This work goes deeper in community and with support,
You don't have to heal alone.
If you'd like continued guidance or deeper integration,
Details are available through my profile.
Find a private space where you won't be interrupted for the next 35 minutes,
Turn off notifications,
Lock the door if you need to.
This is time you're giving yourself,
Time that's been waiting for you.
Sit comfortably,
With your spine relatively upright,
But not rigid.
You can sit in a chair,
On the floor,
Wherever feels stable.
Place your hands on your thighs or in your lap.
Close your eyes when you're ready.
Let's begin by taking three deep,
Grounding breaths together.
Breathe in through your nose,
Filling your belly,
Your chest and release through your mouth with sound.
Let that release be audible.
Again,
Breathe in deeply and let go with a sigh.
One more time,
Breathe in and release.
Notice your body.
Notice the weight of you in this space.
Notice any tension,
Any resistance,
Any emotion that's already here.
You don't need to change it,
Just acknowledge it.
Say this to yourself,
Silently or aloud.
I am here.
I am safe.
I am ready to witness what needs to be seen.
The work we're doing today is about the father wound.
This wound lives in every man,
Regardless of whether your father was present or absent,
Whether he was a good man or a harmful one.
The wound isn't about blame,
It's about acknowledgement.
Your father was a man,
Imperfect,
Human,
Carrying his own wounds,
His own unprocessed pain,
His own limitations,
And in his imperfection,
He could not give you everything you needed.
No father can.
That's not a judgement,
It's a truth.
But as a boy,
You didn't know that.
You thought it was about you.
You thought if you were stronger,
Quieter,
Tougher,
More successful,
Then maybe you'd finally get what you needed from him.
Maybe you'd finally be enough.
Take a breath.
Let that land.
Today,
We're going to meet the part of you that's still waiting for that approval,
Still trying to earn that love,
Still carrying the shame of never feeling like you measured up,
And we're going to begin the process of giving yourself what he couldn't give you.
Before we go deeper,
Let's check in with your body.
Your body holds the truth of this wound,
Even when your mind tries to rationalise it away.
Scan your body slowly.
Star at the top of your head and move down.
Notice your jaw.
Is it clenched?
Your throat?
Is there tightness there?
Your chest?
Does it feel open or closed?
Your belly?
Is it soft or armoured?
Now,
I want you to think about your father.
Just bring him to mind.
Don't force anything.
Just notice what happens in your body when you think of him.
Does your chest tighten?
Does your stomach clench?
Do your shoulders rise?
Does your breath become shallow?
Or do you feel nothing?
A familiar numbness?
A protective distance?
There's no right answer,
Just notice your body is telling you something.
Whatever you're feeling.
Anger.
Sadness.
Numbness.
Longing.
Resentment.
Grief.
It's welcome here.
You've been holding this for a long time.
Today you get to put it down and look at it.
Take a breath.
We're going to go deeper now.
I want you to imagine yourself as a young boy.
Pick an age.
Maybe seven.
Maybe ten.
Maybe thirteen.
Whatever age feels right.
See him clearly.
What is he wearing?
Where is he?
What does his face look like?
This boy is you.
And this boy is waiting for something from his father.
Maybe it's attention.
Maybe it's approval.
Maybe it's safety.
Maybe it's just to be seen.
Really seen for who he is.
But for whatever reason he's not getting it.
Maybe his father is physically there but emotionally absent.
Maybe his father is critical.
Harsh.
Impossible to please.
Maybe his father is gone entirely.
Left or lost.
Or never really present to begin with.
See this boy.
Feel what he's feeling.
He's trying so hard.
He's doing everything he can to be good enough.
Strong enough.
Worthy enough.
But it's not working.
Now I want you to ask this boy.
What did you need from him that you didn't get?
Listen.
Don't rush this.
Let him answer.
The answer might be simple.
I needed him to tell me he was proud of me.
I needed him to stop being angry.
I needed him to stay.
I needed him to see me.
I needed him to just be there for me.
Letting me know I'm not alone.
Letting me know I am cared for.
Letting me know I'm not a mistake.
That I'm meant to be here.
Take a breath.
Whatever came up,
Acknowledge it.
This need was real.
It was valid.
And it wasn't met.
Not because you weren't enough.
But because he couldn't.
He didn't have the capacity.
He was doing the best he could with what he had.
And it still wasn't enough for what you needed.
Let yourself feel the grief of that.
The loss.
The longing.
The anger.
Let it be here.
Now I want you to step into your adult self.
Who has learned.
Who has his own strength.
His own wisdom.
His own hard-won maturity.
See yourself now as an adult.
Walking toward that young boy.
You know everything he's going through.
You know the pain he's in.
You know how alone he feels.
And you're going to do something his father couldn't do.
You're going to show up for him.
Kneel down next to him.
Look him in the eyes.
And say to him.
I see you.
I see how hard you're trying.
I see how much you're hurting.
And I want you to know.
It's not your fault.
You didn't do anything wrong.
You were always enough.
He just couldn't give you what you needed.
But I'm here now.
And I'm not leaving.
Let him hear that.
Let him take it in.
Maybe he cries.
Maybe he resists.
Maybe he doesn't believe you yet.
That's okay.
You're here.
You're staying.
Now.
Ask him.
What do you need from me right now?
Listen.
Maybe he needs to be held.
Maybe he needs permission to be angry.
Maybe he needs to hear that he's loved.
Maybe he just needs you to sit with him.
Whatever he needs,
Give it to him.
This is re-parenting.
This is you becoming the father to yourself that you needed him to be.
You can put your hand on your own chest now.
Feel your heart beating.
Feel the warmth of your own hand.
You're giving yourself what was missing.
Take a deep breath.
This is the beginning of healing.
Not the end.
But the beginning of healing.
But the beginning.
Releasing the pattern.
The father wound doesn't just live in the past.
It shows up in your present.
In how you relate to authority.
In how you lead.
In how you love.
In how you judge yourself.
Think about your life right now.
Where do you still hear his voice in your head?
Where do you still try to prove yourself to him,
Or to the world,
In ways that exhaust you?
Maybe you overwork,
Trying to finally be successful enough.
Maybe you shut down emotionally the way he did.
Maybe you avoid conflict,
Or you create it.
Maybe you can't accept help because you learned you had to do everything alone.
Notice the pattern.
Don't judge it.
Just see it clearly.
Now take a breath,
And say this out loud or silently.
This pattern served me once.
It helped me survive.
But I don't need it anymore.
I release the belief that I have to earn my worth.
I release the need to prove myself to a man who could not see me.
I am enough as I am right now.
Feel where that lands in your body.
Maybe there's resistance.
Maybe there's relief.
Maybe both.
All of it is okay.
You are breaking a generational cycle right now.
This is a cycle that you can't stop.
This wound likely didn't start with your father.
It was passed down to him too.
And you're choosing to stop passing it forward.
That takes courage.
That takes consciousness.
That's the work of a mature man.
Before we close,
I want you to acknowledge something important.
Your father,
Despite his limitations,
Gave you something.
Maybe it was resilience.
Maybe it was work ethic.
Maybe it was humor.
Maybe it was just life itself.
You can hold two truths at once.
He wounded you.
And he also gave you gifts.
Healing doesn't require you to hate him or erase him.
It requires you to see him clearly as a whole flawed human being.
Take a moment now to acknowledge what you did receive from him.
Even if it's not what you wanted.
And now acknowledge yourself.
You survived this.
You're here.
You're doing the work to heal.
That matters.
Place both hands on your heart now.
Feel yourself.
Feel your strength.
Feel your capacity to show up for yourself in ways no one else did.
Say this.
I honor the boy I was.
I honor the man I'm becoming.
I am healing.
I am whole.
Take a deep breath.
You've done profound work today.
Now,
Gently begin to bring your awareness back to the room.
Wiggle your fingers.
Your toes.
Feel your body here now.
Grounded and present.
When you open your eyes,
You might feel tender.
You might feel raw.
You might feel lighter.
You might feel exhausted.
All of this is normal.
This is deep work.
And it takes time to integrate.
Be gentle with yourself today.
Drink water.
Move your body if you can.
Journal if words come.
Rest if you need to.
This is part one of the Deep Shadow series.
The father wound doesn't heal in one session.
But you've started.
You've met the pain.
You've offered yourself compassion.
That's everything.
You can return to this practice as many times as you need.
Each time you'll go deeper.
Each time you'll reclaim more of yourself.
Thank you for trusting yourself and me with this work.
When you're ready,
Open your eyes.
This work goes deeper in community and with support.
You don't have to heal alone.
If you'd like continued guidance or deeper integration,
Details are available through my profile.
Continue the journey.
This is part one of the Deep Shadow series.
For continued integration work,
Explore part two.
Reclaiming your rage and part three.
Inner child integration for men.
