Welcome to the practice of letting go of comparison.
This meditation tends to the natural human tendency to compare oneself to others and to the habit of holding yourself to very,
Very high standards.
Whether the pressures are from within,
From conditioning early in life,
Or from the world of ratings and rankings,
The invitation is to allow yourself to acknowledge that you are doing your best,
And your best is often more than good enough,
Allowing your comparing mind to be at ease for these moments.
It's been said that comparison is the thief of joy.
Most self-described perfectionists and high achievers might well agree.
It can be hard to be happy when habits of pleasing,
Performing,
Producing,
And perfecting are the order of the day,
As if the goalposts on the playing field keep moving farther and farther out.
At the same time,
The comparing mind is key to how we learn and grow,
From learning the alphabet to embracing a hobby,
Noticing self-improvement,
And knowing what's expected in school,
At a job,
Or in a community.
Giving yourself permission to respect the upside of the comparing mind,
And giving yourself grace for all of your efforts,
Acknowledging that striving for excellence naturally requires a keen awareness of details and differences.
So the invitation is learning to let go,
Not of the comparing mind,
But the tension created when comparison leads to anxiety,
Negative feelings,
And self-judgment,
Which is quite different when comparison leads to excitement,
Positive feelings,
And inspiration.
Let's begin.
Find a position that allows you to be relaxed yet alert.
Embody a posture of grace,
With a strong back and open heart.
Take a few intentional breaths,
Allowing your body to breathe you in any way that feels natural and easy.
If it feels comfortable,
You may also close your eyes or gently gaze in front of you,
Sensing where you are in your surroundings and where your body makes contact with support such as a chair or the ground beneath you.
Coming back to this grounding sense of physical support or to your breath as an anchor whenever you notice discomfort or distractions.
Gently breathing in and breathing out.
Breathing with the inhale,
Releasing with the exhale,
Allowing yourself to be present and grounded.
We will begin a reflection exercise.
For these next moments,
See if you can conjure up your comparing mind.
Embrace an attitude of kind sight or viewing life experiences with tenderness and understanding.
In what ways can your comparing mind be helpful?
In what ways is it not so helpful?
Reflect on a moment when comparing yourself or your ability to someone or some standard was beneficial,
Encouraging,
Or helpful.
Looking back,
What were your feelings,
Thoughts,
And actions?
Bring the situation to life in your mind as if observing from a distance,
Noticing the details of the scene or a conversation that may have taken place.
What was your inner narrative?
You can imagine it now.
Breathing in,
Breathing out,
Holding the scene lightly.
Next,
Bring to mind a past moment when you compared yourself to a person or some ideal that caused you discomfort or tension,
Choosing an experience that is manageable to recall and not so intense that it's hard to be present.
Looking back,
What were the feelings,
Thoughts,
And actions in that moment of negative comparison?
Were there others around?
What was said?
What kind of inner narrative arose?
Hold the scene gently as if you were watching a movie scene.
Breathing in,
Breathing out,
Allowing yourself to hold both these experiences side by side with curiosity and compassion.
Breathing with kind sight,
Is there one experience that you hold on to more than the other?
Whatever you notice,
Hold it gently,
No judgment,
Remembering to breathe in and breathe out with ease,
Expanding with the inhale,
Releasing with the exhale.
Commonly we hold on to what's negative more readily than remembering the positive moments.
It's not your fault.
The brain is continually assessing risk and safety.
The neural networks are designed to predict your thoughts and actions based on a blend of past experiences and current conditions,
All in the service of self-protection.
In this way,
Negative comparisons can become a habit of the mind,
With a lot of inner chatter,
Where inner critics condemn you for not being good enough.
This unfortunate quirk of the brain is sometimes called the negativity bias.
When it's directed at yourself,
The chatter can be mean and critical.
Yet some say,
I need the harsh inner voice.
I need the push to achieve what I want.
It's okay to be driven and to value excellence.
These are wonderful qualities.
Yet the detrimental effects of negative comparisons and perfectionism can accrue,
Taxing the nervous system,
Whittling away at self-confidence and motivation with endless thoughts about what you should be or what you should do.
Build this awareness with kindness.
Breathing in.
Breathing out.
Consider the possibility of cultivating a bias toward acceptance,
Bringing to mind the pleasant and beneficial experiences that naturally arise in daily life,
Allowing your attention to linger on the positive experiences,
The small wins and ordinary delights,
Resting your attention on these pleasant experiences that you may unknowingly pass over,
Allowing these aspects to take up more space in your mind and heart.
Let them last longer.
They may evoke feelings of appreciation,
Delight,
Gratitude,
Hope,
Passion,
Or pride.
Let in the sparks of inspiration,
Letting go of the shoulds.
Breathing in.
Breathing out.
Breathing in acceptance.
Breathing out unhelpful comparisons.
Breathing in appreciation.
Breathing out judgments.
Breathing in aspiration.
Breathing out perfection.
Remembering that what you pay attention to grows stronger,
Allowing yourself to direct your attention to sources of strength and inspiration.
You are more than enough.
You are wise,
Courageous,
Persistent,
Caring,
And so much more.
As we come to the end of this letting go of comparison practice,
Consider giving yourself a few minutes every day to find appreciation and inspiration as a source of strength.
Release the habit of unhealthy comparison and embrace the beauty of your own path.
You will see that in time,
A positivity bias will grow through your efforts.
Be gentle with yourself.
