The Power Of Being Selfish

Being called selfish doesn't feel good. And, there is power in being selfish. Now before you go ahead and judge what I'm saying, listen to the episode. If you are distracted by an ex-boyfriend, avoidant husband or current partner. and spend 99.9% of your time focused on giving to others (all while ignoring your needs, dreams, and ideas), this episode is for you. Being selfless isn't a badge of honor. In fact, it's the reason why all of your goals have been put on the back-burner.

Transcript

When you cannot control,

You create.

I'm gonna say it again for you.

When you cannot control,

You create.

Do not run from your emotions.

Use them and channel your emotions into creating.

Use your pain,

Channel it,

And turn it into something powerful.

Start with where you're at.

Start with what you've got.

Figure out the next best step and take it.

And I want you to remember that you are doing great and you could be doing better.

You and I know that.

When you cannot control,

You create.

Hey everyone,

It's Vasavi Kumar,

Licensed therapist and your host of the Being Human with Vasavi podcast.

For over two decades,

I have been relentless when it comes to understanding and figuring out why we think the way we do,

What stops us from going after our dreams,

And how to get anything we want in life.

From Mind Body Green to VH1 to Fox News and some of the top rated podcasts out there,

My message has always been consistent.

When you know yourself,

You can do anything.

I've helped thousands of people from all walks of life,

From stay at home moms to entrepreneurs to people in recovery to start thinking differently and change themselves from the inside out.

And I'm gonna do the same for you.

Whether it's through the interviews I have with my guests or answering your questions right here on the show,

Here's my promise to you.

If you're willing to take action on even 1% of what you hear today,

Your life will be unrecognizable.

Get ready for unfiltered and unscripted conversations with some of the brightest people in mental health,

Marketing,

Relationships,

And business.

We're pulling back the curtain so you can see what it really takes to be human and become the person you wanna be here on the Being Human with Vasavi podcast.

Welcome back to another episode of the Being Human with Vasavi podcast.

And I am really looking forward to today's episode myself because I feel like there is the urgency for me especially,

And I know for many of you listening,

To really speak up for what matters and to really stand for something bigger than ourselves.

And over the past few weeks,

Especially in the past two weeks,

There has been an uproar in the best way possible for fighting for black lives and to really acknowledge and honor black lives in our country.

And just a few days ago,

I would say,

I posted on my Instagram over at HireVasavi that I was offering free therapy and coaching and strategy sessions for black women.

And I had the privilege of talking to many of these women that signed up for my coaching and therapy sessions.

And there was a common theme that I found amongst probably almost all of them.

And that is this,

That I think as women,

We have been conditioned by society to think that in order for us to be worth something,

In order for us to mean something,

That we need to be useful and needed by others.

And that it is our job to take care of other people.

It is our job to rescue and save other people.

Now,

I'm not saying that this doesn't apply to men.

I am speaking solely to the woman listening right now though.

And men,

If you're listening,

Take a look to see if in any shape or form this applies to you as well.

I find that a lot of women are holding on to past relationships with romantic partners that really were unfulfilling and not on,

Not fulfilling,

Not up to par,

Just not really making you feel good about yourself.

I spoke to one woman who was many times cheated on by her partner,

Yet she's still speaking to him.

And I also spoke to her about some of the dreams that she had,

Some of the ideas that she had,

Business that she wanted to start.

And if there's anything that I can share from my own personal experience,

It's that I had spent way too much time waiting to be picked,

Waiting to be acknowledged,

Waiting to be heard,

Waiting to be seen by a man.

I was in three relationships over the course of 15 years,

First with my husband,

Now ex-husband,

Then with my rebound relationship shortly after that,

Four years of my life where he was not a match for me.

And I really was very codependent in that relationship.

That was the relationship that really highlighted how codependent and toxic I was being to myself.

And because of that,

I allowed a lot of habits into my life,

Like using cocaine and alcohol,

And by the grace of God,

I'm over a year sober.

And then I immediately got into another relationship after that,

And I got engaged after that.

And now I'm single.

And if there's anything that I can say unapologetically,

It is this,

That when I de-centered men from my life and needing to be needed,

Needing to be needed by other people and focused solely on me,

Bettering myself as a woman,

As a human being,

As a therapist,

As a coach,

And really started to focus on my ideas and dreams and my business,

Things started to change in my life.

Coronavirus really gave me the opportunity to reflect on where in my life I was still letting myself off the hook,

Where in my life I was making excuses.

My physical health was one of them.

Having been in recovery for over a year and now proclaiming that I am a recovered addict and alcoholic,

I definitely let my physical health go to shit.

And so I have the time during coronavirus to really look at my life and be like,

Man,

I'm not taking care of myself physically.

I'm doing well financially,

But physically I don't feel good.

So I hired a personal trainer,

Started working out,

Invested in myself,

Invested in eating better again,

And really started to take charge of that area of my life.

You know,

It's funny,

I had someone ask me,

One of the women that I spoke to just two days ago,

She said to me,

Are you really that happy?

She goes,

I see you on your Instagram stories and I see in your posts,

Like,

She was,

Are you really that happy?

I said,

I am.

But you gotta know that I wasn't always this way,

That I was not always happy.

And my lack of happiness really was a result of me waiting for somebody else to acknowledge me and somebody else to see me and somebody else to hear me,

Somebody else to say,

Vasavi,

How are you doing?

Vasavi,

Let's talk about your dreams.

Someone to pay attention to me.

I thought that that's what I needed.

I thought that I needed somebody to acknowledge my dreams in order for those dreams to be important.

And it wasn't until I resolved within,

Like,

You know what?

Everything that I'm seeking from somebody else,

I gotta give it to myself.

You are waiting and waiting for somebody to give you importance,

To give you a breadcrumb of importance so that you feel like you're worth something.

But if there's anything that I know without a shadow of a doubt,

Is that until you center yourself,

And yes,

Be on your own selfish mission,

I'm gonna use the word selfish over and over again,

Because we are taught as women not to be selfish.

If we say that we wanna do something,

Or if we put our needs first,

We're considered selfish,

We're considered greedy.

That makes no sense,

Because how are we good to anybody if we do not put ourselves first?

We have to take care of ourselves.

I am proudly selfish.

And let me tell you what I mean by that.

I manage my time,

I put my needs first,

I take care of myself.

I don't talk to clients until I've worked out,

Until I've eaten,

Until I've hydrated,

Until I've done my meditation,

Until I've done my reflection in the morning.

I don't talk to anybody,

Because I know that I have nothing to give you if I am not full myself.

So yes,

Ladies,

I want you to be on a selfish mission to better yourself from the inside out.

I want you to stop putting men,

Stop putting your kids,

Stop putting your partner,

Stop putting your family members at the center of your focus.

Because every time you do that,

You are unable to focus on yourself,

Because all your energy is being put on other people.

I am not saying for you not to be a loving,

Kind daughter,

Mother,

Wife,

Girlfriend,

Fiance.

I'm not saying that.

What I'm saying is though,

Look at the ratio at which you're doing that.

How much of yourself are you giving to other people,

And how much of that are you giving to yourself?

This episode is to really invite you,

More than anything,

To my 90-day group coaching program.

I'm very excited about it.

I don't usually do group coaching program.

I prefer to work with people one-on-one,

But what I'm realizing over and over again is that in all my conversations,

I am saying the same thing over and over again,

And I was like,

You know what?

I could impact way more people.

I'm saying the same thing if I got them together in a group.

So if you head over to vasavikumar.

Com forward slash 90 days,

I want you to read through the program.

We start July 7th.

You can get all the details.

It is a 90-day program for women who are sick of putting their self-worth in the hands of somebody else.

And if you have these dreams and these ideas on the back burner and you haven't been paying attention to it,

I have a hunch that it's because your attention is on something else.

Your attention is on someone else.

You are so busy giving of yourself to everybody else that of course there is no time to work on yourself.

So in this 90 day program,

This is all about you.

And yes,

It's an investment.

It is an investment in yourself.

It is an investment to work with me.

It is an investment to be with like-minded women who are committed to living their life selfishly because they know that when you are selfish,

You are self-full.

And when you are self-full and you are operating from a full cup,

When you are operating with an overflowing cup,

You have more to give other people.

You are no good to anybody else until you fill yourself up.

This is both a mindset and business group.

I'm both a licensed therapist,

Mindset coach,

And business strategist.

I think it's very important that you look at the root cause of why you keep thinking and believing that your self-worth is directly tied into someone saying you matter.

You gotta be able to acknowledge that within yourself,

Ladies.

You gotta be willing to say,

You know what?

I matter enough to focus on myself.

But you're distracted.

You're getting distracted.

You're putting people before you.

You're putting obligations and commitments ahead of you without stopping to ask yourself,

What do I want?

When is the last time you not only asked yourself what you wanted,

But took action on it?

It's one thing to say,

This is what I want.

It's another thing to take action on it.

No action,

No results.

No action,

No results.

So I'm inviting you.

And it's a small group,

By the way.

I'm handpicking everybody to be in this group.

To go over to vasavikumar.

Com forward slash 90 days,

Read through the material,

Book a call with me.

That's the first step is to book a call with me so we can get on the phone,

Fill out the questions prior,

Which you'll see when you're going ahead to book a call.

I wanna learn,

Get to know you,

But I want you to know that this is an investment.

I'm gonna say it right now,

The cost of this group coaching program is $875 per month.

And if you're thinking to yourself,

Asavi,

I can't afford that,

I'm gonna invite you to try to find a way.

If you feel like this is something that is resonating with you,

And you know that it's time for you to focus on yourself,

Figure out a way to make it happen.

Because I'm almost certain that when it comes to your partnership and when it comes to everybody else,

You bend over backwards,

You clear your schedule,

You go out of your way to make everyone around you happy and feel loved,

And you gotta be able to find a way to do the same for yourself.

You've gotta be willing to invest in yourself.

I have other ways that you can work with me,

But this is the way that I am promoting and sharing about now,

Because this is where the,

This is the direction that I'm heading in.

It's like,

I want to impact more people,

I want you to be a part of the group,

I also don't wanna keep repeating myself.

I'm gonna be straight up with you.

And I do believe in the collective energy of women coming together who are on a mission to be selfish and get unstuck and feel the urgency to step up in their life.

Now is the time.

Yesterday is gone,

10 years ago is gone.

All you have is right now.

You're not getting any younger,

You're not.

And this is not about age.

I'm 38 and I still,

I have the childlike spirit of a seven year old,

But I'm also very aware that I spent my mid 30s catering to someone who was not worthy of my time,

Who cheated on me,

Who treated me like shit,

Who had no problem that I was going down with him.

And I did not have the backbone or the self worth or the self esteem or the strength to say,

You know what,

I deserve better.

And it wasn't until I got help,

It wasn't until I joined a community,

It wasn't until I went to rehab to get my shit together that I was like,

Oh my God,

What have I been doing with my time?

So this is a call to action.

If you know that you've been sitting around waiting for him to text you,

Waiting for him to call you,

Waiting to reconcile,

Reconcile,

Fix this,

Fix that,

Spending your time and energy on making that relationship work.

And meanwhile,

You have dreams and ideas that are on the back burner and you're spending your time and your energy trying to make it work with someone who's not putting in the work themselves,

You are overworking yourself.

You are exhausting yourself and you could be putting that energy towards you.

I'm gonna say before and I said it again,

When you cannot control,

You create.

You cannot control somebody loving you.

You cannot make somebody to love you.

You cannot force somebody to see your gifts and see your worth,

But you can do it.

You can create the habits and the routines and the practices for you to acknowledge your presence,

For you to realize that you matter,

For you to realize that your ideas and dreams and your business goals are worth pursuing.

And up until this point,

You haven't been able to do it alone because guess what?

We have the beautiful ability to bullshit ourselves.

And most of the women that come to work with me are sick and tired of bullshitting themselves.

And so they work with me because they know I care more about having them achieve their dreams than I do about being their friend.

I'm not trying to be your friend.

I don't need to be your friend.

I got plenty of friends.

This is about me on a mission to help you be,

Do,

And have anything that you want.

And it starts with you.

It starts with you saying,

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I am sick and tired of waiting for him to change.

I'm sick and tired of waiting for him to step up.

What about you?

What about your goals?

What about your dreams?

What about all the things that you've been saying you wanna do when you're not doing it?

What about you?

So next time you say,

But I'm just waiting for him,

But he's this,

He's that.

What about you?

Do not expect anything from anyone else that you are not willing to do yourself.

So if you're waiting for him to step up and you're still diminishing your spirit and you are still suffocating your voice and you are still suppressing your dreams because you are waiting for somebody else to rise to the occasion,

It's time for you to rise to the occasion.

Stop it already.

You are wasting your time.

You are wasting your energy.

Somewhere along the line,

You were conditioned to believe that it was your job to rescue everyone else.

It was your job to save a man.

It's your job to put aside your needs,

Your dreams,

Your desires,

Your wants,

Because other people's dreams,

Desires,

And needs were more important than yours.

It is time to interrupt that bullshit narrative you have been telling yourself.

I believe that you know better and you're not doing better because it is easy for you to isolate.

It is easy for you to hide.

But when you invest in yourself and you are showing up in a community of women who are also stepping up,

It is a lot harder to bullshit yourself and hide.

I will not allow that.

I will not allow you to hide.

I will not allow you to isolate yourself.

I will not allow you to make excuses for yourself.

My business has had exponential growth considering that in the first six months of my recovery this past year,

2019 to March 2020,

Where I hit my one year,

I was forced to focus on myself.

I no longer had a relationship.

I no longer had drugs and alcohol to turn to.

I was focused on myself.

Little by little,

Every day,

I spent the time figuring out what I wanted,

Who I want to serve,

What do I want to do.

See,

I had already been in business for about six years.

So I started my business in 2010.

I was in business,

Sorry,

For nine years already.

Four of those years were spent really catering to someone that was not on my level.

I'm gonna just say it,

Mentally,

Emotionally,

Spiritually,

Financially,

Not on my level.

And I thought in order to be loved and liked by him and gain his love and approval,

I had to make myself smaller.

I had to be like,

Yeah,

I get you,

I get you.

So I regressed.

Even though I actually knew better,

I would pretend and act like I'm on your level.

But you know what I know now?

That was all a show.

I knew better,

And the biggest conflict for me was the duality that I was living in.

Thinking that I was on your level,

This guy's level,

But knowing that I was meant for so much more.

And living with that conflict and duality day in and day out is soul-sucking.

And no wonder I had no energy to truly rise to the level that God put me on this earth to rise to.

And there's still so much more to go,

Don't get me wrong.

I'm just getting started.

But I am here for you,

And I'm here to tell you that this is your time.

We start July 7th.

The information is all over at vasavikumar.

Com forward slash 90 days.

I'm going to say that again for you.

Vasavikumar.

Com forward slash 90 days.

I want you to read through it.

I want you to book a call.

I want you to get on the phone with me.

The cost is $875 per month for the next 90 days,

And I want you to find a way to make it happen.

Because if not now,

When?

Are you going to let another day go by,

Another week go by,

Another month go by,

Another year go by?

Your time is precious.

And every single moment that you're spending on waiting for a guy or a family member or a friend or society to approve of you,

You are wasting your time.

You are losing time.

But let me tell you what I know about time.

No matter how much time you think you've lost,

Once you get clear,

Once you get focused,

You have momentum.

I swear to God,

In the past five months,

I have done more things and seen more results in my business than I've probably seen in six years.

You know why?

Because I'm not distracted anymore.

I am clear on my time.

I am clear on my mission,

And I don't have anything or anyone holding me down.

See,

I have to get really real with myself that I get distracted by other people.

I get distracted by men.

I get distracted by the fantasy of having this loving relationship.

I want to be Jasmine,

And I want my Aladdin.

Straight up.

And now when I even think about that,

I'm like,

Uh-uh,

That is a distraction for me right now.

No way.

Because I know myself.

I know that when I get into a relationship,

I lose myself.

Someone asked me the other day,

Are you ready to start dating?

And I said,

Absolutely not,

Because I am not done with my mission yet.

I'll know when I'm ready.

It'll happen naturally,

But I don't need to force it,

And you better believe I'm not looking for it.

All I am focused on is what is my mission on this earth,

And what action am I taking every single day to speak up,

Speak out,

And serve in a bigger way?

So this is my invitation to you.

Vasavikumar.

Com forward slash 90 days.

If you listen to this and you're like,

Hell yeah,

Go over to that site,

Book a call with me,

Let's get on the phone.

We start July 7th,

And I want to end with this.

When you know yourself,

When you know yourself,

You can be,

Do,

And have anything that you want.

But it starts with you willing to be focused,

Selfish,

On a mission to be,

Do,

And have anything that you want.

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode on the Being Human with Vasavi podcast.

For even more inspiration,

Motivation,

And no BS advice on how to get anything you want in life,

Book a call with me over at vasavikumar.

Com.

If you loved today's episode,

Be sure to screenshot it and tag me at hirevasavi,

H-I-G-H-E-R,

Vasavi.

Feeling extra generous?

Leave the podcast a positive review on iTunes.

And remember this,

When you know yourself,

You can be,

Do,

And have anything you want.

Within Alibaba Miranda plur practice.

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