Self Kindness Talk And Practice

When people are kind and the world feels like a kind and friendly place, how does that feel? What does that make possible for you? As humans, we love, respect, and crave kindness and respond so well to it. Yet while we are compassionate and wonderful towards others, we don't always include ourselves in that treatment. Numerous studies have proven the power of self-kindness. This talk offers ways to develop a kinder inner space and a simple and transforming compassionate- awareness practice.

Transcript

This is a short,

Almost introductory practice to use again and again to cultivate deeper self-kindness.

The more I travel through life,

Through all the ups and downs and the ins and outs,

The more I realize that what is my anchor,

Really,

And my biggest resource,

Is my relationship with myself and the way I relate to myself.

And that whatever's happening to me,

Externally or internally,

Is always best served by a gaze,

A presence,

A voice and tone towards myself which is kind,

Consistently kind.

When I was a child,

I put a very,

Very high value on kindness.

And if anyone or anything seemed unkind,

Made me feel there was unkindness,

I used to get very upset.

I was quite a sensitive child.

And I remember my mother saying to me,

The trouble with you,

Allie,

Little Allie,

Is that you have very high expectations of life and people.

You're an idealist.

And you just want everyone to be happy and everyone to be kind.

And I remember thinking to myself,

Why is this such a big deal?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everybody was kind?

Anyway,

I still put a very high premium on kindness.

And as we all have during the course of my life,

I've learned a lot about unkindness and how that feels and how the world feels unkindness.

And I'm quite sure that I myself have been unkind sometimes.

I don't put myself on a podium above everybody else saying I want kindness,

I give kindness.

And probably the person I've been sometimes the least kind to,

And I think I share this with many humans,

Is myself.

But over the years,

Increasingly,

I've set an intention to be as kind as to myself as possible.

I've gone on a journey of deliberately,

Intentionally and consciously cultivating an approach of self-kindness.

And I've learned more and more about what that means.

It's pretty deep,

Actually.

But one of the things we have to do with anything we want to cultivate internally is simply begin.

And simply by beginning to orientate ourselves towards an intention and towards a practice,

Things start to happen.

So it's not that we want to be perfect at this,

Or that we don't expect to make many discoveries about hidden parts of ourselves,

Thoughts we've always had,

Beliefs we've held that maybe we don't need to hold anymore about ourselves as we go on this journey of self-relationship.

We don't need to be perfect,

That's not a kind thing.

But what it is nice to do is to have a space in which we come each day where we nurture,

Where we meet our experience,

Our private experience,

You know,

What I call meditation,

And some people just call hanging out with themselves alone.

We meet that private space with this kind of sacred intention,

I suppose,

Is one way of putting it,

Of being kind.

And that's the practice I'm going to invite you into now.

So first of all,

Just be kind to your body and yourself right from the start as you get yourself comfy and cosy for this time.

In the meditation approach I teach,

I don't require or ask anyone to sit or move or not move a certain way,

I just ask that you invite yourself to let your body tell you how it wants to be.

It doesn't have to stay still,

Of course it doesn't,

Or stay in that position,

But cosy up.

What I do think is nice is to free up breathing space.

I've noticed that,

Sometimes I don't even know that I've been holding tension in my body,

But one thing that doesn't help is when I'm trying to find breathing space,

If I'm not allowing my heart to open and my shoulders to drop and spread,

My collarbone.

So that can mean making sure I'm not hinged forward or back too far,

And that I really do have breathing space.

And you can feel that just by taking your hands to your ribs.

As you breathe in and out,

Do you feel your breath has a good flow?

You know,

You're able to take breaths,

Or do you feel a little tight?

And then can you see what position your ribs are in?

Rib cage is very mobile,

So it may be that they're hinged forward and you're constricted a little there,

Or maybe they're just a bit too rigid and you're standing to a tension,

Like we do when we're holding on to stress.

See if you can melt your ribs a little,

Widen them,

And just find some air space.

Sometimes I like to put my hands behind my head for that.

If I'm lying down or propped up,

That's not very comfortable if you're sitting on the floor,

I don't think so.

Or if I'm lying on the floor,

That shavasana thing of palms open.

Or prop some pillows behind you if you're sitting up,

Whatever's comfortable.

Make sure your tailbone's supported.

Maybe you want something underneath your knees.

Sometimes it's nice if you need to feel a little safer,

A little more secure and grounded,

To wrap your feet up.

Wrap them in a blanket.

And you can pause this now to find anything you need to make being with yourself feel super comfy.

And now we'll begin.

So simply starting with that intention that throughout this short practice we are going to meet ourselves with kindness.

You might say to yourself,

Hello,

Welcoming yourself in.

And say hello,

Especially to kindness.

Of course you have so much kindness inside you,

I know you do.

You know you do.

Who do you automatically show kindness to in your life?

Who do you know who offers you kindness?

Just tuning into kindness again,

Remembering it and feeling it as a physical sensation and flow of sensations in your body.

Kindness.

There's a sweetness about the word kindness.

I can't help smiling when I say kindness.

Would you like to say the word kindness to yourself?

For a little while,

A few moments.

And allowing everything in your experience to come up for you now.

So no blocking.

Blocking isn't kind.

But feeling where there might be resistance to things coming up in your body.

So one way to do this is to just feel into the flow of your breath now.

And say to yourself,

This is a kind and compassionate flow of breathing.

My breath is kind to me.

Your breath that you breathe in from all the growing things of life,

Sending you oxygen,

Is a gift of kindness and offering from life.

So it might feel nice just with that inhalation to feel that you're receiving that kind gift.

And then of course your exhalation is a gift from you of kindness back to life,

Your carbon dioxide back to all the living green things.

This is a very sweet exchange of your breath.

And for a few cycles of breath,

Breathing in that kindness from life and all of nature.

And then breathing back your gift into life,

Your loving gift.

You can feel this kind flow is in your body all the time.

No matter what thoughts you're having or experiences,

No matter how your body's feeling physically,

This kind flow is a constant,

Eternal support system inside of you and between you and life,

Your belonging.

And feeling into the sweetness of your breath,

That it is soft and fluid and touches you on the inside.

And feeling that your breath is compassionate and kind so that every place it touches,

As you feel it moving,

That flow up your body,

Down your body,

To the sides,

To the back of your body and all the corners of you,

Every part of it is compassionate,

Kind and soft and tenderly tending to your whole being.

Every pathway of breathing,

Every touch of breath adds kindness.

And in that sweet flow that you're feeling,

Say to yourself again,

I want to be kind to myself.

I can be kind to myself.

And here,

Just for now,

For this space of time,

I will be kind to myself.

Simply that.

And then just be with your experience,

Whatever's coming up for the next few minutes,

With that intention.

And if you feel resistance,

Remember how soft your breath is,

How like a stream going down a mountain it finds its way into every part,

How your breath can touch those places of resistance or tightness and soften there.

So when you feel anything that feels a little unkind,

It might be a memory,

It might be someone else's voice,

Or it might be your own,

That's okay.

You can send this flow of breath to tenderly stroke,

Like a balm,

That part and soften there.

Any harshness,

It can soften.

Any tension or resistance,

It's okay for that to be there.

Let it be healed and comforted with your kindness,

And particularly your kind breath and your words.

It's okay.

I'm here.

And I feel kindness.

I want to be kind to you.

Or anything that you feel would be kind to the more tender or the more resistant parts of you.

You can be so kind to your tender vulnerability.

Allow it to be there.

Allow your breath to tenderly wash through it,

Bringing it some softness.

It'll love that.

Just a few minutes here.

And now,

Just gently take a moment with yourself and notice how you feel.

How do you feel now that you have met yourself with kindness?

How does your heart feel,

Your chest?

Are there any sensations there?

Does it feel maybe a little more open?

Do your shoulders feel a little more relaxed?

Is there a circulation of energy there that wasn't so much there before?

And down into your belly,

The same thing.

Any sensations,

Any tingling,

Dancing movement that is a sign of circulation,

Healthy circulation.

The same with all of your body.

Just take some time.

And your thoughts,

Just generally how you feel.

Welcome any delightful feelings,

Any softness.

And continue to be kind.

Everything is healing at its own pace,

In its own rhythm.

This kindness and compassion is such a healing force.

And it is there and here inside you.

Your thoughts,

Your feelings,

What are they telling you?

Just be curious and receive them and continue to feel kind as you notice and feel.

You can pause this and feel for longer.

We're getting ready to transition but after this practice you might find it useful to sit and journal for a while.

If any intentions or awarenesses came up that you think will be helpful for you continuing,

Do note them down and then keep offering them to your body in intervals.

Do these check-ins with yourself every now and again and just say,

Hi,

How are you?

Hi,

How are you?

And offer yourself a few breaths with that kindness and then move on with your day.

Beginning this journey,

This self-relationship,

Being more close to ourselves,

Self-alliance,

Self-nurturing,

It gives us a lot of power in our lives and a lot of resources and resourcedness.

Over time a feeling that we've got our own back and this presence inside of you will grow the more you are in touch with it.

So please use this practice anytime you want to cultivate that,

Particularly if you're feeling distant from self-kindness of course,

But also perhaps as a regular practice or one you can modify for yourself to do on your own.

Thank yourself for spending this time in kindness and gradually transition in your own way and step back into your day or night.

Reviews

This was very lovely. One comment though is when you say "blocks are not kind." Blocks are protective and adaptive and it seems labelling them as "not kind" is a judgement vs an appreciation for why they might be there in the first place. Other than that incongruity, I really enjoyed this. Thanks!

Thank you Alison, I love to listen to your voice which is sweet and kind and comforting

✨🙏🏼💜✨very sweet and kind and thoughtful. I’ll return and to this to refresh with kindness.

a very nice meditation 💜
and I was like this too in childhood😄

This was the best talk/ meditation I’ve ever done. I love all of yours by far the best- but this is exactly what I needed to hear regarding self kindness. The way you described yourself as a child is exactly how I am! Please continue to do talks and meditations. You are so incredibly grounding and comforting to listen to -and I can tell how deeply you understand what it feels like to be caught up in emotions and sensitivity and expectations. Thank you 🙏 Is there anywhere else to find your work?