Episode 143: What To Do During The Holidays When You Have An Impossible Ex | Julie Beckerman (Part 2)

Coparenting and Relationship Coach, Julie Beckerman is joining us again to share tips on what to do during the holidays when you have an impossible ex. Join us as Julie shares the steps to prepare for the holidays and emotions: Set an intention, Affective choices, Recognize whatever you feel is okay, Plan for vulnerability, See it, name it, and accept it, Don’t make assumptions.

*There are a couple of curse words in this episode.

Transcript

So one of the things too is also picking things in the plan that actually support that intention.

So,

You know,

It's like,

And sometimes if it's rest or self-care,

Like you can put two hours of like,

Two hours to sit and do nothing,

Or fill it with whatever and like block that time in.

And again,

Like you said,

Sometimes you don't have to use or follow it exactly,

But when we feel lost,

We don't wanna start planning then harder,

Right?

We wanna kind of have our go-to.

Hey there,

I'm Steph,

And I want to welcome you to the Beautifully Changed Podcast.

This is where we explore how ordinary people do big things.

Welcome to your tipping point.

Well,

Hey you guys,

Welcome back to the Beautifully Changed Podcast.

It's Steph,

Your host.

And today we have Julie Beckerman back for another time.

And today she is going to share with us what to do during the holidays when you have an impossible ex.

And this is perfect timing as it is the holiday season.

So as a reminder,

Julie is a co-parenting and relationship coach.

She is divorced herself.

She understands how to navigate having an impossible ex and where to put your energy.

And she has created her own coaching business called Aspire to Growth,

Where she really works with people to understand what you're bringing to the table and how you can navigate an impossible ex any day,

But especially during the holidays.

And that is why I wanted her on today to really help you if you are having a situation where you have an impossible ex in your life and you're feeling really frustrated and hopeless and you're not sure what to do.

And Julie agreed to come back on and share some tips.

So in this episode,

Not only are we talking about how to deal with an impossible ex during the holidays,

But also what do you do when a new significant other comes into the picture,

Or when you're comparing yourself to what your partner's providing versus what you're providing.

And Julie has a really great way of breaking it down into practical steps where you get to acknowledge your emotion and then you get to decide what actions to take and what your goal really is when it comes to parenting your kiddo or kiddos and what you want it to look like and the parts that you get to control and the actionable steps that you can be doing that will bring you more to the path of peace instead of keeping you on the track of stress and frustration.

So grab yourself a cup of tea,

A notebook,

If you wanna take some notes as Julie walks us through the process.

There's about six tips that she really dives into.

And as a reminder,

If you're loving what Julie's saying and you want to work with her,

She currently has a program,

A seven-week online program,

Co-parenting with Impossible Ex.

So definitely reach out to her on Instagram or through her email if you want to connect with her more.

You can email her at julieataspiretogrowth.

Com.

Also,

If you know somebody in your life who's dealing with an impossible ex,

Share this episode with them,

Connect them with Julie.

And if you have a few extra minutes at the end of the episode,

Please leave me a review.

Let me know what you are enjoying about the podcast,

What you want more of.

And if you know somebody who you would love to have be a guest,

Send me a DM,

At beautifullychanged.

And also while you're there,

Remember to follow me on Instagram to stay up to date with the newest podcast topic and podcast guest and just what's going on.

And also just some random personal development tips that I like to throw out there from time to time.

Again,

Thank you so much for being here.

And now let's dive into Julie's tips.

Julie,

Welcome back to the Beautifully Changed podcast.

I'm really excited to have you here as a follow-up to last week's episode.

Because we were having so much fun talking about what you're doing and giving like the little tips of like the belly breathing and,

You know,

Finding ways to self-soothe and calm yourself.

And today you're coming back on to talk with us about getting through the holidays with an impossible ex.

So first of all,

Welcome back to the show.

Thank you for having me back.

And I just wanna go just dive right in to make sure we get time to talk about this.

I wanna just jump right into getting through the holidays with an impossible ex because that's gotta be extremely stressful for people.

So you have the tips for us.

So let's start wherever we begin.

All right,

Sounds good.

So I love how you said that we had so much fun talking about all of this because,

You know,

It's kind of funny to say that divorce and co-parenting and all of this is a fun thing.

But,

You know,

It actually can be and it kind of can become fun when you,

You know,

Learn how to work with it.

So I just thought that was funny that you called this fun.

We had fun.

So,

You know,

I think you're right too,

That with the holidays,

The reason I think that it gets harder,

You know,

It's always about the contrast.

And,

You know,

The holidays,

Our culture,

Our society,

We really put a lot of meaning behind those times.

You know,

Schools are closed,

We get off work,

We,

Everybody makes plans.

So we consider it a time of value.

And when we feel outside of that,

Like we're not valuable or we're not mattering because we can't really connect with that.

And so I think that it's,

That contrast creates just a lot more difficult narratives and storylines that we start to connect and tell ourselves about what,

You know,

What's really happening.

Again,

I'm alone on the holidays,

So nobody wants to be with me,

Right?

This is my life now somehow,

Right?

We attach the meaning to that because of what's going on around us and it makes a lot of sense,

Right?

It's sad,

It's hard to watch families and everybody coming together in love and celebration when you feel like everything about your life in that area has fallen apart.

And so,

You know,

To answer your question,

When it comes to the very first thing,

You wanna set an intention.

And what an intention really means is,

You know,

What is it that I want out of this?

Why does this have meaning to me?

So in terms of the holidays,

Right,

What does the holiday spirit really say to you?

Is it about family?

Is it about peace?

Is it about more fun?

Is it about giving?

And you really need to connect with what you want before you even begin to start figuring out what you're gonna do.

Because what that does is anchor us basically and anchor all of our decisions no matter what the circumstances.

We can pick the best choice with respect to what we're intending for ourselves.

And so,

Yeah,

That's what I would say.

I would say it's about intention and setting what you want.

I love that,

Julie.

That is such a solid example that seems so simple,

But it's so crucial.

It's like how we talked about last week.

You can't really move forward if you don't know your reason or where you're going or what the end goal is or why you're even working so hard through the pain and the discomfort and all of this and trying to continuously show up.

Because in last week episode,

We even talked about,

You know,

I'm done,

I'm done.

I'm just done with the holidays.

I'm sure during the holidays,

People are feeling that amplified.

Is that a time when people are coming to you,

They're like,

Extra,

I'm done.

I'm just so tired of this.

Oh,

Yeah,

I'm miserable.

It's just the worst.

Yes,

100%.

It's like,

And we have the opportunity to,

Because people go away.

They're busy,

Other people are busy,

You know,

Work.

Everything slows down.

We have more time to kind of,

Again,

Repeat that narrative.

And,

You know,

Isolate and kind of live into it because we have that space during the holidays to do that.

So,

Yeah.

I love that.

So once you set the intention,

That also kind of feels to me like a nice way to kind of prepare or get ahead of the self soothing aspect.

Because it's like you understand the value that this day or this season has to you and what you want it to be about instead of letting the situation take over and take away that from you.

Does that make sense?

Yeah,

100%.

So like what came to mind as you're talking,

It's like if you're gonna plan a party,

A wedding,

A birthday party,

And there's a theme,

Like you have to know what that is before you start putting the events in.

And if you show up at the party and it's like,

You don't really know what you want,

Right?

You're not gonna be prepared for that party.

It's like,

This is the same thing.

Like you're preparing for something and preparation is always gonna be key.

You know,

You can't really expect things to just work out a certain way that you want by themselves.

Yeah.

And like you said yesterday,

Sorry to interrupt what you said,

But we had talked about last week about,

Everything really is about what is the goal.

And so for the holidays,

Like what's the goal?

Even if you want it to be family and your kids aren't with you,

Right?

The spirit of the holidays can be created around that sense of family and we don't have to attach,

This is how it has to be for me to achieve that.

So that's where the intention gets really important and really setting intentions that are deep enough,

Right?

Below the surface so that we open up more options to achieve them.

I love that.

If they're deep enough,

It allows us more options.

It allows us to be more flexible and open to how that can happen.

Well,

That's such a good point.

It's like,

It moves that rigid ideas out.

Oh,

That's really good.

I love that.

Okay,

So after you set your intention,

What happens next?

What's the next thing we would wanna do?

So the next thing is about effective choices,

Right?

So we want to understand the intention and then make the decisions that actually support that.

So I don't know if we had talked about this,

But this idea of implementation intention,

Which is really what's the ultimate goal here and then how do all the choices that I'm making actually tie into that goal.

So in this instance,

The goal would be,

Does this bring me more peace?

If that's your intention,

Does this support my intention of family?

And every decision that you can break down into its essence,

As we talked about also last time,

And sort of recognize how in its essence,

It actually does support that,

The more successful we feel at sort of having achieved what we were going for.

And that's a little bit heady and deep,

But really you can do this on any level.

What we're doing is we make a decision and we tie it back to that intention.

I love that.

And I also really appreciate how you said,

Are our choices bringing us towards our goal?

Because our choices are either gonna,

So like once we have our intention and we have the goal of what we want,

To I guess have the value or the idea behind the holiday.

What do we want that holiday to be about?

And then we have that goal.

Or I think you also said before we started recording,

So for anyone who's listening,

This isn't only just for like the specific calendar holidays.

This can be,

These are tools that you could be used for any day that's important to you,

Correct Julie?

Yeah,

I mean,

Or any situation where there's uncertainty and concern about how it's gonna turn out.

So another example of setting an intention and making the choices is like,

I was thinking about this,

Your kid has an event at school and you wanna go and you know you're gonna run into your ex and their new significant other.

And it's like,

What if they say something to me and then I'm triggered and I don't want it.

But so setting that intention in advance and making effective choices that sort of support that intention can really help.

So we're not sort of caught off guard in those moments.

So this is the same process.

I love that.

And it also,

I think when we think about choices,

It allows us to feel that we can have a little bit of like healthy control in an impossible situation that feels really big.

Because when we have our choices,

We get to decide what we're gonna do that's gonna help us come to that intention or bring us farther away.

And the also beautiful thing with choices is we can catch ourself in them and tweak them and switch them right away if we need to.

We don't have to commit to that choice if it's not bringing us closer to the goal,

The intention that we had set for ourselves.

Correct,

Correct.

It's about,

I think what you just said is the crux of it all,

Right?

So the word impossible implies trapped and stuck.

And the more choices we create,

The more we unstick and the more freedom we have from the impossible situation.

We're creating possibilities out of an impossible situation.

And so yes,

Choice is freedom and that's what we're creating here.

The freedom regardless of what your ex tries to do to limit those freedoms,

Right?

Yes,

I love this.

Okay,

So now let's pretend somebody is listening and they're like,

Okay,

I get what you're saying,

But I'm so deep into it.

I'm so like feeling that trap.

I feel like it's just so much around me.

I can barely breathe and I can't even figure out like what do you mean by choices?

Like what's a choice I could even make?

Do you have any some examples of- Yeah.

Choices people could make?

Like when we're talking about the holidays,

Right?

And when you have an impossible ex,

The one thing that you need to first choose is again,

How you're going to deal with the fact that you have an impossible ex,

Right?

That's the first choice,

Right?

Because you are not always going to get things to work out the way you want them to.

You know,

If you have a difficult ex,

You have co-parenting as a business,

Your ex is difficult,

Then you're in a difficult business.

And that's just the way it is,

Right?

We all have difficult things in difficult ways,

Right?

Some people have really bad allergies,

Some people get really sick,

Some people have,

And right,

This is your lot.

So the fact that you acknowledge first that,

Okay,

I want things in my life and the ability to always have them my way might be limited as a result of this relationship.

So how am I going to have what I want anyway?

You know,

Again,

When we're really in it,

It feels like getting out of it is impossible.

But when you're really in it,

And for anyone who's like,

I hear you,

But I don't even hear you and I don't even know what you're saying,

Kind of feeling,

Like you have to trust that you are still going to be able to take steps blind,

Right?

You don't have to see your way out of it.

You just have to isolate down a choice,

Right?

Recognize the choices where you're making them.

What do you want?

And given the choices you have,

What's going to get you closer,

Right?

So there's this concept of fair versus effective.

And when we get stuck in this not fair,

I'm not getting my way,

My ex is not nice,

My ex does these things,

Nobody helps me,

This is,

Right?

Like,

I get it,

It sucks.

It,

I mean,

It sucks to be in this position.

However,

You're in the position and you have to change your mindset from fair or unfair to what are my options?

That's it,

What's going to be effective of my options?

And if you don't know what you want,

Then you don't know if you're being effective.

You know,

Fair doesn't exist and you need to remove it from your vocabulary.

It's not going to help you.

It's not going to give you choices.

It's going to keep you track.

You want to switch to opening up the option.

What is available and which option is going to be most effective to getting to my results?

And one of the reasons I developed my program is because these are tools,

Making a cost benefit analysis of your choices is a very,

It's a tool,

It's a skill.

And who,

You know,

How do you learn that if you've never learned it?

And then when we're talking about these kinds of situations with,

You know,

Dealing with really difficult X's with our kids,

Like a cost benefit analysis of finances is just not a holistic enough view of what the cost benefits really are.

So we really need to then pull in what's the real impact of this?

What is this really costing me?

How is this really benefiting me or my kid,

Right?

And where is it worth it?

And then we factor out our X completely.

Our X doesn't even come into play in terms of analyzing the right decision for us.

They're just really more of a factor in there,

But we're not including them in the process,

If that makes sense.

Yeah,

That is,

Yeah.

That's so good.

I love that.

And it's so funny,

Because I had just written down fairness and feeling like you're always taking the higher road.

So I love that you addressed that.

And you also had this way,

The way you were talking about the fairness versus the effectiveness.

I think anyone who's listening who gets caught in that trap of fairness,

Or this isn't fair,

I'm always having to be the bigger person.

Like,

When are they gonna step up and be the bigger person?

And,

You know,

It's like,

I just love how you talked about placing that fairness with effectiveness and that that effectiveness,

And that you even do like a cost benefit analysis of choices.

That is such a solid tool that I don't even know if people understand the weight behind that and how that can shift everything for them.

Yeah,

Yeah.

It's like,

We don't,

When you're in a business,

A successful business produces a product,

Right?

Their bottom line is finances.

They need money to survive.

That's why it exists.

If there are laws,

If there are taxes,

If there are compliance requirements,

If there are holes in the process,

The product,

You know,

You have to meet those regulations and you have to create the process and have the resources available to handle your business.

In co-parenting,

Your business is your child and whatever it is that you've determined is the best interest of your child,

And that's your bottom line in handling that co-parenting relationship.

And I get a lot of comments.

You can't co-parent,

It's counter-parenting.

It doesn't matter.

In the end,

Your ex can counter-parent,

But you are gonna create the relationship you need,

Right,

To create the successful business in the best interest of your child.

If this was some,

You know,

The best interest of your child is always gonna be the best interest of your child regardless of who your ex is,

Right?

Like,

That just is.

Now you create that,

Your ex will participate or they won't.

They'll make it difficult or they won't.

I mean,

It's like,

It's just kind of irrelevant in a way.

Yeah,

I really like how you're,

The way that you're,

For me anyway,

What I'm taking from it is,

You're saying the emotions are there and we're gonna figure out a way to move through those emotions so that you can stay focused on what's important right now.

And the importance is what's best for your child.

And every parent wants what's best for their child,

You know,

And once you shift your focus from the pain and the anger and the frustration and the unfairness to the what's best and what the end goal is and what your intention is and what you actually want,

The holidays or these special days to be about,

Then it allows you that space of that,

Like we talked about last time,

The self-soothing,

The calmness,

And today even talking about the flexibility of the choices and the different options that can come in.

And I'm guessing that would also just start to feel way less stressful and way more enjoyable.

And then you're getting to just enjoy your child and enjoy this relationship and this life you're cultivating for them versus being stuck in like a little hamster wheel of stress and frustration.

100%,

It's like,

You know,

It's the trap is the belief that life gets better when everybody kind of conforms to the rules because you are in some way,

Right?

Like that's the way,

But the reality is our rules,

Rules can support us,

But they don't have to be the way,

Right,

The belief that the rules are sort of like inherent in,

This is getting a little heady,

But right,

It's like the rules that we,

The fair implies that there are rules and rules need to be followed.

But you know that's not true because you're dealing with someone who breaks the rules all the time.

And you sit there and tell me all the time,

Like,

How come they get away with it?

How come nobody holds them accountable?

How come they get to,

Da-da-da,

And I have to,

Right?

And so those rules that you believe exist,

That you're following clearly are just your own.

And what I like to tell people is the freedom as well is if you wanted to do what your ex does,

Go right ahead.

You are free to choose to do those things as well.

And you will have whatever your natural consequences or results are,

As you know,

The same way they do,

But that's not you.

It's not your,

You're not going to do those things and make your kids,

Put your kids in the middle and use them as pawns and,

You know,

Because that's not,

Right?

You're making a different choice.

So it's that view too,

That like,

It's not fair that somehow the rules are like,

You know,

It's like the invisible handcuffs.

You know?

Yes,

Yes,

That's such a good point too,

Because when we do have these invisible rules and it is like,

And that's where that unfairness comes in because other people aren't following the rules that we've set to match our intention and our end goal.

But I love that also how you also just say,

You know what?

If you want to do that,

Do it,

And then have the natural consequences that come with it.

And it's going to probably take you further away from the goal and the intention that you'll set for yourself.

So it makes so much sense,

Julie,

Like that's why you start with your intention.

What is it that you want?

What is the goal of this intention around this upcoming holiday?

And then everything else can fall into place to match that intention.

Yeah.

I mean,

Think of it this way.

It's like,

You know,

Taking a test and having no idea what you're being tested on versus knowing what it is that you need to know.

That's what we're really talking about here.

You know,

And I think when we're talking specifically about the holidays,

So applying this idea of fair versus effective,

You know,

To an actual holiday,

I think one way that this shows up is the idea that like,

You know,

The day matters.

You know,

Like I have to spend Christmas day with my kids and it's like,

Otherwise,

You know,

It's not going to work for me.

I'm going to be miserable or it's not the holiday.

It's like,

You know,

It's a day.

You don't get them on Christmas because it's not worth the fighting with your ex over it.

Like,

Do it the day after.

Do it the day before.

Make it a new tradition,

You know?

And it's like,

Again,

If the spirit is about family and peace and giving or whatever it is or fun,

How much fun do you have when you're fighting with your ex and then spending the day miserable because you didn't get your way anyway?

You know,

You have to know where you have leverage and then you have to know,

Right,

What you can't really,

What's not worth it.

Yeah.

And also- That's part of the cost benefit analysis as well.

You know,

Looking at those factors.

I love that.

And also when you think about doing it,

How you just said,

Julie,

Like adding in the new tradition and doing it the day after,

Imagine what your child is feeling in that moment.

So I come from,

Like my parents were divorced when I was 12 and all that stuff.

So I mean,

The holidays are a very real thing.

And as a child,

It can be really stressful because you don't want to see your parents upset and you don't want to like pick sides,

But you love both your parents and you don't know what to do,

You know,

Especially as you're getting older.

So I love that because when the parent takes control of their choices and the way they're showing up,

It relieves the stress around the holidays that your kids are going to pick up,

Whether you think they are or not.

I mean,

Kids are going to pick up on how you're feeling and all of that because they can read your body language.

They know you,

They know their parents.

And so when you're making a conscious effort to be aware of your choices and your intentions and all of this,

And instead of stressing about it,

Like you said,

Instead of fighting over it,

Just do it the day after.

Your child isn't going to be upset that they didn't get to have both their parents on Christmas in the same way as if there's fighting over it.

Do you know what I mean?

Like they're going to love the fact that they got to have two great Christmases,

One with each parent and one was the day after.

And that's even going to add to the memory of like,

Oh man,

I loved it when we were growing up and we celebrated Christmas on the 26th and the 25th,

That was so cool.

And we did like our own special things.

And so I really love the openness that you're inviting people to take on when it comes to the holidays and creating these new traditions that just add more peace and joy all around for everyone is exciting.

Yeah,

I think,

You know,

To me it's,

Oh,

Again,

It boils down to that intention.

If your intention is,

You know,

Peace and time and you know,

It's like,

Then,

You know,

Not to say that when you wake up on the day of Christmas and you're by yourself,

If that is your situation,

You're not going to feel sad because you will,

But you have to also understand that,

You know,

That sadness is not somebody's fault.

It's just,

Right,

It's not like your ex made you sad.

No,

This is your day.

And if you need to be sad in it right now,

Then own it and be sad.

But,

You know,

With power,

Like choose it,

Choose to be sad today if that's what you want,

But know it's a choice,

You know,

And set the day up around it,

Right?

And if you're caught off guard and you know,

I think also sometimes we,

You know,

Our best laid plan and it just overtakes us because it's just too much.

And I think in that situation too,

Again,

Just own it.

You know,

So one of the tools that I think is super crucial,

Especially around the holidays,

But always,

Is just like recognizing that whatever you feel is just okay.

It doesn't matter if it's too much or that you feel this way over this thing,

Or you don't understand why,

Like you feel it,

It's real,

Just accept it.

And then the reality too,

That we're not on the mission to remove the experience of bad feelings,

Because that's not realistic and it's never gonna happen because part of the condition of human existence is to feel all feelings.

And so I think too,

Shifting the goal from,

I wanna get rid of feeling pain or rid of feeling bad,

Bless you,

To how do I wanna be when I feel sad?

How do I wanna relate to the sadness or move through it,

Is also more of the focus.

I love that,

And I really love how you said,

If you feel sad,

Feel that sadness with power,

Like acknowledge it,

Be there in it,

Do make the choices around that.

That I think is a new way of saying,

Like give yourself that permission to feel that way.

Yeah.

I'm curious,

Julie,

Though,

So like let's say you know Christmas Day,

You're gonna be alone.

Is there any way like that you would suggest to kind of prepare yourself for that day?

Like maybe make it like a self-care day or like have a plan for that day?

Would that be helpful?

100%.

I just wanna go back to,

So I'm not in any way saying that,

Depression I understand is a real thing.

And sometimes it's,

So that's not what I'm saying here.

So please don't take that in any disrespect.

But yeah,

I think,

So one of the things,

A tool that we wanna do is plan for your vulnerability.

So one of the vulnerabilities is I think unscheduled time.

I think we all experienced that because those are the moments where,

It's like you're a border collie and like if you don't give it something to do,

It's gonna eat the furniture.

So I think that's kind of what happens for us.

And we're gonna fill our space with something in some ways.

And so you wanna be mindful of what that is.

So again,

It goes back to the intention.

Even if you wake up on that day and you're like,

I didn't think of this episode since that day and like,

I have no idea.

In that moment,

What's your intention for the next hour?

What's your intention for the day?

And then the choices you make within the reality of what's possible,

You pick the ones that are gonna bring you closest to that intention.

And then,

It's never a failure,

It's never a loss.

It's always just maybe less of a movement forward,

Or even maybe a center,

Or even going backwards.

But what did you get going backwards?

And now you can bring with you forwards.

It's never really been like,

I think there's a lot of just,

Again,

About the rules.

That somehow there's like a right way for things to be.

When it's like,

It is what it is,

And you can make it more or less of what you want.

Like there,

I think not attaching too much importance to every experience too,

That we have.

Just having those experiences.

I like that.

I really like how you call it plan for vulnerability.

And you know what,

It's better to have a plan and not need to use it than not have a plan and need it.

Yeah,

And so one of the things too is also picking things in the plan that actually support that intention.

So it's like,

And sometimes if it's rest or self-care,

Like you can put two hours of like,

Two hours to sit and do nothing.

Or fill it with whatever and block that time in.

And again,

Like you said,

Sometimes you don't have to use or follow it exactly,

But when we feel lost,

We don't wanna start planning then harder.

We wanna kind of have our go-to.

I like that.

And is this something that you help people create when they're working with you is kind of like their plan for vulnerability so that it- Yeah,

Absolutely.

And we even have sheets where it's like,

Over the weekend where you literally have,

Friday night,

Saturday,

Sunday with the box of time and you kind of just a little forethought.

I mean,

This isn't a lot of work in two minutes.

You can kind of fill it in and be like,

Oh yeah,

That's gonna be a crappy time.

And then you kind of think it through.

And sometimes even knowing it's gonna be crappy and then it comes and it's like,

Ah,

Wasn't so bad,

Right?

It's like,

We always,

It's what we sit in sort of expecting.

So yeah,

So it's absolutely something we work in and it's super important,

Especially when we're trying to change behaviors because what it does is,

So for example,

If,

So we would use this tool a lot for compulsive behavior,

Changing compulsive behaviors that we're trying,

Right?

If you're dieting and you know,

Like nighttime in front of the TV is your snack time,

You wanna plan in advance,

Okay,

What am I gonna do that helps me in that time?

So it really can be very effective for trying to create change.

I like that.

And I think that's really,

Really helpful.

Okay,

So we set an intention,

We have effective choices,

Recognize whatever you feel is okay.

So I think it's also okay,

Which maybe we wanna touch on a moment just in case somebody wakes up and they're like,

Oh my gosh,

I don't feel sad right now.

I actually just feel calm and peaceful.

And I'm excited to have this day to myself to just indulge in everything I love and not feel guilty about it.

And then they're like tempted to feel guilty that they don't feel sad.

Is that a thing that could happen?

Oh,

I love that,

Because that's actually one of the things I wrote down to share is to embrace the both end idea,

Which is,

You know,

Sometimes we have this very black and white all or nothing view.

It's like,

This is how it worked out.

And so now it's awful.

I hate this day,

It's the worst day,

Right?

Or my kids aren't with me if I miss them,

So I have to feel sad.

And,

You know,

It's this idea that both contradicting things can be true at the same time.

So you can miss your kids and you can be sad that they're not with you on that day.

And you can still enjoy the day or love a Netflix series that you binge watched,

Or you have fun and be out with your friends and forget that you missed them for a minute or an hour.

Right,

It's both things can exist at the same time.

And we really want to embrace that.

You know,

There's very few things that are all bad or all good.

In fact,

I really can't think of anything.

So,

You know,

Anytime we're in that mode,

Think about how you can maintain that guilt if you need it and still create some space from it at the same time.

I love that,

You can feel both at the same time.

And,

Oh,

That's good.

Cause I think we need that reminder sometimes because,

You know,

You even hear people,

This isn't the same as like the holiday and exes,

But you hear people who like,

Even moms and they're like a new mom and they go back to work and they're like,

I was actually really excited to go back to work.

Does that make me a bad mom?

Right,

So I feel like the same concept here.

Am I a bad parent because I'm enjoying Christmas?

Well,

Their kid is with their other parent,

You know,

And I think there's beauty in being able to identify you can miss them and feel sad and still enjoy your time and take time to just pour into you,

You know?

Yeah,

Yeah,

And you know,

How you feel doesn't always have to control the choices we make.

And so I can feel sad or guilty and still choose to follow through with my plan that I set in advance.

You know,

Like we can,

It's the idea like stage fright.

You can be scared and still get on stage and do it scared,

Right?

I love that,

I love that.

Okay,

So what other thing do we have?

So set an intention,

Effective choices,

Recognize whatever you feel is okay,

Plan for vulnerability.

What else do we have?

I think the other thing too is this kind of fell out of order,

But sometimes when we're,

Right,

If we wake up,

We have these best laid plans,

We're really prepared and then the emotions just hit us.

We're just overwhelmed,

It's like,

You know,

Sometimes it's just sad and that's where we need to be.

And so again,

I think the first thing is acknowledging that if that's just where you're at,

The way to soothe through it is to see it,

Name it and accept it,

Okay?

Right,

You almost like to say like,

Say hi to it.

Like,

Hi sadness,

I see you and you say hello.

You know,

That validation,

Right?

Our emotions are communicating to us.

They're telling us something.

So as soon as you sort of let your physiology,

Your brain signals know,

I got the message,

I compute,

They don't have to keep screaming at you.

And so we're essentially like,

Okay,

Got you,

You can quiet down now and they do,

It does.

The emotions do quiet down.

The second thing is this tool of observing and describing.

And so what we wanna,

Like,

Let's say there's this circumstances with your ex and it's like,

You kind of can't get away from like how,

You're just kind of hooked in to that anger and frustration and the unfairness of it all.

And,

You know,

If in your mind,

It's like,

You know,

You're saying to yourself,

How could I let him get to me like that?

Or,

You know,

I always let this happen or that's so unfair.

He's such an asshole or,

You know,

Whatever.

And I hate them.

It's like that thinning,

Which I think you referenced in our last call,

Only really furthers to create and generate more of the physiology of the negative emotions,

Right?

Cause those thoughts are sort of building up and now we've got adrenaline sort of coursing through our system.

So when we change it to an observation and a description of what actually occurred,

Again,

We allow ourselves to calm down.

What that would look like is changing that first kind of thought to,

Okay,

I was on the phone with my ex and when my ex said this,

I got really angry.

And when I got angry,

I yelled.

And when I yelled,

I didn't like how I feel.

And now I don't like how I'm feeling.

Okay,

Now,

Right?

And then we move from there,

Because again,

When we have those judgments,

They're such a jerk.

I can't believe I did this.

Why did I do this?

What's happening is we're taking that original feeling of,

You know,

Sadness,

Hurt or whatever,

And now we're amplifying it with judgment.

So on top of feeling sad,

Now I'm feeling angry and judged and sad about the sad or angry about feeling sad or guilty because I'm not sad enough.

And we've taken one emotion and we've compounded it to three times its size,

Which is just more work for our bodies to do to be able to move on from it.

So,

Yeah,

Observing and describing is like a journalist tool.

It's like,

I worked in HR for many years.

So in performance management reviews,

Setting,

You know,

The,

Making the subjective review about somebody's performance into something objective.

So that's also a tool.

And that's something that we work on in the program as well,

Because being able to take something like that and create it into more of a journalist observation way is just a skill that takes a little practice.

I love that too.

I love how you say it takes practice.

So when you're first starting to make these shifts,

There's also some real truth and validity to being gentle with yourself and not expecting you to like nail it the first time,

Like the first holiday you're trying this approach.

If there's a,

Allow some bumps in the road,

Allow that flexibility to be a part of your journey versus like thinking,

Okay,

So I've got to nail it and it's,

I didn't do it perfectly.

So,

Oh,

These tools don't work.

I'm not going to use them again.

Right.

Yeah,

I think the thing that you're referring to and this is something we talked about last time is this idea of mindfulness,

Right?

Mindfulness is the ability to sort of create that distance between being the experience and observing the experience.

And when we actually create that separation and we slow things down,

Right?

It's like the,

We see the judgments as,

We can recognize the judgments and remove them so that we can just be in the process rather than sort of trying to push ourselves ahead of the process.

And in the program too,

We talk a lot about judgment,

Same ideas there as a judgment.

Should,

Supposed to,

Not like all of these things are,

I call them should,

Right?

And shoulds are the devil,

Right?

Shoulds are an idea that we're not enough as to where we are right now.

And this both end concept is that we can both be striving for more and still be okay where we are at the same time.

And the more we kind of accept that,

The more like it just becomes more fun,

Right?

The joy of the journey sort of starts to take place where we,

You know,

There are more,

Okay,

Right?

It can almost become humorous in some ways.

Like,

Yeah,

I knew that was coming kind of thing.

So I think that's really,

Again,

The goal of this program that I have put together and why I think it's so important to,

You know,

Just recognize that sometimes we just need to take that time aside for ourselves,

Invest it so that we do get that practice that we need.

I like that,

I like that.

And okay,

So I was thinking as we were talking about the holidays and even with one of the things that can come up with that feeling of unfairness,

That,

You know,

Replacing with effectiveness and all that stuff like,

And I love how you talked about getting rid of the idea of being fair or unfair.

However,

I think this could be one of those things that people are like,

Well,

It's not fair.

They get to provide a more extravagant holiday than I do.

They're getting to buy the really cool toys or the bigger toys or,

You know,

And I don't get to do that.

So do you know what I'm saying?

Is there- Absolutely,

It's a comparison problem,

Right?

And,

You know,

There's a few comments I wanna make and the way I approach that,

Right,

Is again,

We're talking about the goal of your business being the best interest of your child.

So if your child now,

Right,

The product,

Sorry,

But your kid,

Right,

Is getting serviced in their department with the big extravagant toy department,

From a business perspective,

Effectively,

Why does your kid need to double down on that department when there's gonna be other areas that they just don't have?

So I think this idea of like trying to compete is an insecurity about the value that we can bring on our own,

Right?

So if that's what they bring,

Cool,

But you have to sort of start to get to know your own intention and value so you can fill in the spaces that make sense for you.

And you're gonna connect better on that way because that's you.

We all know that money doesn't buy happiness,

Right?

You can spend tons of money on something and it's eh,

And you could have,

Right,

Kids can have that cardboard box and it's like tons of fun.

So it's what you bring to it,

You know?

And so the last tip I wanna bring up actually talks exactly to that point is the thing is not to be mindful not to make jumps that aren't real.

And I call this like the,

You know,

Beware of the pictures of families in matching pajamas kind of like theme.

It's like,

Just because you're seeing these things on Instagram,

Just because you have this like exterior view of what you think it is,

Be careful that you're not leaping to assumptions about what happens behind the scenes.

The only thing you know is that picture.

You know nothing else about anything that's going on.

The only thing you know is that you,

There's a whole aspect that you're not aware of.

And you know,

That assumption that what you see on the surface is everybody's got problems.

Everybody has all the emotions you feel,

Everybody feels.

And that's what makes us all connected as humans.

That's a really,

Really good point.

I love all these tips.

And I've got to say,

I just really,

Really love how you said,

You know,

Even if like,

If you're thinking of it with that business metaphor and the extravagant toy department and why does your child need to double down on that?

Like finding the value that you're providing to your child that from your department,

Like what do you get to bring to that goal that,

You know.

Yeah,

What's the best interest of your child?

Like what is your intention as a parent?

What makes a good parent to you?

And how are you living into that?

And this is,

You know,

Just a little bit of a jump.

But one of the things that comes up so much is when there's a new step parent or,

You know,

Significant other,

And now it's like,

They're taking my place.

And you know,

I mean,

I live this situation.

My ex is remarried.

They have a kid.

I have no relationship with my parents.

I have no relationship with my daughter's step mom at all.

So she goes there and they have their own relationship and I have to,

You know,

Sort of fill in the blank.

But ultimately the reason I,

You know,

And I get asked a lot,

Like,

I don't know how you deal with that,

But I deal with it because my kid's getting whatever she's getting.

And I have no insecurity or doubt about what happens here.

You know,

It's like anything she gets from her step mom is bonus,

It's excellent.

Because my department is being serviced,

Right?

And I know the value that I have in this company.

I got stock options,

You know,

In this company.

So,

You know,

I think that concept too,

Don't make the jump.

You know,

Thinking about other people stops you from recognizing your own gift,

You know,

That you're putting under the tree.

Ha ha.

I love that.

Ha ha ha.

So Julie,

Okay.

So is that something you're going to help parents work through is like,

If they're stuck in that comparison problem and they're not sure what department they're servicing,

Do you help them recognize themselves and like.

.

.

Yes,

100%.

What I think the mistake that we make is we again,

Think that when we're talking about making co-parenting more successful,

We have to actually address the relationship.

We don't,

You know,

Especially when you're dealing with someone who doesn't want to address the relationship,

Which when you're dealing with an impossible person,

They don't care.

You know,

They're happy to keep things working in their way.

So you,

You know,

We really spend very little time addressing our exes at all.

We're addressing here.

And we talked about this last time really about knowing the vulnerabilities and,

You know,

Recognizing where they're hooked in and creating that support system around those vulnerabilities.

We're doing the same thing here.

You know,

Again,

This is relationship coaching.

And the way we go through the process is the same in every relationship,

How we address ourselves through the holidays,

You know.

And so that's what I really want to teach people is the process of changing the way that they're relating to something that they don't like.

You know,

They don't like the way it's working and how we relate to things is,

You know,

Everything is a relationship.

And we have relationships with our phone.

We have a relationship with our kids,

With ourselves,

With food,

With,

You know,

So.

Yes,

I mean,

I can't say it enough.

This is the process for figuring out how you want to relate to the things in your life in a more powerful way.

I love that so much.

I could not agree with you more that relationships are every single where in our life.

And sometimes it just gets so focused on relationship with an intimate partner,

But it's really the work starts with us and it shifts all of our relationships.

So I love how you said too,

Like there's a misconception that in order to work with an impossible ex,

We have to work on that specific relationship.

And that's where that like crazy cycle can feel like it just goes on and on and on where you're saying,

No,

We're going to break away from that.

And we're going to work with you and setting you up for success.

And that like will have the bonus of,

You know that saying like poke the bear or stir the pot or something like that.

So it takes away some of that power that the ex was having to be able to poke the bear or get you riled up,

Right?

When,

Yeah,

It's like really,

And you're getting to know yourself in a way that very few people do the work to get to know yourself on that level.

So this is really awesome.

If I can just make one point to that too,

When you're talking about,

You know,

Removing the ability for your ex to really poke the bear.

And what we're talking about again is like codependency.

So your ex is the way your ex kind of digs in and triggers at you and your response is the codependency.

So if you remove your need to react to however they're hooked in to your particular trigger,

They're kind of like,

You know,

Like an wire without a socket kind of thing,

Like the outlet.

It's like,

So I think that that's the key too,

Like recognizing how your codependency is tied into all of their ups and downs.

When they're in that mood,

You go there right there with them.

When they're good,

You're fine,

Right?

So you actually help them create the dynamic that exists unknowingly of course,

Right?

So how do we get out of that?

I love that.

So like self growth is your shield.

Self growth is your shield.

It's your power,

Superpower,

Yeah.

I love that.

And you also mentioned something that I wanted to talk about really fast for a second,

The significant other coming in and like the new significant other.

So,

I mean,

That can really bring in a whole new world of emotions that maybe you never even expected could even live inside you,

You know?

And so this is something else,

Like especially around the holidays.

So do you have a tip around that on how not to,

Whether it's like you said,

You're thinking,

Oh,

Wow,

This new person is replacing me or whatever.

Is there like something specific on how to interact with a significant ex or how not to let them get under your skin or not let the comparison thing get in the way?

So those are two different questions.

So I think so if you're saying like how not to let them get under your skin or the comparison.

So the comparison thing I think is,

Again,

We have to check our thoughts.

So when we're filling in the gaps of information and things that we really just don't have firsthand knowledge of,

The thoughts will spiral to whatever sort of reinforces our insecurity or our insecurity starts to pop up.

So your thoughts will affect your feelings and emotions,

Which can then affect your actions.

So separating those three things,

That thoughts,

Feelings and actions are not always the same and starting to shift the thoughts,

Right?

So really not filling in those gaps and checking the thoughts and the accuracy,

Right?

We call it like check the facts,

Like check your facts.

So how do you know that your kid loves that their stepmother more than they love you?

Like you don't,

You're making this up,

You're catastrophizing,

It's not even real.

So those kinds of things is just starting to calm those thoughts down.

Yeah,

And I think it could also open up a new thing of like,

What is your intention?

Are you seeing like,

Well,

They're just getting to have so much fun all the time with this step parent or this significant other?

Well,

Does that mean?

Sure,

Right,

Yeah.

And that's not fair,

But then it also can let you know,

Well,

Is that something you want to do?

Is that something that aligns with your intention?

Do you want to have more fun with your kid?

Well,

Then that's the choice.

Yeah,

And it's,

You know,

In a lot of times we feel like we don't have a choice,

Right?

Because there's,

You know,

Well,

I'm the one that has to do all the homework and I'm the one that has to make sure they're dressed and I have to get them on,

Right?

So we feel like we're stuck with the burden of parenting where our ex gets the fun part of parenting.

And again,

I think,

You know,

Most of life is in the mundane,

Right?

Like you've got the highs,

You've got the lows and then you got the like stuff in the middle.

And how do you want to be with 80% of life?

Like,

Do you want to be,

Oh,

This is not fair.

I have to do this with you.

Or do you want to,

You know,

The best time I used to have with my daughter was like in the car,

You know,

Driving,

Like with traffic,

Because you turn up the music.

I mean,

We had,

And you know,

Those are times we also connect and have really great conversations.

You can make folding laundry a thing.

We do like house cleaning day and no one wants to,

But you just do it.

And the relationship you have creates the culture around the activity,

Not the other way around.

I love that,

That just like,

I don't know why,

But that made me even like feel a little bit emotional.

I just loved how you said,

You know,

How do you want to be in 80% of your life?

And you know that how you show up is what's creating that experience,

Not the task at hand.

Because,

Yeah,

And I love your example of like driving in the car,

Because we can make driving in the car a really stressful situation based on our choices and what we're going to focus on in that moment.

Or like,

You know,

Like,

Turn on the music,

Have great conversation,

Have fun.

And so I just really appreciate the way you package your tips and deliver them because it comes from a place of like understanding and like,

Not only just understanding the tips and the value of them,

But you practice that.

It sounds like you really have put the work in yourself and you know that there's so much value behind this.

And you're not asking anybody to do anything that you weren't expecting.

You're not asking anybody to do anything that you weren't willing to do yourself.

Yeah,

And it's so possible.

You know,

I think the thing is,

Is that the things that I do in this particular space,

Everybody does somewhere,

Right?

Like we all handle our business when we handle it,

Right?

We all know what that looks like.

So it's really just putting in the work,

The preparation and the time to set this business up for success,

Right?

To see what's needed to maintain it.

You know,

You make the tweaks,

You update the website,

You do a little right,

Like all marketing.

But that's,

And that's the idea,

But it doesn't run itself.

It's not gonna just become a successful,

Thriving business on its own when you have someone who's consistently trying to sabotage it and make it not work,

Which is what we have when we're dealing with an impossible act.

Somebody whose success is determined by your in-success.

Okay?

Well,

I love it.

And Julie,

Did we cover all the tips or do you have a tip left?

Do I have any?

No,

I think we covered most of it.

Any other questions or anything I can clarify?

Well,

I mean,

For me,

I'm right with you.

Is there a question that you get most often where people are struggling with these tips that they're like,

Hmm,

I'm not really sure how to do this.

Is there anyone that comes to mind for you that you wanna just add in another little piece of?

No,

I think the thing that comes up most often is we're overwhelmed.

And to slow down and now stop going in the direction we're going and make a turn,

So we're on a different direction,

Adds to the overwhelm.

And I get that,

Because I get it.

You want me to do one more thing?

You want me to spend money on one other thing?

But what I think the missing piece is the recognition of that these other things you're putting money and time into are spinning,

Right?

Like this is your first step,

Because how you deal with this is gonna help how you relate to all this,

Right?

And so I think releasing some connection or attachment to how we are prioritizing things.

Yeah,

I think that's the only thing.

And it's,

I get it,

I so get it.

And it's hard to give anything attention when we're caught in what we,

Is taking off our attention.

So I really just stress like this,

The value is,

It's just gonna be one of the best investments you make for yourself.

I love that.

And so do you only work with people around impossible exes or are there other issues or relationship situations that you also will work with people around?

Yeah,

I mean,

It's really,

The high level is difficult relationships.

And so I've worked with some small businesses where you have,

It's a really prime place for these same types of behaviors can show up.

And now you have someone,

Your livelihood tied up with it.

And so that's one scenario,

Parents who are not separated but are having trouble connecting with their kids.

And if,

I mean,

The same scenario would come up.

So like I said,

I was in HR for a long time.

So I worked with a lot of people who had difficult bosses or difficult coworkers and things like that.

So it's,

Again,

This is showing up in a very big way with your ex,

But the same way that it shows up with your ex is showing up in smaller ways across the board in any difficult relationship that you have or mildly difficult relationship.

So addressing them here,

The gift here,

Is it packages it really nicely for you.

All the difficulties you're gonna have in relationship are gonna show up right here for you.

And now you can address them.

And then it trickles out into every other relationship.

It's enormously,

I have to say,

It's an enormously empowering feeling to have like the comfort around the skin you're in and just be able to kind of walk through very solid in that space.

I love that and I also just wanted to bring up again,

The difficult relationship aspect that really sounds like you can help people with no matter what that relationship is,

If you're having a hard time with putting down your phone or have you talked about like even relationship with food or coworkers or your parents or just any difficult relationship in your life.

Yeah,

I mean,

There are people who specialize in like addiction coaching or health and wellness coaching,

But with divorce,

It's really,

I think super interesting about it,

Is it affects every aspects of your life.

So it's like all the big ones.

So moving is really stressful,

But when you go through a divorce,

Moving is like the fourth stressful thing on the list.

And so because of some of my experiences,

I've overcome addiction,

Overcome eating disorder.

I think I mentioned I gained and lost 100 pounds like in 15 months,

But I have the same process that I used to change relationships that I did with those things is applying here.

And because of that experience that I had,

Whatever shows up that in a lot of things,

Sometimes when we break them apart,

Like the stuff underneath kind of,

Like you see the mold or the stuff under the rock,

That's what happens with divorce.

So all these issues start to come out and expose themselves and having the tools and knowledge to be able to handle that,

I think is comforting for a lot of people that I've been there.

I love that.

And okay,

So I wanna just,

I know we talked about it last week,

But if we could talk about it again,

Just in case people missed last week,

And if you missed last week,

Go back and listen to Julie last week's episode,

But let's talk a little bit about your co-parenting with an impossible X seven week program that you have available.

Can you just share a little bit about that for anyone who's interested in working with you further?

Oh,

Yes.

I would love to,

For more people to be involved in this so I can kind of break out and set up two groups in different ways.

So for right now,

What I have is a small group for seven weeks,

We meet weekly,

But really the purpose of this is kind of the things that I've been mentioning.

We wanna really establish that goal and we use the framework of best interests of a child under the sort of legalities and those guidelines and create your personalized value system around that.

So you always have your direct intention,

Is this serving Zach?

And then you're able to now build out and this is what we learn are those tools of how to now build out your cost benefit analysis.

What's the choice?

What are you hoping for?

And how do we sort of evaluate the best decision here?

And then we learn a lot of these other tools.

So some of them we spoke about today,

But really how do I do that in that moment?

And that becomes more personalized because what I experience or what triggers me is gonna be different from everyone.

So we take these things and sort of apply them to your personal situation.

And it's set up kind of like,

It's like I'm the personal trainer,

And but you still have to go to the gym.

So we teach the workout and then you go and through the week there are exercises that you have to do.

We're changing the connections in your brain.

And if you think of a riverbed,

If you wanted to redirect the water in the riverbed,

You can't just kind of like push it up there.

It's gonna flow back.

You have to start grooving in those patterns and not just take doing it over and over like anything.

It's muscle memory.

So we work on that as well.

And this is an online group?

This is an online group.

So open to anybody,

Yeah.

Awesome.

And so it could be for dads or moms?

It can be for dads or moms.

Yes,

I do have some men,

Yeah.

Perfect.

And so if somebody wants to contact you,

How do they do that?

So they can go,

If they're not following me on any social media,

Please just send me an email,

Julieataspiretogrowth.

Com.

Or again,

You can reach me through my website,

Aspiretogrowth.

Com,

Instagram,

Aspire to Growth,

Or Facebook as well,

Same thing.

So Aspire to Growth is sort of the handle that you'll find and you will find me everywhere.

I am everywhere,

I think.

I love it.

And so Julie,

One last question.

What is something that you learned from your parents that either you decided you were gonna apply to your life or remove from your life?

Oh,

How much time do we have?

This is a really,

So all right,

I'll give you the hopefully short answer.

My parents,

The most amazing thing about my parents,

Which now I'm saying out loud,

Like they never stop trying.

So they were always able to acknowledge when they needed help and when they didn't know something and then actually be very open to going and getting it.

And they do that to this day.

If I like chart their trajectory,

They are my aspiration to growth for myself because they're extraordinarily brave in that way.

I love that.

That's really great.

And so that's something you applied to your life is always trying to better and grow.

I was raised in it.

That's wonderful.

Well,

Julie,

I really appreciate you coming on again and sharing these really helpful tips.

Thank you.

I was so happy to be back again.

Thank you.

Yeah,

And I just like,

I'm just again,

I know I'm like just so excited that you're doing this work because it's real and it's needed.

And I love that you're working with people on an individual basis and you're taking away that idea that it has to be fixed at the relationship level with the impossible X.

And instead you're saying,

I'm gonna empower you as an individual so that you can do and raise your child with the intentions you have for them so they can have the best life and you can live in peace.

I love that you're offering this.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Okay,

My friends,

Thank you so much again for joining us today.

I hope that you found those tips helpful.

Let's review,

Set an intention,

Have effective choices,

Recognize whatever you feel is okay,

Plan for vulnerability,

See it,

Name it and accept it,

And not to jump to assumptions.

And I'm sure Julie would love it if you reached out to her to let her know a takeaway that you are taking with you from this episode.

And also if you know somebody in your life again who would benefit from hearing this episode,

Share it with them because having an impossible X can be extremely daunting and feel very hopeless.

So if you can guide them to somebody who's a positive resource,

That could be a place of support for them,

Hook them up with Julie Beckerman.

And as another reminder,

If you have a few minutes,

Please go ahead and leave me a review.

Give me your feedback of the podcast.

And if you want to give me any love or comment or send me a DM through Instagram at BeautifullyChanged and remember to follow me there and just engage and I'd like to get to know you more.

So have a phenomenal day.

Remember that you are enough,

The world needs you.

You do make a difference even when you don't know that you do.

And I will talk to you next Tuesday and have a happy Halloween.

Stay safe,

Stay warm and have fun and then just enjoy those moments.

And if you don't celebrate Halloween,

Then have a wonderful evening doing whatever it is you do in your evenings.

And I will talk to you Tuesday,

Bye.

Thanks for listening to today's episode.

Remember,

You're welcome to download,

Share and subscribe.

As always,

You can connect with me through Instagram at BeautifullyChanged or through my blog at BeautifullyChanged.

Com.

I'm sending so much love and positivity your way.

Remember,

You are enough,

The world needs you and you make a positive difference.

Now go out there and create your best life,

Bye.