almost like she was the child,
Instead of feeling like the strong and steady mother who Sophia still needed.
Afraid that her attempts to connect were driving Sophia even farther away.
Well,
It was feeling pretty hopeless,
But then Liz remembered something she'd learned from me.
It's the concept of self in presence.
That's the idea,
That we can have our feelings.
But we can be our larger self that isn't any of those feelings.
Liz realized that she had not been being self-in-presence in her recent interactions with her daughter.
She'd been coming from her needy place.
Not just having needy feelings,
But actually being needy.
And that's why her requests for more contact had that pleading quality.
And at the same time,
She realized that she could be with the feelings of needy,
Lonely,
And sad.
So the feelings would have some company.
And that part of her didn't have to feel so alone.
So here's what I showed Liz how to do.
Number one,
Connect with her body and breathe.
And feel a sense of being supported.
Resting into support here and now.
Be able to acknowledge the feelings and not be identified with them by using language like,
I am sensing something in me that is feeling needy,
Lonely,
And sad.
And three,
Sense what kind of company the feeling place would like from her right now.
So Liz took some quiet time when her daughter was away.
She sat down and experienced her own sense of being supported.
And the feel of her whole body being present here and now.
Then she would call,
Riding in the car with her quiet daughter,
And invited the feelings about that to come in the present moment.
She could sense the lonely and sad feelings,
The feelings of missing the lovely conversations they used to have.
And the feeling that she called needy.
It was there too.
And she acknowledged all of those feelings.
I'm sensing something in me that feels lonely and sad when I'm with Sophia.
I'm sensing something in me that really misses those great conversations Sophia and I used to have.
And I'm sensing something in me.
That feels needy.
And.
I'm saying hello to all of them.
I can be here with all of those feelings,
With compassion.
And Liz put her hand on her heart.
And really allowed herself to feel her compassion for those inner parts of her,
Feeling sad and lonely and missing those lovely conversations with her daughter.
An odd thing happened.
Liz could feel.
That those lonely and sad and quote-unquote needy parts of her were happy that she was with them.
It made a difference.
There was a sense of relief.
She found herself.
Breathing more deeply.
And this is what those feelings really needed,
To be heard and understood and kept company.
Well,
This story doesn't have an ending yet.
All of this happened so recently that we don't know what's going to happen now for Liz and Sophia's relationship.
But this much we can be sure about.
No matter what happens,
Liz is more present to her own feelings.
And they now have.
And that means Liz is more likely to feel inner peace and to communicate from there.
Would you like to try this right now?
Maybe there's a relationship in your life where the person has changed or maybe even moved on or at least become different from how they used to be.
And maybe you're missing them.
Feeling a loss,
But not knowing what to do with your feelings.
Have you got one like that?
Okay then.
So number one,
Connect with your body.
Feel what you're sitting on or standing on.
Take your time to feel a sense of resting into support here and now.
Number two,
Be aware of your own feelings about this changing relationship.
And acknowledge those feelings using language like,
I am sensing something in me that's feeling lonely,
Sad.
Or however it is for you.
And three.
Sense what kind of company that feeling place would like from you right now.
Maybe put a hand on your heart so you can really give it that company.
You know,
When change is out of our control and there's nothing we can do?
There actually is something we can do.
We can turn toward and keep company with our own feelings about the change.
And amazingly,
That really does make a difference.
When we can grieve.
What is passing out of our lives.
And stay open to what's still good.
You know,
That's a pretty good definition of inner peace.
Here's to you!
Having a more peaceful life.
