The Source Of Our Happiness And Pain

Venerable Sangye Khadro guides a breathing practice to calm the mind, and leads an analytic meditation to explore the role that the mind plays in our experiences of happiness and pain. If you are new to analytic meditation, start with reflecting on a minor situation that your mind is ready to handle at this time, so you can stay balanced during the analysis.

Transcript

I thought I'll start with a relatively simple practice,

Watching the breath,

And we'll have a period of time doing that,

And then I'll lead a different kind of meditation.

So first of all,

The way we sit when we do meditation has an effect on our experience during meditation.

So it's advised that we try to adopt a certain posture,

And if you can sit cross-legged,

That is the preferable way of sitting.

You can have your legs crossed in whatever way you can if you're able to sit in the full lotus position,

That's great.

But if you can't,

Not many people can do that,

Then half lotus is okay,

Or just any way that you cross your legs is fine.

But it's also okay to sit in a chair.

So some people can't be comfortable sitting cross-legged.

So sitting in a chair is fine as well.

If you do sit in a chair,

Though,

Have both of your feet flat on the floor,

Not one leg over the other,

Like cross-legged.

And the most important thing in our sitting position is keeping the back straight.

So whether you're sitting on the floor or you're sitting in a chair,

Try to keep your back straight if you can.

That enables the flow of energy in the body to be most conducive to meditation so that our mind can be more clear and focused.

And as for the eyes,

Some people like to close their eyes because that way you just shut out all visual objects that might distract your attention.

But in our tradition,

It's said that there's a little bit of a danger if we close our eyes completely,

We might fall asleep.

So closing our eyes when we meditate can be a cause for sleepiness.

So if you find that that happens,

A way to remedy that is keeping your eyes open just a little bit,

Not all the way,

But partly.

So there's some light coming into your eyes and that helps you to stay awake and alert.

So you can try either way,

Closed all the way or open just a little,

See what works best for you.

It's also really helpful to do some relaxation before we meditate because if we're tense,

If there's tension in our body,

That can also interfere with our experience of meditation.

So I'll just lead you through a very brief relaxation.

Someone who's really tense might need to spend more time relaxing first before they meditate.

You could even spend 10,

20 minutes doing relaxation first before going into a meditation.

So get yourself into a good position with your legs crossed,

Or if you're sitting in a chair,

Your feet flat on the floor and your back straight,

Your eyes closed all the way if you wish,

Or partly open,

A little bit of light coming in.

And if you do have your eyes partly open,

Just have your eyes directed downwards,

Looking down onto your lap or the floor in front of you.

And bring your awareness into your body,

Meaning feel your body just in a general way.

And see if you do notice tension anywhere in the body,

In your head,

Neck,

Shoulders,

Your abdomen or legs,

Back.

So if you do notice tightness,

Tension anywhere in your body,

See if you can just let it go.

You might imagine that it melts,

Becomes like fluid,

Liquid,

And it just flows out of you and sinks into the ground below,

Disappears there.

And if that doesn't work,

You could imagine that it evaporates,

Just dissolves and disappears and floats away in space.

Do your best to have your body as light,

Relaxed,

And free of tension as you can manage.

If you can't let go of all the tension,

Don't worry about it.

Just feel that you've done the best you can and be content with that.

And relax your mind as well.

What that means is let go of or put aside any thoughts that might be in your mind.

It's very hard to do that because most of the time there are thoughts in our mind.

There are thoughts about the past,

Which can mean just what you were doing five minutes ago or earlier today,

Yesterday,

Last week.

So do your best to let go of those thoughts.

Put them aside for now.

You don't need to be thinking about those things.

Do the same with thoughts of the future,

Which can mean plans for what you're going to do later,

Today,

Tonight,

Tomorrow,

This weekend.

You don't need to think about those things now.

So put those aside.

Just let your mind be right here in the present moment,

Present place,

Wherever you are.

So in the meditation,

We're going to be using our breathing as the focal object,

The object that we're going to be focusing on or paying attention to and trying to concentrate on.

And actually by paying attention to our breath,

Watching our breath,

That itself helps us to be in the present because our breath is in the present.

Our breath is happening right here in this moment and in this place.

It's not in some other time or place.

So when we do focus on our breathing,

Naturally our mind is in the present.

So become aware of your breathing now and do this without controlling your breathing.

You don't need to do that because your body knows how to breathe.

You've been breathing zillions of times since you were born.

When you're asleep,

Unconscious,

Your body goes on breathing.

Just let your body breathe as it naturally does.

And just with your mind,

With your awareness,

Be aware of this natural flow of the breath,

Flowing in,

Short pause and then flowing out.

Just in a light way,

In a gentle way,

Be aware as the breath is flowing in and the breath is flowing out.

And you might wonder,

Well,

How do I watch the breath?

Where do I watch the breath?

Some people do it at the nostrils.

You might be able to feel a slight sensation around your nostrils as the breath is coming in or going out.

Or you might feel it right below the nostrils above your lips.

Some people do it at the abdomen.

There's a movement in and out of the abdomen as we breathe.

But you can also just find your own way.

There's no fixed way everybody has to do.

Just find some way of being aware of the breath flowing in and flowing out.

So the idea is to really stay with the full inhalation of the breath as it's coming in and then the full exhalation of the breath as it's going out.

And then there's probably a short pause in between each breath or in between the exhalation and inhalation.

So continue being aware during that pause.

Don't let your mind run away.

And while you're doing this,

Other thoughts will probably come up in your mind.

You may hear sounds from outside,

You may feel other sensations in your body,

Your big toe,

Your nose may itch.

So anything else that happens,

Anything else that appears while you're watching the breath,

Try not to be distracted by that.

Even if you are distracted,

Your mind goes to that other object.

As soon as you notice that,

Let go of that other object and come back to the breath.

The same with thoughts,

Like memories or thoughts about what you're going to do later.

So these will come up.

It's natural,

It's normal.

Don't be surprised or upset.

We just have to learn to not follow the thoughts,

Not get caught up in them.

Instead of just notice them,

Let them go.

You can think of them as like clouds in the sky.

Clouds appear,

Pass through the sky,

Then disappear.

The same with thoughts in our mind.

They appear,

They're there a short time,

And then they disappear.

Just let the thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky and keep coming back to the breath again and again.

Now,

If any of you are finding it hard to stay on the breath,

Your mind keeps running away,

It can be helpful to count your breaths.

There's different ways of doing that,

But one way is just say to yourself,

Breathing in,

Breathing out one,

Breathing in,

Breathing out two,

And then keep counting up to five.

If you're new at meditation,

Just go up to five and then starting at one.

If you're more experienced,

You can count up to 10 or even 20.

Whenever your mind goes completely off the breath and gets caught up in something else,

Then go back to one.

Start counting again at one.

That way you can see how many counts you're able to do,

How many breaths you're able to do before your mind wanders away.

With practice,

You can get further and further,

Even up to 10,

Even up to 20.

So that's optional.

You don't have to count,

But you can try it and you might find it helpful.

So I'll stop talking now for about 10 minutes.

I'll just leave you on your own to try your best to stay focused on your breathing.

Come back to the breath when your mind wanders away.

So a common question that people have about meditation is,

How long should I meditate for?

And there is no fixed amount of time that everybody should do all the time.

So it mainly depends on you.

Part of it is your ability.

In the beginning,

It's recommended that we do maybe about 10 minutes of meditation.

And for some people that might be fine.

They're able to do that,

But some people get super restless after just five minutes.

So if that's the case,

Then just do five minutes.

Now one of my teachers,

Lama Yeshe,

Used to say,

Even five minutes of meditation is really good.

But if you can do more,

That's good too.

You can do 10 minutes or 15 or 20.

And as you get more experience,

More familiar with the practice,

Your ability can improve and then you can sit for longer periods of time.

But another factor might be your schedule.

If you're really,

Really busy,

Super busy,

And even to find 15 minutes or 10 minutes is too difficult,

Then again,

Five minutes is fine.

Even one minute,

Even two minutes.

Any amount of time you're able to do,

You'll probably find that it is beneficial for you.

There's no fixed amount of time.

It depends on you,

Your ability,

Your schedule,

Your lifestyle,

And so on.

And another question people often ask is when.

When is a good time to meditate?

Well,

Again,

That's not a fixed thing.

It varies from one person to another.

Some people are morning people like me.

My mind is most fresh,

Clear,

And calm in the morning.

So I really like meditating in the morning,

Especially first thing in the morning,

Before you start doing other things.

It's a really good way to start your day.

Other people find they're just too sleepy in the morning.

It just doesn't work.

Their mind is more awake and alert at night.

So if that's the case,

You can meditate at night.

So any time is fine.

It's really up to you.

And you don't have to just do one time a day.

You can do several times a day.

So I wanted to lead a different meditation now.

I'll talk about it first.

Because in our tradition of Buddhism,

It said that the real purpose of doing meditation is to bring about a transformation of our mind.

That's why we meditate.

Now people meditate for different reasons.

Some people meditate to feel good,

To feel peaceful,

To feel calm,

Or to take care of problems they may have,

Physical problems or emotional problems.

And meditation does help with different kinds of problems.

That according to Buddhism,

That's not the real purpose of meditation.

It's not just to feel good or to overcome temporary problems in our body and mind.

But it's actually to bring about a transformation of our mind,

Transforming our mind.

And what that means basically is,

It can only be done gradually,

Not all at once.

But gradually we decrease those states of mind that are painful,

That are problematic,

That are negative like anger,

Hatred,

Selfishness,

Greed,

And so forth.

Because those cause problems for ourselves,

They also cause problems for other people and for the world.

Buddhism says our mind is actually the source of everything.

There's no external creator,

No external force that makes things happen the way they do.

It's our minds that are the cause,

The source of whatever happens in the world,

Whatever happens in our life,

Whatever happens in our experience.

So mind is very,

Very,

Very important.

And the mind can be changed,

It can be transformed,

Meaning we can reduce those aspects of the mind that cause problems and increase those aspects of the mind that are the source of happiness and peace.

Like compassion,

Kindness,

Generosity,

Unselfishness,

Altruism,

Wisdom,

Understanding things in a correct way so that we act more wisely and not stupidly.

So there's all these positive qualities that we have,

But sometimes they're not operating very well and we need to increase them,

Work on them so they're more prevalent.

And working more correctly.

So we're going to do a little meditation now.

This is a different kind of meditation than the last one.

The last one we did is more for the purpose of developing concentration,

Learning how to keep our mind focused on one thing rather than having it all over the place.

That's a very important skill that we need in this practice or this process of transforming our mind.

But another kind of meditation that we do,

We call it analytical meditation or thinking meditation.

We actually use thoughts to bring about a more correct,

More realistic way of thinking and seeing things rather than just letting our mind get caught up in our emotions and whatever feelings we may have,

Which sometimes mislead us,

Take us down a wrong road.

And so this meditation is just looking at the importance of our mind,

The important role that our mind plays in our experiences of either happiness or unhappiness,

Being disturbed.

So I'm just going to ask you to think a few things and just follow along to the best of your ability.

If your mind goes totally off into something else that's not related to the meditation then bring it back.

So we still need a certain amount of concentration here.

So once again,

Get into a comfortable position for meditation with your back straight,

Eyes closed all the way or most of the way,

Relaxed as much as possible and ready to just focus on this meditation,

Which you can think of as a little like a thought exercise.

Trying to understand the important role our mind plays in our experiences.

So start by bringing to mind an experience you had which was problematic,

Something kind of disturbing or troubling in relation to another person.

It could be a friend or someone you work with or someone in your family,

Something that was kind of painful,

Disturbing.

So it could be something that happened recently or further back in time.

But it's good to think of something that's still kind of relatively clear and fresh in your mind.

So start by bringing to mind an experience you had which was problematic,

Something kind of troubling or troubling in relation to another person.

So when you have thought of this situation,

Focus on what you were thinking and feeling,

Not on what the other person was doing or saying,

But focus on your own subjective experience of that situation.

What was going on in your own mind?

What was your narrative,

Your story about this situation?

How are you describing it to yourself?

If you can notice how your narrative,

Your internal description of this situation,

How that affected your experience,

The way you experienced the situation.

Maybe you thought the other person didn't care about you or they were being disrespectful towards you or even out to get you.

If you had any thoughts like that in your mind as your description,

How did that influence the way you felt,

The way you experienced the situation?

Yes.

And then look at how your attitude affect what you said and did in this situation.

How you spoke,

How you acted in this situation.

And then look at how your words,

Your actions,

Your behavior affect the other person.

How were they affected by the way you spoke and acted?

Now ask yourself,

Was your view,

Your perception of the situation realistic?

Were you seeing all sides of the situation or were you seeing things through the eyes of me,

I,

My,

Mine?

Having a sense of being more important than others,

Being the center of the world.

Has anyone seen anything from the perspective of the person that you are talking to?

How was that influenced by your other perception of the situation 30 years ago?

And finally,

Think about how you could have viewed the situation differently.

If you had been able to have a more broad mind,

You've been able to be more open to the other person's point of view and less self-centered.

And how would that have changed your experience of that situation?

How would that have changed your experience of that situation?

So finally,

See if you can come to the conclusion that it would be a very,

Very difficult situation that it would be really helpful if you could be more aware of your thoughts and how you interpret things and be more careful about what you think,

What you say,

What you do,

And to try to cultivate more beneficial and realistic ways of looking at things.

And finally,

Think about how you could have viewed the situation differently.

And finally,

Think about how you could have viewed the situation differently.

Reviews

Amazing practice. Simple but with deep lessons. Very little intrusive thought. Sadhu! Thank you! ☮️💖🙏🖖🪷