Self-Compassion Through Perimenopause & Aging

There's a particular kind of grief that can emerge in the second half of our life.

It's not always dramatic.

It's oftentimes quieter than that.

And noticing.

A recognition that something is changing.

Our body changes,

Our energy changes,

Our emotions may feel different.

Our roles may begin shifting.

The way that we move through the world may no longer feel the same.

And for many of us,

These changes can bring up deep self-judgment.

A part of us may be asking,

What's happening to me?

Why don't I feel like myself?

Am I disappearing?

And I think it's really important to recognize that these fears don't arise in isolation.

We live in a culture that often teaches women that youth is where value lives.

That productivity is where our worth lies and that being needed,

Accommodating,

Attractive,

Or high-functioning is what makes us lovable.

So when we begin changing,

Naturally,

Parts of us become afraid.

Afraid of losing our identity,

Becoming invisible.

Even just aging and slowing down and recognizing that fear can be really powerful.

From an IFS lens,

It makes so much sense that protective parts would emerge around this transition.

You may notice our inner critic becoming louder.

A part that pushes harder,

A part that compares,

That panics.

That wants to regain control.

There's a part that may even feel grief or just want to disappear altogether.

These parts are not failures.

They're really just trying to help us navigate the unknown in a way that they know how.

And what if this season of life is not asking us to become less,

But more honest?

More connected to ourselves,

More discerning,

More intentional,

More rooted in what actually matters.

Many cultures throughout history have viewed this transition in ways very different than modern Western culture.

There are traditions around the world that honor the movement from maiden to mother to crone.

Not as a decline,

But as an evolution.

The Crown was not seen as irrelevant.

She was seen as wise.

She was often the woman who had lived enough to see clearly,

Who no longer needed to perform constantly for approval,

The woman who carried experience,

Intuition,

Perspective,

Discernment,

And depth.

A woman who had walked through love and grief and change and still remained connected to herself.

And I think that there's something incredibly healing about reclaiming that perspective.

Because many women entering perimenopause or menopause are not becoming smaller versions of themselves.

They're becoming more authentic.

More aware of their limits and needs,

More aware of what's no longer sustainable for them,

More aware of where they've overextended,

Overgiven,

Overfunctioned,

Disconnected from themselves in order to survive.

And while that awakening can feel disorienting.

It can also be deeply transformative.

This season invites a different kind of relationship with yourself.

One less rooted in performance and external approval,

And more so in compassion.

Less in proving and more in listening to ourselves.

And what we were taught to be,

And more about who you actually are.

And perhaps self-compassion during this transition looks like.

Speaking more gently to yourself.

Allowing yourself to feel that extensive grief around this big change without shame.

Resting without earning it,

Slowing down without seeing that as a failure,

And recognizing that change does not mean that you're losing yourself.

You may actually be returning to yourself.

Not the younger version.

Not the version shaped entirely by survival or expectation,

But a wiser,

More connected,

And deeply embodied version of you.

And if parts of you are afraid of this transition,

That's OK.

My parts are afraid of this transition,

Too.

You don't need to force yourself to love every change overnight,

But perhaps you can begin by meeting yourself here with curiosity instead of criticism.

This chapter of life is not the end of your value.

For many of us is the beginning of a deeper relationship with our own wisdom.

I'd love it if you could join my community here on Insight Timer by following me for more videos and meditations around menopause or joining the monthly live community event that I host where we talk about our experience with menopause and focus on supporting ourselves during this time.

Thanks so much for watching,

And I hope to see you around in our community.

Take care.