Making Peace With A Chaos Held By Stillness

There is a stillness that exists even when you're driving 100 miles an hour. A presence untouched by the noise. And yet we spend our lives trying to cover it up, as if the emptiness isn't safe.

This talk is a quiet exploration of what happens when we stop trying to organize the forest and just let it breathe. Why we suffer over what we imagine, not what is. Why the ego's desperate search for validation is both adorable and the source of all our suffering. And what it means to surrender everything you thought you wanted — not as a moral instruction, but as a simple math equation: to have what is real, you must release what is not.

No dogma. No spiritual authority. Just an honest look at what's seen when the noise finally settles.

Transcript

Making peace with stillness, Even if we're in motion. Isn't that funny how we can have an idea of stillness, Maybe in a spiritual sense, Where we need to be perfectly still, But yet the stillness that is there is a stillness that's there even if you're driving 100 miles an hour? There's this stillness in awareness where it matters not what's going on in the world. It's almost like that stillness is synonymous with presence. There's a presence that's untouched by the noise. And I find that presence so interesting amidst the abundant noise in the world, Or the abundant noise on the internet. And it's so interesting that we have this determination to cover up that presence with noise, Almost as if the emptiness isn't safe. But yet, Where are we going? Where are we racing off to? I'm fascinated by the noise. And even what I assume to be the noise in the world is really just the noise in my mind. And yet, We can project this noise outwardly and think it's out there. But where is that noise really? Isn't that interesting to you? This projection where inside of us we experience a chaos, And then we assume it's a chaos in the world? What's really going on in the world behind all the noise we put on it? It's almost like being overwhelmed by the 10, 000 things in the forest. So many different things going in different directions. Some things trying to dominate and control other things. Trees falling over. Things being born, Things dying. And we can get overwhelmed by it all. But yet, Behind that internal overwhelm, There's a stillness to life itself. Where the forest is just breathing, Doing what it needs to do in order to be the forest. There's such an unacceptable calm, Where it's not allowed to be at peace with it all. Because of course, We are so convinced there's a better way. We are so convinced in our assumptions about how things should be. Don't let the trees fall over. Stop the bugs from fighting. Clean up all the dead things on the ground. Make this forest more organized. Then I can relax. Do we ever get there though? Do we ever find that place where everything is as we think it should be? Or do we just keep playing the same game that's always looking for some better version of the future? Or do we find the futility in our assumptions of how things should be? And start to embrace how things truly are. Not truly are as the way that we see them, But truly are beyond how we see them. Just like seeing ourselves, Right? Do we really see ourselves or do we see all of our projections, All of our judgments? All of the things we add that are not really there. Do we really see others? Do we really see life? But of course, To truly see these things, Self, Others, Or life, We must give up everything we want them to be. I find that fascinating because it points towards such an epic surrender. A surrender that is simply not safe for an ego. And you see this, Yeah? That you can't really see something if you also demand that it be different. It's like the ways that we look at ourselves. We can have all of these hidden agendas that judges and criticizes ourselves. Wishing we were so different. And in that space, Can you actually see yourself? Can you actually see what's really there? Are you simply looking with an agenda that says, How can I manipulate this self? How can I make it how I think it should be? And you know, This really speaks to an aspect of the spiritual inquiry that I can't even fully articulate, But it's so profound for me. And maybe it's simply stated as the vast difference between what is and what I imagine to be there. There's a vast difference between seeing life and seeing the mind's content about life. There is what is, And then there's what I turn things into via my imagination. And comically, I don't see that I ever suffer over what is. I suffer over what I turn things into. And that seems in some way to be the crux of spirituality. To see what's really there. It's like suffering over the sensation of not being enough. But yet, This something that is not enough is a character in your mind that isn't a real someone. And so we ask the question, Well, Do you really see what you are? How much of our lives are spent trying to battle this sense of not being enough, Trying to become enough? And never really seeing what we are. It's kind of like how much of our life is spent trying to fix life without ever truly seeing life. My goodness, The spirituality thing. It's so funny to me how these words go nowhere. And what I mean by that, When I say the spirituality thing, I have no clue what that means for you. I have no clue what spirituality is for you. It's like the real heart of that which is spirituality is so incredibly personal. I can't speak it on to somebody else. And what it shows me is only for me to see. Which is part of the comedy about our relationship with spirituality. Because so often it becomes a dogma that we project on to others. Now we know something about how the world should be. And I don't see that that is the purpose at all. I see that spirituality shows me something. That completely transforms my personal relationship with life. Which is to transform my relationship with everything. Including myself. And that makes all the difference. Spirituality doesn't somehow give me a power to get something I want in the world. Or to get something I might want from others. If anything it sets me free from that world. It sets me free from needing other people to be another way. Which is interesting too because traditionally that is not what the human being wants. The human being in some way is fundamentally looking for power over the world. So that it can get what it thinks it wants in the world. What a disappointment the truth of spirituality can be. For that aspect of ourselves that is trying to store treasures up on earth. There is such an invitation. I don't even know what to call it. And it's maybe a gross thing to call it but a purity of heart. Like what are you really looking for? What are you really looking for? Are you looking for spiritual ideas to feel special? Are you looking for spiritual powers that help you get something in the world? Because there's so much of that that just comes with being human. Where we're running around looking for some sort of secret to help us capture something. And it's fine. And then there's this sincerity of heart that let's say is exhausted by the world. A heart that has realized there's nothing in the world for me. I just want to rest in what's true. Because I know that what is true is what I really want. What is true is where I really come from. What is true is my home. And that's not socially popular. I think the ego is so adorable. The ego is so adorable in the context that there's this character in our mind that we think we really are. But we don't even know that it's a character in our mind. We just think it's who we are. And that character is so desperate to find some flavor of validation in the world. It thinks it's going somewhere. It thinks there's a prize that it has to capture. Which of course inspires a sense of inadequacy. Inspires a fear of not getting it. And creates this sort of anxiousness of getting somewhere. Do you see how cute that is? Like it's really sweet. It's sweet because it's not seen. It's innocent. And we all know that in our own experience. To be captured by this ego which is essentially to believe in this self that is separate. A self that lives in the mind. And to think that's who we really are. It's incredibly innocent. And adorably it just creates such a disaster in our lived experience. It breeds all of the fear that we experience. It is the source of our suffering. And it's okay. I don't know how to illustrate this but I find that in some way my heart is so quiet as I move through this life. Like with so much that appears to be going on. There's really not much, If anything, That needs to be said. There's not much, If anything, That can be said. Maybe related to that the truth is unspoken. The truth cannot be spoken. It's a question of how to deal with it. It's almost like saying, I don't really have anything to say. I just love you. I think genuine spirituality is very quiet like that. It's kind of like the truth of spirituality isn't arguing with the way of the forest. The truth is letting the forest be the forest. The truth is letting what is be what is. Unconcerned. Knowing that what is will remain. Isn't that so funny as human beings? Mostly, If not totally, The ego part of ourselves is so concerned with what appears to be on the surface. It's almost like that ego-self cannot see the big picture. And so it's hyper-vigilant about the 10, 000 pieces. Assuming it knows how everything should be. And what I find in that for myself as a human being is that I'm not afraid of it. It's a gentle but great surrendering of all that I am. All that my ego hopes to be. And coming back to the source of it all. And giving back everything that I once thought that I wanted. Realizing that there isn't anywhere to go. And I can't say that this should be the case for anyone else. I can only say that this is where my heart lands. It's the only rational conclusion based on my direct experience. Based on what's seen as deeply honest and true. It's the beautiful disappearance of who I am thought to be. You guys see this illustration? Maybe in one way we could call it giving everything else back to God. And you know just as a way of illustrating there's this aspect of ourselves that we could call ego that's trying to take what is God to use it for its own selfish purpose. And just creates a mess in the process. And this place of surrender, This giving it all back to God is quite a frightful place. But again for me it's the only true place. In that regard it doesn't matter how scary it is. It's what's true. There's no other option. Hence the nature of surrender. It's like looking at the futility of holding on to see that there's actually nothing to hold on to. And it can be so scary to let go but there's nothing to hold on to. Maybe a way to illustrate it. To look at the ego's agenda which we could illustrate as being validated in the world. And how much that is an energetic drive in everything we do. And to stumble upon let's say a clear seeing that it's futile. One is asked to surrender that quest but it's yet the only thing you know. It's terrifying. And it exposes this vast unknown about the future. Which is also terrifying but it's also the truth. And to embrace this vast unknown of the future is a direct invitation to just be present. Stop chasing. Stop seeking. The thing you're trying to get to is under real something. You're just driving yourself batty. But I want this and I want this and I want that and I want that and I want that and I want that. Still thinking that this and that is a real something. And again you know as I've said a thousand times I can only say this for myself and I think that's another fascinating thing about this inquiry. The things that are seen are only for me to see. Like it gives me zero authority over other people's lives about what they should do or not do. And it speaks to where the human being can get lost in the spiritual quest where it's trying to use spirituality for that egocentric end to feel some sense of personal power. By way of knowing how other people should be. It's kind of like the ego saying how can I use spirituality so that I feel validated or important. And it goes nowhere. It's this beautiful illusion of specialness. This beautiful illusion of separation where I am now more real because I have separated myself from others and I am better than the others. And then we carry the spiritual facade. I'm so spiritual. Which is really fascinating because again to me it just completely misses the point. And the real point is terrifying. But so liberating. Would you be willing to give it all up for a heart that's truly liberated? Would you be willing to let go of the ideas of self-importance to truly be allowed to be? Talk about the great self-sacrifice, Huh? That's what that is. The real self-sacrifice is to let go of the idea of yourself. Because it's the idea of ourselves that is so preoccupied with holding on to something in the future. So preoccupied with having things be a certain way so that it can hold on to something in the future. Which is to hold on to an idea of itself. And the great self-sacrifice is to simply see beyond the idea of yourself. The illusion of that self. To see that it actually gives you nothing real. And what you crave is something real. And so to have what is real you must surrender what is imagined. It's more like a math equation than a moral instruction. The math equation is as such, You crave something real, But you're holding on to something unreal. So if you want what is real, You must release the unreal. And it's a wild exploration to see how adorably and innocently we are lost in the unreal. Which is to say, How much of what we think is real is actually not. Which is also like saying how much of what we think matters doesn't matter at all. It doesn't matter in relationship to what it is you actually crave. What it is that is actually your salvation. What it is that actually gives yourself back to yourself. What it is that actually brings you back to peace. It's such a journey. And it's a journey we've all been exploring our whole lives, Whether we have realized it or not. It's like throughout our whole lives, We are looking for something very specific. But we are exploring all of the areas it is not. It's not there, It's not there, It's not there. And we're looking out into all of these different corners of the world, Which is really just corners of the mind, The unreal, Seeing that it's not there. Which helps us find out where it really is. And everyone is doing that. It's so fascinating how every human being in their own way is fundamentally playing the same game of seeking the real, But looking in the unreal. And, You know, Just as we all speak maybe different languages, We have different ways of describing the same thing. So we could say that we are all looking for love, But another person might not use that language. They describe it a different way, But it's ultimately the same thing. In the same way, We could say that the human being's fundamental problem is a fear of not being enough. It could also be described in a different way, But it's fundamentally the same thing. We all crave the same thing, And we are afraid of the same thing. Furthermore, The thing we crave is also the thing we are afraid of. I want to let go. I'm so afraid to let go. Some version of that. I want to be myself. I'm so scared to be myself. Some version of that. You see, You can't really pin it down with language, But it all points in the same direction. We just have different stories we tell about it, Just like there's different religions. We tell stories about the same thing. And then we get lost in our stories. And we think our story is the right story. Because we're adorable. And it's all perfectly fine. It's how we find our way.

Reviews

Thank you so much, dear Tiger, it was so interesting to listen to you and hear your loving, new, and familiar thoughts. It touched something deep within me, and I remember that we are all connected. Thank you from the bottom of my heart; I truly enjoyed this morning. All my love, Bettina.