Welcome to Life Unedited Sanctuary.
Where reality happens.
I'm Tiffany.
A reality therapist with over 20 years of clinical practice in residential treatment,
School,
And private practice settings.
This track is a reality therapy approach to depression,
Numbness,
And feeling frozen.
Reality therapy theorizes that depression is a cluster of symptoms resulting from a person's argument with reality,
Typically an argument with the reality of something that has already happened,
Something from the past.
These symptoms include,
And are not limited to,
Sad or empty mood more often than not,
Lack of motivation,
Loss of interest in things that once held interest,
Low feelings of self-worth,
Sleep difficulties,
Changes in eating habits,
Fatigue,
Feelings of hopelessness,
And difficulty concentrating.
When these symptoms join forces and disrupt our daily lives,
Then they are symptoms of a serious problem.
Depression is listed in the DSM-5,
Which is essentially the desk reference of diagnoses of mental health disorders for psychiatrists,
Psychologists,
Counselors,
Therapists,
And the like.
Reality therapy likes to distinguish that though depression can be thought of as a mental health situation,
The symptoms of depression underlie each individual's responses and reactions to the symptoms,
And those responses and or reactions can be related to the individual's mental health.
Depression is also a medical situation.
The symptoms affect an individual's dopamine and serotonin neurotransmitters,
Which is a medical condition.
All of that said,
Feeling depressed is a common phenomena that brings people into my counseling office seeking some type of relief.
Their unique symptomology is disrupting their daily functioning,
Relationships,
Feelings about themselves,
And maybe their ability to work,
Parent,
Or even interact.
My role as a reality therapist is to untangle the web of symptoms plaguing the client,
Hold a non-judgmental and unconditional space in which the client can be authentic,
And from the client's story,
Determine where they are stuck in the quicksand that is their argument with reality.
Then the real therapy work begins.
I have to admit that I am always fascinated when people describe feeling numb in relation to their depression.
I asked them to describe their quote-unquote numbs.
That might sound like a reasonable question at face value,
Except that technically,
Feeling numb is an experience of feeling nothing.
So how can a client describe that?
More often than not,
Clients can verbalize all kinds of descriptors for their feeling numb or nothing.
It appears that feeling numb is sort of a cloak of invisibility,
Covering up or blocking out other feelings and emotions in an attempt to protect us.
That's why it's so important to describe each person's experience of Nome.
It is a way of removing the cloak of invisibility,
Demonstrating to the client that there are feelings under it,
And getting to the emotions involved in their argument with reality.
The experience of feeling frozen,
Or in other words,
Stuck,
Is exactly what it is.
The feeling of the inability to move on or move at all is directly correlated to a hamster in a wheel which does not ever get anywhere.
The client is frozen or stuck in the rumination of their story related to their argument with reality.
What is this argument with reality that I've mentioned three times so far?
The specific argument is subjective to each client,
Of course.
It is a past event,
Situation,
Or experience the client had that they believe should have gone differently or not happened at all.
If something else had happened instead.
Then the event would not have happened or should have happened in another way with different results.
Whenever we find ourselves would-of or should-of-ing a situation.
That's a definite sign of arguing with the reality of what happened.
The real therapy work mentioned above.
Includes radical acceptance practice that is part of breaking the pattern of arguing with reality.
This is where we stop would've and should've-ing or what if-ing things in our life that have happened.
They are part of our past and do not have to be part of our now.
In therapy,
We identify the stories the clients are stuck in and recapitulate the feelings from the stories by radically accepting,
Yes,
It happened.
We also accept that we may never know why things happened.
And even if we are able to determine the why,
Knowing that does not make it better or different.
In fact,
That gives further fodder for remaining stuck because our ego goes straight to if it had happened differently.
This encourages us to continue to make up other scenarios about how it might have been different.
The fact is that what happened will never be different.
It happened the way it happened.
When we are able to ground into,
Yes,
It happened.
Then we are able to take the feelings out of it and possibly look for the lesson.
Gentle reminder that accepting what happened does not mean we agree with it or like it,
And it may have hurt us.
When we accept.
Then we are able to pull the feelings out of the story,
Which is the recapitulation of the feelings.
And take the power out of it.
When the power is out of the story,
We are no longer stuck in it,
And we do not have to numb or attempt to cover up our feelings in order to protect ourselves from continuing to be hurt by what happened and the story around it.
Spelling out this process in writing,
As I have,
Can sound like,
Oh,
Here are the steps,
One,
Two,
Three,
Fixed.
Please do not receive this information in this manner.
It is a process that takes courage,
Determination,
And commitment to consistent practice.
Remember that some of these stories have been part of you for a long time,
So it is going to take time to put them to rest.
It also takes being graceful with yourself while letting the events of the past remain there,
No longer having power over your now.
