You know what's beautiful about these times together?
Is that this is a moment to first and foremost just allow myself to be here.
I really allow for a space where I can just be without needing to perform.
And so in that,
I can take my time.
I can allow for long pauses.
As much as this might seem like a service for you,
It's my own sort of spiritual practice just to show up and be here with you.
And maybe something helpful is said.
Because the moment this turns into a presentation or a performance,
It makes me want to puke.
I am so exhausted by that world.
I'm so exhausted by the social demand to perform so as to get something from you.
Exhausted by the apparent demand that says I have to position myself as an authority.
That I have to convince you that that's so gross because it's not true at all.
And it's not the motivation in my heart for doing what I do.
The motivation is so much more sincere than that in the way that that sincerity isn't wanting anything from you at all.
That sincerity is a voice inside my heart that sees something beautiful.
And I simply want to share that.
And what that means for you,
What it does for you,
I really don't care.
If it's beautiful,
Wonderful.
If it's not,
Wonderful.
But the gift that I receive is in the permission to share it with you.
Does that make sense?
The gift is in the permission for me to just be here and to speak honestly without an agenda,
Even though I can hear that fearful voice on the inside that wants to have an agenda.
But of course that fearful voice is so afraid of not getting something.
So it makes us want to pretend in order to get something.
And it's exhausting.
You know,
That reminds me of this conversation that I was having with someone yesterday and this is someone that I talk to on a regular basis.
And she was experiencing a very similar thing where she has this inspiration to share and maybe in a worldly sense to build her business.
But we don't call it that because to call it a business just distorts the sincerity of what she wants to do.
And I resonate with that a lot.
Sure,
There happens to be the occasional exchange of value that supports her life.
And you might call that business fine,
But that's not the point.
And her,
Like me,
Sees herself going about her business and being so repulsed on the inside by what she sees.
Which is like this box she feels forced to fit into in order to make it work.
When really deep down all she wants to do is love on people.
And so there's this tension inside that in some way wants to just be present and let her heart speak and this fear that worries about the future.
And so many people in the world telling her how she should be doing it in order to find some flavor of security in the future.
And I,
Of course,
I just,
I resonate with that so much.
What is this world that we have created that is so determined to protect the future?
What happened to the simple life?
What happened to the simple life of being present,
Loving on others,
And trusting that all is well,
And simply doing what we can do?
And in a way I can say,
I know exactly what happened.
And what continues to happen is that our ego gets seduced,
Seduced with these promises of security and self-importance.
And of course,
This is just one way to talk about it.
But I wonder if you see this too.
Like in the Western world,
There is such an emphasis on an individual specialness and we see this specialness projected outwardly in the sense that we see other people as special and we want to be special like them.
And maybe one of the best ways to illustrate this is like in the work that I've been doing over the past,
I don't know,
10,
15 years,
I speak about these things that are beautiful and profound.
And there are these projections from those who listen,
Who assume my life must be perfect,
That assume that I'm a super spiritual kind of guy.
And it's hilarious because it's just so not true.
And then these projections that people have,
They then want the projection for themselves,
But yet their projection isn't a real thing.
Okay.
Does that make sense?
And it completely misses the point of what's being shared.
This is also expressed in just comparing ourselves with others.
Do you see this?
When we compare ourselves with others,
We are comparing ourselves with a projection of others,
Like a fantasy of others.
When you don't see the full picture of the other at all,
What a silly comparison.
And then we reach for that comparison for ourselves.
It's wild.
We say,
Oh,
If only I could be more like that person,
But that person is your projection of a person that doesn't really exist.
And the comedy of it all is that the essence of what I'm attempting to communicate is to embrace your own humanity.
But of course,
What we're doing in our reaching for specialness is somehow trying to escape our humanity.
And it's understandable too,
Because I'm so fascinated by,
I don't even know what to call it.
I don't even know if there's an adequate name for it,
But I'll just call it the social construct where it's like socially,
There's this agreement about what's important and what really matters.
And it's so twisted and upside down,
But yet we chase it.
And it's incredibly fleeting.
And we're so afraid of not having it.
And we project it onto others and we think that they have it.
And again,
Whether you see this in the business world or you see it in the spiritual world.
And socially speaking,
This is very loud right now with certain people named in certain files,
Being released.
What do you find out eventually that everyone's human?
Everyone is not who you projected them to be.
We put people up on pedestals and they always come crashing down.
But they don't really come crashing down.
Our fantasy comes crashing down.
And then we want other people to put us on pedestals.
Isn't that wild?
How we would want other people to see us a certain way that is some version of being put on a pedestal.
Like we crave that.
It's like,
Oh,
If other people think I'm important,
Then it really makes me important.
And then you get trapped in that where you have to start.
Pretending to be the thing that you want other people to see you as.
What a prison.
And then we build our entire personal psyche built on what other people think about us.
I guess the point of what I'm saying is that there's so much noise in the human experience that is all taking place in the mind that is in some way completely divorced from reality in the natural world.
And it's exhausting.
It's like as human beings,
We're chasing a salvation in the world.
If only this,
If only that,
Then I could be whole and complete.
And the thing about it that's so hilarious is whatever we're chasing in the world is simply chasing something in the mind.
I don't know if we're gonna unravel that,
But I think it's fascinating.
Do you see this though?
That the things we chase in the world are actually chasing content in the mind.
Like to say,
Oh,
If a thousand people like me in the world,
Then it means I'm enough.
But that's just your idea of a thousand people liking you and then you give that meaning,
Which is in the mind.
So that thing that we think exists in the world just exists in the mind.
It's almost like saying there isn't anything actually in the world.
It's just mind noise.
It's just extraordinary how much thinking there is about that which isn't there at all.
And yet there is this sacred simplicity of just being.
And for the noisy mind,
That just being is probably incredibly boring because there's no prize for the ego that's chasing something in the mind,
Which it thinks is chasing something in the world.
But yet there's a profound miracle of simply being alive.
And I guess to illustrate,
It's like those moments of being caught off guard by the beauty of a sunset or standing in a forest and seeing the magnificence of what you're standing in.
And you say,
Oh my God.
You see a present moment beauty in life itself.
And there's this immense gratitude for just being alive.
There's no name.
There's no story.
There's just life.
And that's real life.
How much do we call real life just noise in the mind?
Isn't that interesting?
Like how many things do we say are really going on in the world,
Which is just noise in the mind?
But we think it's really going on.
And I can't decide that for anyone else.
I just see it in my own experience,
Right?
Like I can get lost in a rabbit hole about what might be going on in the world.
And yet there's the simplicity of my lived experience here with my partner and the beauty we share together or the,
Beautiful sound of birds singing right outside my window here.
It's just an interesting inquiry.
I can't really say what it is or isn't for anyone else.
I just find it fascinating for myself.
And then also when I look at how much energy is spent thinking and thinking and thinking over the years or decades,
And it all just goes nowhere.
I just find myself right back here in the same moment,
The same life,
Where honestly not much has changed at all.
It's almost like saying there's nowhere to go.
And I recognize how terrifying that is for the ego aspect of myself that really wants there to be somewhere to go.
Wants there to be something to hold on to in the world.
But it's that eternal battle that I've never actually won.
And that's an interesting point of self-honesty to see that wherever I think I'm trying to get to never arrives.
So I seem to be only left with an option that for now I will call surrender and gives everything back to God.
And just in the most simple way lives my life.
Which is to say what?
I don't know.
Do the best that I can,
Just be here,
Love on people.
It's almost like the simplicity of it can't really be spoken.
The real answer doesn't have words.
But somehow I constantly recognize it as the real salvation.
Also with this conversation I was having yesterday,
I realized that I'm not alone.
We were exploring the sincerity of our craving for something real.
Do you guys recognize this too for yourself?
That something in you just craves something real?
Maybe in a sea of fakeness.
Whether that's externally or internally,
Right?
We can crave that in ourselves where we're so tired of pretending.
And we just wanna crawl out of that skin and rest in something real.
And we see that in our relationships where maybe we recognize a bunch of superficiality and it just feels gross and we crave real connection,
Real conversation.
It's like eating a bunch of fake food and then at some point you just start craving real food.
Cause you see the disaster of eating all the fake food.
Right,
You see there's a consequence.
There's a consequence of getting away from the real.
We get allured away from the real,
Right?
And again,
Food is a great example with that,
Right?
It's like you have these scientists in laboratories figuring out how to make fake cheap food that tricks your brain into wanting more.
It's a drug.
And it has terrible consequences,
But something in you craves it more and more and more and more.
Because it's satisfying some pleasure center that helps you avoid the internal drama.
It helps you hide.
There's so many ways that this gets expressed beyond fake food.
We can do it in relationships where we chase after superficial relationships that help us hide.
And we hide from real conversations.
We hide from the real.
I think that's fascinating.
And again,
I see myself do it all the time.
We're hiding from the reality while at the same time craving reality.
And as it relates to the real salvation,
It just seems like the real salvation is reality.
What is real?
And that's why so much of these healing modalities is just some version of getting radically honest with yourself,
Right?
Getting in touch with the real.
And so much of our real progress in life is mirrored through getting really honest with ourselves.
So much growth in relationships only happens because there's real conversation.
So much progress in your health journey is the result of eating real food.
This is so fascinating.
We crave the real and yet we fear the real.
We think the real is boring.
We think it's threatening.
We think it takes away the pleasure that we wanna hide behind.
But yet the real is the very real doorway into what we actually crave.
But in order to walk through that doorway,
You have to release the unreal,
Which is like coming out of hiding.
And that's scary.
And it's so beautifully scary because it just means you have to let go of all the bullshit,
Right?
And it's so exposing.
You can't pretend anymore.
Like for me to do the work that I do,
For me to connect with the real,
I can't pretend to be something that I'm not,
Which means I have to let go of what I want you to think about me,
Which means I have to let go whatever it is I think I want from you.
Do you see this?
The message in the world is if you want something in the world,
You have to pretend.
You have to abandon the real and put on a facade in order to get something in the world.
But this is the whole point of real spirituality as far as I'm concerned.
And again,
It can be whatever for you,
But the point of real spirituality is for you to see that there's nothing in the world for you as it relates to what's real,
As it relates to what you really want.
And this is the eternal battle for me to remember what it is that I actually want,
Which is always something that points me back to what I will just call the heart of God,
Which lets go of the world,
Which points me back to the simple life,
Which lets go of the world,
Which also points me back to lay all of my concerns and worries down and trust God.
Right?
This is funny,
Because I was also telling this person yesterday,
Like,
You know,
I'm 44 years old and here I am now in what could be said to be a beautiful life.
Right?
To be taken care of in the way that I'm taken care of,
To have this relationship with this beautiful human being who I absolutely adore and love.
And I have no clue how I got here.
I have no clue how it is that I'm still alive.
And I say that honestly.
Like,
Whatever plan I had,
Nothing has ever worked out like I thought it was going to work out.
And in all the things that I've been worried about,
My goodness,
Like if I were to take all of my worry over my lifetime,
Fundamentally,
What I was worried about is that I wouldn't make it to this moment right now and be whole and complete.
That was the fundamental worry that I wouldn't make it to this moment right now and be whole and complete.
And here I am,
Whole and complete beyond all the imaginary stories that say I'm broken.
Right?
Like in reality,
I'm whole and complete.
I'm not missing anything.
For me to find something missing,
I have to go tell a story about something missing.
But in reality,
All is well.
Which effectively says,
I didn't need to worry.
I'm allowed to worry.
There's no judgment for the worry.
It's just not necessary.
Because the fundamental thing that I was worried about never happened.
And so,
What am I worried about in the future?
That I won't arrive in the future and still be whole and complete?
The same thing I've been worried about my whole life?
And what's further disgusting is to see how much my worry is related to my ego.
Which is to say,
Related to what other people think about me.
And it's kind of gross.
Which is like taking life and saying,
Oh,
This is all about me.
This is all about what other people think about me.
That's gross.
It's not about that at all.
So that's my secret prayer.
Dear God,
Help me not make this all about me.
Help me remember what this is really about.
As my ego struggles to survive.
And it's straight up comedy.
It's straight up comedy to see that all of my human suffering is so deeply tied to this imaginary character that I think I am.
That thinks it's seen by others.
And it's all impossible.
It's not true at all.
This is something that I talk about a lot,
But it's funny to mention again.
How much our ego is so concerned what other people think about the character we imagine ourselves to be,
But nobody else can see the character you imagine yourself to be.
How much mental energy,
How much of our thinking is spent thinking about what other people think about you,
But nobody can see the character you think you are.
And so it's literally thinking about something that's irrelevant.
And as we're caught up in those mental loops,
Thinking,
Thinking,
And thinking,
We're missing out on the gift of being alive.
Isn't that wild?
And here is that salvation.
My God,
To see the truth of these things,
To see the truth of life,
All it is is an invitation to relax and lay it all down.
And just be present and allow your heart to open to see the life you're actually living.
To see how deeply connected you are to this sacred something called life itself.
And maybe in that stillness,
You recognize that you don't need to run.
Maybe in that stillness,
You see that you're not really missing anything.
And maybe in that stillness,
You touch upon a very deep gratitude for simply being alive,
And that gratitude opens your heart and you find a new depth of love to be shared.
Maybe.
