Meeting Difficult Emotions With Kindness

Difficult emotions are part of being human. In this practice, inspired by Chris Germer, we’ll explore what happens when, rather than trying to push difficult emotions away or getting caught up in the story around them, we gently turn towards the physical experience of the emotion. We’ll also practise pendulating between the difficult emotion and the qualities of the Heart — perhaps warmth, kindness, compassion or a sense of being held. We might touch into the difficult sensations for a little while, and then gently return to the Heart, allowing ourselves to move between the two. This gives us the possibility of staying connected to what is difficult without becoming overwhelmed by it. There’s no need to make the emotion go away, and no need to understand or fix it. Instead, we’ll practise gently being alongside whatever is here, while discovering that even difficult emotions can be held within a larger field of kindness, compassion and care.

Transcript

Hi, V. Dr. Adele Stewart here. This meditation is one of my difficult emotions meditations inspired by Chris Germer that I've called Meeting Difficult Emotions with Kindness. So beginning by finding a comfortable position. You can be standing or sitting or lying down. Allow your body to settle into whatever position feels helpful and supportive for you right now. When you're ready, You might close your eyes or lower your gaze. Just taking a slow, Easy breath in, Perhaps filling the belly with the in-breath. And a long, Comfortable breath out, Allowing the belly to deflate a little. And again. And one more time, Allowing the breath to be easy and unforced. As you breathe out you might even let go of any unnecessary tension. Perhaps softening some areas in your face, Shoulders, Hands, Belly. No forcing just a kind of invitation to allow a softening or melting. You don't have to be completely relaxed. And bringing your attention to the sensations of being alive. Maybe you might notice some warmth or cool. Maybe a sense of pressure where your body meets the chair or the floor. The movement of your breath. Maybe subtle pulsing, Tingling, Vibrating sensations in the body. It's a whole world of sensation happening in you right now. No need to analyse any of it. Perhaps just noticing this is what it feels like to be alive in this moment. And gently bringing your attention towards your heart region. If it feels comfortable, You might like to place a hand over your heart. Feeling the warmth of your hand. Feeling the gentle movement of your chest beneath your hand. And for a few moments simply breathing through this heart area, This chest area. So you're breathing into the heart. And breathing out. Like in all meditations of course your mind will wander, It's so natural, So human. And like in most meditations you just notice ah. . . Mind wandering Not an error, Not a mistake. And you can choose to. . . Bring your attention back to the sensations of breathing in and out of the heart. And while you have your hand over your heart or your attention there notice if you can bring a little kindness towards yourself. Not to change anything. Just to recognize. I'm here. This is a human moment. And I'm probably doing my best right now. And it may have been that you've come to this practice because there's a difficult emotion. So really giving permission for that to be here right now. Or if you're choosing a practice to try this out with a difficult emotion. Please just choose something mildly difficult rather than something overwhelming. Recent situation, Something someone said, Something you were thinking. Or maybe just the feeling itself. You don't need to go deeply into the story. Even though that may be important but in this practice we want to just touch into the story enough to connect with the emotion. Connect with it in your body. Rather than trying to understand the emotion. Which is often what the story is doing. We have this somewhat different attitude of becoming curious about how the emotion is being expressed in the body. And this might be very clear, Very vivid. Or if not you might gently scan through your body. From your head. Down through your neck and shoulders. Your chest. Noticing where do I feel this emotion most strongly? Your belly. You're back. Arms and hands. Pelvis and legs. What is it that you notice? Is it tightness? Pressure. Heat or cold. Heaviness. Flattering. A hollow feeling. A churning feeling. Or perhaps something that's really difficult to actually put into words. That's okay. There may be several places and you don't need to find the perfect one. Just choosing one place in the body where the emotion seems to be expressing itself most clearly. And gently bring your attention there. You don't need to make the sensation go away. And you don't have to like it. Can you become just a little interested in your experience? Perhaps you can kind of soften your attention around that place in the body rather than fixing your stare at it, Trying to sort it out. Feel the difference. Can you kindly and gently notice it? Notice its characteristics, Perhaps its size and shape. It's temperature. Maybe there's movement. Maybe it's changing or pulsing or becoming stronger or softer. Or maybe it's staying the same. You don't actually need to come up with verbal answers to these questions, They're just ways of just kindly investigating your experience. Now if it feels possible, Can you amplify that quality of kindness to this place? You might even imagine that this difficult sensation belonged to someone you cared deeply about. Perhaps a young child who was hurting. And ideally you wouldn't tell the child to stop feeling what they're feeling. Ideally, You wouldn't tell them they shouldn't be upset. You might simply move closer or sit beside them. Gently let them know. I'm here. I can see that this is difficult. And you don't have to go through this completely alone. I'm here. And see if you can offer that same quality of presence to yourself. Not trying to get rid of the emotion, Just being alongside it. Curious. Chain two kind. Now allowing your attention to move gently back towards your heart. You might bring your hand back to your heart if you've moved it and feel the warmth of your hand and the movement of your breathing. See how it is to take those few easy breaths in and out of your heart. You might even imagine they're like little waves on the shore lapping your heart. Gentle rhythm of the breath. Maybe soothing you, Maybe supporting you. And for the next little while. Having this breathing in and out of the heart, This gentle soothing rhythm. As a place of support. And only when you're ready. Gently taking your attention back to the place in your body where you feel a difficult emotion. Which might be actually in your heart. And notice that you don't have to stay there long, Just touching in gently. And then back to the heart, Back to the heart, Breathing and resting. This pendulating between. The emotion. And then breathing in and out of the heart. The difficult sensation. And back to the place of safety and kindness. The emotion. And back to the breath. Produce comfort. And back to the heart. And if at any point the emotion feels too strong, Overwhelming. . . Absolutely counterproductive to push through. Could just stay with that breath and the heart. Maybe feeling your feet on the ground or even opening your eyes. Finding something safe. Beautiful in your room. There's no prize for staying with something that's overwhelming. Kindness includes knowing when to step back. And if the emotion feels manageable. Just for a few more breaths. Allowing the body to experience whatever it's experiencing without needing to change it. Sometimes emotions shift when we stop fighting them. Sometimes they don't. Either way. Can you stay present with this emotion? Pendulate from breathing in and out of the heart to the emotions. Or use that wise mindfulness to be present with perhaps the contact with the surface that you're on. Or something in the room. And now if you're still with this difficult emotion please gently release your attention from it. And dropping any story or thinking about the situation, At least for now. And once more, Bringing your attention back to your heart. Placing your hand on your heart, Feeling the warmth of your hand, The movement of your chest and that gentle, Soothing rhythm of your breath, Like the waves lapping the shore of your heart. Perhaps it might help to remember difficult emotions are a part of being a human. There are times when life hurts. There are times when we feel afraid, Angry. Sad, Overwhelmed or sometimes just tired of the struggle. And you don't have to make those feelings disappear in order to care for yourself. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is simply turn towards ourselves with a tiny bit of kindness. For these final moments. Just breathing. Nothing to fit. Not right now, Nothing too soon. Nothing you need to understand. Not right now. Just breathing. Just being here. And when you're ready, Gradually allowing your awareness to expand back into the room. Noticing the sounds around you. The sensations in your body. The support beneath you. And perhaps taking one slightly deeper breath. When it feels right. Gently opening your eyes. Taking into your day with you if you can. Sense that whatever you're experiencing you can meet it with a tiny bit more kindness. Thank you.