Welcome to Exhaled and Rising.
I am Anna Mael,
Somatic experiencing therapist for PTSD and trauma recovery.
This episode is about how to start your trauma healing when people are not safe.
Many of us are told that healing happens through connection.
But what to do when connection itself is the wound?
And when that connection with someone,
With a person,
With a group of people is a source of trauma?
So let's begin.
If people are not safe,
Let the universe witness you.
Allow the universe to take in your heartbreak,
Your pain,
Your loneliness.
In a healing space,
Many times we overlook capacities of that tremendous space of holding in the universe of what's bigger than us.
And that space,
That bigness,
The vastness of that space is a place that can heal.
Because that spaciousness,
The vastness of space is neutral space.
And the nervous system,
Who has been traumatized,
Is not looking for positive.
It's not looking for negative.
It looks for neutral space to land.
And the universe,
Cosmic space,
Is very neutral and quiet.
It's very quiet.
It carries that energy of a big mother or great mother,
Mother you never had,
A holder,
Someone who can take you in and witness you without opinion,
Without the need to fix or to resolve or change you.
But only to sit with you without time limits for as long as you need.
And for you,
The practice would be to tap into that space when people are not safe.
And even when people are safe,
They will not always be accessible to you.
So you continue to develop this practice to let the universe witness you.
In that potent space,
There is so much potency in that space.
It's a space of holding where your pain will dissolve.
It's a place of rest for your nervous system.
Nervous system needs quietude,
And it needs neutral space,
The least amount of possible impact from outside.
And in that space,
When the universe witnesses you,
You will be mended.
You will be held.
You will be tended to.
You will be mourned.
You will be loved.
You will be soothed.
You will be healed.
That's the potency of that space.
And in practice,
What we do,
Beside that big space of universe,
You can call in your ancestors to witness you as well.
Even you didn't have,
Or you don't know your ancestors,
Or you didn't have a safe relationship with your parents,
You still have your ancestors behind you.
Each person,
You,
If you go 20 generations back,
So that would be about 600 years,
Do you know you have 1,
048,
576 ancestors in your lineage,
Coming from your mother line and your father line?
If you go back 900 years,
You're held by over 1 billion ancestors.
It's a big potency,
Just knowing that.
And let your ancestors witness you in that big space of universe,
Of cosmos.
You can imagine them.
In somatic experiencing,
This is what we do.
We are experiencing felt sense,
Also by imagining,
So it's fully embodied.
Let your ancestors stand in their wisdom,
In their strength,
In their lived experience.
They sit in our DNA,
In our bones.
Let them see you,
Let them witness you.
Invite them in.
In that space,
You can invite your god or goddess,
Your angels.
Let them stand next to your ancestors.
You are not on your own.
Invite your fairies,
Your heroes,
Your magical beings,
The beings that belong to you,
No one else but you.
And let them stand in that vast universe and witness you.
Let them receive you.
And let yourself be shared,
All that is yours,
All that is yours.
And sharing yourself here is not giving yourself away.
It is not the same as when you were hurt.
So this is very important.
That fear,
That cautiousness about you sharing something to someone,
Which was source of your trauma maybe,
Or you being harmed,
Is different.
That fear of connecting,
Born from past wounds,
Will begin to dissolve in this space because it's not connected with people.
In this cosmic place,
You will not deplete yourself when you share or when you receive.
Here,
You receive witnessing with deep holding and with that potency to heal you.
And this is how we build,
We restore trust again.
This is how faith re-emerges.
In this space,
Respect gets to be honored again,
Respect for your own identity,
For your own being,
For your human rights,
For your feelings.
It is where dignity returns.
And this is how we heal.
And for many people,
This is the safest place to begin healing.
Don't go straight into healing with people when there has been too much hurt.
Begin here,
Begin in this space.
And then also,
You can invite the elements,
Connect with wind,
With water,
With plants,
With trees,
Insects,
Animals,
With earth.
And just go there,
Be with them,
Let them witness you,
Let your dog witness you,
Let them whisper to you who you are,
And let them remind you through their steady cycles of life,
Of your own cycles.
And this is very important,
To be reminded,
And you can be reminded by elements,
By nature of cycles.
Because trauma mind believes that pain is linear,
But not cyclical.
And we need to be reminded through witnessing,
And also through being witnessed,
That your pain is cyclical.
Because in many healing circles,
Spiritual bypassing,
Wellness industry,
Everything nowadays is sold and it's promoted as healing should look like progress.
And this is a fantasy healing.
Because healing is cyclical,
And we need to learn that waves of grief don't mean you're failing.
Being reactivated is not regression.
These are rhythms.
So in a healing,
In trauma healing,
You need to fine tune rhythms and observe your rhythms.
And the body heals in spirals,
Right?
So there is no this fantasy healing,
Because if you're hooked in a fantasy healing,
That everything is progress,
That you will be healed and transformed over the weekend,
Once you sign up for this magical workshop.
Well,
Many times what it does,
People start panicking when symptoms return.
So we need to normalize healing.
And what does it mean?
So to summarize all of this,
Witnessing is medicine.
Healing begins when your experience is held without agenda,
Even in a therapist's office.
You're a therapist,
And if you're a therapist,
You are trained to leave agenda,
To have a treatment plan,
But not agenda.
Healing also begins when there is no judgment,
Or urgency,
Or correction.
And for many trauma survivors,
The injury is often not only what happened,
But what followed,
What followed.
And the biggest source of pain is when we,
After trauma,
When we face,
In other people,
Disbelief,
Minimization,
Or when we are shunned into secrecy,
Isolation,
Or being forced to to move on,
Quote unquote,
Or to be forgiving,
Or to think positive.
And that's not okay.
And if you live around people who are like this,
You don't start your healing with people.
What you need is a reliable container.
And you start with your neutral container when people aren't safe.
Because when trauma is alive in your nervous system,
Your nervous system will not co-regulate with people yet.
Because nervous system associates people with opinion,
With judgment,
With control,
With pressure to resolve quickly,
Or to heal quickly.
Or your nervous system associates people with betrayal,
Or demands to explain,
Or to perform.
And what's safer to start your healing is that vast,
Non-reactive presence.
Because space holds.
Universe holds.
That space is a space when we meditate.
In that holding space,
You enter when you meditate,
Or when you're walking,
When you do ecstatic dance,
Or any modality of a free-flow dance,
When you paint,
When you knit.
And that space holds.
And when we get into that space,
What that space does,
It has a function as a regulation strategy.
It is orientation to something larger and steadier.
And it reduces constriction and hypervigilance in your nervous system.
So this is what we are looking for in a trauma recovery.
And also,
What we want to do,
We want to repair attachment without bypassing reality.
And this is not telling people,
Trust everyone,
Or heal through community immediately.
What is important is repairing attachment without bypassing reality.
And what is real is that people harm us.
And we don't want to rush into human connection.
If humans are the wound,
This is reality.
And we want to start very gently,
Where the nervous system can actually settle,
Can actually take a breath,
Where it doesn't need to be cautious.
You don't want to enter healing space,
Where even in a healing space,
You need to be cautious around people.
You need to create safety first,
Then relationship.
And if safety first is a place where you will be witnessed by universe,
By a dog,
By ancestors,
By God,
By people,
By lake,
By trees,
This is your place to begin.
And why did I use ancestors?
As you know,
This podcast is called Exiled.
Many of us who are exiled,
Displaced,
When we live in a place of unbelonging,
It is crucial to connect with our ancestors.
Because that lineage works as a stabilizer,
As embodied sense that you are not isolated,
But part of something that has wisdom,
That has endured,
That has strength.
It's in your DNA.
And as I said,
In Somatic Experiencing Therapist,
We are using imagination a lot.
Not as escapism,
Not as bypassing,
But as a resourcing.
And this is one of the key trauma skills,
Is resourcing.
And resourcing includes safe people,
Real,
Or in this case,
Remembered places that feel protective.
So this can be you walking in a forest,
Being by the lake,
Working in your garden,
Feeling the earth,
Feeling the plants,
Going to the church,
Connecting with your ancestors.
Resourcing can include spiritual figures,
Symbols of protection and strength,
Or your altars.
So what we want to develop in clients,
Ability to be resourceful and to resource.
Places,
Things,
And beings of safety.
So you can build your protective circle when the world is unsafe.
And that's not a fantasy healing.
It is very structured support for the psyche and for your nervous system.
When we get harmed by people,
When trauma is relational,
Being seen means being harmed.
And when we let universe to witness us,
We have been seen,
But through witnessing I safely.
And this is how we start being healed.
And we want to train discernment.
There are places where your expression costs you.
And also places where your expression heals you.
And to develop this discernment is a crucial for trauma healing.
So I hope with this piece,
You will have a starting place when relational healing feels impossible.
There you can be held without asking permission,
Without proving you deserve it.
I would like to invite you to not let anyone force unsafe intimacy or unsafe healing for you.
Also,
It's invitation for you to be aware of urgency-based healing culture,
Fantasy healing,
Big transformation which will happen over a weekend.
And lastly,
Do not rush into healing through people.
When the wound came from people,
This is all for today.
I am Anamail.
This is Exile in Rising.
And until next time,
Much care,
Much care.
