The Belief That I'm Not Good Enough

"I'm not good enough" is the core ego belief many, if not all, people have. It is an underlying factor in what can be teased back to nearly all of our human struggles. It is learned and can be unlearned with a consistent practice of radically accepting ourselves. Background music by Narek Mirzaei.

Transcript

Welcome to Life Unedited Sanctuary, Where reality happens. I'm Tiffany. And this is chapter 18 from my soon to be published book, Life Unedited, The Power of Radical Acceptance for Couples. The belief that I'm not good enough. As I was writing and compiling all the previous chapters, I noticed a common thread. That thread is the ego belief that we are not good enough. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that that belief is the root of all of our issues. Every problem that arises in our life can be teased back to it. That's a powerful and sad statement all at the same time. Why do most people, Deep inside of themselves, Believe that they're not good enough? Where does not good enough come from? Honestly, Sometimes we don't even specifically know. And that's okay. We don't usually know because it's an unconscious agreement we made with the universe in early childhood. Then we spend our entire lives operating from that ego agreement by trying to prove ourselves to others in a way to assuage the voice within ourselves. I said that we may not know how that became an unconscious agreement, And I'll give an example to help explain. Let's say we're three years old and want to show our mom what a big kid we are by getting ourselves breakfast one morning. There we are at the table with our bowl of cereal, Struggling to pick up the gallon of milk to pour into it. And just as we are tipping that jug, Mom walks in to see us spill the milk, And she automatically yells out. In that very moment, Our little three-year-old brain, Which is cognitively still in black and white thinking, Goes straight to something like my mom hates me and I'm not good enough. Ego locks onto that and it becomes an underlying belief that haunts us from that moment forward. It's that voice that says mean, Hurtful things to us. It's what we call our own worst enemy. That is ego both reminding us of our not good enough and using not good enough to motivate us to do better. This can cause a kind of psychological whiplash, Because one minute when something goes wrong, We aren't good enough. The next minute when something goes right, We did that. And yet we can't take credit or that would be selfish, Which is another example of not good enough. The good news is that we can overcome this. It starts with recognizing the inner dialogue as ego, Which tells stories, Most of which are not true. I've said it before, Ego's purpose is to protect us, And it does so in a very back ass word way. Ego reminds us of our not good enough in many ways to keep us stuck and afraid of change. If we feel badly enough about ourselves on the inside, Then the outside world cannot hurt us much. And if we stay where we are, Then we can't get hurt by the unknown of change. When we notice the inner chatter as ego, Then we have a choice to believe it or not. It is a choice and we can ignore it. I do this when, On occasion, My ego says, That was stupid, Tiffany, Or something like that. I roll my eyes and move forward, Sometimes saying to myself, Actually, That was human, Tiffany. It's a practice and ego is strong. The more we practice it, Though, The less often we have to. This is about changing how we feel about ourselves, Which again is a choice. People sometimes don't know that it is a choice, Or if they do, They think it's self-centered to love ourselves. That's something we're taught, Straightforwardly, Passively, Or even role modeled. And this isn't about blaming anyone. It's just true. When we're born, We're pretty much all ego, Meaning it's all about us. And we don't know any differently, Though as we age, We learn that putting ourselves first is selfish. So add selfish or self-centered to are not good enough and we have a problem and or we are a problem. Neither of those things is true. We are all good enough and choosing ourselves is not selfish. In fact, It's imperative. If I don't put myself first, Then no one will. For me to care for and love anyone outside of me, I first have to care for and love me. We accept behavior from others based on how we feel about ourselves. If we are operating from a space of not good enough or not worthy, Then we are more likely to be in relationship with people who reinforce those beliefs. We also lack boundaries because we don't deserve them and probably think they are mean. We are constantly trying to prove our worth in those relationships, Which is us using the relationship to prove our worth to ourselves. Attempting to glean our self-esteem and even self-confidence from outside of ourselves, From our relationships, Is fleeting and not sustainable. When we notice the inner negative dialogue. Choose not to attach to it, And instead radically accept that we are good enough, Human, Not in need of fixing, Yet a work in progress, Then our self-esteem and confidence come from within, Which is genuine and sustainable.