Hello and welcome.
I want to ask you a question.
Have you ever tried all of the nervous system advice that you've seen online?
Take a deep breath,
Meditate,
Sit still,
Just relax.
Go for a walk.
And while those things may be helpful for some people,
You found yourself thinking,
Why doesn't this seem to work for me?
Or maybe you've even wondered if you're doing something wrong.
If that sounds familiar,
I want you to know something right from the start.
You are not failing at regulating your nervous system.
If you're neurodivergent,
Whether you have ADHD or autistic,
OCD or simply experience the world through a more sensitive nervous system.
You may not need more discipline or more willpower.
You may need a different kind of support.
One of the things that I love about learning how the nervous system works is that it gives us a new lens through which to understand ourselves.
Instead of asking,
What the heck is wrong with me?
We begin by asking,
What is my nervous system trying to tell me?
That one small shift can change everything.
Our nervous system is constantly gathering information from the world around us.
It notices sights,
Sounds,
Movement,
Temperature,
Emotions.
Conversations,
Facial expressions,
Physical sensations,
And so much more.
For neurodivergent people,
That information is often processed more intensely or in greater volumes.
You might notice the buzzing of fluorescent lights.
Before anybody else does.
You might feel emotionally affected by the mood or the vibe in the room.
You might become overwhelmed if too many conversations are happening at once.
That's certainly something that gets to me.
Certain clothing textures might be unbearable.
Transitions might feel surprisingly difficult.
Unexpected changes can create a level of stress that others don't seem to understand.
This doesn't mean that you're weak.
Doesn't mean that you're overly sensitive.
It simply means that your nervous system is processing a tremendous amount of information.
Every single day.
The challenges.
Many neurodivergent adults have spent years trying to learn how to ignore these signals.
You've been told to push through.
Stop fidgeting,
Sit still,
Ignore our own discomfort.
To keep going even when we're exhausted,
And to act like everybody else.
Over time,
Many of us become so practiced at masking what our nervous system is experiencing that we stop recognizing its signals altogether.
We don't notice that we're overwhelmed until we're completely exhausted.
We don't realize that we're hungry until we're incredibly irritable.
We don't recognize sensory overload until we're snapping at someone that we care about.
Eventually.
The nervous system begins to protest.
Sometimes it looks like anxiety,
Sometimes burnout.
Sometimes emotional shutdown.
Sometimes what people call a meltdown.
These aren't signs that you've failed.
There are often signs that your nervous system has been asking you for support for a long time.
One of the biggest misconceptions I hear is that a regulated nervous system is supposed to feel calm all the time.
But regulation and calm are not the same thing.
A regulated nervous system isn't one that never experiences stress,
Big emotions,
Or activation.
It's one that can recognize what's happening.
And respond with care rather than internal criticism.
Sometimes a regulated nervous system looks peaceful.
Sometimes it looks like getting up and moving your body because sitting is making things worse.
It might look like putting on noise-canceling headphones before you're overwhelmed.
That might look like using a fidget during a meeting.
Or stepping outside for fresh air.
It might be asking for a break.
Or saying no to that one more commitment.
These aren't signs that you're failing.
Those are examples of listening to your nervous system before it starts shouting at you or someone else.
I often tell clients that regulation isn't becoming less neurodivergent.
It's about becoming more connected to what your particular nervous system needs.
Because your nervous system isn't working against you.
It's working incredibly hard to try to keep you safe.
The more we learn to understand this language,
The less we have to fight with ourselves.
I'd like to leave you with a simple practice that you can use anytime you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed.
It's just a nervous system check-in.
It takes about a minute.
So if it's comfortable,
Take one slow breath.
You don't have to force a deep,
Perfect breath.
Just noticing your breathing as it is.
Hmm.
Now ask yourself.
What is my nervous system noticing right now?
Maybe it's bright lights.
Noise conversations.
Erasing mind,
An uncomfortable chair.
Hunger.
Emotional tension,
Or maybe it's simply I've been on for too many hours without a break.
No need to change anything just yet,
Simply notice.
The second question is,
What might be increasing my stress right now?
Again,
No judgment,
Just curiosity.
Sometimes simply putting words to what we're experiencing helps our nervous system feel understood.
And finally.
.
.
What would my nervous system need in order to feel 5% safer?
Notice,
I didn't stay perfectly calm.
Just 5% safer.
Maybe that means getting a glass of water.
Stretching putting on your headphones.
Closing your eyes for just a minute,
Stepping outside.
Texting someone who feels safe to you.
Or simply giving yourself permission to pause before moving on to that next thing.
So checking in,
What am I experiencing?
What is my nervous system telling me and what would help me feel safer?
Our nervous systems often respond to small moments of safety repeated consistently over time.
Before we finish today,
I want to leave you with one final thought.
For many neurodivergent adults we've spent years asking ourselves.
Why can't I handle this like everybody else?
But perhaps there's a kinder question.
What is my nervous system trying to tell me?
When we begin with listening,
With curiosity,
Instead of criticism.
We stop seeing ourselves as broken.
We begin recognizing that our nervous system has been trying to communicate with us all along.
And that awareness opens the door to something incredibly powerful.
Self-compassion because you don't have to force your nervous system to try to become anybody else's.
You simply get to learn how to care for the one that you have.
Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.
I hope that this conversation reminds you that your nervous system isn't the enemy.
It's been working hard to protect you and it deserves that same compassion and care that you give to other people.
Until next time.
Please take general care of yourself.
