Parenting Superpower #9: Modeling A Desirable Adulthood

The "Parenting Superpowers Toolkit" mini talks focus on strategies that are within our control. This is the final talk in this series. Tool #9 is about developing your ability to balance your emotions through the ups and downs of life. It is also about developing the ability to notice and savor joy, and to not be so thoroughly swallowed by all of life stressors that we forget to give attention to the beauty, miracles, goodness and joy that co-exist with all of this other stuff. It is about modeling a desirable adulthood.

Transcript

Welcome to the final talk in the Parenting Superpowers Toolkit series. This mini talk will focus on tool number nine, Modeling a desirable adulthood. I will read it in first person to help remind you of what is within your power. I strive to model self-care and the ability to savor joy even in the midst of life's stressors. My kids' moods do not have to be my moods. I strive to model a calm and balanced life regardless of life's challenges. This tool is not only about developing our ability to balance emotions through the ups and downs of life, Through acceptance of reality as it is and being present now, But it is also about developing the ability to notice and savor joy, To not be so thoroughly swallowed by all of the stress, The to-dos, The tough stuff with our kids, The tough cultural and world conditions that we find ourselves in, To not be so swallowed by all of this that we forget to give equal attention to the beauty, Miracles, Goodness, And joy that coexist with all of this other stuff. A mindfulness teacher and speaker that I follow named Sharon Salzberg. Once spoke of a beautiful analogy. She talked about forest fire. So the forest burns and it feels very sad and very apocalyptic as you see all those charred trees. But not too long after the fire, All the new green shoots start to appear. And her question was, Don't the charred trees and the green shoots deserve equal attention? And I think if we reflect, We might notice that we're giving the charred trees in life a lot more attention than some of the green shoots. Many emerging young adults are experiencing an existential crisis of sorts, Wondering if they're going to be able to create a life for themselves in this tough world. And many of us are not modeling a desirable adulthood. It's all stress. It's all nagging. It's all to-do lists. It's all worry about the future. We're often modeling being swallowed by all of that and not spending much time modeling the ability to balance emotions and the ability to find and experience joy in the middle of all of it. So once again, Don't the charred trees. And the new green chutes deserve equal attention. Finally, The saying, You are only as happy as your least happy child. Really gets under my skin and it sets us all up for failure. It makes your contentment dependent on something external and out of your control. It makes contentment and peace very fleeting and it puts a lot of pressure on your child to be the source of your contentment and happiness. Your child's mood does not have to be your mood. And sometimes when we mirror their moods, We are setting up conditions for them to be able to hijack the energy of the entire house. The invitation is to continue to develop your skill. To balance your emotions as best you can on this messy roller coaster that life is. It will always be this way. We have to accept the mess and be as balanced as possible in the middle of it. The invitation is to experiment with modeling more savoring, More joy, More lightheartedness, More sense of humor, Less heaviness, And less taking everything so darn seriously and so personally. Slowly. And giving at least equal, If not more attention to the goodness that exists. There are still miracles and beauty in the midst of the imperfect mess that life can be. All of it is part of a complete human range of experiences. The invitation is to do your best to model a more desirable adulthood.