Focus On Your Strengths
I share a story about the power of focusing on our strengths and what we can control vs. what is out of our control and our flaws. I want to encourage you to do the same. You have so much inner strength and resiliency to help you move through life challenges and sometimes we forget that we have everything we need. xoxo, Steph
Transcript
There's so much power in focusing on your strengths instead of your weaknesses,
Instead of what we think are our flaws,
Or what actually could be flaws or weaknesses,
Just our insecurities.
I'm going to tell you a story.
Back in seventh grade,
I'm super uncoordinated.
Hey gym class,
And it's gym day.
And I'm always like,
Oh no,
What are we going to do today?
It's like panic,
Right?
Hey gym class.
Because I'm so uncoordinated.
I don't know how to play any of the sports.
So today is basketball day,
But for some reason today I'm like,
You know what,
It's basketball day.
I got this.
I'm going to be all playing basketball.
Go me.
I got this.
I'm showing up today.
And then I'm playing,
Following people around.
I have no idea what I'm doing because I have no idea how to play basketball,
But I'm just like really trying.
Next thing I know,
The people's elbow right to my two front teeth.
I pull my hands away.
It's filled with blood already.
I run to the bathroom,
Look in the mirror.
My two front teeth are pointed at my throat.
They're supposed to be pointing down.
And they're pointed at my throat and I'm panicking.
Oh my God,
What am I going to do?
Am I going to lose my teeth?
My family doesn't have the money to fix my teeth.
I'm going to be the girl with no front teeth.
Oh my God.
So the dentist,
He can save my teeth.
He puts a little cast behind them so that they don't fall out and so that they can like kind of,
You know,
Stay there.
But they already had died.
It was too late.
They were dead.
And so this meant I was going to have dark gray teeth to be at the front of my smile.
So,
Yeah,
My family had no money to fix them.
So I just had to accept it.
So I was like,
OK,
Kind of feel like a pirate.
But what am I going to do?
Am I going to focus on that or am I going to focus on my strengths?
So I did.
I just continued to focus on what I'm already excelling at,
Where I'm already shining.
So I just continued to focus on my studies,
On being a kind person,
On just doing,
Working out,
Stuff like that.
And then freshman year,
I was like,
You know what?
I think I'm going to complete that pirate look.
Yeah,
I think Davy Jones is looking for another member on his crew.
So,
Hey,
Why not it be me?
So my mom must have had enough money at the time for me to get the four baby teeth that I still had.
Yes,
Freshman year of high school,
I still had four baby teeth that just wouldn't come out.
And we didn't have the money before to go to the dentist to get them removed.
So they were still there.
So freshman year she takes me to the dentist.
I get those four teeth pulled.
And now,
Because we don't have money to fix the gaps,
I get to have two huge gaps down here.
So I have my gray teeth and I have my two bottom teeth and then I have two gaps and then the rest of my teeth.
OK,
So my pirate look is complete and I'm just like,
Oh my gosh,
Like I just feel like I'm like,
Well,
Maybe zombie-ish,
Pirate-ish-y.
Anyway,
Now I could have focused on that.
I could have let that completely deflate me because I'm a freshman in high school,
You guys.
Freshman in high school.
And that's when like you really start to want to step into yourself.
And I have my representation.
The first thing you see about me is all jacked up.
Right.
Pirate stuff.
So I decided,
You know what?
This sucks,
But I'm going to focus on my strengths.
What can I control?
I couldn't control this.
I couldn't control that I had no money to pay to get my teeth fixed,
That my family couldn't fix my teeth.
You know,
My parents couldn't do it.
So I just had to suck it up.
Focus on what I could control.
So that's what I did.
And I went out for the cheerleading team.
Got it.
I focused on my studies.
I was an excellent student because I knew I wanted to go to college.
So I focused on making sure I did my part,
What I could control a school.
I worked.
I was an excellent hard worker.
I was a fantastic employee.
You know,
All these things I worked out.
I ate healthy kind of for like a teenager.
And I continued to be the friend I wanted to be to other people.
The person who I thought I wanted to be like,
How did I want to show up in the world?
So I focused on those things.
And you guys,
Pirate Steph got to date her dream guy.
Like literally the guy that I had like the biggest crush on and was just like,
Oh my God,
He's so amazing.
We dated for like 10 months or eight months or something like that.
And that was amazing.
And I just continued to work on myself,
Work on what I could control,
Even though I was highly disappointed about my smile.
Like it was heartbreaking to me,
But I didn't let it be the focus.
I didn't let it define me.
I got to decide what defined me and it wasn't going to be my teeth.
And so what was really interesting,
Too,
I was started visualizing.
I didn't even know that I was visualizing.
I didn't know that was like the term for it.
But in eighth grade,
I just started realizing,
Like,
Well,
Seventh grade,
I realized my teeth just this is going to be it.
And then in eighth grade,
I was like,
You know what,
One day I'm going to fix my teeth.
I don't know how,
But I'm going to do it.
And,
You know,
Eighth grade mind,
You don't you know,
You're just like,
Hmm,
Someday this is going to happen.
But I started visualizing myself with my teeth white.
And then eventually in high school,
I was visualizing them with them straight.
Like I even remember thinking,
Like,
Could I put white out on my teeth?
What would that do?
You know,
What if I put a rubber band on my bottom teeth?
Would that help pull them together?
What if I hold them here long enough?
If I just hold them here for a while,
Will that close the gap?
You know,
Things like that.
But then I started visualizing that someday my teeth would be fixed.
Someday I would love my smile.
And then when I graduate high school,
This Earth angel was like,
You know what?
You know what,
Pirate stuff?
I believe in you.
I believe in you.
So I'm going to fix your teeth for you.
Can you believe that you guys?
To this day,
It is still one of the kindest things I can't even.
Oh,
It's just so.
It was such a generous act.
But here's the thing.
It didn't change my life in the way that you might think.
It added to it because had I not already been focusing on my strengths and what I could control,
I wouldn't have been where I was.
I would have been starting at ground zero.
So because I had already been focusing on what I can control and what I can do,
Getting my teeth fixed only enhanced that.
It added to it.
Had I been spending all of middle school,
All of high school,
Just focused on my teeth and not letting anything else matter and focusing on what I couldn't control,
Then when my teeth got fixed,
If they even would have,
I would have been starting at ground zero with my confidence,
With my self-love,
With going for what I want.
But instead,
I had already laid that groundwork.
I already put that foundation in place by deciding I was going to focus on what I could control.
So when my teeth did get fixed and I got veneers and I got braces on my bottom teeth,
It enhanced.
It added to the foundation that I already built and I continued to just grow my confidence and believe in myself and focus on what I could control.
And it's always worked out for me to do it.
It may take a long time.
Like I said,
I started visualizing my teeth getting fixed in eighth grade.
Five years later is when they were able to get fixed because of someone else's kindness.
Now,
Had they not given me that kindness,
It would have probably taken 10 years for me to be able to afford to fix my teeth on my own.
The thing is,
Is I focused on what I could control and that is what changed my life.
And so that's what I'm going to invite you to do is whenever you're focusing on something,
A weakness of yours,
Start focusing on your strengths.
When you're focused on what you can't control,
Focus on what you can control.
Right.
And see how powerful that feels,
How it amplifies who you are in your voice.
And it reminds you that you get a say in your life,
Even when you don't always get a say in your circumstances.
So I hope this was helpful.
If it was helpful for you,
Leave me a heart.
And thank you for being here.
I'm sending you lots of love and I believe in you endlessly.
Focus on what you can control.
That's the key here.
