42. Live In Truth: Lessons From Death To Live Fully

In this episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael delve into death and why changing the way we view it has a big impact on the way we live. Listen as they discuss how becoming intimate with death — especially that of a loved one — is an incredible gift that teaches us how to profoundly reexamine our own life, make the necessary changes, and experience a life of fulfillment.

Transcript

What this episode is about, Hopefully for our listeners, Is not so much the focus on death, But most importantly, How do we want to live with the lessons of death? Too often, When a person thinks about death or the shadow of death, It either depresses or makes a person upset, Makes a person live life less. We're so hard on ourselves and we think that unless it's big and noticed, It was wasted. And I think that even if you look at this day, How many people were you kind to? Did you make feel better? Did you connect with? How kind were you to yourself? It's those moments of connection with you, With the creator, With other human beings that that's really, I think, A life well-lived. When we think about those either that are in the process of leaving this physical world or those that have left, And we believe that their energy never goes away. The question isn't so much whether they are here or not here, But rather are we connecting to them or not connecting to them? Welcome to the Spiritually Hungry Podcast, Episode 42. I'm feeling a little bit better this week. I wanted to thank all of our listeners for the support and the love, The messages you sent my way. I do appreciate it. It's still going to be a bit of a heavy topic, But that's just, I think, There's inspiration in everything and I'm really, Really actually inspired. I'm always inspired by what we talk about, But I think this is a really important conversation to be had. So I shared with you, Michael, Last week, Actually at the beginning of this week, I saw my father being wheeled out of his hospital room on one floor and moved to another floor that is more focused on hospice care. And so as they're getting him ready, I waited out in the hallway and as he then came out of the room, I looked at his eyes and he was fully alert, Which doesn't happen that often these days. And he just had this look of surrender, No fear, No pain. And it dawned on me that, Well, First, I mean, The overarching theme is that you can learn so much about living and how to live through watching somebody die. And I thought about it when I was a teenager and all the way until he actually had Alzheimer's. So all of those years, Decades, My father was terrified of death. And he would tell me that if anything ever happened to him that compromised his mental faculties, In his words, He said, If I become a vegetable, Make sure they disconnect anything I might be connected to. I don't want to live a life like that. And as a teenager, Of course, As his daughter, Your parents telling you this, I'm thinking, First of all, I think about my own mortality, Right? And I also then became afraid of death, Right? Because if you're seeing somebody that you look up to that should have all the answers, Especially when your child is telling you this, You're like, Oh, No, No, This is the worst thing that could ever happen. And there's no, You know, It's to be feared, Which is crazy because it's unavoidable. And also you spend then so much time in your life fearing death instead of actually living fully. And so that's the irony here, Right? It's interesting. One of my favorite verses is from Ecclesiastes. It says, Better to go to the house of a mourner than the house of a party because then the living will put in their heart. And the idea is that, And I find, You know, Throughout life I find the living will sort of really look inside, Right? Take lessons, Right? That's really what one, We know that everything that exists has very important purpose and death exists for the most part to teach the living. Well, Also it's such a, You know, There are ways and we've talked about this recently, But to die in a way that's almost as beautiful as watching a baby be born in the world and it becomes so clear and well, I really want to give tips today on how to be able to see it that way, That death is a natural and can even be a beautiful part of life, But it depends on how you live it. There's this quote by Giovanni Falcone and he said, He who doesn't fear death dies only once, Because if you're afraid of death, You die over and over again while you're still alive. And it's actually interesting, There's quite a lot of books, Scholarship on this and the reality is that most people who die are not afraid to die. It's the living who are afraid to die, But the dying are not afraid to die. Exactly. And there was a study, Especially with elder people, Right, Really elderly, You would think that, Okay, That's not that far away likely. And so if you're ever going to be afraid at any point in your life, It would probably be like when you're 80, 90, 100, But they found actually the older people were really elderly. They actually didn't have a fear of death and they weren't sure why they thought, Well, Maybe they had lived so much of life that they didn't feel that they'd be missing out on anything or that they had experienced a lot of death and loss already. Which again, To the point that don't waste your time fearing this because it's going to steal joy moments and really time you could be spending doing things that are purposeful for why you really came to this world. Yeah. And for our listeners, Again, I find this, You mentioned this might be a heavy episode. The reality is I find this one of the most inspiring topics. I've shared this before, I know with Monica and some of our friends and it might sound weird to our listeners, Hopefully only initially not, But that I actually enjoy funerals. I enjoy cemeteries because, And I'd like to share a little bit more about this, But because to me what it does, It speaks to one word, Truth, Right? And I think what this episode is about for hopefully for our listeners is not so much the focus on death, But most importantly, How do we want to live with the lessons of death? And that for me is the most inspiring thing because so much of life is wasted on the things that don't really have any significant meaning that aren't. So when I say the word truth, I mean what is real, What is important. Well, I remember when we first, Well, We were married already, But I didn't know this about you initially, But you'd be like really almost, I mean, Jovial. I mean, That's kind of the wrong word, But after a funeral, I'm like, Oh my God, Who did I marry? But seriously, And now I understand it, Right? You would say, You would share, Yeah, You know, Just really makes you think about life. And I couldn't fully understand it. Now I'm there with you, Like spending time in the hospital, Speaking to the palliative nurses and hospice care team and explaining to my other family members that this is what's happening and this is what to expect and this is how his breathing is going to change and don't be afraid of it. He can't feel it the way we think he would feel it or how we think we would feel it. That's what scares us, Right? We see a person dying and especially you have, You have no experience of ever seeing that and automatically and makes you look at yourself and you just think about that. And that's really missing the mark because it's not about that moment. That moment will be defined really by how you've lived and how well you've lived. I was actually having a conversation today with somebody and we were talking about different things that bother them and I was like, And I, We have a friend who uses this phrase, I don't agree with this phrase, But he always whenever something like, You know, Bothering somebody else, He says, Life's too short, Right? Life's too short to worry about the silly things. I don't think life is too short. I think life is perfect, But I would say life is too important to waste it on the silly things. And for me, Again, Like I said, I think that's the lesson here. The lesson is the knowledge of death should impact the way we live our lives. And for me, That the phrase should be live in truth and truth means the important. I was listening to somebody else who said that, Um, You know, When you go to a cemetery and you look at the gravestones, What does it say on the gravestones? Beloved father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Right? Friend. And it doesn't say many of other things that we, We spend so much time worrying about. And the idea is because that's not truth. That's not truth. What this person did to me in the office today, That's not truth. Being a great father, Being a great mother, Being a great brother, Being a great sister, Being a great friend. That's truth. And again, Like I said, Like, You know, Not to be, You know, Weird about it, But when you go to a funeral, When you are with somebody who's either dying or dead or when you're in a cemetery, Hopefully what you take away is I'm going to leave even more in truth because a lot of what we're going to share today, At least from my perspective, Isn't anything we don't know. And that's really what, You know, You stop anybody in the street, The person who's in the office worrying about all the things that their, You know, Cousin just did to them. That is not in truth, Right? It's not really important. And you see, You stop them and say, What's really important? Like they'll give you the list, The right list. They know that it's not important, But it's not so much about knowing. It's what they're consumed. And you live every single day with that truth. And that for me is one of the reasons that death exists. Unfortunately, I don't think I can speak for myself and I think for many of our listeners, We don't live life enough in that. Again, Not negative. I find it very inspiring, Exciting, Love filled, But it's called sometimes the shadow of death. And this is the question we should ask ourselves. Not do I know what is really important? I can't imagine any one of our listeners cannot make the list of what is really the truth of life. What is really the important things in my life? But the more important question is not whether you have that list or know that list. What percent of your day is lived in that truth? Absolutely. And unfortunately, Wow, How much time do we waste on the unimportant, On the untrue parts of life? I also think people spend a lot of time trying to find ways to not fear death rather than simply living in truth. And not that it's simple, But it's the idea that it doesn't have to be that complicated. There's a bunch of studies. One found that people who are really afraid of death grieve for a lot longer because they haven't come to terms with death and that that's a part of life that they were willing to accept. There was another study in 2016 and they found that fear of death could amplify our desire for revenge and political violence. So they found they took a group of Palestinians, Israelis, And South Korean participants and they were prompted to think about personal pain or death. And then asked about their opinions about specific political conflicts and how they should be resolved. I thought that was really interesting. Those who were reminded of death, Right, Because it was or pain or death, Those who were reminded of death were more likely to support military action than those who only thought about pain. So I think that we should really be honest with ourselves about where we're at really with the idea of accepting death because again from my childhood hearing my father say that I never wanted to think about death. I was afraid of it. I wouldn't want to go to hospitals. I was terrified of it. Like anything that would bring sickness because then I'd have to think about that. So there's a much better way. I mean even people I think buy into the illusion I'm all for being healthy and fit. You know that. But they think that if I'm healthy then death is really far away. But then there's accidents, Right? So I just think that we should just right now really assess where we're at. How are we trying to cheat death? And instead let's just open our minds right now to these things that we're going to offer to really get to a place where you're experiencing and really living life to its fullest without even a thought of death. A thought of death in terms of motivation to live but not consumed by when that day will happen. I think it's really important because for our listeners, For us, To know whether you are using, And I really would use that word, Using the shadow of death in the right way, The question simply is are you therefore living more in truth? Are you therefore actually enjoying every moment even more? Are you living the life that you are meant to be living or a life that is in truth? Because again the other side of this is that, And we know it's always true in everything that there's a possibility to gain great inspiration and wisdom, There's also the opportunity to be stopped by it, Right? So too often when a person thinks about death or the shadow of death, It either depresses or makes a person upset, Makes a person live life less. The proper way. . . So they numb the pain, You drink too much. But let me ask you a question because I know what you mean by this and it just dawned on me that I really think we need to unpack this living in truth because you gave one example about being upset. I think you said if your cousin or your coworker, Whoever, You know, Disrespected you and now even though you know the big picture at the end of your days, You're going to remember this one afternoon at five o'clock where somebody didn't like what you had to say or thinks you're an idiot, Right? No, That's not what you're going to be thinking about on death's doorstep. So how does a person actually make sure they're living a life of truth? I think, Well, I think the entire spiritual pursuit is towards that. I'll give an example. Both my parents, As we call them, Rav and Karen, Both my parents were great spiritual teachers and they spend all of their lives, Most of their lives in helping people and teaching people. And one of the beautiful blessings that we have is that we have hours upon hours upon hours of their teachings recorded, Audio, Video, And so on. And in our centers all over the world, Every week we share a video of the Rav of my mother. And one of the things I often think about is that, And the sages tell us this, That when a person's teachings remain in this world, They never actually leave this world. They never actually die. It says Moses never died, Jacob never died. And for my parents, They will be teaching people forever. And for me, One of the first questions when you think about living in truth, Not everybody's a teacher, Right? But what energy are you leaving in this world? More importantly, Forget about leaving, What energy are you creating in this world? Yes, We all have to work. Yes, We all have families we have to take care of. But think about your day today. What energy did you create in this world? What energy, Because death isn't just, You know, One day dies, The next day is born. This day is dying, Right? By whatever 8 p. M. Tonight, This day has died. What energy did you leave in this world? I mean, When the stars come out and it's already nighttime, Right? What energy did you leave in this world today? You know, There's a phrase that the sages use, They say, Return or change one day before you die. And the question is then asked, What do you mean? Nobody knows what's the day before they die. And they say, Well, View every day as if this is the day before and in, You know, Physically die, But more importantly, Spiritually, This day is dying, Meaning not in a negative way, This day is ending. What energy are you leaving in the world? And I think if we live our lives with that intention, Then it really changes how we live our lives. And by the way, It doesn't have to be in the big ways, You know, Like, I think people tend to think that they had a meaningful life if people are aware of what they did, Right? Or if they impacted millions of people, Let's say thousands of people. I don't think people were so hard on ourselves and we think that unless it's big and noticed, It was wasted. And I think that even if you look at this day, How many people were you kind to? Did you make feel better? Did you connect with? How kind were you to yourself? It's those moments of connection with you, With the creator, With other human beings that that's really, I think, A life well lived. Absolutely. And it's interesting because you reminded me something I read earlier today, Where somebody was writing, You know, What makes a great spiritual leader. And they said somebody who in their lifetime impacted three people. And I love that thought because like you said, I think often people say, Well, I have to make my mark in the world. I will. My name will never be forgotten. I will be the greatest of this or the biggest of that. And then I will be happy. And then I will be right. And that's not what we're talking. If you think about that, If in my lifetime I can really impact three people, What is to me, That means, Of course, The hope is more 10, 20, 100, Even a million. But every day, Did you impact somebody in the slightest or a bigger way than the day before? So I think that's really important to talk about because when we talk about leaving a legacy, Yes, Thankfully my parents left us thousands and thousands of hours of wisdom, But not everybody is meant to do that. And to our listeners, The question should be, Who did you impact today? Number one. I just got such, I'm sorry to interrupt you. Please, You don't remember what you had to say. I just got such clarity on something that's been bothering me since my dad entered the hospital. Wow. That, And I've shared this with you, That part of my pain for his death, And I had wanted this on some level for him for seven years because of how ill he's been and because of his wish for not to be kept alive in that state. But my pain for him was, He had, When he got sick, He had left letters unwritten, Like half written, Unfinished. He had business plans almost completed. He had dreams and he had a vision board, Right? And then all of a sudden everything stood still, Collected dust. And only until I went to my mom's house a year and a half ago and cleaned it up and packed it away, It just was like as if time stood still for him alone, Right? And so as I watched him in the hospital this week, That there was pain there, Right? And I shared this with you that when, You know, Eight months ago we were with your mom, With Karen when she was passing, And I was watching this process for her. There was none of that emotion because she, By her own words, Right, And by what we have witnessed, Lived a life well lived. She did everything she intended to do. And by the way, And then some, Right? So I use the phrase intended to do, Right? She always had greater plans, But she did leave great light. There was no regret. There was not a lot of talk, Not followed by action, Right? She was absolutely a doer, A manifestor being. And again, The point here, She didn't have regret. But then, So I've been stuck with that feeling. Like that's what's- Meaning that you have, That maybe your dad had regret or you have regret for your father, But he expressed a lot of regret before he got sick when his vision, His dreams were not coming true. And that's a whole nother thing we can get into. And again, They were all physicists, To be clear, Right? He has three great- Physical, But by the way, Because he was a self-made millionaire, Right? He came from nothing and then he lost everything. So for him, Again, A successful life was if he made the money back again, You know, He was intelligent. He loved his wife beyond, Loved his three girls. I mean, A lot of love, But he defined a well-lived life by being successful. But in this moment, As we're talking, I actually just found a lot of solace and peace because he's always told me he's really proud of me and all of his daughters, That meant so much to him. So in fact, I can look at his life and forget about all, Like what that was or what it was supposed to be. I'm not that smart. I don't know how his, I just know now actually that he must be comforted somewhere to know that he did do great things in this life. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's interesting. You know, One of the things that they often make me laugh is sometimes, You know, You go to cemeteries and you look at the headstones and often they're filled with lists of a lot of accomplishments and titles. Titles, A lot of titles. And I always thought, You know, I don't even, I've even shared this with you. It's like, You know, For me, The thought is, You know, It shouldn't say anything because what you're leaving in this world, When if a person leaves this world, He or she is not leaving accomplishments, Right? He or she is either or not leaving the energy they created and the positive impact they had on people. And like you said, Impact on people does not mean that they taught a hundred people wisdom. It could be that they had an amazing daughter or daughters that they loved and brought up in the right way to make them, You know, I use point. He impacted us greatly and that's an intern. You impact, Right? I mean, It's really, Yeah, Really. I'm okay. I'm really okay. That was really powerful for me just now though. So I often use this example. My father's teacher was a great man in many, Many ways. One of my favorite epithets that says on his gravestone, It says he was somebody who many people embarrassed, But never embarrassed anybody else back, Right? That humility was a very. . . It said that on his. . . On his, Yeah. It said that many people embarrassed him, But he didn't embarrass. Yeah, He was, It is a phrase used, People who are so humble, They don't care that people embarrass them and make fun of them. They never though embarrass anybody else. But he wrote quite a number of books. He left a tremendous amount of wisdom in this world. But in reality, He had one student, Only one. That student was my father and my father, Of course, Then taught millions of people. So impact, I think it's so important to be taught, Especially in your father's case, It's so important to realize living in truth and living the life we're meant to live. We don't know, We can't really know exactly what that means in totality, But it certainly doesn't mean titles and it certainly doesn't mean numbers, Right? But that you. . . And again, It's beautiful that you have this understanding with your father, But I think for our listeners, The question, Not the question, But the inspiration should be, Did you have an impactful day as the day is dying? Did you have an impactful day? And to live life with that understanding that we are here, What is the energy you wanna leave, Right? Because I think so often, Again, There are days that we're just overwhelmed with life, And we're all gonna have those days and sometimes it's weeks and sometimes it's months, But how often do we stop and ask that question? What energy did I leave in this world today, In this week, In this month? And again, Going back to living in truth, That's what living in truth means. It's funny, It's not funny, But it reminds me today when I was in the hospital, I was there alone at that time. And usually there's two of us at a time and we're kind of sneak other people in. Anyway, I was sitting there and the palliative nurse walks in and she said, Look, I knew I heard you were here, I wanted to check how you are. They're just really amazing humans, By the way, I have to say. And I said, Yeah, I'm just really actually enjoying this time alone with my dad. And she's like, Oh, I'm sorry. I said, No, No, No, I wanna talk to her. I wasn't implying that I was, I'm just enjoying being here. And it dawned on me in that moment too, That I just really wanted to make her feel good, Right? I wanted to take that opportunity to connect with another person. And I think that was a big part of my day to day being purposeful. Just even that exchange with her. Absolutely. Absolutely. And the other part of that, Which is something you touched upon is to really live every moment, Right? I think one of the greatest inspirations that we should draw from the shadow of death is the joy, Appreciation and excitement with which we should live every moment. There's actually a beautiful quote from Erma Baumbach. She writes about how her life would be different, Right? How she would live her life differently, Knowing that death- She wrote this when she was dying? I think towards the end of her life. There would have been more I love yous, More I'm sorrys, More I'm listenings, But mostly given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it. Look at it and really see it. Try it on, Live it, Exhaust it, And never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it. I love that. So things is a beautiful again, And for me, This, If you want to know if you're taking the lessons of life or death, However you want to call them, Ask yourself this question, Are you living in that way? With the experience that I had with my mother's elevation from this world, I really one of the great inspirations and gifts that I received was really that consciousness and that clarity. Live in truth, Live the important things, Negate the unimportant things, And literally live every moment with love, With appreciation, With excitement. Well, There's a Mark Twain quote also. He says, The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. And basically lives fully means live meaningfully, Right? I do want to bring up this book, Which I have found to be very, Very inspiring. It's called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. I know it doesn't sound like an inspiring title, But it's really profound. And it was, It stemmed from a blog that a palliative nurse wrote and it got like, I think, 8 million views or something. So she ended up writing a book about it. And she basically for years and years spent the last 12 weeks of each patient's life with them, Helping them prepare for death and taking care of them. And she'd spend a lot of time, Right, With, You know, With these patients. And she'd asked the question, You know, What is it that you regret or what? No, She asked, What would you do differently, If anything? And she found that there are common themes that surfaced again and again. So these are the top five. The first is, I wish I had had the courage to live a life true to myself, Not the life others expected me to. And you know this, That I got on that bandwagon like years ago, Because I used to live my life very much for other people and it makes for a miserable existence. And by the way, I think that's great as a general rule, But also it's not just living the totality of my life, But even living this day for anybody else. Well, Each day adds up to a life, Right? Right. And so we can, I think you and I, And I think many of our listeners are dedicating our lives to trying to live our lives. But when you're driving down the street and somebody upsets you, Right, You're now not really living your life if you're spending your time and energy becoming upset at them and so on. So I think it's important as a general direction in life, But also in the daily ways that we expand energy. But I also, I meet with so many students and a lot of them in our conversations, When they're talking about things that are bothering them or why they feel stuck, They use phrases like I can't, It's not possible, You don't understand, Right? Now all of that is absolutely true if you decide it to be, Right? That's one way to go through life. If you're constantly making excuses and thinking that nothing can change, Well, Nothing's going to change, Right? So it's not even only the things that other people put on us and that we accept by the way, But it's what the limited things, Beliefs that we put on ourselves of what we can do and how we can live. So she goes on to say, This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, It's easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled, Which was the pain I shared about my father. Most people have not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to the choices they had made or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it. The second is I wish I hadn't worked so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, But as most were from an older generation, Many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. Three, I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others. I hate that. That's just annoying because there's no such thing. Well, Sometimes. No, Because you know what's going to be up and evil is internally, Right? Your gut's going to be a mess. That's not, That's going to look like peace. It's just absolutely not going to feel like peace. We don't have to share every single emotion. I agree. I think we're agreeing. You do it yourself. You do it yourself. You absolutely do. And then you can decide how you want to express it or not. And very often you can move past it when you acknowledge it. Right? See, This is my point. So she says, Many people suppressed their feelings. That's what I'm saying. In order to keep peace with others. As a result, They settled for mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. You know, I used to have no voice at all. Can you imagine? And I became very ill because of it. And if I had stayed that person thinking that what I say didn't really matter and I needed to make everybody else feel good and warm and fuzzy, Can you imagine what my life would look like today? I don't think I'd be there. You wouldn't actually. You wouldn't. Four, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let go of golden friendships over the years. There are many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. And the fifth one is I wish that I had let myself be happier. I think this one's really powerful. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. Oh, I have the chills as I always say that. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called comfort of familiarity overflowed into their emotions as well as their physical lives. The fear of change had them pretending to others and to their selves that they were content when deep within they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. I think something else I was reading today, That idea that we again, We're in some way enslaved to what others think about us, To what others might think about us. And we hold back from really enjoying the fullness of life. And for me, Some people won't dance at a party because they might look stupid or. You know, Won't wear what they really want to because it's different, Right? I mean, The list goes on and on. And I think again, For me, Maybe the most important lesson for our listeners is that one, Right? Ask yourself the question, How much are you enjoying life? How much are you allowing yourself to enjoy life? And next question, How much are you not enjoying life because of all the other silly or in the context of the words we used before, Untrue reasons? Because, Like you said, So often it is a choice and a choice that too often we don't make or opportunity we don't grab. And again, Not to use the phrase life is too short, But make sure life is too important, Too important not to grab every moment of potential joy. So you want to go do something fun now? Absolutely. Do you have any other thoughts? Yes. One more joke actually. So we're going to leave our listeners not so much with contemplation. Actually before that, Before I get to the joke. I like that word. I don't use that enough. Which one? Contemplation. Contemplation. Hopefully we do it enough though. When we talk about. . . Sometimes I get a headache because I do it a lot. I think we do it a lot. When we think about those either that are, In your case, Your father's in the process of leaving this physical world or those that have left. And we believe that their energy never goes away. The question isn't so much whether they are here or not here, But rather are we connecting to them or not connecting to them? And I think one of the most important gifts that we can give ourselves is not to let go of those who have left this physical world. So for me what that means, And thankfully I have the opportunity almost daily to think about something that my father had said or my mother said and learn from it. Because when. . . And sometimes I even have to remind myself that they're not even physically here because sometimes you can get so deep into a lesson that they've taught you or gift that they've given you that they're definitely here. And by the way, They are here. The physical form might not be here, But their energy? Absolutely. My father would often say that at funerals it is not those who are leaving who are saying goodbye, But it is those who are alive that are saying goodbye. And that actually you want to make sure you don't say goodbye. And if I would ask every one of our listeners, Think about somebody in your life who was important and ask yourself the question, Am I connected to them enough? Am I continuing to learn from them enough? Am I feeling their energy enough? And one of the greatest gifts again that we can give to ourselves is not saying goodbye, Is making sure that we keep in our lives the energy of those that have always been and hopefully will always be both important and teaching us. And you will find, You will find that as you do this consciously, Some points you can't even remind yourself of whether they are here or not here because for you they are here. I do. I think that's beautiful. I just bring this up because your parents happen to be very spiritual, Enlightened leaders, Teachers, You're able to, The teachings are really clear, Right? I think for many others, And we kind of touched upon this when we talked about reincarnation and being part of the same root of soul, The same branch, I think for others even our most important relationships, People we love the most, There can be a lot of conflict, A lot of confusion. They weren't the mother we wanted, The whatever, You know, Or we think or we can see that they made a lot of mistakes and I'm suggesting, I think this is how you heal relationships and this is how you keep them alive and you're able to get past the grief, Right? And really just be with the goodness that exists in them. We can learn a lot from people as what we don't want to do, Right? And that teaching is perhaps I think equally important, You know? And I've talked a lot about that with different relationships and I'm so grateful that I had that example in that way. And also if you want to see goodness and you want to learn something, You always can. So even just this two days ago, My sisters and my mom and I, We were, No, Actually some of our kids were around my father. We started telling jokes and like things that he did and remembering like just, I mean, My dad was, You know, Just so inappropriate sometimes. I don't know any other way to say it. And we were laughing, But what's the lesson there, Right? Now while I may not behave like that, Right? The idea of being silly and putting yourself out there for your family and making them laugh, I think that's a really important lesson, Right? It's not a typical one. It's not one that's black and white. I think as we see with your parents, Which is beautiful and elevated, But not everything has to be elevated to learn. Absolutely. I think it's a very important point because like you said, I think two important parts that one is that every single person in our life. Do you know how he would say he has to go pee? How? He'd have to wheezy. Is that even a word? He's the only person I ever know my whole life to say I have to wheezy. I never even looked it up oddly enough, But like that kind of thing, Right? I mean, Ridiculous, But it made us all laugh. Anyway, Go ahead. Yeah, Follow that. To make sure as we're talking about the lessons that we learn and that keep them with us, And this goes back to something we spoke about on reincarnation, That we actually choose the families into which we are born parents, Which means that what was perfect for us is not necessarily always easy and comfortable and even right. Or nurturing necessarily. But that actually is what we needed. So when you are able to see how you've grown from it, I was talking actually to somebody yesterday who's just lost a parent and he was saying that through his spiritual, His parent in this case was a very difficult parent, But through his spiritual understanding and work, He's come to see how they helped him become the person he's meant to become. And then you might not accept that behavior, But you appreciate it for helping you become the person you need to become. So that's one part. And the second part is like you said, Sometimes we don't have enough, I don't know if the word is grace towards people who are in our lives and that we say, Oh, They did nothing for me. That's almost, There's maybe a few people in our lives, But that is almost never the case. And not to allow other hurt, Which might be rightly placed to obscure the beautiful gifts that they actually have given us. I would venture that- Or opportunities. If you can't see them as gifts yet, At least recognize them. Right. Now I'm saying even from, That's the first part, Right? That even the challenges or the places in which they lacked as either parents or friends or in any ways that there were things that we were meant to and hopefully grew from that we can appreciate, But most people are pretty great in some areas. And let's not obscure other hurt or places that they lacked for that. A father, A mother, A brother, A sister, You can find something that was really beautiful that they gave you. And let's make sure we do that as well. Yeah. So I'm not sure it's appropriate to end with a joke. It's probably not, But go ahead. All right. So- Well, I don't know. Maybe it's absolutely appropriate because we're saying that- That if you're taking the lessons of the shadow of death, You are living every moment with great joy and you don't care whether it's appropriate or not. No, It's absolutely appropriate because it's going to bring great joy to all of us right now this moment. Yes. So Ralph and Max were- I mean, If it's funny. Yes. Our listeners will let us know. Ralph and Max were longtime partners. I never heard this one. I think you did. Max is on his death bed and Ralph comes to visit him. Oh, So you've- Ralph and Mark, What's his max? Max. Were longtime business partners. Right. Okay. Right. That wasn't clear. So- and Max is on his death bed. Ralph comes to visit him and Max is like, He has tears in his eyes. He says, You know, Before, Before I leave this world, I really have to apologize to you. And Ralph is like, No, Don't worry about it. You know, I love you. He says, No. You remember- No, I really need to apologize too. About partnership. Yeah. There was a million dollars that we lost that went out of our bank account. We didn't know what happened to it. He says, Yes. He says, I stole it from you. He says, Oh, Don't worry about it. Everything's okay. Don't worry about that. Really, Please forgive me. I apologize. He says, You remember a few years ago you were trying to get a mortgage for a house you wanted to- really wanted to buy and everything was going great and the bank called you up and said that they're not going to lend you the money. He says, Yes. He says, I actually called the bank and asked them not to give you that mortgage. I feel so bad. Please forgive me. And again, No, Don't worry about it. Everything's okay. He says, You remember your wife left you a year and a half ago? He says, Yes. He says, Well, I was cheating with her and I told her that she should leave you and therefore she left. I feel so bad. Please forgive me. I can't leave this world with all of this. And Ralph turns to him and says, It's okay. We're all okay. He says, How can it be? He says, Because I'm the one who poisoned you. I like it. So hopefully we have inspired, Made our listeners laugh. And for all of us that we truly draw upon the lessons of death to live the most impactful, Truthful lives. Bye. You

Reviews

A lovely conversation

Wonderful episode - thank you. I recently lost my younger brother, and this is all very top of mind for me.

I enjoyed this so much. Thank you!