For Parents Of Teenagers - A True Self Inquiry

This meditation is borne from personal experience and a calling to offer parents and teenagers possibilities for re-establishing the sacred bond and connection with one another, with compassion and curiosity and without judgment.

This is a call to 'feel'... A short but intensive voyage that invites you, via your felt sense, to navigate the discomforts of parenting your adolescent, or young person, through this difficult phase of their life. It is an Inquiry into your True Self, to understand just what is yours and what is theirs, whilst throughout you are held gently within your own, uniquely curated sanctuary, resourcing and replenishing yourself along the way.

My intention is to guide you inwards, that you come to acknowledge and remember your own inner wisdom and profound capacity for self-love.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to this meditation.

This is a true self inquiry for parents of adolescents and teenagers.

I invite you now to consciously intend to remain open as you enjoy this gentle journey throughout which you'll be taking the time to acknowledge,

Explore and nourish yourself,

Replenishing your own spirit so that you can go on to bring empathy and curiosity towards your teenager.

You'll be bringing awareness to your triggers and gaining insights into your own inner narratives in order to make room for deeper connection and compassion in your relationships,

So making it easier to attune to both yourself and your loved ones.

It's time to get comfortable.

Feel free to pause the recording and get anything you might need to be warm,

Hydrated and relaxed.

The fact that you have deliberately carved out this time for yourself would indicate that you have some inner knowing that to nurture yourself is not only a luxury.

There's a reason you're here in this moment.

Self care is foundational and the only place from which we may grow our resilience,

The inner strength required to parent our young people with compassion and confidence.

Replenishing yourself is vital.

I invite you now to gently close your eyes,

Breathe in fully through your mouth,

Hold it for a count of 10 before you release your breath again through the mouth.

I invite you to repeat this another two times,

Then let go and allow the continuing breath to breathe itself through your nose.

Notice as you relax how your body knows precisely what to do,

How your breath knows precisely what to do without your intervention.

Now rest your attention on the inner point slightly above and between your eyes,

Sometimes referred to as the third eye.

As your attention rests here,

Notice how it also goes to thinking at times.

This is expected.

When it happens,

Gently guide it back to center again.

At the same time as your attention remains there,

I invite you to explore your felt sense,

Becoming aware of all felt sensations in and around your body.

Sit with this felt experience for a few moments,

Noticing what's calling to be felt,

Seen or heard.

Can you be with whatever you sense?

Can you bring a little curiosity?

The feeling might bring significant sensation or you might only experience a quiet emptiness.

Can you welcome whatever is or isn't?

Leaning into whatever is present for you,

Perhaps you could ask,

What matters for me?

As you ask,

Then let go of your inquiry,

Bringing all of your attention to the felt sense in and around your body.

Let all thoughts simply come and go without attachment.

Remain open.

You may or may not receive an answer here and now,

At least not in the way you might expect.

It's okay to simply be with whatever is here for you.

You are beginning to shine the light on what is important for you.

Attuning to the wisdom of your felt sensations,

Your inner knowing,

You may or may not have received any insights.

If you still feel none the wiser,

Rest assured that most likely they'll occur as sensations to be felt and integrated,

And I encourage you to remain with your felt sense and not seek understanding with the mind.

When we bring this loving attention inwards,

We get to know our needs on a deeper level.

Our bodies and our hearts begin to soften and reveal to us what truly matters.

We get to remember,

To appreciate what's really for us intimately,

What will soothe or nourish us.

At times,

Parts of us might well voice their opinions,

Telling us that this isn't working for me or I can't do this.

You might just gently hear and acknowledge these thoughts,

Lend them your ears for a moment and consider if what they're saying is familiar to you.

Let's take a moment now to be with any noisy parts and be curious.

Are there any other parts making themselves known within you?

Any that might disagree with the first part?

What might those parts want you to know?

Now I invite you to imagine an inner world that belongs solely to you.

You get to curate and design it as you choose.

It's a place of peace,

A sanctuary within you,

A space,

A moment even,

Where you know you are held,

Nurtured,

Supported and will be replenished.

This might be a space already familiar to you.

Take all the time you need to attend to its fabric and foundations.

What textures soothe you?

What elements of nature have always sought you out?

What does safety and harmony feel like for you?

Let this place be all of that.

Only you know what deeply matters to you.

Build it to reflect the warmth and care that you will be extending to yourself from this day forwards.

In this sacred space you get to be who you are,

To show up fully.

There's no room here for agenda or opinion.

Somewhere for you to rest,

Play and resource yourself with all that you need to face the challenges of your day-to-day life with grace.

Embodying this renewed sense of inner peace and self-compassion,

Imagine it radiating throughout your entire being,

Bringing deep calm,

Allowing your system to quieten further.

You might like to take a deep breath and feel the air as it fills your lungs before exhaling slowly and releasing any residue of tension or stress.

From here we are going on a short journey to explore connecting and attuning with your young person.

I'd like you to picture your teenager now standing in front of you.

They're in the midst of profound change and undergoing such rapid growth,

Their bodies stretching and evolving.

Take time to feel into the energy of their hormonal shifts like powerful waves within them shaping their emotions and experiences.

As you hold this image in your mind,

You might instinctively feel into their adolescence,

This immense phase of life as a time of huge transformation both physically and emotionally.

As you come face-to-face with this understanding,

Notice any expectations in you,

Give them time to surface and simply witness them as they are.

Any wants or desires that you may have been holding for your child,

How would it be to meet these now with curiosity and patience?

Let's take this time to inquire with him.

A few questions next only for you to explore to the extent that you feel comfortable here and now and without judgment.

Maybe ask yourself,

What are some of the labels and opinions you put on your teenager?

I wonder now if you can recall yourself at their age and some of the judgments and labels your own parents or caregivers had put on you.

What's another way that you would have wanted your own parent to see you or things differently?

Can you apply that imagined understanding toward your own child?

I wonder what feelings are present for you right now towards your own younger self.

Your parents were likely to be doing the best they could with the understanding and tools they had.

How does it feel to experience this sense of yourself receiving those messages at that time?

How did these feelings show up for you in your day to day experience?

Does it make it hard for you?

Can you bring some loving attention to your younger self as you imagine them?

Can you offer them some understanding and get a sense of what they might need from you in this moment?

Can you offer them that?

Remember that in this sanctuary,

Your sanctuary,

This safe space,

All feelings are welcome and held.

I invite you to hold these ideas lovingly for yourself as we continue to imagine and ask a few questions.

Beneath those expectations right here and now as your child stands before you,

How does it feel to energetically exude love and understanding to your teenager?

Can you hold space for their journey knowing that they're exactly in life where they need to be?

What if anything gets in the way?

We can choose to embrace the difficulties,

The discomfort of navigating their challenges just as well as any good times.

With practice,

You can nurture a radical sense of acceptance.

Just picture the delicate rewiring that's taking place in their brain at this time in their life.

When it comes to decision making,

Emotional regulation and social behavior,

Their prefrontal cortex responsible for impulse control and rational thinking is still developing.

In relation to motivation and emotions,

Their limbic system is highly activated.

It's such a delicate balance.

If you find yourself met with their mood swings,

Risk-taking behaviors,

Or if they struggle with self-regulation,

This is why.

Just notice what you're feeling right now.

Are the critical voices still loud?

Can you sense an expectation or judgment or is there compassion present?

Welcome all of these parts.

We come to this place,

Your sanctuary,

To appreciate that as well as knowing these behaviors are a natural part of your child's development,

Your empathy is their anchor and is there to administer them the guiding light of connection as they navigate the storms.

You matter so much.

You are vital in this journey.

Can you just take this moment to cultivate those seeds of empathy and curiosity for them?

With your teenager still before you in your mind's eye,

Imagine approaching them,

Your heart wide open.

Imagine engaging with them around something that you know they would love to speak of without any agenda on your part.

Picture yourself listening attentively without judgment or any preconceptions.

Breathe this moment in.

Take time here to deepen your connection with them.

Allow them to express themselves fully.

Be fully present for them.

Be curious.

Be interested.

Simply be with them.

As you imagine this gently again,

Become aware of any sensations that might arise in your body.

Notice any emotions that may present within you without judgment.

You're simply observing what arises.

Now let's take this connection to another level.

I invite you to bring to mind a recent interaction or event that triggered some kind of emotional response in you.

Nothing too intense.

It might be a conversation with your teenager,

Perhaps a moment where you felt frustration or even a feeling of overwhelm.

Holding this moment and its trigger in your awareness,

Gently and kindly allow yourself again to feel.

There will be some emotions and sensations that accompany this memory.

Bring curiosity about the message it's imparting to you.

It's meant only and specifically for you.

Can you sense where and how this felt perception makes itself known to you in your system?

It may call to you as the subtlest of inner vibrations or a more intense charge in your chest,

Stomach or solar plexus.

It might bring a sense of tightness,

A knot in your stomach,

A heaviness in your shoulders or maybe a simple numb or empty feeling.

Whatever shows up or doesn't is valid.

Gently we can begin to inquire.

What were you believing about yourself in that moment?

What are you feeling in your body?

Are these feelings and this belief familiar to you?

How old were you when you first remember feeling this way?

Our emotions and felt sensations bring us valuable messages.

They unearth unmet needs,

Unresolved issues or deeply held beliefs.

What do these sensations and emotions want you to know?

Is there a fear,

A longing or a past experience that's influencing your reactivity?

You are beginning to gently uncover the echoes and whispers of your own patterns.

These inner disturbances originated early from childhood hurts.

Your wounds woven into the fabric of your being repeatedly nudge you towards moments of unease and influence how you react.

And lovingly we can begin to unravel these threats.

As we gently explore these tender roots,

Bring yourself some compassion and understanding.

You have established for yourself an internal retreat for your own personal growth and transformation.

From here you will be paving the way for loving kindness towards yourself and the heart of your child.

I invite you to return to your inner sanctuary lovingly built and honed from all that most matters to you.

Take a moment to look around and soak up the energy of this space.

Notice that you can be here with your inner disturbances knowing that there is no right or wrong,

No judgment or opinion.

Here you are only held.

The discomfort is nothing more or less than a natural part of the process.

Allow yourself to sit with it.

Embrace any difficult emotions with warmth and interest acknowledging that they are here for you here to guide you towards greater self-understanding.

You may have unearthed a memory or met with some big feelings.

You may be experiencing very little.

If there is some remembering,

I invite you to remain with your felt sense and encourage you to allow its unfolding without any questioning from mind.

You are felt,

Heard and understood.

Take a look around your sanctuary.

You have everything you need.

You are safe.

What insights,

If any,

Have you gleaned surrounding the meaning of your triggers?

Take a moment to reflect.

How might these insights inform your interactions with your teenager?

Is there some new perspective you could imagine bringing to your parenting?

Some response or initiative that's rooted in greater self-awareness and understanding?

As you picture your child once more,

Surrounded by a whirlwind of emotions and navigating this turbulent emotional landscape,

Note how they seek to define their identity in a world of unrelenting conditioning influences.

All their interactions with peers,

Family and society shaping and molding their perceptions and beliefs about themselves and their world.

Imagine your wisest self as a touchstone for them,

Exuding encouragement and understanding.

Holding space for their self-discovery and this involuntary rite of passage of theirs.

Finding comfort in the knowing that each emotion your child experiences,

Regardless of intensity,

Is always a step towards growth.

Sense love and encouragement energetically flowing from your heart to theirs.

Seize this moment to let them know that they are seen,

Heard,

Felt and valued by you.

Honor yourself for being here,

For immersing yourself in this short process of authentication and integration.

It's courageous to delve into the depths of your emotions and it's a powerful act of self-love.

Whenever you are called to listen deeply to your own truth and inner wisdom,

This inner sanctuary you've brought into being here today will always be available to you and the answers will be waiting.

For now,

The present moment beckons us back to the form-based world.

Please bring with you the capacity you've nurtured to befriend and support yourself.

Remember you are vital and worthy of demonstrating the highest self-love and kindness.

You will navigate the complexities of family life from these firmly planted roots.

Now take a deep breath in and hold it for the count of 10.

And exhale slowly,

Letting go of any remaining tension or resistance.

Wiggle your fingers and toes and gently stretch if you need to.

Only when you're ready,

Gently blink open your eyes,

Bringing back with you the wisdom,

Nourishment and clarity you've cultivated in these few precious minutes for yourself.

My intention is for you to reconnect to the wisdom and unfathomable love that's always within you,

For yourself,

Your teenager and all loved ones,

That you enjoy relationships built from curiosity,

Compassion and calm.

Thank you for taking this time to listen.

Reviews

Very helpful in encouraging insight into myself and my history, and how they impact on the relationship I have with my adolescent

Thank you. It’s a bit difficult to take in some of the guided talk about our parents trying their best when that is not my case (thus the complex PTSD), but I was still able to take in some great insight from the meditation.