Parenting Superpower #5: Choosing Connection Over Correction

The "Parenting Superpowers Toolkit" mini talks focus on strategies that are within our control. Superpower #5 is about raising your level of awareness around how often you are teaching, correcting or lecturing, versus, creating conditions to connect with your child.

Transcript

Welcome to this brief parenting talk that is part of the Superpowers Toolkit series. Today we will look at tool number six, Choosing connection over correction. I will be reading the statement in first person. The goal of these tools is to empower you to focus on what is in your control. Tool number five, Choosing connection over correction. I strive to be mindful of my words and how often I am teaching, Correcting, Nagging, Or lecturing. I strive to look for small ways to connect and understand that sometimes connection can be done with more silence. I will be mindful of the balance in my relationship bank account and strive to model this concept of relationship care. So the relationship bank account is the accumulation of goodwill in a relationship. It's how the relationship feels. It reminds me of a Maya Angelou quote that I love. People will forget what you said, And people will forget what you did, But people will never forget how you made them feel. We so often get stuck in a state of almost constant correction, Teaching, And what our kids may view as nagging in our effort to get everything done and keep everyone on track. We don't often stop to wonder. What is it like to be on the receiving end of that? What is the experience of being my child like? So it starts with awareness and pausing before you speak. Here are three really effective questions to ask yourself before you are about to direct a correction or reminder towards your child. So one, Does it need to be said? Two, Does it need to be said by me? Three, Does it need to be said by me now? Perhaps it doesn't need to be said at all, And maybe not by us. And this circles back to other talks I've given about being aware of when we are working harder at our kids' lives than they are. Are they getting the thing done, Whatever it is, Only because of our reminders? If so, What are they learning? They aren't learning what it takes to be independent. And our constant reminding and correcting is likely eroding the feelings of warmth and goodwill in the relationship. So allowing the arc of a situation to play out without your reminder and letting your child deal with the consequences of their action or inaction and then preserve some of the warmth in the relationship. While we're working on this skill, Continually looking for small ways to just connect. Human to human, Bringing more lightheartedness into what can be very high stress, Fast paced days. So I challenge you to really be discerning. About when you're going to teach and correct and just look for micro moments throughout the day to connect.