32. Exercising Mindfulness: How To Live With Intention

In this episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael discuss how living with intention helps us change what we want to change about ourselves and direct our energy in ways that support our growth. Tune in as they delve into the benefits of being mindful and how being curious about ourselves helps us discover ourselves.

Transcript

What is it we're putting out in the world through our thoughts, Through our behavior, Through our addictions or whatever it is that we go to, You can actually absolutely change those things into the direction that you want. And it all starts with intention. When you live with intention, You actually open yourself up to be able to increase your capacity in all the areas that you're questioning. Goals say, I have to do it, I can't believe I haven't achieved this yet, And they create a sense of pressure and guilt and diminish our inspiration. Intention on the other hand is a completely different energy. It's a different force. Intention is more about being, As we said, Than doing. There are blessings that are looking for me, Blessings that are looking for you and for everyone of our listeners. But if you're not living with curiosity and with intention, It won't find you. Welcome to Spiritually Hungry episode 32. How are you? Amazing. Very excited. Why did that make you laugh? Because I've seen you all day. Yeah, No. I'll see you don't usually ask me how I'm doing. I always ask you how you're doing. Not usually on. . . Podcast. Exactly. So you're doing well? Amazing. Amazingly well. I'm doing well too. Thanks. So I'm very excited about today's episode as I always am. We are going to talk about the power of your intentions. But before we go there, I want to call it something else for now. And that is mindfulness because I think that's become a buzzword that people use a lot today. And there are all kinds of ways that are suggested on how to be mindful. And it can be used to describe everything from meditation to healthy eating to yoga. But what does it really mean to be mindful? I always like to look up in the dictionary first. I think those definitions are interesting. So Merriam-Webster defines mindfulness as the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. While no doubt that's accurate, I think the definition is a bit vague. So let's take it a step beyond simple awareness. To me, Mindfulness, Like intentions, Encapsulates experiencing each moment of our lives fully and as a result making choices that are positive, Purposeful, And not fear-based. And I think that everybody would want to live that way if we think about it. And intellectually we all understand the benefits of being mindful. But then why at the end of a long day do we go and stay on Instagram for too long or grab an extra cookie or whatever it is in terms of behavior? By the way, Henry, There's an extra cookie, Maybe it's the cookie you want more. But always the extra cookie. What are you saying? You always eat the extra cookie? No, I'm saying I know every time I take a few cookies you're always like, You know, See you don't really want those two. Maybe I really want the extra cookie. No, Because no. It's not an extra cookie. It's actually the next cookie that I really want. No, Sweetie. I don't want to embarrass you, But you brought it up. It's okay. You're embarrassing. You'll take five cookies before you've tasted the first. So I say, How do you know you want all five? Why not eat one? And then see how you feel. Yeah, Sometimes I just really know intentionally and mindfully that I need that extra cookie. Okay, Hun. So some people though do judge themselves when they take one too many cookies. Yeah, I've never done that. I've never done that. And then you might feel shame, But you can't shame your way into being mindful. So instead, I think it's an invitation to examine the moments when you check out, You do these kinds of behaviors and see how you could approach it differently. So from a purely evolutionary standpoint, I really liked this idea. Our primal brain experiences a pattern described as trigger behavior reward. Are you familiar with that? No. So our ancestors who lived on the vast plains of the Serengeti would feel hunger. That would be the trigger. They'd hunt for food and eventually find it. That would be behavior. And then they would not only be satiated, But would now know where food could be found and that would be the reward. So this same process is still at work for us today, Although we're not living in that way. We don't have to come. . . And where are they again? Trigger behavior reward. So because we aren't fighting for our literal survival with every meal, It's still overworking us into unhealthy habits and addictions. So I bring this up because I think this is one tool we could start with that's really powerful and I actually had a conversation with somebody today. I bumped into him last night and he's about to get married in a few weeks and he was smoking a cigarette. I didn't. . . I never saw him smoke before. So I was like, Oh, Still smoking. That's interesting. I'm like, Is that something you want to do? He's like, No, No, I'm going to quit before my wedding. It's in two weeks. I'm like, Well, Why doesn't this just be your last cigarette then? Why wait another two weeks? So this morning I emailed him and I said, How's day one? And he wrote back, He's like, Well, I already gave in. I had one. So I couldn't resist. So I sent him a whole email that you can restart your day. Why don't you quit again now? It's like noon. So try again. So I have to check with him this evening. So I'm not sure how the rest of the day went. But I shared this study with him and I shared some other things. But I think this is really profound in terms of getting our minds into a state of really being mindful, But also living with intention in any area. And this, I think quitting something like smoking, Right? Something that is very addictive, I think is a great example. So psychiatrist Judson Brewer has studied the mechanism of habit development and discovered a very simple yet profoundly deep tactic that's helped his patients quit everything from smoking to overeating. And that is getting curious. So this is what he said. In my lab, We studied whether mindfulness training could help people quit smoking. Now that they could try to force themselves to quit smoking. And the majority of them had tried this before and failed. You tried forcing? Yes. On average, Six times. With mindfulness training, We dropped the bit about forcing and instead focusing on being curious. And in fact, We even told them to smoke. Yeah. So they said, Go ahead and smoke, Just be really curious about what it feels like when you do. And what did they notice? Well, Here's an example from one of our smokers. She said, Mindful smoking smells like stinky cheese and tastes like chemicals. Yuck. He goes on to describe- This is one of the smokers. Yeah. How the participant knew cognitively that smoking was bad for her, Of course. She did it because it was an active part of the study that would help her quit. But what curiosity offered her was not just knowledge, But wisdom. Being curious about smoking helped her be aware of how unpleasant it actually is. And instead of just understanding it was bad, She now knew and felt it in her body that it was bad. From there, She became increasingly disenchanted with the behavior until the desire to smoke was gone entirely. Interesting. So I think when it comes to intention, If we're able to redirect our consciousness and decide how we want to, And really get curious about what is it we're putting out in the world, Through our thoughts, Through our behavior, Through our addictions, Or whatever it is that we go to, You can actually absolutely change those things into the direction that you want. And it all starts with intention. I think that's fascinating and interesting. I like that word, Right? I mean, Unfortunately- Intention, Not mindful. I think- Well, I like all three, But I was actually talking about the word curious. Oh, Curious. Yeah. Because you do meet a lot of people who are just not curious. It's crazy, Right? They go through life successful and not successful, Different kinds of people. It's not often you find. . . And one of the things that I try to be, Just in all things, Is curious about everything. Because the reality is if you're curious about everything, Everything really will both entertain you and give you some sort of learning or teaching. But- I think most people accept things as fact or this is how it has to be. I think that concept of the unexamined life. I think unfortunately most people and even each one of us at times are just hurtling through life, Not really asking the question, Why am I doing this and what is my intention? Even if it's a good thing, Right? You wake up in the morning, I wake up in the morning, I do important things I would like to think. I pray in the morning, I have my meditation, I have my study, I speak with people, I teach people, I write. All those are very positive things. But even, It's not just about negative things, Right, Even the important things, The good things that we do, It's very, Very important and I think we'll get to that, To be done with intention. And I think that that, For me, That's a new idea. That idea of just be curious about everything that you're doing. Everything that you're doing. Certainly be curious about your reactions. Certainly be curious about the things that aren't necessarily the things you want to be doing. I think you will gain a lot of wisdom from that. I think that's a great word. But I think whether we use the word mindfulness or intention, It's so, So important. So important. It's interesting because when you are curious, You start to ask questions. When you start to ask questions, Your brain starts to look for answers. When it starts to look for answers, You find different solutions, Right? It puts you on a path and a direction that you, If not, You're kind of just going to flail through life. I mean, That's the reality. We get distracted, We get busy, We get overwhelmed, We shut down, We start all over again. And unless you're really careful and you really approach your life with curiosity, It's very dangerous. I remember one of the questions I got, I was doing an interview and I said, What kind of people do you surround yourself with? And I liked the question actually. And it was a two-part answer. I said, Well, Kind, Right, Is really important to me. But more than anything, People that are curious because then you never stop learning and you never stop growing and you're very, With intention, With each step you take. And you're probably much less judgmental, Right? Because again, Not to take this off a different track, But I think being judgmental is the fact that person's not, I see somebody doing something, I judge them for it, Or I have an opinion about somebody, I judge them for it, Rather than asking the questions. Okay, Maybe there's a deeper reason. Why is he or she doing this? I think it's, I really liked that. And it's interesting, As you were talking, The other word that came to mind, Which I really like, And I think living with intention really will give us the great benefit of, Is to savor life. Right? And again, I think, Again, There's both sides to this, The things that we do that we don't want to be doing, Smoking, Overeating, Important for that as well, But also for all the great things that happen in our lives, Our spouses, Our children, Our important work and successes. You speak about this as well, Like to savor success and to savor the moment. You know, I'm just literally, About a few minutes ago, I was downstairs and I was finishing an afternoon prayer and I just, That thought came to me like, Everything is great now, Right? And so many times in life, Things are really great and we don't take the time to savor it. So I think intention has so many benefits, Right? It can help us remove ourselves or start diminishing negative things that we do. It will help us understand even the great things that we do. And also it'll help us maybe most importantly, Savor life, Savor life, Certainly savor the successes, Which again, I know you often have not done. You've spoken about this and in general, Just so many times in life, You know, We go from one high to the next low to the next high rather than savoring the whole process through. Well, It's really interesting because yeah, I've shared with you, It was a big epiphany I had a few years ago and that as soon as I would achieve a goal right away, I was like, Hey, What's the next thing? And I never stopped to celebrate. And then I thought, Well, Wow, That's really not living in gratitude or appreciation, Number one. And also it's not very much fun. Like where's the fun in it? Like I just achieved something I really worked hard at. Like that's pretty awesome. Thank you to the creator. Thank you life for giving me this opportunity. So I really, Even now, Because I'm always like, Hey, What's next? What's next? Which is great on one hand, Right? I'm driven. On the other hand, I looked at all these things I achieved in the last like six months and I realized that I was really unhappy because it was just like, There was no time to pause. You weren't savoring. I think I really liked that. I mean, In this context, Really loved that word. And I know for myself, It's something that I really try to push myself to do all the time. And I think for our listeners as well, There's just so much good about every one of our lives right now. Savor it, Right? Right, With intention, You know, Very important. That's why I love eating with people like foodies because they really savor every bite and they're like, What's that flavor? And what's that spice? And I'm just like, And I'm not a foodie, But I am learning, Right? Like to eat. You're curious. Yeah. It's funny because, You know, I've been having some teeth challenges. I've heard. A tooth challenge. And so when I got the bad news last week. Bad news, I wouldn't call it the bad news. Well, It was something I did not want to hear and I also don't want to participate in. I would say it's not really great, But no, In the scheme of things, It's not that bad. But my first. . . No, I'm just saying for me, It's not bad. My question to the entodontist, I was like, Well, What do you mean we have to do that? I'm like, What if we do PRP on it? I mean, There must be another way. It's like, I really love the way you're thinking. Because I was like out of the box and I'm going to be curious, I'm going to ask a ton of questions and make sure that there's not another way. Sure that's what he was saying, But really he was thinking like, Oh my God, I have to deal with this. No, He liked me. I'm sure he did. We did get a question about this, But if you want to get to your next point, Then I'll bring it up. I think it's interesting. You know, Often we learn a lot about a concept or teaching or piece of wisdom by going back to its root. Are you making fun of my tooth? No. There you go. The ancient Hebrew word for intention is kavanah. Kavanah represents that idea that you don't do anything without having an intention about it and for it. And again, Even the important things that you do, Whether it's meditation, Whether it's prayer, Whether it's helping other people, Whether it's teaching, Always with an intention. And interestingly, One of the things that my father taught me is that the word kavanah, Even though it, Again, Literally translated as the thought behind something or the intention behind something, It has another meaning. And that meaning is to direct, To direct so that when we are living without intention, We're not directing both our energies. But I want to get to what I think is the more important part of it, The energy of what we call the light of the creator. We call it the universe, Whatever you feel comfortable with, But there is, Each one of us has, And we've spoken about this in previous podcasts, The need for assistance, For help. I need more wisdom. I need more light. I need more blessings. And one of the great Italian Kabbalists, The Ramchala says that if you're not living with intention, Which means if you're not being curious, Questioning your life, What you're doing, Why you're doing it, What is the intention behind what you're doing it, Then the light of the creator won't be asking about you. If you're not questioning your life and living with intention, Then you're actually not drawing the assistance of the light of the creator into your actions. That's interesting. And that's why that word kavanah or intention or direction, What we actually do, Which I think is so exciting, Inspiring, And necessary, Why do I need to be questioning or living with intention my role as a father? Because I know that I can't do that on my own. I try my best. I will put my heart into it. Any wisdom, Understanding that I have, I will direct it towards my fathering. But I also know that I also need assistance from the light of the creator, From the universe. And when I am questioning, When I am curious about the way I parent, When I am awakening intention into my actions as a father, Then you also get the assistance of the light of the creator. And that's why the ramchal in this Italian Kabbalist, He actually says, The foundation of our lives must be to ascertain in every moment, Why am I here? Why am I doing it? And only if you live with that constant question, Do you first on your own come to the right places, Come to the right decisions, Come to the right ways of life. But more importantly, You also then are calling into that the assistance of the light of the creator as opposed to the person who could be a great father and doing his or her great parent doing his or her best, But not questioning, Not questioning. I think it's such a profound. . . Well, Then what would be the difference between that parent and somebody who does question? Well, Two things. First of all, I do think that when we question and in parenting, For instance, With intention, We are going to less fall to possible pitfalls, Which again, I don't. . . And then maybe we'll touch upon this a little bit later. The other part of this, Which is so important to understand, This world within which we live, The physical world, It's referred to in the Talmud and ancient texts as the world of lies or the world of darkness or the upside down world. The pull of life or the flow of life will lead us to blindness. So certainly in the things that we do that aren't necessarily the best things, But even the things that we do that are the right things, Unless we're actively awakening intention, We won't be making the best choices. And more importantly, We won't be drawing in the assistance of the light to the creator into all aspects of our lives. What I find interesting about this is that what you're saying is just by being curious, Asking questions, Right? How can I do this better? How can I see more clearly? How can I parent? And what should my intention be? What should my intention be? But you're not even asking the creators, Asking the question, Right? And then the assistance comes. I think that's what's really interesting is I think that you can find somebody who maybe isn't. . . They might be mindful. Maybe they're not so spiritual, But they're tapped into something. And what you're saying is just by being curious and approaching, Then you're going to get this assistance that you're not even aware of, But then you feel that it's working for you. Absolutely. It's really powerful. Absolutely. And again, Like I said, This ancient Kabbalist says it's really the foundation of life. And as an aside, I was with somebody this morning and we were getting into a cab. And as we're getting into a cab. . . Yeah, I've been thinking about him since he started talking. Well, A guy on a bike is riding past us. I don't think I told you this. And he's honking his horn, Right? The bicycle rider. Yeah, The bicycle rider. And he was in the wrong. There was no reason we would just. . . This is a New York bicycle rider. He was probably honking, Honking, Honking anything. So the person I was with stopped and started saying to the guy, What's wrong with you? Why are you doing that? And they got into a slight altercation. So much so that the bicycle rider actually took out mace. Are you serious? He didn't spray it. He didn't spray it. Anyway. . . What were you doing? I was just watching. I was just watching. I was being curious. What is about to happen? You're being cautious. So we get in the cab and then I ask the person I'm with, I say, Why did you do that? He gave me an answer. I said, But it's possible that it would not have gone so well. I just started asking questions. I think that's. . . I'm just using it as an example. So often in life, Certainly in our reactivity, When we get angry or when we get sad or when we get yell at somebody else, It's not questioning. If we, In this, I think, Again, If you want to be the highest version of yourself, Ask yourself as often as possible. Why am I doing this? The good things, The bad things. Why am I doing this? What is my intention? And overall, I think it's so important that we have an intention in life, Right? I think that those three phrases you said, What was it? It was. . . Mindfulness? No, No, No. The. . . Oh, Trigger. Trigger. Behavior. Reward. Reward. So, I think that's the thing with the next, That unless we literally have. . . We have to have. . . Many of us, Especially if you're writing a book, You have a plan for it. If you're building a business, Usually, Hopefully, You have a plan for it. Many of us, We don't have a plan for our lives. What is the. . . And when I say a plan for our lives, I don't simply mean, Okay, How am I going to make money to support my family? How am I going to find my wife or my husband? But me, What am I going to become? Am I going to become something or am I just going to be another person who comes into this world and has a family and has a job and brings in some money and then, At some point, Dies? And I think you often speak about this, That each person needs to have a credo. Well, Michael, You've been paying attention. I've been listening. I like it. I think, And maybe, And this is something that I would ask certainly those of our listeners who have not been as conscious of this. It's so important. Again, The Ram Chahal, The Kabbalah says you should actually take an hour a day to think about this. But if you've never done this, Sit down on a Sunday or whenever you have an hour free and really write down who do you want to be? You might not be there, Probably not there today. And what you believe because your thoughts inform your intentions, Right? It starts with that. Yes. It's funny. As I was thinking about this today, This why questioning is so important. If you asked me, It would probably take much longer than this, But if you asked me, What do I want to be? I don't have the answers to that. But one of the things that I know I want to be is somebody who does good for other people, Right? So you could, I could, Okay, That's my belief. That's my creed or whatever you want to call it. That's what I want to be. And then I can live the next 50 years doing that. But there's no question in my mind that if I literally took the time once a week and said, Not just am I doing good, Am I getting better at it? Am I growing with it? Because it's not just about doing, It's about developing as a human being. So this intentionality in every aspect of our life, You know, I think I'm a relatively good husband, A relatively good father, But to ask yourself, What do you want to be as a father? What is your intention with your children? Do you even have an intention with your children? Well, It's really interesting too, Because I think that people don't realize that they are living with intention sometimes, And that's even more dangerous. So for instance, If you make a vow when you're younger, I'm never going to marry that kind of person, Or I'm never going to do X, Y, And Z. And you write these things down. You may call them goals or whatever. And then later in life, You see how your life's unfolded and you don't understand why it's not actually going the way you want it to, Right? Because you had a belief system or a thought, And it set out the trajectory of your life. That's the reality of it. And I know that I was very clear about what kind of person I wanted to marry and what I didn't want, Right? Very with major intention. And it came out, It came to be that way. Thankfully. Yeah, You're pretty lucky. I found a journal a few years ago, You know, I like to keep journals and I had written a bunch of things I was going to accomplish in like the next five years. This is like a journal from 2010 or something, And I was so impressed and surprised at the time that everything I had intended to do, I actually did do that I had written down. The only thing that I was off about was the timeline, Which usually we are. We always think it's going to take a lot shorter time. It's going to happen very quickly with less effort, But they all came to be, Right? So when I found this list of intentions, I was like, Wow, Because once you decide something, Your brain now actively goes and creates situations and scenarios to create that for yourself. So we have to be careful both ways, Right? Absolutely. And I do want to just again, Go back to something which we said, Which I think again is so important. This is for us, But certainly for our listeners. Stop and ask yourself the question, What is your intention for your life? And be very clear about the fact that if you've never asked yourself that question, You know, Not, Not, Don't be vague either. Right. And also I want to be happy. Right, Right. Nor, Nor be specific about certain goals. Like I want to be successful in business or I want to be, I want to find my soulmate. Those are all very important goals, But that's not the answer to who do I want to be? Do I want to be a giving person? Do I want to be somebody who has no fear? You know, Whatever that, That, That list is, Or it could be two or three things. And then make sure that you're checking in with yourself. And then I would take that even further every day when you wake up. What do I want to do today? Yes, I'm going to be, You know, Spending time with my wife and we're spending time with my kids and we're spending time at work. What do you want to do today? And you will find, And sometimes it's not always easy to answer these questions specifically, But keep being curious about yourself, About what you're doing, Why you're doing it. Sometimes the answer will be clear and sometimes the answer won't be clear. But one thing is for sure. You know, It's like, What's an Alice in Wonderland. If you don't know where you're going, Every road will get you there. And I think too often in life, We're not intentional enough in telling ourselves and asking ourselves and answering the question is, Who do I want to be? And in all areas of my life, What is my intention? Even how do you want to see the world, Right? I mean, You can have an experience in one day, Traffic jam, You're frustrated, Or you can choose to listen to a podcast in that moment. Or you can go to the dentist and get news about fixing something from 25 years ago. And it's all in your intention. It indicates how you think and how you view things. So if your intention is to only see things as positive in this life, Right? Every experience that happens, Every situation that comes to you, You've now set out a mandate for yourself and you can fulfill that. So that means that anything that's thrown your way, You are now directing your response and where your life will go from there. Yeah. And if I can, Do you want to say- No, No, Go ahead. There's a deeper level to this as well, Which I think is so important for us and for our listeners. We said before that when we start living with intention, We start being curious about ourselves. Why am I alive? Why am I doing this? Why am I a father? What is my intention? That we actually begin to get assistance from the light of the creator because when we started asking questions, Then the light of the creator starts asking questions and helping. And the reason that's so important is because there's a concept of capacity. I was talking to some of our teachers this week about this idea. We know that one of the goals, And it's such an overused word, So I almost lose its meaning. One of our goals, Our spiritual goals is to become a more loving person, To be able to give more love, To bring more love into the world. And sometimes, Of course, We can be honest with ourselves, Say, Yeah, I'm just not accomplishing that. Sometimes we could say, Well, I'm doing it to the best of my ability. What we're actually saying is that I'm doing that to the limits of my current ability. The idea that my capacity to love, My capacity for wisdom, My capacity to help, All that is only limited right now, But that my belief and my goal is to actually ever increase my capacity to love, Ever increase my capacity to grow, Ever increase my capacity for wisdom, For instance. When you live with intention, You actually open yourself up to be able to increase your capacity in all the areas that you're questioning. And that's why, And this ties in very much to the podcast of last week, We talked about the assistance that is around us. And there's words that I use in these teachings that speak about the fact that there's wisdom looking for me. There's wisdom that's looking for you, That you need. But if you're not living with intention and questioning yourself about whatever wisdom you have, Whatever understanding you have, That's not going to find you. There are blessings that are looking for me, Blessings that are looking for you and for everyone of our listeners. But if you're not living with curiosity and with intention, It won't find you. And I think that's such a beautifully and inspiring idea that through intention, Through questioning, Through curiosity, That is how you open yourself up to have greater capacity in all the important parts of your life. And for me, It's so exciting to know that tomorrow and next week and next month, I can actually not just give as much love as I can, But actually get to a new level and capacity to give and experience love, Wisdom, Blessings, All of those things that's so exciting to know that it's not just, Oh, I'm doing my best. No. But the best that you are, Even if you did your best, That's still relatively limited. A big part of our purpose in this life is to endlessly increase our capacity, Our capacity to care, Our capacity to love, Our capacity for wisdom, Our capacity for blessings. And that's really interesting because as you were speaking, I was thinking for a lot of people, I think people ask questions, But the place where they maybe make a mistake is that they ask it externally. I remember when our kids was turned like around 17, 16, I was always asking, What's the meaning of life? What's the meaning of life over and over again? And for me, It was just a funny question because it's like, Well, You need to discover that. And I think that people ask questions of maybe their therapist or different people asking externally, Like, I want things to change. I want a better thing. How can I make that happen? How can my life be better? Instead of, What can I do differently? Where are my thoughts rooted? How do I invest my energy? And I think that it's a fundamental difference and a necessary one that in asking questions and being curious, It's something that you have to activate within yourself and do that daily. And of course, It's fine to get feedback and to get help and guidance and assistance, But that exchange, That daily thing that has to be done has to come from somewhere deep within you, From a curiosity and a desire and a love for yourself. Because at the end of the day, For you to arrive in that place that you want to and to get to the space of intention, It really has to start with that. And I think about this with our youngest child, That curiosity. I mean, She's asking questions all day, Every day, And not just that after she asks the questions and then she internalizes it. And then she asks herself, Well, What can I be doing differently because I want that? And I think sometimes, Again, For many reasons, We get lost in that space. It's funny that you say that. Exactly. Because most of us, If not all of us, Were curious when we were young because there was so much we didn't know. And we knew that. Everything was new to us. Right. But then as we get older, Unfortunately, The ego convinces us, I know a lot of what is already- There's nothing new out there to discover. Yes. But in reality, What we're saying is that even within ourselves, There is so much depth and potential, Unless you're asking all the time, You're never going to be able to reveal it. And it's interesting that the other word, As I was thinking about this idea, And again, As I quote him a lot, And as you know, One of my favorite cablets, The Ramkhal, He uses a phrase. He says, All the great spiritual giants of history achieve their greatness because of what he calls hitboninut. That idea of really looking, To your point, That it needs to be internal, That they looked inside and questioned, And questioned their intention, And making sure that their intention is right. And again, He says that if you want to achieve your highest potential, You need to take an hour a day to question everything, To set your intention about all areas of our lives. And again, It might be a lot to ask from our listeners, But for sure, If you want to- At least start somewhere. Absolutely. If you want to really manifest the unbelievable potential that you have, If you want to discover. . . The thing, And it's funny, I think I said this, Shared this to you, And I've shared this on a podcast as well, That one of the things that I love about you is that- Oh, And I've heard this before. That I'm always discovering something new, Right? And that's the idea. I think also even too often people who are together for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, They think, Well, I know everything there is to know about my wife, My husband, My spouse. And in reality, Of course not. And especially by the way, If both of you are trying to discover new things about yourself and questioning and creating intention, New intention, Hopefully all the time. But again, This is the foundation of each one of us achieving what we came to this world. One thing is for sure, If you are not doing this, If you are not being curious, Setting intention, Questioning your intention, The chances of actually achieving your potential, I wouldn't want to say impossible, But certainly greatly, Greatly limited. What I love about this topic too is that I think often people think like, Oh, It's just, I can't figure it out. I'm asking for an answer. I don't know the way. This is a really, It's a big shift. It's a simple one though. If you can really shift where your thoughts are, How you view things, What your guiding forces each day. You wake up in the morning with what thought? You go to sleep with what thought? How are you spending the time in between in each day? Everything can shift in a heartbeat. No, Just say one more thing. Sorry. But is that there's actually a very powerful teaching. They say that your first thought of the day is the one that's going to really lead the day, Create the day. This is a very powerful tool just for every one of our listeners. Starting tomorrow, Make sure that your first thought, Forget about you deal with problems 10 minutes later. Your first thought is one with intention and one that is positive because your day both consciously and unconsciously will be created by the first thought, First intention that you have every single day. It's so interesting. Some people wake up and they're like, Oh my God, Not another day or I wish it was Friday or oh, It's Monday. I know you want to show us something. One more quick question. Last time we were at a wedding and I often get asked the question, What should the bride and groom be thinking about under the wedding canopy? This is true and the Zohar, The foundational text of Kabbalah makes it clear. The first thought in everything, Even the first thought you have when you conceive a child, The first thought that you have at the wedding, The first thought that you have when your child is born, They are so important. Again, The first intention, Always very powerful. The first intention you have when you're coming into a new home, The first intention you have when you're starting a new business, That is so important because whether you will see it or not consciously or unconsciously, That first intention sets everything up to follow. Back to our daily routine, Certainly we have to make sure and again, I ask our listeners, Hopefully everything we've said is something they'll take to mind and really start living with intention, Curiosity, But make sure the very practical thing you can do tomorrow when you wake up in the morning, Make sure your first intention is one that is positive and one that is really quite, What do I want to do today? Not just the actions, But who do I want to be today? It's funny too, Because often when couples are thinking about breaking up or maybe one of the partners is, I always ask the question, Because they say, This is not what I thought it would be. I don't know why I married this person. And I always ask, Well, What did you think it was going to be? What was your intention in finding this partner and in deciding to get married to them? And at that point, Usually they rewrite history like, Oh, I don't know. I never loved him. I don't know what I was thinking. The wedding was the worst event. Like they remember the worst parts of everything. I'm like, How was the wedding? Oh, His mother, Blah, Blah, Blah. And it was raining when in reality, You look back at pictures and they certainly look very happy. But I think to the point of this podcast, Very often they were not questioning, Being curious, Having a real intention about their marriage. They kind of stumbled into it or parts of it worked in their mind and the rest they thought would eventually come around. But yeah, Power intentions is powerful. But the question we did get from a listener. I liked this question a lot is what is the difference between a goal and an intention and how do you define each? So the way I see it is a goal can be a trap. And stay with me for a sec, Because they create tunnel vision. We're working towards a very specific outcome and we imagine that it's going to make us happy and we become fixated on that outcome. Instead of going through the process and being flexible and being creative, Being curious. And eventually our energy becomes about the end goal. And if you achieve the goal, Then great. If not, Then you're a failure. So it then takes you, There's nothing that's very opposite than living with intention. Goals say, I have to do it. I can't believe I haven't achieved this yet. And they create a sense of pressure and guilt and diminish our inspiration. Intention on the other hand is a completely different energy. It's a different force. Intention is more about being, As we said, Than doing. If we can look at a list of our goals, Like getting a promotion, Losing weight, Running a marathon and ask who we need to be in order to achieve them, Then we're working with the energy of intention. So if our goal is to run a marathon, Then we can set an intention to do strength exercises, Be positive, Be dedicated. And there's no guilt in that process of intentions because it's always in flux. And then the other question that's related to that is when or for what purpose is it valuable then to set a goal? Because we do need them. So it's valuable once you've identified your intention. So the intention has to come before the goal, Meaning that you decide what you want and you release all the other things that are not serving you. Then you can set goals of when you're going to get there, How you're going to get there, And they're measured. That was a good question. Yeah, Interesting. What I would say is that intention for the most part makes everything that you do purposeful, Even if the goal is not achieved. So for example, Let's say your goal is to build a successful business, But your intention is to help your employees. Your intention is to become a better leader. To learn a lot along the way. Right? So then if you're living with intention, You'll never fail becoming those things. You might fail or may not be succeed or be successful and succeed or fail at the ultimate goal. But if you've had an intention throughout, You were successful with the intention regardless of where the goal was achieved. And I think even the marathon is such a good example. If the purpose that a person decides he or she wants to run a marathon, I've never done this, You've done this. They want to become healthier, Right? Or they want to build stamina. So those intentions, And even if the person never finishes the marathon or never even runs a marathon for whatever reason, Intention, I think that's one of the great ways to separate in our own mind the difference between goals and intention. I'm just laughing because as a very competitive athlete, Yeah, It would bother me if I didn't finish the marathon. I know your point. And of course, If a person is trying to build a business and he or she does this, Of course they'll be disappointed that the goal was the truth. You get stronger, You know that you maybe could run 15 miles. It was before you could only run one, Maybe eventually later you do a thousand percent of the process. But for example, And again, Even with, I think parenting is a very important area where this becomes clear is that my intention as a parent is to become more loving, More caring, To guide in whatever ways I can to share wisdom. Now I would hate to use our kids as an example, But if somebody's kids- I think they're used to it. No, No, No. I was going to say that was a negative. Like if at the end of the day that the children don't wind up being great children, I still grew from that. And I think that's such an important, And conversely, Even if a person raises amazing kids or has lucky enough to have amazing kids and he or she was not intentional in the parenting. By the way, I know a lot of kids with terrible parents, Right? So it happens. But the parent didn't grow from it, Didn't become something better from it. So I think it's so important that really one of the ultimate benefits of living with intention is that you're constantly growing. And again, Goals of course important and sometimes we fail and sometimes we succeed. But if you're living with intention, You're always growing. So I have one question for you. I do. Is there anything else you wanted to share? Well, There is one other thing. Okay. If I don't share it now, Then I'm not sure where we're going to fit it in. I wouldn't worry about that. But I can save it for next week if you want. We have many, Many more years of podcasts, But it's your decision. Well, I just think this is a really good one because it helped me a lot because I want our listeners to be successful in this obviously. And it's the idea that you shouldn't say your goals out loud. You should not. You should not. And it's important to keep them to yourself. So Derek Sivers says, You shouldn't announce your goals. I mean, You would think that you should, So your friends can support you, Right? Like I'm going to say it. Yes, You can do it. Let's say you want to run a marathon, Right? And you're getting- Well, Let's say you want to lose weight because I know there is some psychological benefit, Right? Yes. To being accountable. Yes. But yeah, I mean, Even the law of attraction says you should state your intentions, Right? But this is what the problem is. There was a test done in 1933 that showed that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen. They announce their plans. And when you do that, It set aside your self identity just enough that you're less motivated to do the hard work you need. So I just thought that was like a really cool idea. Right. You spoke about this. And why it works, Yes. Because Mr. Mailer found that if a person announced the solution to a problem and it was acknowledged by others, It's how the brain now understands social reality. It's as if you have the solution to something before you actually achieve it. Say that again and you'll understand. So he acknowledged that it was now in the brain as- This is part of the study? That's a 1933 study. So when you would say it, You'd announce what you want to do, Right? I'm going to lose 10 pounds. It's now in the brain as a social reality. Your brain understands that you've already done it to some extent. Really? That's interesting. And even if you haven't achieved it. So there's something that's actually happening on a mental level that we cannot control. And then further, The New York City professor, A psychologist- You know how they did those studies? Well, Here's one study. He took four different tests on a group of 63 people and found that those who kept their intentions private were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public and more acknowledged by others. He explains that once we've told people our intentions, It gives us a premature sense of completeness. This is because as human beings, We have identity symbols in our brain that create our self-image. The brain cannot discern the difference between words and actions because both create a similar symbol. This is why talking feels like an accomplishment. So don't fool yourself in replacing talk for action. Interesting. That's very interesting. Yeah, What were you going to say? No, That's why I wanted to share it because I think that people are like, Well, I intend to do this, Whatever. And then we start talking about it. Our brain thinks we did this on some level and then we're not actually motivated to complete it. It's funny because you meet people who are not very meticulous with their words. And they say, Oh, I'm going to do this for you. I'm going to do that for you. Right? We know. We never do it. And often, Unfortunately, I think sad for them more than anybody else that they are the type of people, Oh, He said it. Oh, It's like, Oh yeah, He or she never comes through. And it always surprised me. You would think somebody after, Wouldn't they realize that, I told this person I was going to help him. I don't. Why would you say it again the next time? And the next time people do that, It probably is related in some way to this. Also, I think it's connected to what's the intention. Are they doing it because they're getting an energy by saying it, Right? Yeah. Yeah. It's great. And it feels real. Yes. But it's crazy, Right? There are people who do that who are very big with their words and consistently, Right? Consistently, Just don't follow up with action. So that is probably related to that. The only thing I would say is that I do know that there is some psychological benefit to having a support of other people when you're trying to achieve certain goals. Yes. But that's because they help you be accountable and that's different. That's like if you've already set this plan in motion, You tell your friend, Let's meet at the gym at six o'clock every Thursday or let's have a call every Friday and we talk about how much we worked out during the week individually. That's different because now you've asked somebody to hold you accountable but you're already doing the action. And that's why when I start new projects, I know that when I keep them to myself before I announce it, I actually feel more excited about it. I feel more creative. I'm getting ideas. As soon as I start talking about it too much, I actually work less on it. Interesting. And I think it relates to what you were saying before, Which is that the real purpose of having an intention is for you to be able to grow. If you get energy out of other people being excited for you or whatever that energy you get, A person gets is, That's against the real purpose of intention, Which it should be as a way of developing and growing ourselves. So my question to you is, Can you recall a time in the relatively recent past where you caught yourself either with doing something without intention or with the wrong intention? The wrong intention. Or without intention. Yeah. I mean, I think it happened around New Year's where I found myself not so excited about doing things that I used to find exciting that are rewarding usually. And the conclusion I came to is that I started to become more focused on what was expected of me and what people wanted from me rather than what I intended to put out in the world and in the universe. And I really felt I did not like that feeling. And I also realized that it's something I'd already learned. So it was interesting how I fell into the trap again. There's always going to be expectations of you from people. Desires, What they want from you, What they think you should be doing. And normally I don't fall prey to that. But I think I had additional responsibility from different people that I hadn't before. And I really wanted to hear them. But that was my intention. But I got lost in what do they want from me versus what I want to give them. Does that answer your question? Yeah. How did you change that? So once I understood that that was what was making me unhappy, I just had a talk with myself. Those are the most important ones. Yeah. And I said, Look, Monica, People, Exactly what I just said to you, People are going to expect things from you. What is it? What kind of relationship do you want to cultivate with them? What is it that you think you can offer them from the truest parts of yourself? And then I'm going to go ahead and do that. And I decided not to. I drowned out the rest of that noise. And once I just adjusted it in my head and I was clear about it, Then I just, I pushed reset. Nice. It relates to something that we were talking earlier. The fact that one of the probably most important reasons to be curious, To question, To ask what is my intention, Not so much to learn new things. Often it is to really reconnect to things that we already know to be true. That in the flow of life or living in this upside down world, We lose often focus unless we are reawakening our intention of all the important things that we already know. It's so interesting. As you're speaking and it's related to the question you asked me, I think that I sometimes feel like I get off kilter when new things are added to my plate and I don't let go of other things. Like I have different responsibilities. So every time there's a new, Even if it was like having another child or any newness that was now created, Especially in those moments, I pause and I stop and say, Okay, I'm not going to just naturally move on with life with this added thing in my life. What now is my intention with this new responsibility or this new experience or this new, Whatever it is. From that space, It really helps me define and be clear about where I want to go, Even with having another child. So what was my intention of bringing this child in the world? Instead of focusing on like, Oh my God, There's a little bit chaos in the house now, Or oh my God, This is another responsibility. Instead of focusing on, Again, That external pressure or energy or expectation, I stop and say, Okay, I want these things. I've wanted them. I've asked for it. I'm inviting it in my life. I'm accepting it. So what is my intention with that experience with all of these people in those situations? And then I feel like, Okay, I'm clear. And then I don't feel the pressure anymore. I think those moments actually come. We've talked about this life quakes. They come to really make you stop and pause and say, Okay, Wait a second. I'm not going to just collect things in life. I'm not going to just collect even more responsibility. If I want to accept it and I'm clear about it, What is my intention with it? Very important. Very important. Yeah. There's actually a whole bunch of things that relate to that, Right? That idea that whenever something changes in our lives, Certainly the important things, It could be positive or sometimes it could be challenges or loss. You never the same person after. And that means that the only choice that you have with intention is to become a better person or fall from whoever you were. There is no possibility to stay the same person when something significant new comes into your life, Be it positive or a challenge or even loss. And that understanding and that's why again, Intention, Curiosity, Questioning is so important. And talking to yourself really. I mean, Besides you and I really created this becoming my own best friend to have those really those hard conversations, Those honest conversations so you can really hear the truths. Your soul knows everything. Everything is there. So I actually have to take the time. Great. Thank you. So I wanted to share a email that we got. I'm not surprised. You never should. I didn't see it before. So. See how much I trust you. Thank you. I'm so happy to hear that. That's true. Thank you, Monica and Michael. This is from one of our listeners, Carolina from Columbia. Thank you, Monica and Michael. I've wanted to write this email for some time now, Though I was always hesitant. By the way, To all of our listeners, We love getting your email. So please make sure even if you're ever hesitant, If you're not sure, Please make sure to write us and share with us questions and certainly stories at Monica and Michael at Kabbalah. Com. You're plugging it early. Exactly. Lately, With all the world in turmoil, I got driven and almost addicted to the news as it wasn't before. Because of my spiritual beliefs, I didn't like to watch any kind of negative information. But through Kabbalah, I understood that everything is from the light and holds a perfect plan even through chaos. But going on with my experience, I grew up in an angry family and I live in a violent country, Colombia. Until this lesson, I wasn't aware how much judgment and resentment I was holding. Suddenly, I was studying and I was crying because of the inequity in the things that I see in the news. As I finished my study, I listened to your podcast. You were just talking and I was crying, Listening to the different times Monica went through challenges and about how Michael backed up his teachings with science. It helped me understand that all the social leaders that are killed in this country in the last couple of years are just messengers and their message is stronger than themselves. And for me, I could see clearly that I grew up in an angry and abusive family. So today, I have a stable relationship with my husband and it gives me the humility to recognize when I'm not being my best self in the relationship. I also realized that I went through all the tough moments in my life with the help of all of my guides and angels, That they have always been present right at my side. Thank you so much because you've been a great companion to these crazy times. Thank you for your books, Your knowledge and all the change in consciousness you're making. Sending to the complex teachings in more approachable real life ways is so helpful. Lots of love and light, Carolina. Yeah. As I say this every time, But it's true to all of our listeners, It inspires us, Monica and myself, To hear from you how this podcast is helping you. Any wisdom that you receive from it, Please make sure to send in all of your stories. Do not be hesitant. All of your stories, All of your questions, Anything you want to share to Monica and Michael at kabala. Com. We'd love to hear from you. We try to share as much as we can of your stories, Of your emails, Of your questions through our podcasts. And if you are enjoying this podcast, If you get some wisdom and light from it, Make sure you share it forward on Apple podcast. Give it five star reviews, Write a review. By the way, I read the reviews. I really enjoy them and share either with your friends and family from Apple, From Spotify, On YouTube, On Facebook, Wherever you are receiving this wisdom. And again, By the way, I really believe that the more you share the podcast with other people, The more you'll get from it. And it also certainly inspires Monica and I to keep hearing from all of our listeners. So again, Thank you, Carolina, For sharing your story and thank you to all of our listeners for listening. And please make sure to send in questions, Stories, Comments, And more to monicaandmichael at kabala. Com. And as always, I hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it. See you next time.

Reviews

Thank you for all the critical points you touched on. I always enjoy the depths of your conversations

I really enjoyed your perspective . Thanks for sharing this ancient wisdom 🙏

Enjoyed this podcast immensely. Beautiful messages and insight

.... and, for me, just pondering the choice of goal or intention creates increased curiosity and awareness. Thanks.

I truly needed this podcast today. Thank you 🙏🏻