Paw Prints On My Broken Heart: Emma's Story

This is the story of how Emma came into my life and forever changed it with her unconditional love for me. It is also a story of how deeply we grieve when a beloved pet transitions to the other side. Background music by Narek Mirzaei. Cover photo credit to Steve Smith.

Transcript

Welcome to Life Unedited Sanctuary, Where reality happens. I'm Tiffany. And this. Is Emma's story. The life. Of my Rottweiler. Emma, My Rottweiler, Came into my life in what was an unanticipated way, And I could not have been more grateful to the universe for bringing her to me. She is my heart. She is the love of my life. She is also my emotional barometer and my emotional support. Emma has been my strongest heart connection with unconditional love for nearly 12 years, And I cannot imagine what life will look like when her walk ends. Rottweilers are my breed. I have had one in my life for my entire adult life. Kaya, The flying burrito, Was an amazing brat with a personality to match her name. She was a bundle of energy and loved her humans fiercely. One weekend in 2014, She was not herself. Lethargic, Refusing to eat. Hiding under the bed. Panting, Yet not wanting to drink water. I tried everything. By Monday morning, I coaxed her out from under the bed, Carried her to the car, And headed for the vet in desperation. The burrito is broken. Please fix her, I pleaded with the vet. I left her in their capable hands and went to work. A couple of hours later, The vet called. How quickly can you get back here? I knew in the pit of my stomach that it wasn't good. I had to say goodbye to the burrito that morning. Cancer. Lots of it, And everywhere. It felt like time stopped and I had been swallowed whole into a dark void. It's mad how your whole world can change in the blink of an eye. People have all kinds of thoughts on pets. Some of those thoughts are super harsh, Uncaring, And unkind. Others can be more neutral. And then there's mine. I believe that if I make the choice to have a pet. Then it is my responsibility to give them the best life imaginable. They literally count on us for everything and give back unconditionally in ACEs. That's what makes the death of our pets so difficult. A piece of my heart died with the burrito that day. I was devastated and told my partner Jeff that I could not live without a Rottweiler in my world. He was surprised, Yet he knew me and said he would find us one. I was not interested in replacing the burrito. I was desperate to repair my heart, The only way a Rottweiler could. Back then, We still used newspapers over social media. And the next day, I opened our local newspaper to the adoptable pet section. Rottweilers are less common where I live, Yet I had hope and there it was. One ad of adoptable rot puppies I called immediately. I believe in synchronicities. Am an obsessed number gal, Mine being seven, And only have female dogs. The stars align. One female rot pup remaining from a litter of seven. I couldn't get to her fast enough. Enter Emma. Who would become Emma Diabla, The missing piece of my heart. There was something off about the situation around the adoption. I felt it the minute the lady pulled into my driveway. The energy was dark, Deceptive, And uncomfortable. I met her on the porch, Snatched the six-week-old pup from her, Gave her the payment, And sent her on her way. It felt like I was saving this baby from the jaws of an alligator. I know that the ideal age of adoption is eight weeks. I believe it was a blessing that she didn't have to stay in that environment any longer than she already had, And I will explain more in a bit. It was Jeff's turn to name this baby, So Emma she became. She was a complete delight and everyone adored her. My heart was on the mend. Then over the next couple of months, I started having some really vivid dreams about her six weeks prior to coming to us. And simultaneously, She began seriously challenging me. Only me, Not Jeff. I dreamed that she had been born in a really small, Shed-like space to an aging, Unhappy mom. The shed was dark, Had like chicken wire on top of gravel for a floor. And there was little to no human interaction. This was a completely different story than the breeder had told me. During the time of these dreams, Emma seemed to lose trust in me and stopped interacting with our golden retriever, Cassiopeia. When I say she seriously challenged me, I mean she would purposely bite my heels and get between my feet to trip me constantly and not in a playful puppy way. She would look at me with such intensity and what seemed to be disdain or hate. I'm not projecting here, And we have photo evidence of that look. That's when Diabla was added to her name. Mainly for fun, Because we joked about her being demonic. I was patient and concerned. So me being weird woo woo me contacted an animal psychic. Emma sat with me while I consulted with the local animal psychic over speakerphone. I was astounded at what I heard. The woman told me that Emma had, Indeed, Been born in a shed, Exactly as I'd seen in my dreams. Chicken wire on top of gravel for a floor and all. She said that there had been little to no human interaction, Except from the woman breeder, And that Emma had serious trust issues with women because of that. She said the pups had been deprived of their mother too soon. The psychic also saw that Emma had pulled away from our other pup Cassie because the trust issues contributing to her lack of confidence trying to establish an alpha role and not feeling like she belonged in our home. The next thing the psychic said blew me away. She said that I had recently lost another dog. I confirmed that the burrito had passed away only days before Emma's coming. She said that the burritos walk ended so that Emma would come specifically to me because I was the one who would have the loving patience she needed to regain confidence in herself through our relationship. As soon as all of this was out into the open, It seemed like Emma had a huge weight lifted from her. She crawled up into my lap and kissed me, And then she went out into the yard to play with Cassie. Emma and I have had a super special bond since that day. Throughout all of this, Emma dearly loved her dad, My partner, Jeff. She was definitely a daddy's girl too. This would be challenged in a rather significant way when Jeff was diagnosed with brain cancer four months after she came into our lives. She would spend hours sitting with him and the only way we could get him to exercise a bit was to entice him to walk Emma. She was super gentle with him and always seemed to be watching over him. Jeff had endured brain surgery to remove a portion of the cancer and months of chemo and radiation following the surgery. One evening I was in the kitchen adjoining the living room where he was sitting. He got up to do something and Emma immediately began barking rather abruptly. I turned to see Jeff in mid-seizure as all six foot four of him began to fall toward the corner of the dining room table. I was able to jump in between him and the table to go down underneath him, Break his fall, And knock the table out of the way in the process. I 100% believe she sensed the change in his energy as he was beginning to seize and alerted us. There were a couple of other times when I would observe Jeff and Emma, Both staring at the same area near the ceiling. When I asked Jeff what he was seeing, He said that he and Emma were looking at angels with sparkles. I have no doubt they both saw the angel. And I have no doubt that the day Jeff passed away, With Emma and I sitting on the bed next to him, Emma witnessed his soul departing from his body. My mother told me she had been focused on Emma, Who went from looking at Jeff and then slowly trained her gaze up toward the ceiling. Dogs can see energy in a way most people can't. If Emma and I were bonded before, Jeff's passing sealed our bond more securely. She doesn't leave my side. She has a habit of putting herself in between anyone else and me, And if we are standing, Uses her backside to push me away from people. Sadly, Cassiopeia also passed away shortly after Jeff. She was his breed, And I believe waited until he had passed to take her leave. So I adopted Sister Golden Retrievers for Emma. Eddie George and Elbow Trout joined Emma and I in our little family. The Goldens were named in honor of Jeff after two of his favorite sports figures and gifts for Emma. She was elated and took to them straight away. She was very attentive to them as they grew up, Trained them to follow her everywhere, Like through the dog door to the backyard to potty. I have the most precious photos of Emma standing up, Paws on the edge of a playpen, Where the baby slept while she was watching them. The four of us have been through a lot in the last 11 years, And Emma's nearly 12 years old. Five years older than the burrito when she passed. The Goldens are close behind at 11 and thriving. I wake up every day and thank the universe for my dogs. I also wake up on occasion during the night to check and see if they're still breathing because I'm afraid of losing them. My greatest fear is losing Emma. That doesn't mean I love her more. I love her differently. Even as I sit here typing that sentence, I'm crying. She means more to me than I can put into words. In February 2022, Emma woke up and her back legs were paralyzed. I nearly lost my mind calling someone to come help me get her into my vehicle to take her to the vet. Four days later, No answers. Come and get her and bring her home, They said. I turned my living room into a bed-slash-bathroom situation. Mattresses on the floor and puppy pads everywhere. I had to keep everyone kind of calm, Together, And it was winter, So not always possible to help Emma outside to potty. I changed my work schedule to spend as much time as I could at home, And fortunately, As a counselor, Zoom became my best friend, And I was able to maintain my private practice. I called in every homeopathic practitioner I could come up with. The first was a vet who consulted her pendulum, Did acupuncture, And tuning fork therapy. She requested MS x-rays and diagnosed a spinal condition that usually happens to Dachshund pups. It involves chronic inflammation where it pinches nerves that causes the loss of her back legs. We had something specific on which to focus. Next was healing massage and Emma wasn't comfortable with that. Reiki to release the negative energy and open her chakras. Red light laser therapy followed. That was kind of hard because I had to hold Emma so she wouldn't bite the gal as the laser stimulated the affected area. Nothing was really working. In a moment of frantic, Grasping-at-anything energy, I asked a psychic friend, Who had given me an amazing palm reading, To do a read on Emma. This gal was out of town at the time and said she would be happy to do what she could. I awoke the next morning to a reading on my phone that humbled me. It said that my spirit guides had been sending me messages and I had not been paying attention. So in an attempt to get me to slow down and listen, They used Emma. What do I do with that? I read it again out loud to Emma. And when I tell you what happened next, You probably won't believe me. Emma stood up and walked over to me. I wept. This whole experience changed my trajectory of life on many levels. I kept my schedule changes so I'm never away from home for more than four hours, Except when I'm traveling. And traveling has been the greatest stressor because finding a competent, Trusted dog slash house sitter is nearly impossible. I have way too many expectations and I am completely okay with that. I actively choose to focus on me now, Which I've never really done before. I let go of alcohol, Changed my eating habits, And added a consistent yoga practice. I really embrace my spiritual path, Taking classes, Joining groups, Learning, Listening, Reading, Meditating. I do all of this with my dogs because I spend a lot of time at home with them. Wear a pack. From her immaculate recovery back in 2022 until recently, Emma was pretty much herself. We had a setback in early 2025 and added a daily dose of steroids for inflammation and pain medication to manage the possible pain. Dogs are crazy resilient and don't necessarily show pain, Especially when it's lower grade and chronic. That's why I said possible pain. In the last two months, However, We have seen a pretty significant decline in all the protocols helping Emma. We've had to increase her dose of steroids, And I help her walk with a ginger lead half harness. She spends most of her time lounging near me. We take very short walks because she absolutely loves them, Even though they wear her out. I question her quality of life, And I also question myself about whether I'm doing the best thing for her every single day. It's so difficult because when I least expect it, She meets me at the door and takes herself outside to potty. She has a voracious appetite and has precious moments of play. The dog is absolutely routine-oriented and has always had a way of telling me it's mealtime. She tantrums in a playful way where she stomps her front feet, Grunts, And then swings her backside at me with her docktail wagging. I adore her play tantrums, And I know I am experiencing some of the last of them. July 20th, 2026 was a really rough day. I came home from work and Emma didn't meet me at the door. She was unable to get up from her laying down position and was panting really hard. So I helped her up and began to walk her into the living room. Her back legs weren't working at all. She sat down and looked at me with what felt like was a pleading look of, I can't do this, Mom. I knelt down, Looked deeply into her eyes and asked her if it was time. And then I burst into tears. I called a friend to get a second opinion. And then I called the emergency vet. We made an appointment for the next morning. I hate that we have to make an appointment to end our pet's life. And at the same time, I'm thankful because it forces us to really think all the thoughts within a specified time frame. I felt like I made the decision and had some tiny bit of peace with it until I didn't. Something made me cancel that appointment and I went to speak with our regular vet the next morning. Our vet suggested we give this one particular medication a try, Which we did the very next day. It was a once a month injectable and it seemed to have a positive effect. Emma was slowing down, Yet able to do short walks and putts around the backyard a bit. I helped with the few steps out to our yard and lifted her into bed each evening. Okay, We bought some additional time. Almost a couple of months. Remember at the beginning of this when I said, I cannot imagine what life will look like when her walk ends? I also said my greatest fear is losing Emma. Well, I face that fear. And I know what it looks like without her because her life ended on September 13th, 2026. Death is not a stranger to me, And I'm not afraid of dying. I'm actually deathly afraid of living without her. I can say with every cell of my being that I could not have anticipated the depth of despair that I would feel when her heart stopped beating. In some rational existence, I knew it was time. That does not negate the enormity of regret and second-guessing and feeling like you let the most precious creature in the world down. I promised her that I would always choose her. And I told her multiple times a day when I was helping her walk that I had her. She could trust me. And I had to choose to end her life. I hate that and I don't hate anything. I am so despondent. And I am so regretful. And I am so angry. And I am so alone. And I have two golden retrievers who are looking at me like, What now mom? Just when I think it's almost too much to bear. I take a breath and remember that Emma trusted me in all ways, And that includes making the choice so that she could be free from the pain of her body giving up on her. I did choose her in the most selfless way I could imagine. I have to figure out how to continue to choose her by grieving and moving forward in a way that she is no longer able to for herself. It's like the footprints in the sand poem. Emma and I were walking on the beach, And there were two sets of footprints in the sand. Hers and mine. Until what it felt like all at once. There were only mine. At that time. I realized. I was now carrying her in my heart.

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