You tell me if this sounds familiar.
We lay in bed and the moment our head hits the pillow,
Ding ding ding,
We become aware of the problems we need to fix.
There are loads of them and they all want our attention right now.
It's like 10 crying babies all demanding you hold them right now,
This minute.
And the advice always seems to be the same.
Don't worry about it.
Just go to sleep.
Not really helpful,
Is it?
Why?
Because the mind hates nothing more than,
Well,
To do nothing.
So tonight we do things a little differently.
We actually lean in to our worries and treat them with kindness and not frustration.
Now,
It sounds a bit crazy,
But trust me,
This one works.
This is inspired actually by two of my favorite stoic quotes.
The first one is,
We suffer more in imagination than in reality.
And the second one is,
Those who suffer before it's necessary,
Suffer more than it is necessary.
To start with,
I want you just to park the many worries you may have right now and just hold them to the side for a few minutes.
Before anything,
I want you to get nice and comfortable.
If we're going to spend some time with our worries,
Let's at least be comfortable while we do it,
Hey?
Now,
This can be one less thing for us to worry about,
Ironically.
So get comfy.
And then when you feel like you're all set,
Bring those eyes to close.
Turn your attention now to your body,
Which is actually where a lot of our worries manifest in a physical way.
They show up as sensation and tension.
Let's deal with those first.
Now,
A real popular place for worry to settle in is in our shoulders.
Well,
Specifically in our traps,
But we feel it in our shoulders,
Kind of.
It's that muscle that draws your shoulders towards your ears.
You know what I'm talking about?
It's that primitive response to protect your neck.
You know how when you get a fright,
Your shoulders go straight towards your ears.
Now,
We react to stress in much the same way,
Even when we don't know it.
So just become aware now that the shoulders are not hunched up towards the ears.
So let those shoulders slowly move down the body,
Opening up that space between your shoulders and your earlobes.
Feels better,
Right?
Let those shoulders totally relax and get heavy.
Now,
Turn your attention to your hands and just see that they have this gentle curl to them.
We don't want hands that are spread wide and active.
We want those curled hands,
Not quite a fist,
Not quite dead open,
Somewhere in the middle.
All right,
Good job.
Bring your attention now to your face and your jaw.
And while you're there,
Pay attention to your teeth.
Make sure they're not touching or grinding.
And then imagine the back of your jaw totally relaxes and falls an inch down.
Loose,
Loose,
Loose.
Falls an inch down.
Loose,
Loose teeth.
Loose,
Loose jaw.
Lastly,
Turn your attention to your neck.
And as you're turning your attention there,
Also turn your head side to side,
Looking left and looking right.
And then just finding yourself back in the middle,
Making sure that neck is loose.
Beautifully done.
So,
The body is relaxed now.
The body is heavy.
And you're starting to notice that mattress underneath you.
And you're becoming aware of how it's starting to envelop you,
Almost like it's giving you a hug.
Now,
One of the tricks of the mind is that the speed of worries can often hide the true of worries can often hide the true number or nature of the worry.
As we think of one concern and get to terms with it,
Another one pops into our mind.
And then we try to address that one.
And then another one.
And then the first one again.
We end up trying to solve each problem multiple times,
Which makes us feel like each problem is way more abundant than it really is.
So,
This is what we're going to do together.
I want you to choose just one concern.
Whichever one is the most prominent.
We're going to stay with just this thought.
And we're going to spend a bit of time with it.
Commit to this thought.
And we're going to do that through five steps.
And we're going to do that through five steps.
And these will all focus on the problem,
Not trying to find a solution.
Tonight is not solution finding time.
Let's commit to focusing on the problem,
Not the solution.
Just for tonight.
Step one.
I want you to really dig into what is at the heart of this concern.
And you can do that by trying to think about what category it fits in.
Is it about your health?
About your wealth?
Or about one of your relationships?
And look,
If it's multiple,
Then just choose the one it's mostly about.
With a firm category chosen,
Now think about the worst-case scenario you have with this worry.
What's the absolute worst thing that could happen that you're worried about right now?
Now,
This doesn't mean it's going to happen.
I just want you to be aware of the worst case.
Now,
As you're thinking about that,
I want you to think about how this worry makes you feel.
Emotionally and physically.
So what's the overriding emotion?
Is it being scared?
Is it being anxious?
Is it being afraid?
Is it being anxious about something that you don't want to be afraid of?
What's the overriding emotion?
Is it being scared?
Embarrassed?
Angry?
Disappointed?
Frustrated?
What's the emotion that comes up for you?
And then as you choose that emotion that best describes what's happening with you,
Can you become aware of where it shows up in your body?
Are you now clenching your fists or your jaw?
Do you feel it in the pit of your stomach?
In your head?
In your heart?
Maybe in your hands?
Just find out the geographical location on your body.
Step four,
I want you to think about how close you are to the worst-case scenario.
As a percentage.
So if you are right at the worst-case scenario,
You might be at 99%.
If you are halfway to the worst-case scenario,
You're at 50%.
And if you're nowhere close,
You're at 1%.
Give that a thought.
How close is your current situation to that worst-case scenario?
Again,
You don't have to do anything about it.
I just want you to reflect on where you are.
And now step five.
I just want you to think about a single word that you could give this worry.
Like a pet name.
It doesn't have to make sense,
Just has to make sense to you.
So for me,
I'm worried about my newborn baby and being able to afford anything.
So I might be thinking pram because that's one of the most expensive things.
So do the same thing for me.
Sum up this worry as a single word.
All right,
And those are the five steps.
Now,
I want you to respect the fact that while you're in bed,
You are not optimally situated to fix this problem.
But what you can do is remember this word and deal with it tomorrow,
Or at least one step of it.
While you're in bed,
You are optimally situated to sleep.
And with a good night's sleep,
You're in the best position to deal with this problem and any others tomorrow.
So all you need to do is remember this one word.
If you must,
You can write it down too,
But you should be able to remember just the single word.
Now,
Fully aware of that problem word,
Take a deep inhale and exhale and breathe that word out.
Deep inhale,
This time to scan your body for any tension that may still be there.
And as you exhale,
Release that tension out the body.
Good job.
Back to normal breathing now.
Take a moment and just allow any other worries to pop up.
And if there's none,
Great.
Just breathe it all out.
And if there's none,
Great.
Just breathe easy and enjoy your bed.
If there is another worry,
Well,
We welcome it in.
We commit to spend some time with this single worry.
And we go through the same five steps one more time together.
First,
Which category does it fit into?
Health,
Wealth,
Relationship?
Choosing the most apt one.
And then thinking about the absolute worst case scenario of this worry.
Again,
Doesn't mean it's going to happen.
We're just building an idea.
Now think about what emotion it makes you feel.
Scared,
Nervous,
Frustrated,
Disappointed,
Sad,
Hurt.
And once you've settled on that emotion,
Notice where you feel it.
Is there one place in the body it shows up more than others?
Step four.
Think about how far you are from the worst case scenario.
And with all that in place,
Step five,
Create your memorable word for this problem.
Reminding yourself this is not the time for solutions.
Now is the time for sleep.
Inhale,
Remind yourself of this word.
Exhale,
That word back out and let go of the worry.
And now,
Take a deep breath in and out.
And let go of the worry.
Inhale,
Awareness of any tension.
Exhale,
Releasing tension.
Breathe easy.
Reflecting on how your two biggest worries have been reduced to just two words.
Keep breathing nice and easy.
And when you find yourself worrying about any one of those things we've just been through,
Just remind yourself of the single word that encapsulates it and breathe it out.
Of course,
If another worry comes to mind,
You can use the same five steps.
Decide the category.
Decide the worst case scenario.
Notice how it makes you feel.
Reflect on how far you are from the worst case scenario.
And most importantly,
Give the worry a single word as a name.
Taking these big scary ideas and reducing them to a single word.
Always reminding yourself,
Tonight is not about solutions.
Tonight is about sleep.
We inhale and we exhale that worry.
We inhale looking for tension in the body.
As we exhale,
We release tension in the body.
Your worries are valid,
Important,
But we can address them tomorrow.
For now,
This is your time to rest.
You're going to be okay.
Sleep well.
