When Your Brain Jolts You Awake: Let Go And Rest

This meditation is for the nights when your body is tired, your mind is calm, and yet your brain keeps jolting you awake just as sleep begins to arrive. Together, we gently work with the part of you that’s been keeping watch, helping it soften its grip and let go of the need to monitor sleep. Through grounding, gentle inner dialogue, and radical permission, this practice helps you release sleep performance anxiety and return to rest. Whether sleep comes quickly or not, your body is still allowed to soften, heal, and be held here.

Transcript

Good evening, My name is Thariromunda Varada, I'm the host of the Stories from the Soul and author of the Circling Back newsletter. I help people rebuild a trusting, Compassionate relationship with themselves so they can meet whatever life brings from a place of instability, Clarity and presence. Tonight we're going to talk about something that might feel painfully familiar. You're lying there, The room is quiet, Dark, Even cold, Your body tired, You're calm, You're ready and then you start to drift off. Your body relaxes, Your mind and brain begin to slow and then right when you're about to drift off, Your brain jolts you awake again, Not from a nightmare, Not from a sound, From nothing, Just being awake, But here's the thing, This isn't insomnia, This is sleep performance anxiety and the worst part, Getting excited that you almost fell asleep is what's actually potentially keeping you awake and there's a part of you that's been assigned the job, Make sure we fall asleep and it's working over time, It's watching, Monitoring, Checking in, Are we there yet, Are we close, Did that work, Oh should I move the pillow, Should I turn down the air conditioning, Oh we almost had it, Try again. This part isn't bad, It's not broken, It's not the enemy, It's protecting you, It's wounded, Burdened, Tired, Somewhere along the line it learned that sleep is something you have to achieve, Something you have to perform and now every time you get close it jolts you back just to make sure you're still trying. Let's slow everything down by taking a deep in through your nose and hold it at the top and now exhale through your mouth, Letting everything soften. One more time, Breathe in deeply through your nose and hold and exhale and release, Allow the breath to carry you deeper and when you're ready, Allow the eyes to soften, To close gently, Feel the weight of your body, Notice where you're being held, The mattress, The pillow, The sheets, Allow your shoulders to drop, Soften the jaw and simply notice the breath moving in and out, There's nowhere that you need to be, Nothing you need to do, You don't even have to sleep. See yourself now standing in a quiet room, Walls are soft, The light is low, The air is warm and in the center of the room there's a chair and sitting in that chair is a part of you, The part that's been keeping watch, The part that jolts you awake, This part looks tired, Perhaps it's sitting upright, Alert, Eyes wide, Perhaps its shoulders are tense, It's been working so hard, Trying to make sure you fall asleep, Trying to protect you from another restless night, Allow yourself to walk closer now, Sit down beside this part, Let it know gently, Softly, That you're here, You're not here to fix it, You're not here to make it stop, You're here to listen, Ask this part, What are you afraid will happen if you stop watching, And listen, Perhaps it says, I'm afraid you'll never fall asleep, Perhaps it says, I'm afraid you'll be tired tomorrow, Or maybe that you'll fail again to go to sleep, Whatever it says, Let it know that you hear it, Let it know it makes sense, That you understand that this part has and is been trying to help, Has been trying to keep you safe, But it's exhausted, And so are you, So now, Gently, Place your hand on this part's shoulder and say this, You don't have to keep watch anymore, You don't have to keep watch anymore, I'm allowed to stay awake, I'm allowed to stay awake, I'm allowed to rest without sleeping, I'm allowed to rest without sleeping, There's nothing to achieve here, There's nothing to achieve here, One last time, All the way through, Say to that part, You don't have to keep watch anymore, I'm allowed to stay awake, I'm allowed to rest without sleeping, There's nothing to achieve here, And watch as this part's shoulders begin to drop, Watch this part that looks like you, Watch its eyes soften, Watch it lean back in the chair just a little, It's still here, It's still with you, But it's no longer on duty, From this place, Let yourself hear this truth, You are allowed to stay awake, You are allowed to lie here, Eyes closed, Body resting and not fall asleep, There's no performance here, No test to pass, No goal to reach, Sleep is not something you do, It's something that arrives when it's ready, And until it does, You can simply be here, Breathing, Resting, Whole, You're not failing if you're awake, You're not broken if sleep doesn't come, You're simply here, And here is enough, Notice the difference between trying to become asleep and being with yourself whilst awake, One is striving, The other is presence, One is performance, The other peace, You don't need to become anything, You are already whole, You're already complete, You're already enough, Exactly as you are, So let go, Let go of the need to fall asleep, Let go of the timeline, Let go of the watching, And instead, Stay here, With your breath, With your body, With the quiet hum of simply being alive, Allow the image of that room to soften now, Allow the part in the chair to dissolve like a mist, And bring your awareness back to your body, Feel the weight of your head on the pillow, Feel the rise and fall of your chest, Feel the way your body is held, Completely, Fully, Without effort, You're back with you, You're home, And where the sleep comes in the next breath or the next hour, You are safe here, You're allowed to be here, You are enough, And I'm going to leave you here now, In this space of radical permission, In this space of being, Not becoming, And if sleep arrives, Welcome it, And if sleep doesn't, That's okay, You're not here to perform, You are simply here, And that is more than enough, Thank you for being here, And now, Take this feeling with you, You're seen, You're enough, You're home.

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