It may not be obvious to us but following trauma we can hold a very subtle sense of insecurity,
Guilt or blame.
There can be a deep but subtle sense of embarrassment or self-judgments around the situation.
I know with myself it took me quite a while to notice this and even longer to face it but I can now see how much of a vital step it is in the healing path.
Probably the most healing thing we can experience for ourselves is not about us trying to fix or change but by being utterly present with ourselves,
With compassion,
Allowing ourselves to be as we are and know that you are loved.
It's really supportive and nourishing to be able to hold yourself and your experience with love and compassion.
In holding yourself with this sense of love you need to forgive yourself for not wanting to be in the present situation,
Forgive yourself for feeling depressed or angry or whatever it is you may feel,
Forgive yourself for the part that you may have played in getting here.
So bringing a deep sense of forgiveness to your heart and also know that it's not permanent.
This is the beginning of your healing journey.
Everything in life changes and evolves every moment.
So having a sense of forgiveness in your heart can free you from being held back by the trauma and you can begin to really engage in your life further in a healthier and more joyful way.
Just like acceptance,
Forgiveness is the beginning of starting to allow your heart to soften and open but sometimes forgiving ourselves means facing upsetting or uncomfortable feelings that may be lurking there in the background.
But if we can have the courage to be with those feelings and hold them with a sense of love you will find that they will gradually dissolve away.
So in this meditation we'll do a tonglen practice which comes from Tibetan Buddhism.
We'll spend a little while resting and grounding and then a version of yourself will arise in front of you.
That self that feels hurt or wounded or needs healing.
It doesn't matter how old you are or how young you are or in what situation,
It's up to you.
And then we'll go through a gentle practice where you exchange love and forgiveness with this version of yourself.
So before we begin,
Find yourself somewhere to sit.
You can sit with your back straight and tall but still allowing your body to be soft and flexible.
And as you start to settle,
Bring your awareness into your breath within your body.
Notice the air coming in and out of your nostrils and your throat.
Notice the feelings and sensations of your lungs,
Ribs and abdomen.
Rising and falling with each in-breath and each out-breath.
Allowing yourself to rest and be present in your body.
Inquisitive of feelings and sensations in your body as you breathe.
Now move your awareness slightly to become aware of your out-breath as a resting and settling breath.
As you follow each out-breath down,
Allow it to guide you into deeper,
Quieter relaxation.
Breath by breath.
And then whenever you become distracted,
Don't worry about it.
There's no need to judge yourself or push it away.
Just notice it.
See if you can let go of the thought.
Allow it to float away into your mind.
Let go of the thought.
Let go of the thought.
Let go of the thought.
Allow it to float away to wherever it wants to go.
And then gently bring your awareness back to your breath.
And allow yourself to settle and relax into feelings and sensations in your body again as you breathe.
Quiet,
Present awareness.
As you relax,
You notice a small,
Warm,
Radiant sphere of light in your heart.
And it can be whatever color you want it to be.
A color that feels soothing and comforting for you.
The sphere of light holds in it really potent feelings of love and security.
And the sphere of light radiates out,
Filling your whole body with feelings of love,
Compassion,
And safety.
And this light is warm like the sun.
And instead of visualizing this in your head,
See if you can genuinely feel it in your body.
Seated in the space in front of you,
Arises your younger self that you'd like to work with.
Your self that needs healing.
And spend some time tuning into and reflecting upon the nature of your self in front's suffering.
You could maybe become aware of the circumstances that could have caused the suffering.
And try not to become too caught in the story that arises.
Instead,
Notice the feelings that it brings.
And allow the feelings to be a part of you as you move through.
Now you can reflect upon how you would like to take away the suffering and the confusion or pain of the self in front.
As you breathe in,
Let go of the pain and let go of the suffering.
And as you breathe out,
Let go of the pain and let go of the suffering.
Imagine that you breathe in the suffering of yourself in front,
In the form of smoke.
Or if you're uncomfortable with the smoke,
It can be in the form of light.
And let the smoke come down into your heart,
Where it touches the warm,
Loving sphere of light in your heart.
And the smoke is instantly transformed into a light of love and compassion.
As you continue to do this,
Let it have the effect of melting and softening your heart.
And opening your connection to the self before you.
And have the sense that yourself in front begins to be released from its suffering.
Now gently bring that in-breath to an end and just rest there.
And consider in what way you'd like yourself in front to be endowed with the sense of happiness and the sense of self-worth and joy.
As you breathe out,
That light of love and kindness gently goes out from your heart,
Opening your heart to a feeling of warmth and care and forgiveness.
And feel your heart gradually open and soften towards yourself.
Have the sense that your wounded self in front begins to feel lighter,
More nourished,
And satisfied with the light of love that you've emanated.
You can spend some time with this process of the in-breath and then the out-breath.
Finally,
Rest with the feelings that remain from the meditation and let them expand from your heart and spread through your body.
And stay with this as you continue to breathe in and breathe out.
And as you breathe out,
Let yourself be filled with a sense of happiness and contentment.
And as you breathe out,
Let yourself be filled with a sense of happiness and contentment.
And as you breathe out,
Let yourself be filled with a sense of contentment.
And as you breathe out,
Let yourself be filled with a sense of contentment.
And as you breathe out,
Let yourself be filled with a sense of contentment.
And as you breathe out,
Let yourself be filled with a sense of contentment.
And as we bring this meditation to a close,
Allow yourself to be nourished by the love and compassion shared between you and yourself in front.
As I mentioned before,
Sometimes connecting to a wounded part of yourself can bring painful feelings or memories.
But if you can stay with these feelings and allow them to be as they are and to move through,
It gradually allows them to be freed and transformed into feelings of self-acceptance,
Self-love and forgiveness.
This meditation is from my course,
Return to Joy Healing from Trauma,
Where I take you through the steps that I found were really beneficial and rewarding in my journey of healing.
Please feel free to take a look.
The courses are a great space for you to take that journey step by step and reflect back at me so that I can deeply support you and go with you on the journey.
Thank you.
