4 Things To Do When You’re Hurting After A Breakup

This educational talk offers four practical ways to move through the pain of a breakup with more clarity and emotional regulation. The video provides grounded, actionable steps to support healing, reduce emotional overwhelm, and rebuild a sense of self after loss. Ideal for anyone navigating a breakup, relationship grief, or working toward more secure attachment and healthier relationships.

Transcript

Hi,

If you are watching this you have probably been going through a heartbreak and first I just want to say that I'm really sorry that you're going through this and I'm sending you just love and healing because I can completely empathize and I just know how hard it can be.

So today I want to give you four tips that really helped me move through my heartbreak last year.

I had realized that I was really really stuck and I wasn't moving forward and this isn't going to be your typical oh go no contact,

Go to the gym,

Journal.

Like I was already doing all of those things and I was still basically like ugly crying every single day and as probably most of you know that's not a fun way to live.

So my first tip is to deactivate your social media.

So scandalous I know right?

I deactivated my Instagram and my Facebook and I had already removed my ex from them but I didn't have a lot of good self-control and so I was still looking even though I wasn't seeing a lot but we start to create stories.

He's got new friends but I can't see who they are.

You know like the mind starts going and I was making myself just crazy.

So I deactivated it several months ago and that was just such a huge relief and I always recommend deactivating just if you're going through any type of anxiety in general.

So unless you're making money on social media and you have to have it for job purposes,

Trust me on this.

This will be one of the best decisions that you will ever ever make okay.

The second tip I have is stop drinking alcohol or self-medicating.

A lot of times when we're going through something we bypass our grief by doing things like drinking,

Shopping,

Drugs,

Sex.

Like it's something to distract us from that pain and while the distraction can be okay for a little bit,

There's going to be a rebound right?

And I would say for me specifically it was alcohol and for a lot of people it's alcohol and the thing with alcohol is it's a temporary fix and it's going to actually make things much worse later.

You get that anxiety the next day,

Your blood sugar levels are off,

Just all the chemicals that are in your body are off.

It's just not a good idea.

So I would say stopping alcohol is the big one but even if there's anything else like drugs,

I highly recommend just putting that aside while you're really working through this healing journey okay.

The next one would be to do some meditations.

So this one was you really gotta just calm that nervous system down right?

Especially if you have an anxious style attachment like I do.

So I would definitely recommend just listening to some guided meditations on like insight timer.

Even my kids knew I'd be like honeys I gotta go into my room and just listen to a meditation for a little bit because I was just feeling a lot of anxiety and they're like okay mom.

So you know I think for me that was just I don't even know life-changing.

I would do several a day too if I was just starting to feel that anxiety in my chest or whatever.

I would say okay I need to take a break even when I was at work.

I would stop and go somewhere quiet and just put my earbuds in and listen to a guided meditation.

It's really important that you get your nervous system back in check and for me guided meditations were huge.

And then the last tip I want to give you is to learn about your attachment style.

So you may have heard about attachment.

There are four different types of attachment and I'm not going to go into a huge educational piece about this but there's secure,

There's fearful avoidant or also known as anxious avoidant,

There's just straight up anxious,

There's avoidance so it could be also known as dismissive avoidance,

And then disorganized is also fearful avoidance.

Sorry that probably was very confusing but there's four styles and there's secure what we're all hoping to be and with attachment styles so it's not a diagnosis right it's just us understanding where we are with our relationships and I'll do more videos just diving deeper into that but my point being with helping your heart ache is for me as I learned about my attachment style it really helped me understand just how I show up in relationships the patterns that I have in relationships it also helped me understand my ex's um his attachment style and understand where he was coming from with some of like his past and his own trauma that he had and you know it wasn't to excuse the way that he was behaving or the way I was behaving but it was just for me to understand better so that moving forward into my next relationship I will be able to hope you know heal my attachment style and be able to pick up on something that is going on with my partners like for me specifically a big thing that I learned was that I had very poor boundaries and you know there's so much more to that but I would say if you can start learning about your attachment style that's really going to help you heal and then have a much more secure relationship in the future I really hope that these tips will help you move a little bit more smoothly onto the other side of this heartbreak by the way my name is Stacy Bennington and I am a psychotherapist and a coach and I specialize in anxiety attachment and relationships