Being With Painful Feelings - Insight Live July 25, 2022

Painful, difficult feelings arise in all of us. We can meet them with gentle compassion, rather than fear and dread. We can stay present and care for whatever comes up rather than be carried away. We gathered on Insight Live, July 25, 2022 to share practices from the Community Resiliency Model, self-compassion , RAIN and more for being with painful feelings, and closed with a guided meditation. This audio is excerpted from that session. To skip the talk and go to the meditation advance to 34:43.

Transcript

Why don't we take a moment just to begin and settle before we get started with the talk.

So I'll talk first and then I'll do the meditation.

But as we begin,

I really want to invite you just to be in this moment,

Be in this time to really let yourselves be present to this experience,

To the sense of being held by this community.

The reminder that we are not alone no matter what we're going through.

And that all feelings belong.

We have the capacity to care for whatever comes up.

And maybe as we begin,

Just allow yourself to settle.

And if you're seated,

Maybe just notice your bottom on the chair.

Notice your feet on the floor.

Notice yourself in your body.

Because when we notice ourselves in our bodies,

It's a reminder that we are available to ourselves.

Just be present,

Noticing what it's like to breathe.

And again,

Seeing what you can let go of.

Maybe letting go of everything that came before now so that you can really be here for the next 45 minutes or so.

And yes,

To letting go of everything that will come next,

Knowing that it's okay to put it to the side.

Just give your attention to this experience.

And if you haven't done so already,

I would invite you to set an intention for this practice.

Go ahead if it feels right and seal your intention with a breath.

So let yourself inhale fully,

Maybe even holding at the top.

Go ahead and exhale,

Letting everything go.

One more time,

Just sealing the intention,

Letting yourself be present.

Inhale letting the belly rise.

And exhale,

Feeling yourself in your body.

Letting everything that is not now just follow it.

Yes.

So welcome again.

I've been thinking a lot about being with painful feelings.

We all have.

And I came up with some things that of course we already know,

But sometimes it's helpful to be reminded because when we're overwhelmed,

When we're stressed,

Sometimes we forget.

We know that our thinking brain can go offline.

And I've showed this many times before thinking about the hand as a model of our brain.

There's our survival brain here,

The brainstem,

The part that's responsible for fight or flight.

There's the emotional brain,

The part that mediates emotions and memories with the amygdala,

The threat assessor of our,

It's like the smoke detector of the brain.

It alerts us to danger and it can be physical danger,

Emotional danger,

Perceived danger,

Real danger.

The body can't often tell the difference.

If anything seems like danger,

It's danger to the amygdala and it often sounds.

And when it does the prefrontal cortex,

The part of the brain that's responsible for thinking,

Learning,

All of that,

It goes offline.

Right?

And so it makes sense that when we're really overwhelmed,

All of the things that we think we know,

We know we don't remember them because we're here in our emotional brain and we're here in our survival brain.

And this part of the brain really only pays attention to sensations.

It's only concerned with keeping us alive and it's very focused on what's going wrong around us.

It has a negativity bias.

And so sometimes it can be helpful to remind ourselves that even when things are going wrong,

That we can open up ourselves to the fullness of the experience and also notice what's going right.

And so thinking about things that I can remind us of now,

The first is we all have a hard time sometimes.

So just take a moment and really let that in that when we're having a hard time,

Sometimes it can feel like we're getting something wrong,

That somehow we are wrong,

That we are not doing our lives right,

Or this is too much,

I can't take this,

It's too hard.

And all of those things are probably true in the moment that it feels like more than we can handle.

And it's important to remind ourselves that we have felt that way before and somehow we have always found our way through.

And each time we will,

We will find our way through,

Reminding ourselves that we have the capacity to do hard things as the expression has been these days.

And so our job is not to figure out how not to have a difficult time,

How not to have pain in our lives because we know that that's going to happen.

Our job is really to figure out how we can care for ourselves,

How we can show up for ourselves when painful feelings arise,

When difficulty arises,

When disappointment comes,

How do we show up for ourselves?

And the first piece is to remember that we don't shame or blame ourselves,

That we recognize that we're having a normal human experience and again,

We're not getting anything wrong.

That all feelings belong,

Even the ones that we don't like,

They have a place,

They can give us information,

They can tell us maybe there's something that has to be changed,

Something that has to be endorsed,

Something that has to be advocated against,

But that we're having a normal human experience.

When we're getting sensations in the body,

Often we don't think of our body as a source of information.

We don't think of the body as an ally,

But the body is always communicating with us.

So there is the autonomic nervous system that is our central nervous system and is always on the lookout for cues of safety and cues of danger.

And those cues can come from inside of the body.

Sometimes it can feel like a racing heart or it can feel like tension in the body.

It can feel like shallow breathing or sometimes the cues of danger can come from outside of the body.

Maybe it's a sound or a situation or a real fear.

Maybe something is unsafe happening in our community or in our home.

And so we are wired to stay alive and we are always hyper-vigilant.

We're always paying attention to anything that could jeopardize our physical or emotional safety.

So yes,

We have to pay attention to these cues.

And as we're paying attention to the cues,

We get to decide how we want to show up for ourselves.

And so thinking about how we can manage painful feelings,

At first I came up with several deeds that might help us think about how to remember it.

The first is to detect.

I detect that something is happening.

What could it be?

Something is going on.

There's information for me.

It's letting me know that there's something happening that I need to respond to.

There's a part of me that needs my care.

There's a part of me that needs my attention.

There's a part of me that needs my response.

And that's why it's so important to stay available to the body because when that distress is coming up,

You want to be able to stay to that part inside of you that feels wounded or afraid or overwhelmed.

I'm here for you.

I'm here with you.

I'm not going to leave you.

But when we run away,

We're not available to ourselves to offer ourselves the care that we need.

And part of that availability means recognizing,

Okay,

There's a place in my body that's telling me that distress is present,

That anger is present,

That sadness is present,

That embarrassment is present.

But there's always another part of my body,

My wise mind,

My resilient self,

My restored self,

My whole self that remains available to care for the part of me that needs my attention and my love and my compassion in that moment.

And so being able to practice body-based skills helps keep those parts together.

The part of me that needs help always needs to be supervised and cared for by the part of me that's always available to help.

And that's one really important way of being with painful feelings,

Being available,

Being able to show up for yourself,

Being able to care for whatever comes up without shame,

Without blame,

Without pushing in a way,

Just recognizing that we're having that normal hearing experience.

Sometimes we're overwhelmed.

Sometimes we're overwhelmed.

Yes,

Especially now.

And we're not wrong in that.

So yes,

The first thing we're going to do is detect.

And then we're going to decide,

How do I want to show up for myself?

How do I want to respond to what's happening in the moment?

And how we answer that question really depends on our capacity.

And our capacity waxes and wanes.

And you all have heard me talk about this before.

So we can think about our capacity kind of like lines in the road.

Sometimes the capacity is narrow.

Maybe we're tired.

We've had a lot going on.

We're living through a pandemic.

Sometimes our capacity is wider.

We have more ability to be present,

To stay present,

To show up for ourselves.

We have more ability to exercise choice.

But the second D really is to decide.

And so part of what we're deciding is,

How do I want to be with my distress?

If we have more capacity,

We might decide that we can be present.

And present means going into the body,

Noticing where the distress is,

And just watching it with patient,

Gentle,

Loving attention.

Again,

Not with aversion,

Not with shame,

Not with blame.

Maybe not even wishing that it would go away.

Because remember,

It's information.

It's letting us know that we're having an experience that needs tending to.

It's a reminder that we need our own tender love and care and attention.

And so as we're being with the experience,

We might even bring in rain.

So just recognizing that it's there,

Allowing it,

Allowing it.

And as we allow it,

It might look like,

Oh,

Fear is here.

And I heard Gil Fransdahl talk about this,

And I really love it.

This is kind of what I got from it.

If we're thinking about a car,

We can think about fear as a passenger in the car,

Not a driver of the car.

If we're thinking about anxiety,

Anxiety is a passenger in the car.

It's not the driver of the car.

Our wise mind,

Our caring mind,

That's the driver of the car.

And that's the part of ourselves that can soothe the anxiety.

It can soothe the fear.

It can show up for the fear.

So when we can recognize it as there,

We can allow it,

We can investigate it and nurture it.

We have the capacity then to be able to let the fear be there without getting rid of it because maybe it wants to tell us something.

But again,

It's a passenger in the car.

It's not the driver in the car.

So we don't have to get rid of fear to be able to do our lives.

We don't have to be able to get rid of fear to also know that there's good things in life.

There's joy in life.

There's happiness in life.

The fear can be there.

It can sit right next to our courage.

They can be there together.

So when we have the capacity,

Maybe we can let ourselves be with the experience.

We can show up for it.

We can be available to it.

We can have compassion for it.

We can be with it.

If we don't have the capacity,

And sometimes we won't.

Sometimes we won't because we're all tired.

We're all holding a lot.

Maybe our cup is just empty.

Maybe we're exhausted.

If you don't have the capacity,

Then maybe you might try another day,

Which is distract.

So you're noticing,

Oh my goodness,

This pain is so deep.

It's so terrible.

It's so sharp.

I just can't do it anymore.

It's just too much for me.

It's too much.

So maybe it can feel okay to let ourselves breathe in and let our attention switch to a place in the body that feels more pleasant or more neutral.

The other piece is that sometimes I know for me,

When I'm experiencing a lot of distress,

That I can kind of collapse.

And when I collapse,

My point of view really narrows.

And so as soon as I recognize this,

One of the things that really helps me is to,

Again,

Ground myself.

So noticing my feet on the floor,

Noticing my bottom in the chair.

And even something as simple as sitting straight,

Like bringing my spine straight,

I can feel the shift in my body.

And I can lift my gaze and kind of look around because that reminds me that that collapsed place really narrows my point of view and it doesn't help grow my capacity.

But sometimes extending my spine,

Lifting my gaze,

Getting myself distracted from what's happening,

Changing my point of view,

Noticing what colors I can see,

Noticing what's lovely in the room,

Breathing deeply.

All of that can sometimes,

If I don't have the capacity to be with my distress,

That could be a nice way of distracting myself from my distress.

Another thing that really helps me is just standing up and walking.

I always notice a shift if I stand up.

I stand up,

Walk around,

And just notice what I notice.

Notice my foot fall,

Notice what I see,

Just pay attention to my experience,

Come back to the moment.

And then maybe if I'm feeling more capacity from doing that,

Then I can go back to my distress.

Okay,

I can be available for you now.

What is it that you're trying to tell me?

What do you need?

How can I care for you in this moment?

I'm talking to that part of me inside that feels so terrible.

How can I show up for myself in this moment?

And so those are some of the things that have been really helpful for me.

Knowing that you're feeling that way today,

Some of the things that you might be mindful of is how you talk to yourself because our attitude can shape our experience.

And so it could be sometimes as simple as saying,

I'm having a really hard time.

This is painful.

This hurts.

What do I need?

And you could even talk to yourself like you might talk to your pet or a loved one.

And it's okay to slow down and care for yourself.

And again,

I'm here for you.

You don't have to figure this out by yourself because a part of me that is wise and strong is always here,

Always available,

And will never leave you,

Will always be here with you.

And that's an important,

Kind,

Loving way to talk to ourselves.

In contrast to what we sometimes do,

Which is,

Why do I feel like this?

What's the matter with me?

Why can't I get it together?

And you remember what I talked about with the hand.

When we talk to ourselves like that,

We can really activate a fight or fight response because we need our own tender,

Loving words.

We need our own tender,

Loving care.

And so speak sweetly,

Speak softly to one and only you,

Be gentle with yourself,

Be kind with yourself.

And it's okay to feel that way.

That's exactly right.

Whatever comes up belongs.

Whatever comes up needs our attention,

Needs our love,

Needs our care.

And we can do that for ourselves.

So we first detect,

Right,

Something's happening.

We decide,

How do I want to respond to this experience?

We can direct our attention inwards and really be with the experience.

If that feels too much for right now,

It's too hard,

We can first distract.

So step away from it for just a moment.

And then as soon as you're able,

Come back and offer yourself your sweet,

Attentive,

Loving attention.

And then next,

Determine.

So now we talked about how it's information.

Pain is information.

And so does it mean that a boundary has to be reset?

Is it a situation that you have some control over?

What is the next best step?

Who can advocate for you?

How can you advocate for yourself?

What do you want to take away from this experience?

How do you want to show up for yourself?

What do you want to do about it?

And is it appropriate to surrender?

Sometimes it's something you can absolutely do something about.

And as soon as you're able,

You can do that,

Even if it's one small step.

Sometimes the prayer is really around acceptance.

Sometimes there's not anything you can do about it,

Especially if we're talking about the loss of a loved one or the loss of a life situation.

And so we just want to care for our deep grief.

We want to care for our fear around transitions and changes.

We want to be available for whatever is there.

And so that's the last D.

Determine what you want to do.

And remember as you're determining that the best way to bring your wise mind is to first get yourself back here.

Because again,

If the alarm sounds,

The emotional brain sounds,

The amygdala,

Then the thinking brain goes offline.

Choices and decisions made here are not going to be ones that you feel really good about later.

They make sense in the moment,

But they're based on emotions and our fight or flight.

So we want to get back here first,

Where our prefrontal cortex,

Our thinking brain,

Is working in concert with our emotional brain and our survival brain.

So the best way to do that is first get back into your body,

Practice some of those wellness skills about being available to yourself so that you can let your nervous system know that in this moment I'm safe.

The alarm can go off.

I can bring my thinking brain back online and I can decide not for my emergency survival fight brain,

But for my fully integrated thinking brain.

So my wise mind is involved in any decision that I make,

In any choices that I make.

Acceptance is really hard sometimes.

It is so,

So hard.

We wish that things were different.

And we can even say that,

You know,

This is hard.

I wish things were different.

May I find the courage that I need to be with things as they are.

And even as we're moving toward acceptance,

We can notice those moments when there's a little bit of ease,

Just a little crack of acceptance.

So what often happens when we're having a really difficult time is we imagine that our pain and difficulty is solid and unchanging.

That is always at a 10.

But sometimes it's not.

There are those moments when there's a little bit of ease and it maybe goes down to a nine or even a six.

We laugh with a coworker,

We laugh with a friend,

We get a hug from someone who loves us.

We feel really seen.

And in those moments,

There is ease.

We kind of ease into it over time and we trust ourselves and we trust the process,

Offering ourselves really patient care along the way,

Accepting whatever comes up.

So accepting that is hard to accept,

Knowing that even though I'm not there right now,

I trust that I will get there and I will care for myself along the way.

I will be patient with myself along the way,

Reminding myself that this is hard and I'm not alone in that.

So the first is to detect.

So I can recognize that something's going on.

Pain is present.

Overwhelm is present.

Difficulty is present.

And once I can recognize that,

We've heard expressions like name entertainment or maybe even heard about the RAIN practice,

Just recognizing what's happening in the moment.

And then after that,

We can decide because we always have a choice of how we respond to our distress if we allow ourselves to stay in our bodies.

So we can kind of test ourselves out,

How much capacity do I have?

If I have enough capacity,

I can stay with the experience and I can direct my attention inward.

I can scan my body and try to notice where is my fear showing up?

How does my body tell me that fear is present?

How does my body tell me that overwhelm was present?

How does my body tell me that sad is present?

And I can remind myself that there's a part of my body,

Regardless of what is going on,

My wise mind that's always available to show up for and care for the part of me that is afraid or insecure or fearful or anxious.

And so as I'm deciding if I'm available to myself in this moment,

I can direct my attention to my own care.

I can have some compassion for myself.

But sometimes we don't have the capacity.

We're just really overwhelmed or we're tired.

And if that's the case,

Then we can distract ourselves until we feel ready.

And we want to choose distractions that don't make the problem worse.

And so part of that means still being available,

But maybe shifting our attention away from the distress and staying in a place in the body that feels more pleasant or more neutral.

And for me,

That looks like kind of lifting my spine because I can feel a shift when I do that.

Or walking and noticing my foot fall.

That helps me.

It also helps me to inhale and extend my exhale.

That helps me too.

So practice noticing what helps in your body.

And one way to do that would be just kind of notice what sensations arise for you moment to moment.

So as you breathe,

Just notice what's here.

Am I experiencing any sensations that are pleasant?

Are they unpleasant?

Are they neutral?

And if I'm doing something that feels like even a small shift,

If I can go from deeply unpleasant to neutral,

I can let my attention stay with whatever I'm doing that caused the shift.

If I'm doing something that brought my attention from deeply unpleasant or unpleasant to pleasant or neutral,

Then yes,

More of that please.

So as I'm distracting myself,

As I'm bringing in those pleasant or neutral sensations,

I'm also soothing my nervous system.

And as I'm doing that,

I'm also growing my capacity.

And as I grow my capacity,

Then I might have more ability to go back and be with the experience more fully.

So that's the second D.

To direct or distract depending on my capacity.

And then finally determine.

So what are my needs in this moment?

Do I need to set a boundary with someone?

Do I need to advocate for something?

Do I need to take a nap?

Do I need to make some different choices?

So I need to ask someone around me to make some different choices.

Where do I have control here?

How would I like to use my power now?

And so that's what we're determining.

So it's detect,

Decide,

Direct,

Distract,

And determine.

And the other thing that I said at the beginning is that pain is a normal part of the human experience.

And when it happens,

There is a tendency to feel like I'm getting something wrong,

I'm doing something wrong,

I'm being punished,

And we're not.

What we want to do is recognize again that we're not alone in that.

We will all have a hard time sometimes.

And our job is not to figure out how to never have a hard time.

Our job is to figure out how to care for ourselves when pain arises.

And so that's really my charge to everyone.

Just tracking.

Now do some things and just notice as you do them what happens in your body.

Notice if your shoulders release.

Notice if your breath deepens because that's a way of letting yourself know that your parasympathetic nervous system has come back online.

You take a deep breath sometimes.

So notice that.

Sometimes if I'm overwhelmed,

There's like a tight,

Crowded feeling,

Heavy feeling in my chest.

And sometimes,

You know,

I notice that it's not there.

So notice that.

Sometimes when pleasant or neutral sensations are there,

And let your attention rest there because that helps grow your capacity.

And that's a lovely way of caring for yourself and reminding yourself about what is also true.

So yes,

I'm having a hard time.

And it's also true that I know how to care for myself.

So just notice what works for you and really do that.

And do it every day because that's a way of deepening our resiliency.

That's a way of deepening our capacity.

So what if it feels like I can't go on?

I would say a couple of things about that.

First,

Immediately find someone who can support you.

Talk with someone about that out loud.

And recognize too that sometimes we do feel so exhausted that we can't think beyond this very moment.

Right?

And remind ourselves that we've been through difficult times before,

We've been through painful times before,

And somehow we found our way through.

And we will find our way through again.

And we're not alone in that.

And so sometimes it can help me to think about all the other people who are suffering in this very moment,

Just like me.

And all the other people who are finding a glimmer of hope in this moment,

Just like me,

Just like you.

And so think,

Parik,

About the people in this very community right now.

And so as you're letting yourself cry,

Really let yourself hold yourself tenderly.

Yes,

This is really hard.

This is painful.

And maybe even stand up to yourself from having a hard time right now.

And may I find the strength that I need in this moment.

May I be able to stand for this experience as it is right now.

And one of the things that's super hard for me when I'm having a hard time is hating the feeling.

I don't like this.

I don't want it.

I wish it would go away.

And sometimes that just makes me feel worse.

So it can help to just notice this is how it is right now.

This is how it is.

How can I care for myself in this moment?

And sometimes one of the things that can help is to bring in a resource.

So anything that brings a sense of peace or calm or joy.

And it may be that it's been a long time since you had anything like that,

But maybe you could think about a time that you felt deeply cared for.

And what was that like in your body?

And how were you cared for?

And sometimes as we think about our resource,

We can notice a little bit of a shift in the body,

A little bit of a lift in the body,

Because it's sensations that we're wanting to respond to.

And when we are feeling so much despair and so much overwhelmed,

It's the body itself,

The felt sense of safety,

The felt sense of I can get through this that we're wanting to cultivate.

So if there's a place inside where you can remember the felt sense of having been cared for,

The felt sense of having been supported,

Maybe notice where in your body that was.

It does not last.

We have to let ourselves save it,

But also let it go.

So as we are being present to what's lovely,

As we're letting ourselves be present to what's painful,

We're recognizing that all of our experiences arise and pass away,

That nothing is permanent.

Our pain is not permanent.

Our joy is not permanent.

Everything comes and goes.

Everything is impermanent.

And it's okay to have a hard time sometimes.

Even say that I'm having a really hard time right now.

This is so hard.

This is so painful.

And as you're crying,

Could you let your attention rest on any part of the body that feels a little bit better?

So maybe if you feel the overwhelm in your chest,

Can you notice what your ears feel like or notice what your knees feel like?

And let your attention rest there for just a moment,

Reminding yourself that you are cared for.

This might be one of those times when you don't have the capacity to be with your distress.

So this might be a perfect time to distract yourself away from it.

And that's perfectly okay.

Our capacity waxes and wanes.

And so you might even,

If it feels right,

Pull out your phone and maybe there are pictures in there that remind you of a time when you felt a little bit better.

I was talking about how we can pay attention to sensations in the body and care for those that are associated with our distress.

And also let our attention rest on those that are associated with our wellbeing.

Like they're all going to be there.

And when the distress arises,

We care for it.

If we have the capacity,

If we don't have the capacity,

Then we shift our attention to something that feels more pleasant or neutral.

Maybe a sensation that in the moment reminds us of our wellbeing or our capacity for wellbeing.

And even though we've lost our way,

We always do so have the capacity to feel better.

And sometimes we need help.

Sometimes we need a lot of help or a little bit of help.

We can work with trusted,

Healthy friends.

We can work with therapists.

We can work with our faith community.

We don't have to figure this out by ourselves.

That's what's lovely about the Inside Tama community.

And this community has helped me so much.

And I'm really glad that we've had this throughout the pandemic.

A cup of tea really helps.

And so as you're doing that,

Because we're talking about being present in the moment,

As you're having your tea,

Notice what it feels like on your tongue.

Notice the warmth of the mug.

Notice the smoothness of the mug.

Let yourself be present to the sensational experience of drinking the tea.

So really give yourself over to that experience because that's a way of caring for yourself too.

Antidepressants do help.

They definitely help.

And so one of the things that can be helpful about antidepressants is that they can give you a little bit of space if you don't feel like you have any space between yourself and the distress.

And one of the things I was talking about before is the difference between having fear or sadness as a passenger in the car or having it be the driver of the car.

And one of the things about antidepressants is it can feel like I am my sadness,

I am my fear,

I am my anxiety,

And I'm not.

I'm having experience of anxiety.

I'm having an experience of sadness,

Having an experience of overwhelm.

And I can care for that piece of myself.

And so one of the things that can help with antidepressants is it can kind of give you that space,

You can feel yourself apart from some of the things that are causing so much distress and overwhelm.

So we care for ourselves and we care for each other and we deserve our own love and care.

And that's so wonderful.

I mean,

We can get help.

We can ask for help.

We don't have to figure it out by ourselves.

We don't.

There's nothing wrong with needing help sometimes.

A lot of times we like to pretend that we are okay when we're not.

And you've heard that expression,

You can't fix what you won't face,

Right?

So if you are ready,

I'm going to go ahead and do the meditation.

I'm actually going to do the one that's on the site being with painful feelings.

So as we begin,

I want to invite everyone to again find your seat.

Notice your bottom.

Notice your breath.

See if you can notice yourself slowing down.

And this is your practice.

And so if I offer anything,

If I say anything that does not feel right in your body today,

Leave it and do what feels right for you because this is your practice.

And your nervous system is yours alone and you know what suits you.

So pay attention to what's happening in your body.

Track your sensations and let your attention rest on sensations that are pleasant or neutral,

Those that feel comfortable in the body,

Those that are unpleasant or uncomfortable,

Those you don't like.

Let your attention shift to someplace else if you can't be with those sensations tenderly.

And so,

Yes,

Sometimes life feels incredibly painful with no immediate relief in sight.

You are not being punished and you haven't done anything wrong.

Just take a moment now to remind yourself that no matter what's happening in your life,

It's not saying anything about who you are as a person.

It's not saying anything about your worthiness,

Your deservedness of joy and peace.

And it's okay to let yourself slow down and offer yourself your tender love and care.

So just maybe see if you can experience that right now.

If you offered yourself your tender love and care,

What would that feel like in your body?

Breathe deeply and let that sensation land wherever that feels right.

And as you do,

Have courage reminding yourself that pain and disappointment are a normal part of the human experience.

And you are not alone.

We are not alone.

We can get through this.

And as we do,

It's normal that we'll feel sad sometimes or angry or anxious when life feels hard.

Maybe even just place your hand on your heart center here.

Yes,

This is hard.

Yes.

And no,

I'm not alone.

Yes,

I know how to care for myself.

Yes,

I give myself permission to ask for help when I need it.

And yes,

I am worthy of support.

Take a moment and breathe deeply.

Feel yourself in your body.

And maybe as you do,

Feeling your wise mind,

Almost as if it's putting loving arms around the part of you that's hurting.

This is your wise,

Loving,

Compassionate mind,

Gently holding,

Gently caressing the part of you that needs loving attention.

And this is you being available to you,

You being available for you.

Feel your feet.

Feel your breath.

And remind yourself just this,

Only this.

I'm letting myself be fully present to this experience.

I'm letting myself be fully available to me.

And as you do,

If you feel ready,

If you feel available with the capacity,

See if you can search inside the body for any place that feels ease,

Any place that feels open,

Maybe a little loose.

And let your attention rest there.

Could it be your ankle or it could be the middle of your back?

It could be your ear or your eye.

Could it bring all of your attention to a place in the body where there's a bit of ease?

And as you do,

Imagine that ease spreading just a little bit.

It's like warmth.

Let's see if you can identify any other place in the body where ease is present.

And let yourself breathe into their softness.

And again,

As you do,

Find your breath.

See if you can inhale and see if you can let your exhale be a little bit longer than your inhale.

And do that a few times,

Maybe even counting.

So inhaling for the count of four and exhaling for the count of six.

Always staying with the body any places that feel warm,

Noticing where there's ease,

Noticing where you're supported.

There's nothing else you have to do right now.

And now it's just time to tend to you,

To be with your moment,

To be with this experience.

So just this,

Just caring for one and only you.

And as you do,

I invite you to call in a mantra,

Something that you're going to decide to say to yourself as a reminder to be available to you whatever comes up.

A reminder that all feelings belong.

We are not wrong in our feelings.

And our job is not to hate our feelings.

Our job is not to get rid of them.

Our job is to figure out how to care for our own sweet human experience of having feelings we like and feelings we don't like.

And as we practice,

As we learn to do this,

We build more confidence,

We build more courage,

We build more compassion for ourselves and our capacity to be with difficulty.

Because we remember that we know how to show up for ourselves.

We know how to care for ourselves.

And when we don't remember,

We know that we belong to a community of people who love us and care for us and who will remind us because they struggle sometimes too.

And so we share our ideas,

We share our strength,

Then we remember that we are not alone.

So as we get ready to close,

I invite you to inhale with your mantra to seal it.

And as you exhale,

Exhale peace to the entire community here together.

And this time,

Inhale peace.

And as you exhale,

Exhale love.

Maybe place your hand on your heart center.

May we all connect with the strength we need to get through hard times.

May we all remember that we are enough.

And may we feel enough.

May we offer ourselves our own love and care.

And may we always make room for joy.

So yes,

Pain is present.

Maybe we make room for what is also true,

Joy,

Ease,

Peace,

Connection,

Belonging,

Impermanence.

And may we be safe.

Thank you,

Everyone.

And please take sweet,

Gentle care of yourselves.

Be kind to yourselves.

Be patient with yourselves.

Be gentle with yourselves.

And whatever feelings come up,

Care for them.

Let them be there without fear,

Without aversion,

Knowing that everything that arises also passes the way.

Reviews

Amazing I've been listening to you for years, but this is the first time.I really, really, really am going through something so terrible in this meditation.Talk, really?Helped me, I'm gonna be listening to a probably once a day for the next week.At least and going back to your archives.Thank you so much.Do you have anything new?
I really am going. To do something really tragic and I would love to be able to talk to somebody about it. I do have a therapist as psychiatrist, but I'm a 50 soon to be 51-year-old single mother of 2 girls. And that's the struggle, the 2 girls and the demons that I've carried and the 5 of Domino surgeries that I've had the last 2 and a 1/2 years. I have a lot of pain and a lot of trauma.. So any way that we can speak in person,?
I am In the medical field dental hygiene twenty years Plus ten before that as an assistance or thirty years of dentistry I really, really enjoy your voice. The way I feel calm down immediately. And you bring my mind into a realm of looking at things in a different way. I'm a very pessimistic person. I had a terrible childhood. Things in my adult life has not been great. I would really like to talk with you or communicate with you. On some level, it would be Is one of my Greatest moments to be able to speak to a woman like you
.

Angela Fullilove RDH. CA..FRESNO

Wow! This was a huge blessing to me. I’ve listed twice already and learned several new techniques. Thank you so much for sharing your healing gifts 🙏🏽

This is such a beautiful and nourishing talk and meditation. Both helped me to feel supported and support myself during my own experience of painful feelings. Thank you so much for this talk and meditation!

My son was recently diagnosed with cancer and even though he has a favorable prognosis this is the most challenging thing I have faced and your talk and meditation was exactly what I needed this
Morning. Thank you

You inspire trust and a feeling of safety. 🙏🏼🪶

Thank you. This helped me so much.

Barbara, thank you very much for this wonderful meditation! It resonated with me at all levels. I felt overwhelmed today but after hearing your powerful message, I am taking care of myself and my feelings, this too shall pass! 🙏💖

Excellent resources navigating uncomfortable emotions! Thank you!! I noticed a nod to several dialectical behavior therapy skills. Very helpful!

Very helpful for me as I am working with IFS Therapy and your guidance is strengthening the healing I am experiencing.