Parenting Superpower #4: Managing Thoughts

The "Parenting Superpowers Toolkit" mini talks focus on strategies that are within our control. Superpower #4 is about building the muscle of catching your habit thinking before you get lost in it. You are giving yourself a gift every time you practice awareness around thoughts and experimenting with managing them in new ways. You are widening your perspective, avoiding black/white thinking and preventing yourself from worrying about things that have not happened and may never happen. Developing this skill can protect you from the stress that all of those narratives, which are not facts, can bring to your system, both mentally and physically.

Transcript

Welcome to another brief parenting talk in the Superpowers Toolkit series. Today we will look at tool number four, Managing thoughts. I will be reading this statement in first person. The goal of these tools is to empower you to focus on what is in your control. So tool number four, Managing thoughts. I strive to be a model for learning how to manage thoughts before they become a runaway train. So let's do a little deeper dive here and consider a few things. So remembering thoughts are not facts. It's a good practice to question our thoughts. You're either seeing your thoughts or you're lost in them, Right? We're lost in them or we're aware. So the goal is to catch habit thinking earlier. And to be able to clearly see through the thoughts and see them for what they actually are without being carried away. So working to develop the skill of grounding yourself, Resourcing yourself, Using the tools of your mindfulness practice, Growing the muscle of being able to direct your attention and focus, And knowing when we are letting habit and confusion run the show and returning to awareness, Awareness of what is and not being swept away by what ifs. Reminding yourself if it's not happening now, The worrying isn't helping. So if you have thoughts spinning around worrying, If it's something that's not happening now, It's not productive to spin around that. I once heard a teacher say, Practice is about recognition, Not eradication. The thoughts, Feelings, And mind states will continually arise. Being able to develop the skill of pausing and asking, Am I seeing this clearly? Am I taking this personally? We could do a whole session on the latter. One of the best things you can do as a parent is not take things personally that come up with your child. So getting caught up in every eye roll or slight or mistake or escalation. 99% of the time, It's not personal. So seeing clearly being in control of your emotions and letting that passing energy state be exactly that, A passing storm. Let it go. Don't build a bigger narrative around it and make it personal. Give it less energy. So don't feed it and watch it sort of dissipate. You are giving yourself a gift every time you practice awareness around your thoughts and experimenting with managing them in new ways. You are widening your perspective. You are likely considering different scenarios. You are avoiding black and white or all or none thinking and catastrophizing. And the stress that all those narratives, Which are not facts, Bring to your system, Both mentally and physically. So not only is managing your thoughts and continually working to get better and better at this skill, Not only is that an act of self-care, But you are modeling how to do this for your child.