Breaking Free: How To Finally Let Go Of An Ex

Do you feel like it's impossible to move on from a past relationship? Are you constantly thinking about them and all the things that happened to lead to the breakup? Truly Eleanor, Intuitive Love coach and Reiki teacher helping women for the past 15 years, offers helpful advice and strategies to finally let go and move on so you can have a secure, loving relationship. Listen for practical and easy to follow steps!

Transcript

If you can't let go of an ex,

This is really difficult,

Especially if that person is the one who broke up with you.

And I totally understand when you feel like you just absolutely cannot let them go.

And you're just thinking about them day and night.

I'm Truly Eleanor and I help women create loving and secure relationships based on trust in six months or less.

And I've had 15 years of experience coaching women.

I also overcame my own issues in having dysfunctional relationships and being single for a long time until I finally found my power and figured this out,

This whole relationship thing out to meet and marry the love of my life in my forties.

And this is a particular thing that I struggled with for so many years as not being able to let go of someone and being obsessed with them and just kind of wallowing in despair for so many years and not being able to move on.

So the first thing I want to tell you is it's absolutely okay to love the way that you do.

If you love with your whole heart,

If you are just all in,

If you're someone who's just falls in love easily and opens your heart and you're all in,

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

You are a beautiful,

Amazing person and your heart,

Your big,

Huge,

Compassionate,

Loving heart is so needed in this world.

And I'm so,

So happy to know people like you in this world exist because we need the people who just love and love and love.

And there's nothing wrong with you.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you for loving the way that you do.

And I want you to learn how to continue to love with all your heart because that is not the problem.

All right.

So now that we're on a nice,

Even level here,

We can talk about what to do about it and how to get through this and how to actually let go.

The first thing is to really just spend some time allowing all the emotions to flow,

Allowing the feelings to come to the surface,

Feeling all your feelings,

Processing them,

Letting them come up,

Not judging and not pushing down any feelings.

I don't care if they're uncomfortable.

I don't care if you feel embarrassed about them.

This is something you're going to do in your own privacy.

And,

You know,

Of course I recommend to get support and help from a trusted professional if you feel like you cannot handle the processing of these emotions.

But if you want to do it at home first,

Then you can do some journaling.

You can name all the feelings that are coming up.

You can just talk about,

You know,

The rage,

The jealousy,

The frustration,

The unfairness,

How unjust and unfair it is to be,

You know,

Loving with all your heart and to be rejected,

To be cast aside and dismissed from being so loving and it's so unfair.

And,

You know,

You saw this person as that they were the one and they were,

You know,

Your one and only,

Your love of your life.

And it's just so devastating.

I want you to really put it all out there.

This is the only way you're going to actually just be free of this person.

And it's nothing to do with them.

So I'm not going to tell you to get closure from them because you don't need to.

You do not need to have that one last conversation with them or go over all the things that happened in the relationship or try to get them to engage with you and talk to you and talk you through it.

You don't need that.

And it's honestly just a way to get them to talk to you again.

That's what it is.

I know this for a fact.

This is the women I've worked with over the 15 years and what I went through myself,

It was just an excuse that I didn't want to face,

That I just wanted to talk to them again.

Even if it was,

I made up the reason being like,

I have to work through this and I can't get through this and I can't get over this unless they have this long in-depth conversation with me about every ins and out,

Every in and out of the relationship scenario.

So I'm telling you right now that you can do this without them.

You may want to do this with them,

But that's not the healthy thing to do.

There's no,

There's really no good thing that will come out of trying to constantly talk to your ex about the relationship.

It's a very painful reality,

But that's the way it is.

Okay.

So journaling,

Find a trusted person to help you through this as well.

So maybe you want to get a professional to help you or a best friend and say like,

I need some time to process this.

Maybe you work best when you talk out loud,

When you talk through things.

So if you don't have someone you feel like you can trust,

Then you can record it into a device.

So you can talk into your phone until you feel like you've gotten everything out that you've said,

Everything you need to know,

Said everything you need to say,

Or written everything until your arm is falling off and cried out so many tears.

You feel like you don't have any tears left and you're just so spent.

That's the place you want to get to,

Because then you're going to be emptied of all of this stuff that could be going around in your head for ages.

That's the processing piece.

Then you want to do kind of like a self-discovery excavation of what's going on.

So you want to figure out what are,

What is the wisdom in this?

What is going to move you forward and what's going to be something you need to take with you,

The gems of wisdom you need to take with you into the next relationship.

And I'm not saying you need to think about getting in another relationship right now,

But when you do get ready to go into a relationship,

You're going to bring all this wisdom with you.

And you can only do that by spending some time reflecting and getting the gems of wisdom out of this.

I would recommend giving yourself some time in between the processing part and the getting wisdom,

Because you need to fully express the feelings first,

And then you can calmly look into what is the wisdom.

When you get to the point where you feel a little bit better and feeling better,

Meaning just like that,

You've released all of those major emotions.

Then you want to start asking yourself,

What is the theme of this relationship?

What was the painful part of it?

What were some of the themes?

So for example,

It could be betrayal,

Could be disappointment.

It could be being dismissed,

Not being heard,

Being cast aside,

Like whatever it is for you,

Feeling not good enough,

Feeling like you were constantly trying to get their attention or chasing after them.

So what was the main theme of the relationship?

What did it feel like in its worst moments?

And just write down the theme and talk a bit about it,

Write it out or talk it out in your recording device.

And then ask yourself,

When was the last time you,

When was the first time you remember going through that?

So what does it remind you of?

What does it remind you of being a child?

Does it remind you of a relationship you had in the past?

Do you see a recurring theme?

Is this how you felt when you were growing up?

Is this how you felt at school?

What,

Where did you first feel this way?

And then dive into more of like,

What is this theme in terms of your life?

What have you experienced?

Where else have you experienced betrayal?

Where else have you experienced disappointment?

Just kind of take note of where it keeps showing up.

And then you want to dive into those feelings and those experiences,

Where it came from.

And then when you process that a little bit,

And you can see,

Okay,

This is actually a recurring theme from my childhood.

And it makes sense.

It makes sense that I'm going through this.

And that's where you get into next is the acceptance piece.

You start accepting and forgiving yourself,

Forgiving others,

Forgiving the situation,

Coming to a place of acceptance that this is the way it's been,

And this has been the theme of your life,

And that's okay.

And it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.

The next and last piece would be making a new choice.

So for example,

I said after my last heartbreak,

I was like,

This is never going to happen again.

I am never allowing this to happen again.

Enough is enough.

I am moving on from this.

I'm ready for true love.

I deserve a truly healthy,

Loving relationship where I can feel secure,

Where I can trust the person,

Where I can trust myself,

Where it feels like home.

That is what I deserve.

And that is what I will stand for nothing less than that.

And that was like my commitment to myself,

My conviction,

And my intention.

So that's the last piece is you make that commitment to yourself of the new choice moving forward,

That you're going to let go of this old pattern,

And you're going to start making choices to create and experience something new.

And that is it.

Those are the steps.

Of course,

It's a process.

Everybody has their own timeline for this,

Their own length of time that it takes to process the emotions,

To excavate and find the wisdom to move into acceptance and make a commitment to yourself.

These all take time and it's a process.

And in this process,

I want you to again,

Go back to the beginning of the video when I was saying your heart is a gift and the way you love is a gift and someone will love you for who you are.

And you can love as you are and love as you do and keep going because this is not the end.

This is just the beginning.

Reviews

Fabulous! I like how you broke this down into do-able steps & I look forward to completing this - thank you for sharing your wisdom & gifts!💐💫☀️

This is not the end. This is just the beginning. Can This be true too for an older person?

Very helpful. I'm saving to come back and listen again. Thank you

Thank you for this. It really helps me. Much appreciated,

Just what I needed to hear, to confirm that the work I’ve been doing is exactly right. Thank you - I’m on the right path. I deserve so much better, so much more. I deserve to love, and to be loved. 😌❤️

Excellent, v. Helpful even though the break up was from my daughter. Thanks. Will listen again. 😊

You talk with such compassion and understanding. Thank you! 🙏🏽

Truly is amazing! The process explained in this mini course really works and like Truly says it’s a process that I’m currently going through. I so appreciate how Truly is so genuine and speaks from her heart, sharing her experiences 🙏🦋

Thank you for this !! I needed this to let go of the feelings of guilt when I left a toxic relationship

Hi Eleanor, I'm a single man watching your videos in a jope to understand myself and also what the other side wants 😅 , not sure why you are referring to women only as we all wants the same!
My question to you is how do I process a tough breakup if I still see my ex, I.e. work mate,neighbour, shared kids, etc. I fall back into the terrible pit of sorrow every time I see her.
Looking forward to hearing about that!

Very well summarized! Thanks for simplifying and being straight to the point!