Winnie The Pooh Chapter 5 | Bedtime Story

Drift off gently into a deep, restful sleep with Chapter Five of Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne. Pooh Bear and Piglet decide to catch a Heffalump, but it doesn't go quite to plan. Sweet dreams! Andy.

Narrated by Andy Hobson.

Transcript

One day,

When Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh and Piglet were all talking together,

Christopher Robin finished the mouthful he was eating and said carelessly,

I saw a heffalump today,

Piglet.

What was it doing?

Asked Piglet.

Just lumping around,

Said Christopher Robin.

I don't think it saw me.

I saw one once,

Said Piglet.

At least,

I think I did,

Only perhaps it wasn't.

So did I,

Said Pooh,

Wondering what a heffalump was like.

You don't often see them,

Said Christopher Robin carelessly.

Not now,

Said Piglet.

Not at this time of year,

Said Pooh.

Then they all talked about something else,

Until it was time for Pooh and Piglet to go home together.

At first,

They stomped along the path which edged the hundred acre wood.

They didn't say much to each other,

But when they came to the stream and had helped each other across the stepping stones and were able to walk side by side again over the heather,

They began to talk in a friendly way about this and that.

And Piglet said,

If you see what I mean,

Pooh.

And Pooh said,

It's just what I think myself,

Piglet.

And Piglet said,

But on the other hand,

Pooh,

We must remember.

And Pooh said,

Quite true,

Piglet,

Although I had forgotten it for the moment.

And then,

Just as they came to the six pine trees,

Pooh looked around to see that nobody else was listening and said in a very solemn voice,

Piglet,

I have decided something.

What have you decided,

Pooh?

I have decided to catch a heather lump.

Pooh nodded his head several times as he said this,

And waited for Piglet to say,

How?

Or,

Pooh,

You couldn't?

Or something helpful of that sort.

But Piglet said nothing.

The fact was,

Piglet was wishing that he had thought about it first.

I shall do it,

Said Pooh,

After waiting a little longer.

By means of a trap,

And it must be a cunning trap,

So you will have to help me,

Piglet.

Pooh said Piglet,

Feeling quite happy again now,

I will.

And then he said,

How shall we do it?

And Pooh said,

That's just it.

How?

And then they sat down together to think about it.

Pooh's first idea was that they should dig a very deep pit,

And then the heather lump would come along and fall into the pit.

Why?

Said Piglet.

Why what?

Said Pooh.

Why would he fall in?

Pooh rubbed his nose with his paw,

And said that a heather lump might be walking along,

Humming a little song,

And looking up at the sky,

Wondering if it would rain.

And so he wouldn't see the very deep pit,

Until he was halfway down,

When it would be too late.

Piglet said that this was a very good trap,

But supposing it were raining already?

Pooh rubbed his nose again,

And said that he hadn't thought of that.

And then he brightened up,

And said that if it were raining already,

The heather lump would be looking up at the sky,

Wondering if it would clear up.

And so he wouldn't see the very deep pit,

Until he was halfway down,

When it would be too late.

Piglet said that now this point had been explained,

He thought it was a cunning trap.

Pooh was very proud when he heard this,

And felt that the heather lump was as good as caught already.

But there was just one other thing which he hadn't thought about,

And it was this.

Where should they dig the very deep pit?

Piglet said that the best place would be somewhere where a heather lump was,

Just before he fell into it,

Only about a foot further on.

But then he would see us digging it,

Said Pooh.

Not if he was looking at the sky.

He would suspect,

Said Pooh,

If he happened to look down.

He thought for a long time,

And then added sadly,

It isn't as easy as I thought.

I suppose that's why heather lumps hardly ever get caught.

That must be it,

Said Piglet.

They sighed and caught up,

And when they had taken a few gorse prickles out of themselves,

They sat down again.

And all the time Pooh was saying to himself,

If only I could think of something.

For he felt sure that a very clever brain could catch a heather lump,

If only he knew the right way to go about it.

Suppose,

He said to Piglet,

You wanted to catch me.

How would you do it?

Well,

Said Piglet,

I should do it like this.

I should make a trap,

And I should put a jar of honey in the trap,

And you would smell it,

And you would go after it,

And,

And I would go in after it,

Said Pooh excitedly,

Only very carefully,

So as not to hurt myself,

And I'd get to the jar of honey,

And I should lick round the edges first of all,

Pretending that there wasn't any more,

You know,

And then I should walk away,

And think about it a little,

And then I should come back,

And start licking in the middle of the jar,

And then,

Never mind about that,

There you would be,

And there I should catch you.

Now,

The first thing to think of is,

What do heather lumps like?

I should think acorns,

Shouldn't you?

I say,

Wake up Pooh.

Pooh,

Who had gone into a happy dream,

Woke up with a start,

And said that honey was a much more trappy thing than acorns.

Piglet didn't think so,

And they were just going to argue about it,

When Piglet remembered that,

If they put acorns in the trap,

He would have to find the acorns,

But if they put honey,

Then Pooh would have to give up some of his own honey.

So he said,

All right,

Honey then,

Just as Pooh remembered it too,

And was going to say,

All right,

Acorns.

Honey,

Said Piglet to himself,

In a thoughtful way,

As if it were now settled.

I'll dig the pit,

While you go and get the honey.

Very well,

Said Pooh,

As he stumped off.

As soon as he got home,

He went to the larder,

And he stood on a chair,

And took down a very large jar of honey,

From the top of the shelf.

It had honey written on it,

But,

Just to make sure,

He took off the paper cover,

And looked at it.

And it looked just like honey.

But you never can tell,

Said Pooh.

I remember my uncle saying once,

That he had seen cheese,

Just this colour.

So he put his tongue in,

And took a large lick.

Yes,

He said,

It is.

No doubt about that.

And honey,

I should say,

Right down to the bottom of the jar.

Unless,

Of course,

He said,

Somebody put cheese at the bottom,

Just for a joke.

Perhaps I had better go a little further.

Just in case.

In case heffalumps don't like cheese.

Same as me.

And he gave a deep sigh.

I was right.

It is honey.

Right the way down.

Having made certain of this,

He took the jar back to Piglet.

And Piglet looked up from the bottom of his very deep pit,

And said,

Got it?

And Pooh said,

Yes.

But it isn't quite a full jar.

And he threw it down to Piglet.

And Piglet said,

No it isn't.

Is that all you've got left?

And Pooh said,

Yes.

So Piglet put the jar at the bottom of the pit,

And climbed out.

And they went off home together.

Well,

Goodnight Pooh,

Said Piglet,

When they had got to Pooh's house.

And we meet at six o'clock tomorrow morning,

By the pine trees,

And see how many heffalumps we've got in our trap.

Six o'clock,

Piglet.

And have you got any string?

No.

Why do you want string?

To lead them home with.

Oh.

I think heffalumps come if you whistle.

Some do.

Some don't.

You never can tell with heffalumps.

Well,

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

And off Piglet trotted to his house,

While Pooh made his preparations for bed.

Some hours later,

Just as the night was beginning to steal away,

Pooh woke up suddenly,

With a sinking feeling.

He had had that sinking feeling before,

And he knew what it meant.

He was hungry.

So he went to the larder,

And he stood on a chair,

And reached up to the top.

And found nothing.

That's funny,

He thought.

I know I had a jar of honey there.

A full jar,

Full of honey,

Right up to the top.

And it had honey written on it,

So that I should know it was honey.

That's very funny.

Then he began to wander up and down,

Wondering where it was,

And murmuring a murmur to himself,

Like this.

It's very,

Very funny,

Cause I know I had some honey,

Cause it had a label on,

Saying honey.

A galoptuous full up pot too,

And I don't know where it's got to.

No,

I don't know where it's gone.

Well,

It's funny.

He had murmured this to himself three times,

In a singing sort of way,

When suddenly he remembered he had put it into the cunning trap to catch the heffalump.

Oh bother,

Said Pooh.

It all comes from trying to be kind to heffalumps.

And he got back into bed,

But he couldn't sleep.

The more he tried to sleep,

The more he couldn't.

He tried counting sheep,

Which is sometimes a good way of getting to sleep.

And as that was no good,

He tried counting heffalumps.

And that was worse,

Because every heffalump that he counted was making straight for the pot of Pooh's honey,

And eating it all.

For some minutes he lay there miserably,

But when the 587th heffalump was licking its jaws,

And saying to itself,

Very good honey this,

I don't know when I've tasted better,

Pooh could bear it no longer.

He jumped out of bed,

He ran out of the house,

And he ran straight to the six pine trees.

The sun was still in bed,

But there was a lightness in the sky over the hundred acre wood,

Which seemed to show that it was waking up,

And would soon be kicking off the clothes in the half light.

The pine trees looked cold and lonely,

And the very deep pit seemed deeper than it was.

And Pooh's jar of honey at the bottom was something mysterious,

A shape,

And no more.

But as he got nearer to it,

His nose told him that it was indeed honey,

And his tongue came out and began to polish up his mouth,

Ready for it.

Bother,

Said Pooh,

As he got his nose inside the jar,

A heffalump has been eating it.

And then he thought a little and said,

Oh no,

I did,

I forgot.

Indeed,

He had eaten most of it,

But there was a little left at the very bottom of the jar,

And he pushed his head right in,

And began to lick.

By and by,

Piglet woke up.

As soon as he woke,

He said to himself,

Oh.

And then he said,

Yes.

And then,

Still more bravely,

Quite so.

But he didn't feel very brave,

For the word which was really jiggeting about in his brain was heffalumps.

What was a heffalump like?

Was it fierce?

Did it come when he whistled?

And how did it come?

Was it fond of pigs at all?

If it was fond of pigs,

Did it make a difference what sort of pig?

Supposing it was fierce with pigs,

Would it make any difference if the pig had a grandfather called Trespassers William?

He did not know the answer to any of these questions,

And he was going to see his first heffalump in about an hour from now.

Of course,

Pooh would be with him,

And it was much more friendly with two.

But suppose heffalumps were very fierce with pigs and bears.

Wouldn't it be better to pretend that he had a headache and couldn't go up to the six pine trees this morning?

But then suppose that it was a very fine day,

And there was no heffalump in the trap.

Here he would be,

In bed all morning,

Simply wasting his time for nothing.

What should he do?

And then he had a clever idea.

He would go up very quietly to the six pine trees now,

Peep very cautiously into the trap,

And see if there was a heffalump there.

And if there was,

He would go back to bed,

And if there wasn't,

He wouldn't.

So off he went.

At first,

He thought that there wouldn't be a heffalump in the trap,

And then he thought that there would.

And as he got nearer,

He was sure that there would,

Because he could hear it heffalumping about like anything.

Oh dear,

Oh dear,

Oh dear,

Said Piglet to himself.

And now he wanted to run away.

But somehow,

Having got so near,

He felt that he must just see what a heffalump was like.

So he crept to the side of the trap,

And looked in.

And all the time,

Winnie the Pooh had been trying to get the honey jar off his head.

The more he shook it,

The more tightly it stuck.

Father,

He said,

Inside the jar,

And oh help.

And mostly,

Ow.

And he tried bumping it against things,

But he couldn't see what he was bumping it against,

And it didn't help him.

And he tried to climb out of the trap,

But he could see nothing but jar,

And not much of that.

He couldn't find his way.

So at last,

He lifted up his head,

Jar and all,

And made a loud roaring noise of sadness and despair.

And it was at that moment that Piglet looked down.

Help,

Help,

Cried Piglet.

A heffalump,

A horrible heffalump.

And he scarpered off as hard as he could,

Still crying out.

Help,

Help,

A horrible heffalump,

A horrible hoffalump,

Hoff,

Hoff,

A hellable horolump,

Ho,

Ho,

A hoffable hellerump.

And he didn't stop crying and scampering,

Until he got to Christopher Robin's house.

Whatever is the matter,

Piglet,

Said Christopher Robin.

He was just getting up.

Heff,

Heff,

Said Piglet,

Breathing so hard that he could hardly speak.

A heff,

A heff,

A heffalump.

Where?

Up there,

Said Piglet,

Waving his paw.

Well,

What did it look like?

Like,

Like,

It had the biggest head you ever saw,

Christopher Robin.

A great enormous thing,

Like,

Like nothing.

A huge big,

Well,

Like a,

I don't know,

Like an enormous big nothing,

Like a jar.

Well,

Said Christopher Robin,

Putting on his shoes,

I shall go and look at it.

Come on.

Piglet wasn't afraid if he had Christopher Robin with him,

So off they went.

I can hear it.

Can you?

Said Piglet,

Anxiously,

As they got near.

I can hear something,

Said Christopher Robin.

It was Pooh,

Bumping his head against a tree root he had found.

There,

Said Piglet,

Isn't it awful?

And he held on tight to Christopher Robin's hand.

Suddenly,

Christopher Robin began to laugh.

He laughed,

And he laughed,

And he laughed.

And while he was still laughing,

Crash went the heffalump's head against the tree root,

Smash went the jar,

And out came Pooh's head again.

Then Piglet saw what a foolish Piglet he had been,

And he was so ashamed of himself that he ran straight off home and went to bed with a headache.

But Christopher Robin and Pooh followed Piglet home and made him a special breakfast and told him that he didn't need to be ashamed at all,

And that they both love him very much.